Howdy, Awsome Forum i hope be able contribute here. Cheers.
FluisyDrirl < appeltexhal@atlantmail.com >
Yanahuara, Peru - Peru (2010-03-03)

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Inhareben < shotrohocatly@cvportal.net >
Louisville, Kentucky - Kentucky (2010-02-20)

I have been fighting this demon for years. The first time I injected heroin I was 14. It was the first drug I had ever done. I instantly loved it. That was 38 years ago. I am now 52. In Oct. of this year I was hospitalized once again for gangrene. I have had the flesh eating disease and gangrene before. They wanted to take my legs. After surgery, again, I healed. I am on Methadone for pain maintenance and hopefully soon will detox off. I have been to numerous inpatient facilities, out patient, I am a N/A member, I have been on Methadone three times in the past, I am a mother of three boys, I am a CDC counselor, unlicensed ,because of relapse. Heroin is a death sentence, it is my personal hell. It was my first love and I have given up everything for it. It turned against me and has abused me ever since. It has destroyed my life, my dreams, my family, but it has yet to take my soul, my spirit. I pray everyday for release from addiction. I believe that as long as I have a breath in my body that I still have a chance. I am sorry for Kyndall and everyone else struggling with addiction. I pray for them and their families and I beg anyone who has not done drugs or tried heroin don't. You'll probably love it, you will become addicted and your life will never be your own. The pain that will follow you for those few moments of euphoria are not worth it. Trust me, the pain of withdrawal, the need for the drug will lead you down a path you cannot imagine in your worse nightmare. You will do things that you thought you were never capable of. You will hate yourself. You will at times pray for death, you wish you could o'd, you will want to end your life by your own hands. I have been in my hell for years and if I can save one person from entering the world of addiction it would make me happy. Please God deliver me from myself. I pray daily that I do not die a using heroin addict, what a horrible legacy to leave ones children.
Kathy Gasche < gasche.kathy40@gmail.com >
seattle, Wa - USA (2009-12-18)

I am so sorry to hear about your sister,but if some of you out there think it is hopeless to even try,its not I fought the same deamon and won so dont give up please.God Bless. Lott Tatarko
lott < car-ear@hotmail.com >
Ft Worth, tx - USA (2009-12-12)

I want to start of by sayin how sorry I am for your families loss.. I am 25 & I am a recovering herione addict with a long road still ahead of me, but i have also lost two really close friends & may lose many more to herione. They thought of this drug makes me sick because it gets a hold of the strongest people & it tears them down.. I'm so glad your out there educating students & parents alike about this EVIL drug. If you can save jus one life by Kyndall's story it was worth telling it. The sad thing is there are so many addicts out there who are to far gone from being saved, & I hate to think that its someones,family, or friend.One major part that plays in an addicts recovery isnt only rehab but to know that they have somone standing beside them helpin them get through it.. You cant get mad at an addict & expect them to get clean, because thats part of the reason we keep using.. You feel like a failure when your family lets you know how mad they are & make you feel you've failed so much.. Its a hard road to kick this EVIL drug & it takes alot of love & support. I thank my dad & older brother mostly for me "kickin" it, but there are so many out there who dont have the support they need.. I see it everyday in my friends who have no one supportin them to kick the habit. I cry everytime I think of them because they are all good people caught up in hell. Herione is & always will be the Devil to me. Kyndall tried to fight the devil & won for a time, but sometimes when you slip away the urge is just to strong & thats when the Devil will take you for good. My heart goes out to your family, you will be in my prayers. You are doin such an amazing thing with this website.. I hope it educates millions.. God Bless you & your family. R.I.P Kyndall
Stayci Kelly < StayciKelly@yahoo.com >
Hamilton, Oh - USA (2009-12-10)

First of all i want to say how sorry i am about your lose of Kyndall.She was so gorgeous and had the most beautiful smile.When i read her story,it reminded me alot of myself.Heroin does not care who you are it want's the best of everyone that does it.This i know from experience.When i was a teen and young adult you could not have paid me to do drugs of any kind.I am now 29.When i was 25 i went into kidney failure the dr. prescribed perkecet for the pain and thats all it took i became addicted to any and every kind of pain killer.January of this year the pain pills were no longer satisfying me so i resorted to heroin.First snorting it to shooting it.I stole,lied,and hurt so many people to get my "high". My baby brother that i love so much no longer speaks to me.Heroin is the most disgusting,evil drug out there.Nobody except for my "drug friends" knew i was addicted to heroin untill the day i tried to take my life.I did that because i hit rock bottom. Heroin had me believing i could not live with out it even though i hated it more than anything in this world.The withdrawels was so bad i wanted to die.I didnt want to be sick anymore.I have been drug free since august,i feel like the old me is coming back but still everyday i miss that "high",i think about heroin all the time i even dream about it,like i lost a life long love.I know exactly what Kyndall was feeling and fighting and it is the hardest thing to overcome i just hope i can do it and her story has inspired me that much more...with all my love,Erica..I have a blog on myspace called "addiction" if you are interested,its a real awakening.
Erica < ericakirby83@yahoo.com >
Sardinia, oh - USA (2009-12-01)

PARENTS......take a look at yourself and then take a look at your children. If your children don't turn out RIGHT in life, then anything else you may do means NOTHING....... NOT EVEN The Pulitzer Prize you many win means ANYTHING........
Kathleen < bougie529@yahoo.ocm >
, - USA (2009-11-27)

First, I send you my condolences. I am almost 3 years clean from heroin. I never shot it thank God. Over Labor Day weekend, I found out my daughter, who is 24, is shooting heroin. I had no idea! How could I of all people not know? I knew something was wrong because of drastic behavior change. I said to her"I don't even know you anymore!". She went to detox a few times, but has now decided to go back with the bf who introduced her to it. She has changed her phone number and told me I was dead to her. I cry often, but pray more. I am feeling the pain of my sins of the past.
Rynnie < cab007@hotmail.com >
, ma - USA (2009-11-25)

Awwww its sooo sad wat happened to kyndell she was soo pretty but i know wat it is like to lose somebody to a drug overdose i had a aunt that was addicted to crack sooo i know wat this famliy is going through my prayers go out to u
Jessica Mone < jessa12b@aol.com >
Center Moriches, NY - USA (2009-11-16)

Dear family ~ I know part of Kyndall's mission has been carried on by you. Her story- her family's story- shared with others who have been affected by heroin. My 25-year old daughter is in intensive rehabilitation. Your website has given me insight to her thoughts and feelings - I thank you, and there is no better way to celebrate Kyndall's life than the way you are doing it. I will pray to God for your family as I pray for my daughter's life - she has a 4 year old son. He is with her at this rehab. Her family loves her, and supports her. God gave us our hearts and emotions and talents - I believe the bent toward addiction was meant to be addiction for HIM. He is able to work good out of evil. Never doubt Satan's schemes - he will take down as many as he can. Kyndall is precious. I am so very sad for your loss. Love and thanks to you all. Lord bless you and give you peace.
Linda Bailey < lmabailey52@yahoo.com >
, NY - USA (2009-11-15)

very commendable what you are doing well done
Dr Mitchel Quimm < jibberjabber29@googlemail.com >
, - USA (2009-11-07)

hi this Aminah and im sorry that Kyndall died me and my friend Karina had read this story.Today in school we are learning about herion and turst no we are not doing it. We a christians and i feel bad that u lost your own sister like that when me and my friend read this story we started to cry i eyes out and i feel bad and im prayin for her every where i go and yes we are are going to talk about your sister maybe have a funriaser for her of her lost if you need contact please recah me at roxiimile@yahoo.com thank you! love Aminah
aminah < roxiimile@yahoo.com >
bakersfiled, ca - USA (2009-10-19)

I am an alcoholic and saw Kyndall's poem up on the wall in the laundry room of a Quebec rehad place for alcoholics and drug addicts this summer of 2009. Had to find out more about the "author unknown" as the written words had to come from someone who KNEW the cocaine habit to a "T" and very happy that I did. Thank you for this memorial site of Kyndall. I never had the urge to smoke or try drugs and the poem gave justice to my resolved. Will pass on the work Kyndall had started whenever the opportunity presents itself. Again thanks, keep well and be very proud of Kyndall. The Lord works in mysterious ways Nicole.
Bill W < B.wex@sympatico.ca >
Montreal, QC - Canada (2009-10-16)

today is my journey..and reading this has made a big diffrence..sorry for your loss.
Yvette < mi_amour06@yahoo.com >
lansing, mi - USA (2009-10-13)

I have a friend whom I care deeply about, he is addicted to heroin...after reading this site, I have written some numbers down..maybe he'll call them..Im really scared for him. Sorry for you loss. I think having this website will save many lives.
Christie < luvsjoaquin27@yahoo.com >
Stanford, Ky - USA (2009-10-10)

hello , i am from Nepal (the country of Mount Everest)and i am very impressed to this web site,where i habe got alots of friends suffering from heorion addiction , where i found many more common factor bitn me and them ,
dipakadhikari < dipal9664@yahoo.com >
chitwan, narayani - USA nepal out of usa (2009-10-08)

Hi People How are you doing?
Rolfflold < dedosmame@gmail.com >
Le Mans, France - France (2009-10-06)

I went on the computer today to find out more about this evil drug because today is the start of my oldest sister's journey to get better. She is checking into a facility today for an addiction to heroin, crack-cocaine, and oxycontin. I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for helping others with this problem. I found this story, which immediately got me extremely upset because I fear I may lose my sister to her addiction, as well. She has three young children which are staying with my family and I until things are okay again. My biggest fear is not only to lose another sibling (my brother passed away in a car accident 11 years ago) but that my three nieces will grow up without parents. Their father is also going to rehab for the third time, this time, on drug charges. They were told that if they did not get help, then the children would be taken away. I am praying every day for their recovery and would like to start helping in drug education, also, because this is such a problem in our society, I am tired of dealing with it and do not want others to have to go through this battle. I feel like I have been mourning the loss of my sister for the past two years. I do not have a relationship with her anymore, other than being sisters. No one has known who she is for the past two years, it's like there's a demon inside of her and it does nothing but sleep, lash out, and lie. I am optimistic that someday we will be friends again and I am prepared for the long road ahead.
Valerie < vrethier@ccri.edu >
Coventry, RI - USA (2009-09-24)

my brother is 23 and a heroin addict, he has been to rehab, relapsed and overdose and 2 weeks later was back to doing the devil of a drug. im scared for him. i was on the computer getting more information about the drug when i found this story... im so sorry for your loss
Marshon < marshon131@hotmail.com >
huntington beach, ca - USA (2009-09-22)

Nicole - I never knew. This touched me in a way I didn't expect. It's not something I talk about and actually try not to think about very often. My brother is a heroin addict. As children we were very close. He was (is) my older brother (middle child) and closest in age to me. He was my protector. I haven't seen him in 15 years. I feel like I am writing this in broken sentences, perhaps because I think of it all as part of a broken life. I cannot think of him as complete, because I am not without him. The last we knew of where he was living was 11 years ago when we tracked him down to let him know our mother had passed. He was in Las Vegas. I tried to find him numerous times since and have failed. He has no idea our father died 4 years ago. Heroin took him from us - it took his life as it should have been. About 8 years ago my daughter answered the phone and told me my brother was on it. I was busy doing something at the time and thought it was my oldest brother, who always called. Told her to tell him I'd call back. When I did, and realized it was the "other" brother that called, I was devastated. He didn't leave a number... it was the last time anyone ever heard from him. What if... I don't know now if he is dead or alive and am at a loss of how to find out. I'm afraid to know - for many reasons. I'm soooo sorry for your loss, for your sister's loss of her life. I'm sorry that people perpetuate the evil use and acceptance of satan's drug. Thank you for giving me this vehicle to 'remember' my brother. I pray he is safe and free.
K Buff < buffkg@aol.com >
Milltown, NJ - USA (2009-09-11)

