October 16, 2002

Today I had off work and spent my day in the house. And while here, a lot of thoughts came up.

I think I was a little nervous being that my time is coming to leave Greenway. But I had to just remind myself that when God thinks it’s my time to go, He’ll release me and put me where he wants me to be.

It was quite an experience being here. I feel as though I made a lot of progress and my thinking has changed tremendously from where it once was. That to me is truly a miracle. For being where I once was to where I am today is truly a miracle and I have God to thank for that. Everything is due to my Higher Power. He receives all credit. If it weren’t for Him, I wouldn’t be where I’m at today. I have so much hope today. I’ve always had a relationship with God but not as strong as it is today. And I’ve never had hope like I do today.

Even in past recoveries, I still always remained hopeless and eventually relapsed. I never wanted to give myself a chance before. But today I am giving myself a chance because it was given to me yet once again. I now believe I am worth that chance and may never be given another one.

God gives me strength to get through this. I pray for this everyday. To put on my armor to fight this devil and pray that he keeps the devil from me. I refuse to give into him. I refuse to once again allow him to receive power over me and laugh at me. Now I can laugh at him and not have to disappoint my God anymore. At least, not with a relapse.

This is quite an obstacle and an obstacle I was meant to face in my life. I have to forgive myself for my mistakes in the past in order to move on. Today, I can make the right choices in my life.

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