Kyndall and Jordana

It's hard to put into words all of my feelings since Kyndall's passing. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I mostly think of her smile and her laugh. She had the greatest laugh. I think of the times together growing up. We did everything together. 

When I look back now on her drug addiction, I regret that I didn't do more. I knew she was struggling but every time I saw her, I tried not to bring it up. I was afraid, I guess, that she would be angry for prying into her business. I thought she would be embarrassed. I always knew she was ashamed of it. That's why her life was so private. I think she thought we wouldn't understand or that we would have judged her. If only she knew the depths of how much we loved her; will always love her.

The thing that was amazing about Kyndall was that no matter how hard her life was, she was always more concerned about how we were. She was there to help if she was able.

The pain of losing her is so unbearable sometimes. I try, at times, not to think of it as a reality. Oh, how I miss the sound of her voice...But I'm not angry at all with her. She did the best she could. She battled this so hard. I am only angry that such a smart girl would feel so weak at one time in her life that she would try heroin- that stupid drug! That short high! The lives it ruins...the pain it causes!! There is no high in the world worth all this. I wish that every kid in the world understood what this drug is and what it does. I can't imagine a person trying this drug if they knew the outcome it brings. I pray all the time for those out there struggling every day to overcome this. I pray for God to strengthen them, to make them understand that life is so much better when you are not high. I pray that they would open up to the people that they love and ask for help.

From what I've learned so far about heroin, it's either you stop or you die. My sister was clean for a year and that one time high cost her her life. I'll never see her in this world again. My son whom Kyndall adored and loved will never see her again. Every time he asks me, "Mommy, when is Kyndall coming back from Heaven?", it breaks my heart.

To those of you who have never done heroin or don't know much about it, educate yourself. This is not a drug to experiment with. This drug is a murderer. And to those who are battling to stop, believe in yourself and that it IS possible to stop.

You can begin to live again...before it's too late.

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