My prayers are with you hoot. still miss your laugh
Danny < >
, - USA (2009-09-07)

Hey, im Frank and im a recovering heroin addict. I just read Kyndalls story and her journal and my heart goes out to the loved ones who cared enough to create this wonderful website. She is in a place now with no pain or addiction. Thank you for this site. I started injecting heroin when i was 15 years old. I found a twelve step program and have been sober since 9/30/08. Kyndall is in my prayers.
Frank P < fpustorin@gmail.com >
Boston, MA - USA (2009-08-04)

When someone gets this please contact me at 5044289944 Ive just got through reading tne story and her journals and its the same battle iam fighting right now and thats the same exact way i feel!Im tried of falling and getting back up i no if i dont beat this now the same thing will happen to me!I admire for what yall do and trying to help for so many of us our lost out there in this world and need to help one another make trough these hard times and last days so if you get this please contact me!
Natalie Altamirano < none >
baton rouge, LA - USA (2009-07-19)

I lost my 21 year old Nichole to heroin on Jan. 25th 2009. It was her 2nd time to use the drug. Her dad is glad we didn't have to go through the pain of addiction. If I could have her back I would go through any recover program with her, and as many times as it would take. I hope I get the opportunity to help someone else from choosing her path. Sorry for your loss.
Becky Garcia < beckygquilt@hotmail.com >
Manitou Springs, CO - USA (2009-07-08)

My thoughts are with you and your family. I have a son who was introduced to heroin by a so-called friend. It has been 3 years and he has good times and bad, mostly bad. I stand by him and try to help as much as I can, but it's hard. He always says that unless you are an addict of this drug you have no idea how he feels. It's funny in a sense that everyone refers to it as the Devil. I pray everyday that he will stay clean and alive just another 24 hours and then we'll move on to the next 24.
Carol < cbernard@chaddsfordcollision.com >
Media, PA - USA (2009-06-16)

HELLO MY NAME IS NOEMI JUST WANT TO LET YOU GUYZ KNOW THAT MY HEART GOS OUT TO YOU AND THE FAM. OMG IM GOING THROUGH IT WITH MY HUSBAND HE IS GOING DOWN THAT PATH IM SO SCARED TO LOSS HIM! IT'S NOT EVEN ABOUT THE MONEY IT'S ABOUT HIS LIFE THIS STORY REALLY TOCH ME I WANT TO LOOK FOR HELP I WANT HIM TO GET THAT HELP WHAT SHOULD I DO?
NOEMI VASQUEZ < MARCOSYNOEMI08@YAHOO.COM >
SAN JOSE, CA - USA (2009-06-16)

I'm so sorry for your loss.. I know words can't really say enough. I ran across this because I'm looking at somehow to become an advocate as well. I'm 22 years old and my husband left this world on May 25th, 2009. We were together 8 years and married 3. He had struggled with drugs for many years and it ultimately took his life. I could always bring him back out of it, together we beat it. I'm not exactly sure what it was, I'm still waiting to find out, he had a high amount of drugs in his system.. I know it wasn't heroin but reading her journals it makes me sad to know that he was fighting this horrible fight and didn't tell me recently. My heart is completely broken, and I'm trying desperately to find some way to help others so they don't have to go through the pain I'm going through now. Thanks for listening.
kandice < kandicerenee@gmail.com >
Winona, Texas - USA (2009-06-16)

I very thankful for this site tonite. ive been struggling with this poison for almost a year now and just got out of my first detox. this site is definatly helping me get through the night. ive been clean for 2 weeks now but secretly im scared of a relapse. i didnt know kyndall but i know from looking into her story that were the same type of person. almost like we think so much about everything in life physically and spiritually. then we have this deep pain . i dont know exactly where it comes from , maybe taken on everyones burdens. then we have to quell that most powerful pain with the most powerful remedy. i dont know im confused still but im grateful for a site like this to bring me just that little bit closer tomy senses, a place i havent been for years and still feels far off. thank you kendyll for your life and i pray for your soul and for your family tonite.
david steele < davidmtosteele@yahoo.com >
littleton, ma - USA (2009-05-26)

Sweet Kyndell. Another heart breaking story. Everyone in my immediate family is or has been addicted to one substance or another. My Sister and her precious Son both have died from Heroin overdose. My Father died from Alcoholism and brother is on his way. My Mother is a recovering addict and has been clean for 27 years now. I thankfully have never tried a drug in my life. I know this is because I saw the evilness in it. I am the youngest of three children. Please anyone out there struggling.........get help. There was only 5 in my family. Three of them are gone and I'm only 34 years old. Drugs are not the way out of heartache. I understand it but there are other alternatives. I want so badly for people to stop losing their lives over heroin or any other destructive substance. I HATE this evil horrible disease. Everyone, please be safe and make good choices
Angela Gonzalez < angelagonzalez92@yahoo.com >
Franklin, WI - USA (2009-05-21)

Thank you for sharing Kyndall's story. My name is Sherry and I have been struggling with heroin addiction since i was 19 years old, i'm 35 now. I've wasted so much of my life on that crap. And i have lost (or thrown away) everything that has meant anything to me. Addiction is a very sad and vicious disease.I'm tired, and thanks to the unconditional love of husband, I am finally working hard to stay clean. I want to live today. I thank God for the peole who never gave up on me. Again thank you for sharing this story,I can say that it most definitly helped me to sty clean today.
Sherry < cshery6@yahoo.com >
Rensselaer, NY - USA (2009-05-18)

I am so very sorry for your loss. The pain is so unfair. My daughter is 21 and sadly, a herion addict. I am caring for her young son and pray that someday she can care for him, to feel the love and joy of watching your child grow, learn, laught and love. She, like so many others have stolen so much from me, from everyone but most of all she has stolen from herself, her life. I pray everyday that she survives another day and everyday I hope that today is the day that she gets help. To choose a pill or a needle over your own child is something I can not understand. It is heartbreaking. I am so afraid that I will have to bury my child. My beautiful daughter. She is lost right now, I just hope it is not too late for her to find her way back. May God bless you all.
Patti < daniel2687@yahoo.com >
Stratford, CT - USA (2009-05-11)

kyndall reminds me a lot of myself. Ive never used hard drugs but ive dealt with my share of heartache & pain dissappointments can definitly wear out the soul of the stongest person from reading tru her journal and her story, i felt her deep spiritaulitywhich is the light that shines through the darkness of her pain and death.the light she carries is so bright that it burns through her sister.shes an inspiration to me bocause through it all she seemed to never stop believing in our HEAVENLY FATHER and thats why her reward is to know she didnt die in vain her story touched me and as i stated earlier i dont have an addictin but i have suffered from bipolar disorder and is turning over a new leaf right now in my life the doctors enen agree that ican try to make it without meds after over 10years i see how GOD carried her and let her light shine even after her death lets not put the blame on anyone kyndall said herself she was here on amission she admitted she didnt know what. but she was willing . like the words to the song as soon as we stop wondering how the story ends let go and let GOD let GOD his way. to her sister keep doing what your doing withGOD leading the way and your sister as your guide you will touch lives in more ways than you could EVER IMAGINE.youve touched mine.RIP kyndall. mission accomplised well done. ican tell by what ive read that you showed people alight in a way that others may not have been able to
kwame smith < rocksygurl@yahoo.com >
baltimore, md - USA (2009-05-05)

I am so sorry to hear you sister passed away. She was a beautiful person who now is in no more pain. I understand everything my son's daddy is a herion addict in rehab again. My son is 5 and thinks the world of his daddy when hes around. We are not together do to his addiction but hes still my best friend we were together for 12 years. It hurts me everyday watching my son grow knowing his daddy is not around to watch him. Hopefully this time around he gets it right for himself and our little boy who needs his daddy. For now my son talks to his daddy on the phone every night and I hope when he gets out of rehab he can be a daddy to our son who loves him so much. Herion is the worst drug in he world and ruins so many peopls lives
Wendy < amadeus522002@aol.com >
Newark, De - USA (2009-04-23)

I got the call two days ago that my step daughter had lost her battle with heroin. My first thought was how to tell her 6 year old son that she had died. My heart is broken. She had just finished 6 months in treatment and seemed to be doing so well. Clean UA's for a month out of treatment. My guess is she didn't realize that she couldn't do as much as she had been doing. Heroin is really nothing to play with. She left me this sweet little boy who can only understand that she is in heaven and not suffering any longer. God bless you all.
Gene Inmon < gene_inmon@comcast.net >
Centralia, WA - USA (2009-04-16)

Crystal, stay strong.. thank you for letting us know that you got through today. Every day will get better and easier.. one day at a time. Stay tough. Email me if you need to chat.
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
New Brunswick, NJ - USA (2009-04-15)

I have twenty seven days clean off of heroin. I can relate to Kyndalls story a lot. This morning I was ready to go to newark and get just one bag!!! My mind was there and I was sitting here plotting on how to get there. i came across this page by accident (i guess there are no accidents) and i remember reading the home news tribune story and thinking how lucky she was. it was over for her. i am struggling! definitely! my mind is very loud all the time! for today, because of this page, because of kyndall, because of all the pain we leave behind i am not going to get high! for today! i cant ignore the coincidence of falling on this page. its got to be God i guess! Anyway thank you!!!
Crystal < crystalangelina@hotmail.com >
Old Bridge, nj - USA (2009-04-14)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am too a recovering heroin addict. I have been clean now for 8 months and everyday is a struggle. You said it right, enjoy the time that you had with her while she was clean. God gave you that time with her before he wanted her to come home free of pain and struggle. I hope that I can live the rest of my life this way, as I am 21 now. Anyone need help, advice, or anything, feel free to email me. I am always willing to talk and help where I can. I know for you parents how hard it is so you can email me and hear it from a child' perspective. Stay strong! I am praying for all of you everyday!!!
Kristine < kzenkowich@gmail.com >
, NJ - USA (2009-04-04)

Your family's love for each brings me to tears. She seemed like a bright and shining star and im so sorry for your loss. Its so uplifting to no that you all are at a place where you no in your hearts that she is still shining...even more brightly then when she was here. Im sure the Lord has her busy doing all the things she dreamed of doing + more then she ever thought she could. My heart goes out to your family. I lost my father to this drug and ive battled with it myself as well. So i definatly relate to size of this battle. This site is really amazing and you should all be proud of it. Keeping your family in my prayers xoxo
< llollygagger@gmail.com >
Oregon, OR - USA (2009-03-31)

To Delrey Beach.. you didn't post an email address.. please see the home page and click on the link called 'quick link to rehabs'.. there are state halfway houses that you can look up. I know it is not easy to find help especially without insurance. If you want to write to me, maybe I could do a more refined search for you. Good luck.
Nicole DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
, - USA (2009-03-26)

I'm a 14 year Heroin addict and I was online trying to look up suggestions on kickin at home when I found your story! It was so heartfelt! My heart goes out to you & your family! I have lost countless people over the years to Heroin even my sons Father. Its so much easier to think & say there is an out, then to find and or take one. I've come to realize that for me there is not! This is the lesser of two evils for me. Its this or suicide so what'dya do!?! Anyway it's clear your sister was a bright shinning star and so full of jest and life. It truly is a loss and a waste of her beautiful life! She was beautiful as well. After reading her/your story I just wanted to stop for a moment and share that with you! I feel your pain and i'm soooo very sorry for your loss! I wish you all the best! Peace~ Love
Michelle < michelleparsons00@msn.com >
Portland, Or - USA (2009-03-25)

looking for a halfway house for my son who is on probation ,this being part of it. can anyone help me find this or a boot camp facility to help him stay away from alchol for at least 4 months he has no insurance,and i can find nothing state related. please advise, thank you, debi
< >
delray beach, fl - USA (2009-03-25)

The disease of addiction is so very powerful. As many of us have seen, sometimes deadly as we have seen. I myself am an addict in recovery and will be for the rest of my life. Addiction will win if we choose to let it. We will never beat it. Heroin is not my drug of choice. But it is my sisters. She had started on opiates, prescribed after an accident. This is what is known to her as hillbilly heroin-oxycontin. Morphine started her damn addiction and then oxycontin-now she is a heroin addict. It has robbed her of so many things. When I look @ her, I look death in the face. The empty look in her eyes, the denial in her and her addiction, the low self esteem, the whole damn situation kills me! She has stolen from everyone, from family to stores, she has forged checks, and has sold the dope to get her high. Today, she currently sits in jail awaiting trial for 4 felonies. But shes safe! Shes still alive, and only by the grace of god! I beleive this is his way to save her life today. She is not a bad person, she is just a person with bad choices, that took over her life. She was a jock, straight A student, beautiful, hi self worth, with alot of strength to overcome anything. Today she is scared, regretful, but still an addict. And I fear the day she will be released into society, because I do know from experience that this demon is still waiting for her to follow her and haunt her and remind her and kill her. And that kills me! She is my only sister, kin, that i have and I have tried to help her, but they cant be helped til they are ready. I try to teach what I can, but I cant preach what I dont know, so if there is anyone who can teach me about heroin that may help me to help her, please contact me. Nikki-what a sad loss for you and the family. Addiction will kill an addict, and the high covered the pain she felt. We dont think of the consequences when we use- we obsess on the need to use. We dont think of the pain we cause, nor do we care. If kyndell went through her steps of recovery, look for step 5, her inventory, maybe that can help you understand the pain she was running from. Addiction hurts everyone-those that use and those we love. May god bless you and keep everyone else in the family safe. Good luck with trying to help others. I too could use the help. For i know very little about heroin, but am finding out little by little. What I do know is it is the hardest habit to kick! That scares me more then anything. I hope that God can guide our family through this so that I never have to experience the pain your family have endured. With deepest sympathys and thoughts.
Stephanie < skhill2008@yahoo.com >
Laporte, In. - USA (2009-03-25)

IM AFRAID that my 15 year old friend might be doing drugs
Desiree Gerg < gerglemarie_93@yahoo.com >
Saint Marys, Pa - USA (2009-03-25)

I am really afriad that my 15 year old might be doing herion pot any type of drug. she hasnt been herself in a while and i am not the only one who has noticed it. I really need some suggestions on how to talk to her about this. she is my best friend and this might sound bad but i really dont trust her. she is hanging out with people who do drugs. if she starts with drugs she would mess her future up so bad. she wants to be a doctor and journalist, you cant do that type of stuff if you are doing drugs. some one PLEASE HELP Me i need to know what to do.. please e-mail me with a subject that says "I can help your friend" That you so much this means so much to me
Desiree Gerg < gerglemarie_93@yahoo.com >
Saint Marys, Pa - USA (2009-03-25)

i have been looking over the net for days on someone that shares my pain let me just say first off im so sorry for your pain and you are very stong and thank you so much for this site i have a one year old son to a heroin addict he overdosed in january. I didnt know wat to do so i left him he got clean 2 weeks after i left i got an appartment and moved in. He was clean and so i gave him another chance. Just recently he has relapsed. I dont know wat to do anymore when i read your story im heart sank and i began to cry. i thought that could be him and my son wouldnt know his dad. i know how it feels to lose someone so close my mom died when i was 11 and i dont want to lose him to but im out of solution t dont know where to go next wats the bottom when dose it end it tearing the family apart at the seems
Jessica < jrgleckler@embarqmail.com >
waynesboro, pa - USA (2009-03-17)

Happy Birthday Kyndall
Danny < kiddan68@comcast.net >
toms river, NJ - USA (2009-03-14)

Would have been your 29th birthday today.. Happy birthday in heaven.. miss you
Nicole DelBuono < tecknik@gmail.com >
North Brunswick, NJ - USA (2009-03-14)

I recently had to switch web hosts due to the unexpected drop from a very unreliable, shady host company named ehost aka searchitup... Due to this, the posts added from November-now have been lost. I am very sorry to anyone who has posted during that time.
Nicole DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
North Brunswick, nj - USA (2009-03-05)

I was looking up info on this bad drug when i came across this, It made me cry because this is what i fear the most.. My boyfriend who is also my bestfriend has been doing H/brown for the past 1year and 1/2. he started off smoking it but for the past few months he has been shoting it up. I hate this drug because it doesnt give up. He is the best friend i have. I want nothing more then for him to win this fight but it just keeps getting worse. he just quit his job he is now 3months pass due in bills. we just moved to a house and i have to pay all the bills. I will work 24 hours a day if he could just get in to a rehab that works. I am so affraid that he will die and i will find him when i wake up or come home from work. i HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS ALONE HIS FAMILY DOESNT not want to belive. I am alone and i am ready to just give up. i feel the drug has won once again. I do not get why this drug is so hard to get off. I need to find a way to help him before the drug wins for good. if you now of some thing that will help plase let me know my email is ashsimonsen@yahoo.com
ash < ashsimonsen@yahoo.com >
, ca - USA (2008-10-30)

My thoughts and prayers are with you all..My 19 yr old daughet is a heroin addict and has been for 3 yrs nows. I just found out 2 weeks ago when a friend of a friend informed me that children services has been called on her(yes shes a mom of a beautiful 7 month old child). I was floored to say the least. I know nothing of this drug but im beginning to learn quickly as she has only been out of rehab for 5 days and she is now in the hospital and may have a heart problem and has staph infection. I am clueless what this has done to her but i know it is destroying me. Thank You for the information you have shared. It has helped! Mom
Staci < slushy_1968@yahool.com >
youngstyown, oh - USA (2008-10-28)

You make a very valid point, Lisa. That is why my intentions of this site are to help prevent making that terrible choice to begin with. I believe what most people are hoping and wishing is that their loved ones will be strong enough to get off of it. Yes, it is another choice to quit heroin but as you know, it is quite difficult because of the physical and mental addiction. That's when people feel sorry for an addict... Everyone makes mistakes. Trying heroin (or any other drugs)to begin with is a horrible mistake. An addict needs help to correct it.. but you are certainly right in saying it's up to the addict. People email me all the time asking how they can get their loved one off this drug. The answer is, they can't. It is up to the user. But they can help by researching detox and rehab facilities.. NA groups, naranon groups for themselves, etc. ---I pray that you will one day soon make the choice to get off of heroin. I also pray that you have loved ones to help you. If you don't and you need any help, please feel free to contact me. Blessings, Nicole
Nicole-Kyndalls sister < geepers89@hotmail.com >
NORTH BRUNSWICK, nj - USA (2008-10-27)

I think i got through about 2,3 of the comments & it irritated the hell out of me. I myself have been a heroin addict for the last 11 yrs & i'm only 23 but i don't want any sympothy, what all of u need 2 understand that this type of lifestyle is a choice & at 1 point or another every drug addict made the decision to abuse a drug & i'm sorry but i can't feel empothy for addicts as i don't feel sorry 4 myself. the best u can hope for if u know or are related to someone who abuses a substance is that they will want to get clean off their own accord as you cannot force sobriety upon anyone that is not willing to go the hard yards & make the appropriate sacrifices to live a fullfiled, clean & somewhat dignified life. sorry if i offended anyone as those where not my intentions.
Lisa Coleman < >
Sydney, N.S.W - Australia (2008-10-26)

I feel your pain. my brother is struggling with this drug.. I feel like my once talented brother is already gone. so sad. please help me pray for my brother Richard
Danelle < dizzy92697@hotmail.com >
Santa Clara, CA - USA (2008-10-14)

What a beautiful family. I guess the really sad part is loseing your mother like that. And then your sister. Sometimes we are just so powerless when it comes to others decissions. Bad choices really do effect others more than we sometimes realize. The good thing is that you all still have each other. I guess I would be proud to call all of you "my children". I wish you the best!
John < johnb958@yahoo.com >
West Saint Paul, MN - USA (2008-10-12)

I was a heroin addict, but have been free for 8 years now. every year is a special day for me, and an achievment! I would really like to help other people and share my experiences. There really is a way out and a MUCH better life to be had! email me if you want to chat x
kerry < k_miss@hotmail.com >
london, - uk (2008-10-09)

i havent talked to my dad in months n now he in the icu with a bleeding brain n fractured skull.wen he got there in his system was alc, coc,pills, n the one thing i had no idea of..herion. it killed me wen i found out. so on top the brain injury, its withdraw n to see my father suffer like he is, is the hardest thing ever. wen he starts to function n knows where he is my not so close family was thinking of a mini intervention? is that the right thing?? cuz if we dont do it before he leaves that hospital i dnt think there is hope!im only 18 n been on my own for 3 yrs i cant loose my dad to this!
kayla s < ksksully@gmail.com >
baltimore, md - USA (2008-09-18)

I miss you.
Autumn < skyez11@gmail.com >
Woodbridge, NJ - USA (2008-09-07)

I have this summer attended the funerals of two wonderful people fallen prey to this insidious substance, Heroin. I hear of others. I suddenly realize just how at risk my son and daughter are as their friends too fall to heroin addiction. I am beginning to realize that this evil could easily hit home. At fifty, I am no angel. I have seen and experienced the effects of addiction. EVERYTHING UGLY THAT HAS EVER BEEN SAID ABOUT DRUGS IS TRUE. From the starting gate with tobacco, alcohol and pot. These are the precursors to misery. Drugs are a lie; guaranteed betrayal. Addiction to drugs is a change to your brain chemestry. You are no longer able to "get it" when you are addicted. The addiction determines your thinking and your behaviors. You no longer own your soul. It is as if Satin himself has stolen you for his very own. And you ain't shit to him. Sorry to break it to ya...
Tom Reinhart < tlmrt@msn.com >
Bath, NY - USA (2008-09-01)

As a parent of a drug addict who is in recovery, I can empathize with those who have lost their children to addiction: some have passed on while others are among the living lost souls. We, as friends, family and parents can unite in a common cause.....to save ourselves from the insanity of riding the same roller coaster over and over again. We can reach out to each other in many ways (thanks to the Internet and cell phones), but nothing beats a face to face meeting where hearts and souls meet to get healthy. Hope you'll join us! Nar-Anon saved my life (many times) and I have learned how to live and be happy in my own journey, no matter what choices my child makes. It takes work to be able to do this, that's why we have the slogan, "Keep coming back, it works it you work it." Nar-Anon Family Groups (just put the www's before) nar-anon.org Nar-Anon Forum: (just put the www's before) naranon.com/forum
Tish < Tish4naranon2@yahoo.com >
San Diego, CA - USA (2008-07-28)

my son has been in rehab 3 times in the last year, he cannot beat this crap. He has stolen everything he can from me, conned and manipulated me every chance he can. He is currently in prison for stealing checks from his grandmother and cashing them. He is sitting with murderers and hard core felons for the next 10 months, he say's he will never do it agian, I have heard that so many times, I don't believe him. We need to get the word out to never start using Heroin, it is the devil. It will destroy everything in your life, your family, yourself, friends, and any hopes of being a productive member of society.
Robin < robinwh58@aol.com >
dayton, oh - USA (2008-07-23)

Nicole, I am extremely sorry for your loss and know what it feels like to lose someone you love to heroin. I just lost my 19 yr old cousin to heroin on July 7, 2008. I wish that I could have known the signs. He said that all he was smoking was "pot" and that he knew what he was doing. He also got addicted to prescription drugs. My family and I all tried to help him and told him that we loved him, but he too felt alone. He was also into art and loved playing the guitar. I pray for you and your family. God Bless.
Tiffany < trbldtggrlvr4evr@yahoo.com >
Moreno Valley, ca - USA (2008-07-20)

I just lost my cousin, Jennifer to this BEAST. She was only 28 years old, as a matter of fact she JUST turned 28 on june 18th. She died on june 30th. I won't even say that I hope no other family goes through what all of our families are going through. Don't get me wrong, I would hate for anyone to have to go through it, but the fact is no matter how much any of us say that, SOMEONE'S family IS going to go through it. This is an epidemic & it is killing my generation. I know SO many people (mostly friends of my brother, who by the way is also an addict & 27 yrs old.. along with my 18 year old cousin.) I am so tired of not knowing what to do. I want to scream! My brother finally took it upon himself to go to an NA meeting tonight. I am SO proud of him but I am still scared. I wish there was a way we could erase this drug from earth & let everyone heal. But there is nothing we can do about it. I can't stop thinking about my cousin. Her bright smile & her big eyes. She was SO caring & outgoing. I think she was depressed over an old boyfriend who kept playing with her mind & she turned to the drug to help her forget him. Maybe I'm wrong. What I DO know is that she didn't want to die, anymore than we wanted to lose her. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one.. it's a hard thing to overcome. I think it helps to deal with it if I think that we all will meet up again. R.I.P Jen & every other soul lost.
milissa s. < ms_lissa_69@yahoo.com >
quincy, ma - USA (2008-07-10)

The support is reachable for those that need it....for the families and the addicts...it just takes a tiny effort and the possibilities are endless. I am glad to have stumbled upon this site. Thank you and God bless everyone!
Michelle < mjjordan618@yahoo.com >
, SC - USA (2008-07-04)

I have a great friend who is in Jail due to heroin. We dated for 7 years through highschool and college. I moved away to go to graduate school and a few months later I broke up with him. He had been using drugs for a while but not heroin. After I broke up with him..he hit heroin. It has been almost 3 years since I broke up with him and now he is in jail for 60 days so far. It breaks my heart to know that he is there. I just go a letter from him and it was quite possible one of the best letters I ever read from him in almost 9 years. For the first time in 9 years he is clean of all drugs. He is going to go to rehab, and then a halfway house and then will be out..if he stays clean for 2 years his record will be clean. I worry about him being able to accomplish this task. I don't know how to help him or if I even can.
daisy < >
, - USA (2008-06-26)

This story has trully touched me. I have a beautiful daughter with a man who is addicted to herion. I am so lost and have no clue what to do to help this person. I want my daughter to have a dad. When he does decide to show up every once in a while i see him getting worse and worse. i Hate this drug it has torn my family apart. I just know that if he doesnt get help soon i will be in the same situation this family is in. My heart goes out to all of the family of kyndall. myprayers go out to you all.
Candace Ojeda < cojeda81@aol.com >
mesquite, tx - USA (2008-06-25)

My heart is broken for you and me and all those who have lost someone to this awful drug. I lost my only beautiful daughter Lori on May 1, 2008 to herion. She was like Kyndall in alot of ways, very artistic, loved music and drawing. Spent time in NA/AA, trying to beat the demon that haunted her. I took her to the zoo on the 13th of Apr. and she seemed to be doing good. I left for Okla. to visit family for 2 weeks. I got home on 5 May 2008. My son showed up 20 minutes later to tell me Lori was dead. My heart was breaking. I just couldn't believe it had happen. After reading her some of her writings, I saw how depressed she was, how hopeless she felt. I wish I could have done more to help her. I read a comment someone posted (Pamela Sadler) God came for her to spare her anymore pain or sorrow. I believe that too. I know she rests peacefully with Jesus now, but there is this terrible hole in my heart. I pray constantly for all of us to find peace to live again and hopefully help someone else along the way. God Bless you for letting me write some of my own pain with loss of my daughter Lori. She was 36 years old, but she was my baby. Sincerely Betty Chambless
betty chambless < zgrammy1951@yahoo.com >
ordway, co - USA (2008-06-22)

Yes i'm a recovering addict and am glad to visit your site about your sister. God bless people like yourself who reach out to educate others about this diseaseof addiction. I wish i could get involved and tell of my story to children and adults who think that drugs can't do this to them.
Tee Tee < lrrush@yahoo.com >
Wmsprt, Pa - USA (2008-06-19)

As a drug dealer this story has changed me and now I dnt deal any more I have been to jail and done my time and I am trully sorry for your loss and how the only way I made a living killed a beautifull person like your sister I am a monster and I hope to make it in a better place in your name I prey holly fauther plz forgive me for wat I have done and forgive the ppl that have brought so much pain to this beatifull family I am so sorry I wish my preyers can bring u joy but how can a monster bring joy to u all it will do is make u hate me to all the ppl that have come to this site and told outher souls about your problems I'm sorry for you pain and if you want blame me cause I am one of many who has done u rong go ahead I should aceppt it I AM A MONSTER . . . .
matt < mydawgeatmystash@yahoo.com >
houston, tx - USA (2008-06-18)

Hi....My younger brother is using herion, and we are terrified we are going to loose him. He is currently seeing a doctor (out patient detox) for his addiction. He is prescribed Subutex but we cannot get him to take it. I know he is still using. Everything he does is out of character when he is high. He also pawns EVERYTHING of ANYBODYS! He has got an awesome doctor why won't he STOP....What do I do...I have called the coroner to come get him, but since he wasn't threating anyone or threating to kill himself they wouldn't come get him... This is KILLING me and my family. Is there anying we can do to help him...I am really scared he is about to die... I am soOoOo sorry you lost someone so close to this Demon....I wish your family the best... Terrified, Lindsey
Lindsey < oso2cute123@aol.com >
Shreveport, La - USA (2008-06-11)

hey kyn, every time i try 2 write tears fill my eyes and it becomes virtually impossible 2 think about anything but how much i miss u and love u .I wasn't able 2 come 2 your funeral or properly grieve your death because at the time i was still out there using. It will b 2 years i'm clean in aug. 2008. there isnt a day that i don't think about you. .we used 2 always try 2 incourage each other 2 stop using,lean on each other write each other little notes. I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY GOD TOOK U AND SPARED ME. 4 ALONG TIME I WISHED THE SITUATION WAS REVERSED. but now i realize that god had a plan 4 both of us.in september i am starting occ i m going to take some addiction counseling classes and ultimitly get my cdac [drug and alcohole counseling certification]hopefully i'll be able 2 help somebody somewhere recover.
AMBER < AMBERWNZL@YAHOO.COM >
Seaside Heights, NJ - USA (2008-05-16)

May 1, 2008 I received a call from my twin brother Tom that my big brother Kevin had overdosed (this was the 3rd time in 6 months) I let the answering machine pick it up and heard them saying Kev has o.ded again. I did not get to the phone in time so I got the cordless phone and laid in bed thinking oh man this is gonna be another time where they tell me Kev has overdosed and he is in the hospital and he is really sorry. So I debated about waiting until the morning but thought no I have to go to work so I will just call now. 11:47 pm I called back and my brother said he's dead Ang, he's dead. I screamed at him go back in there maybe he just passed out go slap him do something, he said no he's gone. He was 37 years old. He had been using drugs since he was 12 and after the first couple overdoses I said to myself this is how he was going to die. But when that call came it never once crossed my mind that he would be dead not once. No matter how many times I said he was going to die I don't know if my head ever belived it. My heart is broken. I just wished I could have him for one more day. There is 5 of us (well 4 now)but we were so close my dad left when we were little and all we had was each other. You could sit the 5 of us down at a table with nothing and we would have the best time. Now there will always be an empty chair. Oh god, I will miss him everyday of my life and I still feel that this is not my reality that I will wake up any minute and this will be a horrible dream. I will never be the same again. I already feel like I am different. So many years he struggled and I know he did, he struggled so hard to stay clean. I am not mad at him I am just soooo sad. My heart and my head are just so sad. I sit everyday and try to make some sense of why I will never see my brother again. He was so handsome, charming, fun, caring and kind and I can't believe that he is no longer of this world. I can't wrap my head around the fact that I will never see him or hear him. He used to walk in the room and the first thing he would say to me was, "Hey Beautiful" he would also say it to my sister and it is just so sad that I will never hear that again. I will miss him every single day of my life. Sometimes I feel like I just can't take it and I am filled with so much rage I want to just break something and the next minute I am filled with so much sadness. Thank you for letting me post and getting some of this out. I know how you feel. God Bless you.
Angela < barrysand@comcast.net >
Bolingbrook, IL - USA (2008-05-08)

Hey there everyone. My name is Heidi and I am a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. I came across this site when looking up how to help detox someone from heroin. My best friend called today, and told me he has been lying to me about being sober. He has been strung out on heroin the last month or so. Makes me think a little more then 4 years ago, when i was still doing drugs. It started with alcohol and weed. But I wanted more, I found that the more drugs i did - the more it made me feel okay. I didn't want to feel my reality. I thought that my home life sucked, that private school was a waste, my parents were to strict, they would disown me if they found out i was gay, my boyfriend (for cover) was abusive and a addict himself. Those were the lies i told myself - the delusions. I got deeper into drinking and doing drugs. By the time I was 21, i was going to jail looking a prison time. I thought i was too good before that to shoot up, i wasn't an addict in my own mind. But after awhile what did it matter if i popped some pills, or shot up some heroin. After all I was in prison, a very ugly world. I became addicted to heroin very quickly. I didn't care who had used the rig (needle) just pass it to me. I thought i would die a junkie. . . But there was a way out, by the grace of God somehow i became sober. During my first year, i craved heroin so much. But i learned how to change my life, with the help of a 12 step program. They taught me to change everything, and walked with me through everything. Today I have a little over 4 years. I have my family back. My parents love me again, and i have gotten to build the relationship with them again. I have a wonderful partner with 2 kids. I get to be a parent today - to a teen and a 6 year old. I got off of probation after doing 4 years! I completed treatment, i got on some meds to help with bi-polar, depression, anxiety, PTSD. I reached out for help and was accepted with loving arms. It hasn't always been easy, i have watched some of my closest friends die, had my own hardships, dealt with issues from being locked up, watched people i love relapse and get strung out. THe beauty is I have stayed clean and sober. I know what it is like to be strung out, to be so hopeless and suicidal. If you need a listening ear or want help please email me. And to you the family of this angel, know that your sister, your daughter is not suffering now. She is in peace.
Heidi Anderson < littletaggers@yahoo.com >
Yakima, WA - USA (2008-05-05)

Thank you, Heidi, for sharing your story. You see, people, there is hope. Do not give up... it CAN be done!
Nikki < geepers89@hotmail.com >
North Brunswick, NJ - USA (2008-05-05)

Im so sorry for your loss. My son is in rehab for a heroin addiction. He is 19 yrs old and this is breaking my heart. He was diagnosed in middle school with bipolar and did not want to be put on meds and they warned me if he wasnt medicated he would end up self medicating with illegal substances. It started with weed and then from there the bigger and better things. But i was blind to it i kept makin excuses for how he looked and now I have such guilt. I love him more then life itself and would give anything for him to stay clean. I am so afraid of him relapsing when he gets out that its just consuming my world. So far everything i have read states that most if not all heroin addicts relapse. I am scared for his life I know I can not bury my son it will kill me but i also dont see this as something that is gonna be all better after rehab. He tried to hide the fact that he was shootin up heroin but couldnt once i took him to detox and he cried when he told me (he was shootin up between 20 to 30 bags a day)and said he never wanted to hurt me but i will never give up on my son i will fight for and with him til the day i die. One thing I will never understand is why is it so hard to get treatment for addicts one hospital told my ex husband they would admit him(my son) if he just used but since he hasnt they wouldnt.. makes me sick. I dont know where to go from here the thought of loosing my son to this horible drug is killing me. Thanks for reading this and again im very sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing her story
karen < nypuddytat2@aol.com >
enfield, ct - USA (2008-04-29)

This comment is in response to Angi who posted she has been using because being FAT is horrific to her. I can understand suffering from low self esteem from being heavy because I have GAINED 35 pounds since I lost "MY DOUG" on 3/17/05. I am still not over it and have realized that you never "get over it," you just learn to deal and live with it and thoughts that come into your mind when you lose someone from heroin. You are using heroin to stay thin. You have other issues. You will NEVER be clean from heroin until you address your self esteem issues. Sorry to say but the more time goes by that you use heroin to remain and or get thin, the more issues you are adding. You need to get help for the underlying issues and THEN lose the heroin. Right now you are killing yourself with the method you have chosen for medicating your inner issues. Read my story here on Kyndall's page from 9/05. You will then see the HELL I have lived through because of heroin and I have never in my life used it. The bottom line is you need help for the issues that cause you to use and then you need to treat your addiction. IF you choose to let it go you are showing yourself absolutely no self respect and no care. I have learned that you need to take CARE of yourself first and then good things will come to YOU. When you start changing your inner thoughts positive changes will occur but until then you will continue to go through the downward spiral. If you need to talk please email. I don't know you but I understand and care....JEN
Jennifer < graphicsjen@yahoo.com >
Milford, Oh - USA (2008-03-19)

Dear Nikki~ I was touched by Kyndall's story in several ways: I am a counselor who has studied addiction, I also live in Woodbridge, and I have a younger brother the exact same age as Kyndall-to the day (3/14/80!). I can only imagine how painful it still must be. Woodbridge is one of those places that likes to pretend drug use doesn't exist. Not in our town. But I have seen discarded syringes on the tracks at Metropark on more than one occasion. I will pray for your sister and your family. I am sure Kyndall's story has saved lived. Blessings...
Threresa < theresaconeill@hotmail.com >
Fords, NJ - USA (2008-03-15)

Happy Birthday 28th birthday in Heaven, Kyndall! We are having a dinner for you tonight. I know you will be there in spirit. I love and miss you. -Nikki
Nikki < geepers89@hotmail.com >
North Brunswick, NJ - USA (2008-03-14)

i started using because i was FAT. now i am very sick living dead person - but at least i am NOT FAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! being FAT is worse than being sick. being FAT is worse than dying. being FAT is worse than being dead. at least when you are dead they stop hurting you. it spoils most of their enjoyment. anyway - you can not feel it anymore. if you want to stop heroin or meth - if you really do and are not just another shallow stupid hypocrite sheep - stop treating fat people like garbage. find a real cure for obesity - not all the endless fake ones that are only for making drug companies richer. WE ALL KNOW THIS!!!!! - but people keep attacking because it lets them feel superior. do people with measles get attacked and beaten up and thrown away by their families? are magazines full of expensive cures for measles that dont work - only cover up the red spots - but are still legal to sell? - stop the LIES! - stop the HATE! - stopping the lies could have stopped me. ----- and God does NOT care!!!!! LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if there was a God it would not make broken people and other people to enjoy hurting them. i think there must only be a Satan - no God.
Angi < lost2u@yahoo.com >
Central, NM - USA (2008-02-29)

As the tears continue to roll down my face I sit here and try to make it through another day without by best friend in all the world who is addicted to heroin!I feel the pain of so many others, I never thought I could ever experience this much pain,I hurt so much, I cant stop crying. Will I ever get my best friend back,lord please take me instead!!!! My name is Steven and I Have a Ex-girlfriend name Magen who was also my best friend in all the world. She has a son who I care about so incrediblely much and I dont want anything to happen to her. I never thought something would ever effect ME the way this has. She just shuts me out and tells me everything is fine when Its clear to see it isn't!How can I sit here when my heart aches to the point I feel like throwing up I want to help her, but I know its not me but her who has to make that decision,"PLEASE GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH"! I'm here reading all these things and it scares me so much! I just want this to be a dream where I wake up and say to myself, thank God that was just a dream! But here I sit just confused wonder one day, my best friend forever will I lose. I Have written this poem I hope everyone enjoys,Its truely from my heart!! title: Where Did You Go My Best friend Megan you are my best friend,I love and miss you so very much...I don't knowhow to relinguish all the specail moments shared between us...Whenever I needsomeone to talk to you were just a phone call away...Whenever I was feeeling down you always knew the words to say to cheer me up...Whenever I had no place to go you gave a place to stay...And whenever the world gave up on me YOU still believed....How can I not cherish a frienship as great as our... For in life you only get one true bestfriend...Where did you go? I haven't showed you the best of me yet...Yeah I know we both had our share of things we both regret...But no matter the circumstance I'll always love you and be your bestfriend!!!!!!!! "Its never to late to be what you might have been" Im so so sorry for your loss,truely I am I feel like your loss is my loss as well my soul has been so greatly afflicted my this thing the world calls Heroin, please if your out there and your reading any of this please take heed to it and claim victory over your life. "Be strong,live long long,and never let go"!! In life we must all endure adversity which gives us the strength to overcome the many different obstacles and struggles we go through in life. These experiences we go through in our lives make us who we are today and who we become in the future so in order for us to enjoy a life filled of LOVE,PEACE,and PROSPERITY we must coose wisely today for the choices we make today become our destiny tomorrow Sincerly, S.P.W
Steven Wood < stevepw@aol.com >
pottstown, pa - USA (2008-02-21)

As the tears continue to roll down my face I sit here and try to make it through another day without by best friend in all the world who is addicted to heroin! I feel the pain of so many others, I never thought I could ever experience this much pain,I hurt so much, I cant stop crying. Will I ever get my best friend back,lord please take me instead!!!! My name is Steven and I Have a Ex-girlfriend named Magen who is also my best friend in all the world. She has a son who I care about so incrediblely much and I dont want anything to happen to her. I never thought something would ever effect ME the way this has. She just shuts me out and tells me everything is fine when Its clear to see it isn't!How can I sit here when my heart aches to the point I feel like throwing up I want to help her, but I know its not me but her who has to make that decision,"PLEASE GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH"! I'm here reading all these things and it scares me so to death. I just want this to be a dream where I wake up and say to myself, thank God that was just a dream! But here I sit just confused wonder one day my best friend, forever will I lose. I Have written this poem I hope everyone enjoys,Its truely from my heart!! title: Where Did You Go My Best friend Megan you are my best friend,I love and miss you so very much...I don't know how to relinguish all the specail moments shared between us...Whenever I needed someone to talk to you were always just a phone call away...Whenever I was feeling down you always knew the words to say to cheer me up...Whenever I had no place to go you gave a place to stay...And whenever the world gave up on me YOU still believed....How can I not cherish a friendship as great as ours... For in life one true bestfriend Is all you get...Where did you go? I haven't showed you the best of me yet...Yeah I know we both had our share of things we both regret...But no matter the circumstance I'll always love you and be your bestfriend!!!!!!!! "Its never to late to be what you might have been" Im so so sorry for your loss,truely I am I feel like your loss is my loss as well my soul has been so greatly afflicted my this thing the world calls Heroin, please if your out there and your reading any of this please take heed to it and claim victory over your life. "Be strong,live long ,and never let go"!! In life we must all endure adversity which gives us the strength to overcome the many different obstacles and struggles we go through in life. These experiences we go through in our lives make us who we are today and who we become in the future so in order for us to enjoy a life filled of LOVE,PEACE,and PROSPERITY we must choose wisely today for the choices we make today become our destiny tomorrow Sincerly, S.P.W
Steven Wood < stevepw@aol.com >
pottstown, pa - USA (2008-02-21)

Hello Nicole, That is my 23 year old daughters middle name. Britney Nicole. She is addicted to heroin. I hate heroin. It has stolen her life for the past 5 years, and I only pray that she will find her way back. She now uses a needle.I have read and studied and tried so hard to understand how and why; how this could have happened and why. She is smart, loving, beautiful, funny, caring. She wanted to become a counselor herself. I thank you for sharing your story and I am sorry for your loss. Please pray for Britney. Please, if you are asked to ever try it SAY NO. It will destroy your dreams and your family. Just say no. This is not a game. It is after your life.
laura < lauralyonsaz@msn.com >
hemet, ca - USA (2008-02-09)

.Please tell me how I can help. I am reading these posts and it is clear that an entire generation is being murdered by heroin. Please tell me how I can help get the message out to others about the truth. thank you.
laura < lauralyonsaz@msn.com >
hemet, ca - USA (2008-02-09)

I feel your hurt and pain, i cry everyday for the loss of my beloved brother and sister who both died of heroin overdoses. It is so hard to fathom that we are losing so many brilliant people to addiction, forever altering are lives. I just started speaking publicly about drugs, to attempt to help at least one person or family not have to endure this pain is my only goal, and i am proud that you are doing the same. each story is powerful, i just wish their weren't so many. peace be with you all, nina
Nina Hamilton < ninarose1@hotmail.com >
Harrisburg, pa - USA (2008-01-30)

thanks for helping me i had my cousing die in 2006 i had two girl friends and my sister boy friend die from herion over dose in 2006 i al most died of a drug over dose in 2006 but i went and got the help from new hope in malbol nj in 2006 but now i want to help i go to na meeting all over new jersey i been clean since oct 24 2006 right now im living in a oxford house in ocean city nj i just had to moved all where from people place and things if u need to talk to some one about drugs ask me my email is timmycasella@mail.com
timmy casella < timmycasella@mail.com >
ocean city/kenvil, nj - USA (2008-01-27)

I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand. I lost my son, to Oxycontin, a synthetic form of heroin, prescribed by a doctor, which is actually legal, which should not be. My son was only 25 years old. You never get over the grief of losing a child, you only learn to cope with it. May God bless you and be with you. Love, Shawn's Mom, Bonnie
Bonnie Gow < dougsbon@msn.com >
Spokane, WA - USA (2008-01-25)

thanks for wrighting me back nichole. i just watched the powerpoint. it was really good.! thanks again, Sarah
sarah < yoymama0135@gmail.com >
< ****>, <**## - USA (2008-01-23)

thank you, your story really really made me think for a while, it was so inspiring. for my 7th grade heath progect i was assinged to study heroin and now i have a really understand what it is dose to someone. i am inspired. you are so strong. and now when i give my presintation to the class i think my adiance will have a better understanding to. thank you. stay strong. > Sarah :) 7th grade
Sarah < yoymama0135@gmail.com >
Montpeler, VT - USA (2008-01-17)

god bless you, i pray for your family and for kyndall.
Sarah < yoymama0135@gmail.com >
Montpeler, VT - USA (2008-01-17)

thats really cool that you are trying to give every one the awarness. i know what its like to lose someone close to me i am 13 now when i was 12 i lost someone close to me and now another one is slowly but shurly fading to from coke. stay strong :) thank you.
amanda < >
*** sorry ****, :) - USA (2008-01-17)

When I heard ur story, I cried and it kinda freaked me out, I don't know anyone who does heroin but my father is a cocaine addict, in 1999, he had a heart attack and last year in january he suffered a stroke and it left him partially paralyzed from his right side of his body. Me and my brother have put up with a lot from him and this has been going on for yrs, since before my mom divorced him. Now nobody wants to be around him cuz he's lost everything several chances and has never learned to change. He's done some messed up things, like steal, lie, he sold my grandpas car for 5 dollars, he molested me when I was 5 and tried to rape me when I was 13 yrs old. Anyways, I'm sorry for ur loss and my prayers are sent out to your family.
Byanka < unique_daydreamer_02@yahoo.com >
weslaco, tx - USA (2008-01-16)

I am so sorry for your loss. My son is a heroin addict. He is 24 years old and overdosed last week, however he did make it this time. He may not be as lucky the next time. He is still using. I can relate to the pain that you felt as you watched her struggle. I too am watching that terrible struggle now. My son has two beautiful children who he may never see grow up if he does not get help. I am searching for anything or anyone who can give me any kind of hope or ideas about what to do and how to get him into some kind of rehab which he has not tried yet. Again, my heart aches for you. Heroin is a horrible drug. It is a demon that takes all the joy and life out of a person and it is the most devastating thing to watch happen to someone you love.
Anita Maxwell < nitamx302@yahoo.com >
Ashville, OH - USA (2008-01-14)

My daughter was just found today of a drug overdose after being sober for 16 months, I'm heartbroken. I miss her dearly.I wish I could do something to save someone else.
jayne matlock < jaynelock@sc.rr.com >
myrtle beachsc, - USA (2008-01-14)

Your story makes me cry. I am 27 years old and was a heroin addict for 5 years. I have been clean almost a year now, it will be a year Jan 29. I am also the sixth kid in my family and my oldest sisters name is Nicole. She has been caring for me since I finally left the world in which i was consumed. I was able to kick 4 months before i actually left my ex boyfriend so when i got to my sisters the physical part was over. if i had know that the withdraws were the easy part and remembering how to be a human being was going to be the hard part....i wonder if i ever would have started. My skin is damaged beyond repair, my veins are the worst my doctor has ever seen, and my hands and feet are always cold from lack of circulation but my brain, my mind, my self is the most damaged. a year has gone by and still i fear the day will come where i give up and go back...i don't trust myself. even though i have never been to rehab or jail, even though i chose this on my own to quit, i still feel like around some corner that god damn monkey is going to jump back on and nestle in tight and never leave ever again. i don't want my family to go through what you've endured. it's my sister and fathers worst nightmare what you've seen and been through. i relate to kyndall in so many ways, my journals sound just like hers... L
Lauren < psytrancefreak7@gmail.com >
Asheville, NC - USA (2008-01-09)

also, the method i used to quit successfully was Suboxone. it is a miracle drug...saved my life for what its worth
Lauren < psytrancefreak7@gmail.com >
as, nc - USA (2008-01-09)

Lauren, I commend you for how far you have come. Of course, you know, if you go back you will die. And I know staying away from it is incredibly hard and painful but as time goes on, it will get better... it WILL get easier. You will heal more and more every day.. from your physical to your mental. Believe in that and pray for that. It will be yours. I'm thankful you stumbled upon this site. I'm thankful that you know how bad your family will hurt if this drug takes you from them. Stay strong. You CAN and WILL do it. Blessings to you always! -Nicole
Nicole < >
, - USA (2008-01-09)

It is very sweet to post this website, i support you in all your doings and at this point i found a topic to discuss in health class... good luck in all you are doing!
Angie < girlrock2000@hotmail.com >
-------------, New Jersey - USA (2008-01-08)

The makers of this website have done a wonderful job! idk anyone with this prob but i support u guys for helping those who do! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
Anjelica < americandreamgirl@yahoo.com >
New York, New York - USA (2008-01-08)

Robin, thank you for sharing your side of the story. You explained perfectly well what many family members go through when a loved one is an addict specifically a child. My heart bleeds for you and my heart felt prayers go out to you. You know that shutting him out is the right thing to do and you know you are not to blame for his addiction. Please look into naranon meetings for yourself. (meetings for family and friends of drug addicts) The link is on this site under Help. If you ever want to talk, please email me. -Nicole
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
, - USA (2008-01-06)

I know the pain you went through, and for that I am sorry. My 24 yr old son was involved with drugs since he was 16, nothing major, then more, then other, now opiates, now a full blown heroin addict for 3 yrs. He used to have a job, a family, 2 cars and life by the balls. Now he is homeless, stolen countless times from me, the lies, the manipulating, the cons. He has been in court ordered rehab twice in the last 7 months. He has been in Jail no less than 10 times in the last 2 yrs. I have had it, I even have a 5 yr. protection order against my own child!!!! This is killing me. He has been staying with me for the last few weeks until he can get into another rehab, and it has been hell. He makes me feel awful, everything is my fault, I can't trust him, he is using in my bathroom, no matter how much I tell him it is my house and I say NO Heroin in my house. He is waking up using, then takes off, comes back high, and acts like I am the problem, he doesn't respect me or my property, or feelings. I have had it, and don't know where to turn. My family knows he does drugs, they just don't know it is Heroin, I am too ashamed to tell them. I am just waiting for that phone call from the coroner. He even tried to teach me a lesson and shot up some carbuerator cleaner,right in front of me, to the point he was convulsing so I could watch him die, he say's he isn't doing anything to me, and my heart is being ripped out. I love my son, but I can't help him, he claims he will get into rehab, when there is an opening, but I don't believe anything he says, I don't like anything about this. He battles me every step of the way. I have to make him leave my house and go to sleep off his drug in a cold garage when I go to work because I cannot trust him. He steals anything he can get his hands on, I sleep with the telephone and 50 lbs of weights against my bedroom door, I don't feel safe in my own home. I am about to just throw him out to live on the streets, I have battled this kid and his many addictions for over 8 yrs, and I am tired.He has lost all of his very large family, his own child, all his friends, except for his dope friends. I am basically the walking dead, and I am not the addict, he is.
Robin < robinwh58@aol.com >
Trotwood, OH - USA (2008-01-04)

im only 11 so i need help with my heroin addiction
Samantha Campbell < samc258@aol.com >
Henderson, NV - USA (2007-12-29)

where do i begin well i came across this page looking for some kinda of help im 20yrs old and a mother of a very bright beautiful 3yr old lil girl and the same as your sister a "close" friend offered it to mewell everyone was doing it so i thought why not and now i just i wish i wouldve said no i know what your sister must have been going through because i have a real close family and i tried to hide it from them!i have 2 sisters and 1 brother!but the thing was my brother was doing it with me its the only thing that made us happy at the time but now hes sober after a 2 week stay in the hospital and they all think im clean so now i feel more alone than ever before because now i dont know what to say i dont want them to be mad and just say well we tried and you didnt do it so now your on your own!!!dude i cant even go out with them without worring about needing my lil stash to sneak to the bathroom and i still know that guy but deep down insude i hate him i just hate himfor leaving me like this im sorry if this is too long but i really needed to let it out im thinking of starting a journal of my own like you sister itsso crazy because shes was so beautiful and theyer right heroin gets to anyone i also have a beautiful family and i know whats going on with myself and im ashamed i dont want to be that girl people are whispering about and i know friends could probably tell well i havent been on for more than a year and i dont use needles but its gonna get there if i dont stop so i no i need to its just getting my first foot through that door when i read this story i couldnt stop crying because i know how much it hurts to lie to your family especailly your sisters!its something i hope i can just get over heroin i HATE YOU FOR HURTING MY FAMILY AND THOSE AFFECTED BY YOUR UGLY DEMONS AND WORST OF ALL HURTTING MY PARENTS AND THE 1 PERSON WHO MATTERS MOST TO ME MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER AND AM GONNA DO WHAT I CAN TO MAKE SURE YOU DONT TAKE ME FROM HER!!!
GEN < texaspinkshadow@yahoo.com >
SAN ANTONIO, TX - USA (2007-12-28)

Merry Christmas, Kyndall. You are with us in spirit. I will love you always and will see you again one day soon.
nikki < >
, - USA (2007-12-25)

I would like to wish all here a peaceful christmas, and hope for the new year ahead. Especially for Kyndall's family and friends peace Joe T
Joe T < joet60@verizon.net >
scranton, pa - USA (2007-12-23)

Hi, I'm Gerald. Just saying hi - I'm new.
oOgerryOo < geraldzasser@gmx.com >
Los Angeles, USA - USA (2007-12-18)

My condolence to your family... Im 36 years old and grew up around this disease. Its heartbreakings seeing loved ones wake up in the morning sick because their in need of their fix. I personally lost my mother to this addition, she was only 19 years old at the time back in 1975. Since then ive lost 3 uncles to this disease as well as friends. I live in a rough part of Los Angeles and drugs are everywhere! I've seen the effects that many go through to get a fix, what they do; rob, steal, lie, its not a happy life. Its easier Said than Done... that a program or Rehab works...I've seen many enter both and still relapse... My Prayers for those addicted and their families to this drug called Heroin. Theres a song by Mr. James Brown called King Heroin, its true life what he sings about. I work with many addicted to this drug and cant help to feel compansion because i know that its tough to fight. God Bless you and those who still struggle to fight this disease!
< >
Los Angeles, CA - USA (2007-11-26)

I am so sorry to hear the tragic statistic story of Kyndall. I too could have been just another tragic statistic. I battled heroin for years after having a child and suffering post pardum depression. The only reason i am here today is because of my fiance. He never used drugs ever and he refused to give up on me. Sometimes i hated him for it, making it so hard for me to hide and get high and stuff. But he eventually pulled me from my darkness and saved me from my demon. He threw me into a very expensive suboxone program that he paid for. It worked for the most part, but was not quite enough, i kept relapsing. Finally i got into a methadone pregram. A lot of people frown on methadone but it has saved many people. Maybe Kyndal could even still be here if she could have gotten into a good program. It saved me, i am 9 months pregnant now and doing wonderful. I feel for your family, and i am so grateful that my family didnt have to go through what yours is because of me. Kyndall truely sounds like a fantastic and unique person. They actually say that like 99 percent of heroin addicts are extremely creative, artistic, and intelligent. I myself have a genious IQ and i am very artistic. Kyndall sounds the same way. I have watched people go from having everything to nothing, jail and then death. I have seen them give up their own children for that high. And once that drug gets ahold of you, thats it. Once that sickness sets into your aching body, you will do just about anything to get that high again. It is such a sick and viscious cycle that never ends.I missed most of my daughters infantcy due to my addiction, and i am so glad to have this special bond that i have with her now, she is my soul mate. And i am so lucky to have this opportunity to have another daughter and do it the right way and truely enjoy her life and growth. I am blessed to have made it. I wish so many others could make it also. It sounds like Kyndall knew she was being called home. It also sounds as if her mother had alot to do with kyndalls deep rooted addiction, emotional and physical. She was tormented by the fact that her mother stopped loving her and couldnt understand why. Thats horrible, and as a mother i cant understand how any mother could ever just up and leave your own children, your flesh and blood that are so bonded to you, so 'addicted', if you will, to you. It must have been very hard growing up with that on your shoulders.I don't mean to be cruel, but i hope that mother thinks long and hard of the lives shes hurt and the one life she has lost..some things you can not get back. Ever.
katie < dreamangelmist@aol.com >
Plains, Pa - USA (2007-11-15)

Amber, congratulations!!! I am forever proud of you! Much love- Nicole
Nicole DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
East Brunswick, NJ - USA (2007-11-06)

15MONTHS CLEAN AND STILL GOING STRONG. THIS WEBSITE IS SO WONDERFUL IT HELPS ME REMEMBER WHERE I WAS AND WHAT IM FIGHTING SO HARD NOT TO BE. AMBER
AMBER < AMBERWNZL@YAHOO.COM >
Seaside Heights, NJ - USA (2007-11-06)

Im so sorry for you lose. I have lost a older uncle to heroin years ago of a od. Unfortunatly Im involved with a older man who is a Heroin addicted and this is his second time around with it since we have been together. His middle child has a worse addiction to it then he does. The two of them seem to go hand in hand. My problem is I love him and he adores my child and me. And is a wonderful father figure. Very careful with it and promises to quit. Except when he does he turns to ops. Just dont know if i can go thru this again. Not sure if he really does quit some people say that it takes weeks for it to get out of their system he says three days???? I know its hard for them and they are like the most caring and loving people. I just dont want my child to see Daddy arrested or dead. So any one with truth on with drawls and can they cold turkey please email me.
J Kelly < positive2bfree@gmail.com >
Daytona, Fl - USA (2007-11-02)

My Son is addicted to Herion. He is 22 year's old today. He will be Dead by his next Birthday. Myself and my husband will be Dead also from dealing with this HORRIBLE Addiction. We just can't do this anymore. I am so sorry for all of us because there isn't anything to do to stop this.
Marianne < bottary85@aol.com >
Peabody, Ma. - USA (2007-10-09)

My name is Amber Gilbert and I have a 20 year old daughter that has been addicted to heroin for 2 years now. I have had her in and out of rehabs and I just don't know what else to do. I have a 12 year son that comes to me with finding of her needles and spoons that she uses to get herself high. Just the other day I was looking at her and noticed that she had marks in her neck. She has now gone to using her veins there because she can not use them in her arms anymore. She keeps telling me that she is taking methodon to help her but she is still using herion too. I'm so scared I'm going to loose her like you have your loved one. Amber Gilbert
Amber Gilbert < akball2005@yahoo.com >
Pataskala, OH - USA (2007-10-04)

It is heartbreaking for me to think about your loss and I am so sorry. Thanks you for sharing something so very personal and private. I live every day in fear that my son will die and it scares me. He is trying to get and stay clean, but I also understand it is larger than life it self. I never saw this coming with him and wonder where I went wrong as a parent. My family and I have struggled for many years just trying to get on our feet and I felt I was close to him and would have known if he was using. He is facing jail time this week because he was arrested forging and filling narcotic prescriptions. I will pray for all of you, addicts and your loved ones, because we all suffer and hurt because of heroin. It is wonderful to see this website honoring your beautiful poetic daughter. Our children are our flesh and need our love no matter what they get themselves into. Heroin doesn't discriminate and takes everyone hostage.
katie < prior_katie@yahoo.com >
, ma - USA (2007-09-27)

I am deeply sorry for the lose of what sounds like a wonderful person.Herion is truly a death sentence for most.Thank you for your site,it can save lives of others.This is just another reason that our borders need to be protected! (god bless)
gary < hd79freedom@yahoo.com >
, oh - USA (2007-09-23)

On March 5, 2007 I lost my sunshine. My Amanda died in Boulder Co. of a drug overdose. Herion was also in her system. She had been addictied to Oxy-cotton, had cleaned up, relapsed, cleaned up and was planning to come home in two days, She was already through the hardest part and planning to return home in two days. Instead she intered into her last relapse. She was not strong enough to resist. It took by breath away when she passed. I will never forget my baby, I must be strong and continue on because I am now raising my baby's baby. Somehow we will make it through this wourld without the one we loved so who stood between us, she was the center of our circle. I am so sorry for everyone who has had a reason to sigh this rigister. Just reading over a few of these is heartbreaking. It is a testiment to how big of a drug problem we have in the world today. God help us all.
Julie Bledsoe < juliebledsoe@comcast.net >
knoxville, En - USA (2007-09-19)

I just lost my cousin, he passed on 09/09/07 at the age of 31. He was more of a brother to me then anything and I miss him so much already. Our family is going thru such a horrible time right now. SO many different emotions and a lot of anger about should have could have.. When I got the call I had the same thought as many others on this page, that it couldnt have been him and they would bring him back to life. I love him soo much and have so much pain in my heart from his death. I know that he is no longer fighting this horrible battle and hopefully he found his peace. Thank you for your website. I have just been reading it all day and thanks... and im sorry for your loss to..
Kara < karjmcd@aol.com >
Braintree, ma - USA (2007-09-13)

A heaven So holy never wet never cold, For the arms of the lord will be rested on your soul. With love and passion a cherish so old, The man who is waiting to carry you home. Earth is just a stop for many many more, but once we are home we will find our call. The things that we cherish will be left behind, For all that we need is our soul and our mind. For the ones who are waiting for their lullaby One day you will fall but take to the Sky Have hope there my dear for your heart is free To carry you home to your last destiny. I pray for your family, May you take to the sky to find your lost lullaby.
Hollie < hollierebbeckalynch@hotmail.com >
St Augustine, FL - USA (2007-09-12)

I have lost my son at the age of 23 due to respiratory failure from taking Heroin. I cannot begin to describe the pain I am feeling, and tried all ways to discourage him from a drug taking lifestyle. He was talented, kind , handsome and everyone loved him. Its been 7 weeks this saturday. My thought and prayers are with you.
Mandy Williams < m.williams11@btinternet.com >
Birmingham, - UK (2007-09-12)

This brings tears to my eyes...I lost my nephew to an opiate OD a few years ago...he was a good kid, but just couldn't get away from that "feeling" It ripped his family to shreads...both the fight to save him and the end result of that fight. My heart goes out to you and your family...this is a beautiful testimonial to a beautiful young woman. Peace Joe T
Joe Tomasello < joet60@verizon.net >
Scranton, pa - USA (2007-09-11)

I don't know what it is about september but it just has some wierd feeling to it, such good things happen as well as the horrible events.(for me at least) I have lost some very close people to this drug all in september. I have never heard of ms.Kyndall but agian, she passed in sept. WTF!I will pray for her as well as all the others who are battling this disease. one love!!!
Lee ceriello < lwcliny@hotmail.com >
norwalk, ct - USA (2007-09-08)

Even though I know you are forever in the kingdom of God, I can not help but think back to that agonizing day 4 years ago when I received that call. Driving all the way to the hospital hoping and praying it was a mistake... that I would find some stranger there and not you.. this memory is etched into my brain forever.. Seeing your lifeless body there wishing I could turn back time.. just a few hours... that I might be able to save you... it stays with me forever. I know that you are now happy and safe. I've lived on here because that is what we must do. I've tried to keep your memory alive. I've tried to help others through you. Anniversaries like today can not be forgotten though.. not only does it hurt but the pain of missing you is deep. --I just hope people keep learning what this drug can do BEFORE they decide to do it.-- I miss you and love you forever, Kyndall. -Nikki
Nicole J DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
, - USA (2007-09-07)

Kyndall, It's been 4 long years since you left us. I probably will never get to your final resting place again but I will always remember and miss you. Your in a better place now and we will all be together again one day. Miss ya, Danny
Danny < kiddan68@comcast.net >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2007-09-07)

I remember the last time I saw Kyndall was at the Charlie Brown's in Woodbridge and most of the family was there. Like all of the get togethers, it involved a lot of laughing and good times. At the time Autumn and I had an apartment and we invited Kyndall to crash at our place because she had a big drive ahead of her. She declined and I always wished that she would have come over. Partially because that was the last time I saw her and because she was always laughed and had a good time. She gave me the biggest hug leaving dinner that night and I noted it to Autumn even that night. I told her that it was one of the strongest hugs I think I've ever gotten. I wish I had known her better and I think we would have gotten along so well. Her effect is sending massive shockwaves with people who also deal with the addiction and family members who also deal with it, but just dealing on my end as a person, she will always remain in my memory as accepting, warm, intelligent, with unlimited potential and a great sense of humor to match. If I could give anything to ease the pain of everyone else, I would do it. You are so loved, but you already knew that.
Bill < BillyParker03@aol.com >
Fords, NJ - USA (2007-09-07)

Wow! Nicole it is obvious how much you loved your baby sister and I applaud you for taking action the way you have. Growing up, back in the 80's I lost 4 friends within 5 months and the pain is still tatooed into my heart. It wasnt from heroin but from other deadly drugs that literally took control of their young lives and then eventually took their lives. I commend you for your dedication to such a worthy cause and pray that you will never feel that pain again in your life. I know too well what it feels like but not with a sibling so I can only imagine the heartbreak being more intense then any thing I have ever know. God bless you and your family with peace, Kyndall will live on forever thanks to you. Best Regards, Terrie (musik mama/bix)
Terrie Crescenzi < terrie@crescenzi.us >
Spring Hill, FL - USA (2007-08-08)

I can;t believe all of the lives affected by this drug, and so many more. It makes my heart ache for anyone who ever has to watch someone they love go through this downward spiral. My aunt's ex-husband is addicted to heroin, he shoots up regularly and lives with another known junkie. He had to give up partial custody because he chose drugs over his two beautiful children, ages four and five. My cousins miss their daddy very much. Just the other day I had lunch with my aunt and the kids. I held the little boys hand walking across the street, while he talked about going to go see his "real daddy" and how there is always another man with them when they see him, a policeman. I fear my beautiful cousins will not have a daddy much longer. My heart breaks for them when I see their angelic faces. I will think twice before I ever use another drug now. I will think of the innocence in those two children, the closeness of God they hold.
Ashley < queenoftheair77@gmail.com >
Bristol, VA - USA (2007-08-02)

Hi Kyn!! We were talking about you the other day and the cardinal appeared out of nowhere. Then when I was on the phone telling Nikki, one flew passed me out of nowhere. I know it was you and it made me so happy to know you are watching us.:) I don't come to this site as much anymore because it upsets me so much to look at your pictures. I miss you so much, but I'm glad your story is helping other people. You were and still are a wonderful person and I miss you..:( Your Big Sis Erin
Erin < bri419@hotmail.com >
East Brunswick, NJ - USA (2007-08-01)

I'd like to say hello to all people on this board. Regards, Janek
JanekMakowski < janekmakowski@onet.eu >
Poznan, - Poland (2007-07-31)

Hey Nicole I think that you did a wonderful,beautiful and great job. God Bless.What a great way to remember Kyndal. And hopefully this site reaches out to so many people. Kelly
kell Zinno < kz913@optonline.net >
Matawan, NJ - USA (2007-07-22)

ive read over the story, journal, comments, everything. it brings me to tears. i was best friends with cameron and jade when i was younger. i can remember feeling so bad for them and theyre family because everyone in their house just tried so hard to live a normal life and be a good person but its extremely hard with just one parent and living in a broken home. ive been around drugs all my life, having a recovering addict as a mother and no father and ive had drug problems myself. stories like this make me think before i do anything dumb. i thank kyndall, and i pray for her whole family.
jessika < shiggityshankk@aim.com >
colonia, nj - USA (2007-06-15)

I am sitting here in tears. I had heard about Kyndell's addiction to heroin--and all I can wonder after reading here is if MY brother was the "good friend" who introduced her to it. My brother still has his addiction. It's something I'll never understand. It's something we dealt with everyday growing up with our parents. Why he'd choose that lifestyle I'll never understand. He is probably only alive today because he gets locked up doing illegal things FOR his addiction to heroin; being locked up keeps him off the streets for a little while. It's sad to say, but I know at least he is SAFE in jail. He is safe from the drug that has taken away his childhood and most of his twenties. His addiction has literally made ME sick. I am so sorry for your family's loss. I can see Kyndell so clearly in my mind. She spent time at our house. My heart goes out to you, Nicole, and your family. I hear Jordana is doing wonderful. She was always so sweet! She deserves it. I commend you for what you did here. You've really touched my heart.
michelle jacques-medeiros < mmgm14@hotmail.com >
graham, wa - USA (2007-06-11)

Hey kyndall im sorry for what happened to you but know your in a good and safer place. you are with god in heaven and not in hell.Here is something for kyndalls family: even do kyndall is not with you anymore she will always be in your heart and you will always be in her heart.shes watching from whereever you are.
Destiny < Jlogurl138 >
Florida, FL - florida (2007-06-06)

Sarah- great advice. Thanks for your post. Unfortunately, when it comes to taking people to a rehab, every rehab I know of has to have the user's consent to go. They must go willingly and most places make the user talk to them on the telephone before they will even be accepted. I know this not from Kyndall's experience but NOW from one of my brothers. He is using but refuses to go. :( I now have all the resources and knowledge but he is refusing mine and my family's help. It's extremely frustrating and puts a horrifying fear into each of us. (I'm also very pissed off so brother, if you read this, I hope you do know that) We will be here for him any time that he wants to get help. It's up to him, though, to make that decision. In the mean time, we don't supply him with money, places to stay or anything else. Just support to get help for himself. That's it. Why on earth he decided to do this drug AFTER Kyndall's death is beyond me...
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2007-05-22)

Well, now since Ive read Kyndalls story for like, the third time, ive made a commitement to read this story every Christmas. Of course, I can still read it before and after it, duh! But like I said before, Ive lost someone very important to me. its been about a year since the loss of my mom, and of course i still miss her, but we got through it. Strength is what everyone needs to survive their loved ones death. im sure you guys have received a lot of it. When someone is in pain, from drugs, like kyndall, or anorexia, like my mom, or ... crystal meth, anything, you find a way to ease their pain and try to talk them out of it. you can even feed them, throw away the drugs, or whatever. the drugs might be hard to find, but if you suspect something is wrong, try to find it. i dont care if that means going through their books, or their bed, or their clothes. if you do it, that shows that you care a lot and dont want them to go through pain. they might not trust you as much as they did before, but thats ok!!!! let them HATE you for all you should care, but they dont realize that it was for their own good. they dont realize how great it was for them to do that. they dont realize that you probably just saved their life for looking for drugs or alcohol or anything. but, what you do if you do find some, take it, keep it, no dont use it, but either call them down, or something, or wait until they get home, whatever. then you show it to them and say, what is this young lady/man, whatever. and they might make a BIG fuss out of it, who cares! it is just THEM being immature! and no way am i gonna insult you guys for not taking charge for kyndall, heck no! but, just in case if any one else, like a friend or family member or roomate or something, is addicted or needs help, you say, you have a problem with your eating habits/drug using, whatever. if they say something like, no i dont!!! h*** no!, you say, yes you do. you can even secretly send them into rehab or something, and then say, lets go for a drive. and then you do, get the bags, and they might say, what is that? well then you just make up an excuse. sure you are lying, but it IS for THEIR own good. then you drive to the rehab center, but them in, and they will be mad if they didnt plan on going, but hey, at least you helped. in school, we had a program and learned about the consequences of drugs and alcohol. we graduated, and now we are learning about all the bad, and GROSS, consequences of tobacco use. and, if anyone needs advice, just e-mail me. im sure i could probab;y help you out.
Sara < lilly_ringwaldskye@yahoo.com >
, PA - USA (2007-05-21)

Hey, it is me again. This is a message to all of the people who think they wont be able to go on in life if their loved one dies of drugs. Well, i just wanted to say that you SHOULD keep living life. i know your loved ones may have died, or you are worried that they might. and i know i am not the only one who has lost a loved one over a disease or drugs and alcohol. but, like my 3rd grade teacher, also t he best teacher, said, you need to find strength. if you find strength, whether all together or individually, you will be able to live without all of your doubts, or depression, or think "you know, she/he died of heroin/cocaine/meth/w.e, so i wanna see what it was like being him. maybe this'll help me through my pain." WRONG! you ONLY IMAGINE the pain that they went through, and you say, "they were in a bad place, facing the devil who has made them addicted to his little friends, who are named, drugs, but now, they are not feeling pain and are facing god and his little friends, who i like to call, saints and guardian angels. now he/she is in a better place and we dont have to feel their pain either." my mother died FOUR DAYS AFTER my birthday, on june 16, 2005. it is still ard for me to hear about mother's day sales, and mother's day gifts. i live with my dad, who can be VERY embarrassing, and i hate having to go shopping with him, hehe. but, i found strength at her funeral, and at her death. and, she did not die in my house, she didnt even die in this state! she died in te early morning, aorung 1AM, at my grampa's house. she was sleeping, i didnt get to say good-bye to her either. and on like, november 26, 2006, my BFF's grandfather died of organ failure. he was about 87 yrs old.i helped her and her family through that pain. i helped them find strength. she still comes to me for help, and i always help her and glad to. if she does drugs in the future, i will slap her upside the head. ok, now im just kidding there. but if she does, i KNOW WHAT to say to get her thinking. i know what to say to get other people thinking, also. i may just be a kid, but i do know how to find the strength you need in order to keep you from wanting to sacrafice your life with drugs or something, just to ease your pain. ive never done drugs, but i know that drugs will make your life go completely downhill. im a fergie fan, and in a magazine, i read about her crystal meth addiction. she said that she went through credit card debts, and spent a lot of her hard eaarned money on one of the many evil drugs out there. if you need help, im willing to help you. i may not know you in person or your family experiences, but i do know advice, i do listen to peoples problems. i help to get them out of those problems. i helped my BFF, and now i can help many people with tobacco, heroin, marijuana, crystal meth, meth, and A WHOLE LOT more. just e-mail me and i PROMISE you i can make you think twice about those evil drugs. like tobacco may be legal for people over 18, but that doesnt mean it is good for you. e-mail me and you can find out why. please, i am willing to help at least the US. not just for credit, but for your own good. please. i wont scam, i wont ask your age or anything. so please e-mail me. thank you.
Sara < lilly_ringwaldskye@yahoo.com >
, PA - USA (2007-05-21)

My condolences to you and your family. I hope that Kendall is at peace. I have a 26 year old partner of 5-months and he was honest with me when I first met him saying he was a recovering herion addict. I had no reason to doubt him. At the beginning of April this year he relapsed, telling me he had O/D on Valium, not Heroin. I didn't know the effects of Heroin and I believed him. I have never used drugs myself and am naive when it comes to drugs. Myself, friends and family were concerned - we had all spoken to him that day and he sounded so drunk one minute and sober the next. I met him later that day and what I saw scared me. His clothes were filthy, he smelt, he couldn't put a sentence together and it took him about 30-minutes to send an SMS message (seriously)! I took him to a friends house to stay the night to let the "Valium" wear off and the next day I was expecting to see him back to normal. Oh how wrong could I have been?! He was in the same state as the day before, just more tired looking, although his hair was immaculate. I asked him how long the "Valium" would take to wear off and he kept saying soon. I took my son to school and when I came back a half hour later he cooked me breakfast, had a shower and we kicked a football around in the garden. Then he started "gouching" again. Y'know nodding off, not being able to keep his eyes open, slurring. I continued to ask him when the effects would wear off and he stormed out of my house. He came back after 20-minutes and I asked him what he had taken. I had a feeling it was't Valium. He didn't wanna tell me at first and then admitted that at 4am that morning he attempted to O/D on Herion. I was gobsmacked - it never even crossed my mind that he would use again - even though he'd told me he was a recovering addict. I believed him. Drug users, like alcohol users, are liers and they are so good at it, aren't they? He has never once asked me for money, but I have always given it to him, when I thought it was appropriate. I've even bought him the drugs - unknowingly. He said his sister needed to put money on her gas key, but was too embarrassed to ask, so I lent "her" �20, I've since found out that she didn't need it and never got it; He wanted to buy a present and card for his son's birthday (who he doesn't see), so I lent him another �20 (his sister done the same), but his little boy never got that card or present. I even took him to buy the drugs - unknowingly. He would say he needed to borrow something from a mate; or he had to drop something off - I can't remember how many times I've done that in the last month. I've only really started to doubt his honesty, in the last 2-weeks, since his sister asked him to leave her house where he was living. She told me he had stolen her son's DVD player (to sell to buy the drugs I assume). He has asked me to tell little white lies, which I thought nothing of at the time. 2-weeks I stopped lending him money (about �400 up to now) and I've seen considerably less of him. He tells me he loves me so much and wants to marry me and have children with me and I do believe that, but I can't commit to him if he's using. We speak probably every other day for about 10-minutes, because he's on a friends mobile phone, but even then I call him back. I got a phone call 10-days ago from a woman who he says is pestering him. She told me that she found him on her bed with a needle hanging out of his arm. She also says that when he comes to see me he uses something called Subutex, so I can't see the effects of Herion. Is he being clever or what?! I don't even know where he is living, although I do know that the only clothes he has got are the ones on his back. I asked him 3 simple questions (simple to me); 1. Do you love me and my son? he said with all his heart; 2. Are you using drugs? he said no-way, he wasn't a "smack-head" ; 3. If you were using drugs I am offering to help you and be there for you, would you take my help? he said yes baby, but I'm not. My instincts tell me to walk away, but my heart tells me, I can't walk away from someone who needs my help, not just as my lover, but as a friend. I am sorry for taking up so much space writing this, but I do feel alot better. I have been without my PC for 4-weeks and the first thing I have done since getting it back 7-hours ago is to read up on Herion and Subutex. My man needs my help and I just wish he would admit the problem to himself. I really want to help him, but like so people have said on here, if he needs to admit it to himself, before he admits it to anyone else. You are a very brave and sincere woman, who suffered with your sister and now your brother and I commend you and you family on the work you are doing to help users and their families. Please keep up the good work and I wish you all well for the future in whatever lays ahead. Stay strong and God Bless. xxx
Lesley < lataylor@blueyonder.co.uk >
, Essex - England (2007-05-14)

I am really sorry to hear about your sister! I am 16 years old and my dad overdosed on heroin. I never met him, but my mom told me great things. I have a great stepdad and my moms boyfriend of 7 years is just like a dad to me too! Even though i never met him I still know what you feel! It sucks to have someone die so close of something so bad! Im sorry and I hope everything is good. Love, Savannah
Savannah < b_ballgirl07@hotmail.com >
, ID - USA (2007-05-07)

I am very sorry for the loss of your sister and very sorry that all of you are going through this addiction. I just took my 19 y/o to rehab yesterday after she has been stealing from us and after being in 2 car accidents related to alcohol and drugs. I found out she has been doing heroine every day for at least a month...but has over-dosed on xanax and has been doing coke and pot and basically whatever she can get her hands on! I never believed that smoking pot led to other more serious drugs but in my daughter's case, it definately did. I just pray to God that this rehab works for her! She also has depression and ADHD which I think she is self-medicating for (she quit taking ADHD meds when she was younger) and has never been treated for depression although I have urged her to many times!
Karen < karuthdv@gmail.com >
St. Louis, MO - USA (2007-04-18)

hi i am lauren and i am 14 yrs old. i am so very sorry to hear about Kyndall. My mum is a a heroin addict she has been since i was 2. Me and my little brother have lived with my grandparents all our lives but have still seen our mum on a dailly basis that is when she isnt in prison or isnt missing. I worry a lot about her she is my idol and alli want is for her to get better. A person very close to me died last year because of Heroin and that broke my heart. I am still praying formy mum to get better i hope shedoes so much R*I*P Kandall Lauren xxx
lauren < loza_lou@hotmail.co.uk >
stoke, uk - england (2007-04-17)

I cannot begin to put into words how I feel right now. My brother is a recovering addict; and now we are all trying to "recover" with him. I have spent so much time feeling so isolated and frustrated and overwhelmed...I'm so tired of feeling like the big sister, and the parent, sometimes I feel like I'm more intrested and invested in him getting better than he is. I'm just need some big sister who knows how scary this is because I'm tired and worn down and I feel like I'm losing my mind. No one ever talks about the drugs that kill you also kill the ones you love. When does the fear of relapse ever stop?
Kristine < k_buschur@yahoo.com >
Lake Orion, mi - USA (2007-04-13)

WOW! I thought I was reading my stories for a second there... I too am a heroin addict. I am sorry for everyone's losses but I do know today that there is help out there and we can stay sober in these 12 step programs that are ment for addicts/alcoholics Today I am sober and the only way I know that we can stay sober are by going to these 12 step meetings, having a higher power in my life whom I choose to call God and asking for help and advice every day of my life otherwise I will die today I wont. in this last week I know 5 people that have died due to this disease I can only urge everyone that is struggling with addiction to go get help today before it ends up being too late.
Melissa < monti8806@yahoo.com >
Pewaukee, WI - USA (2007-04-11)

It has been two years now. Doug has been gone for two years. Everything in life seems to have a reminder of him or what happened to him attached to it. Sometimes, I am literally dying to talk to him. Some days are better but the bad/tough days are still here and they just get tougher for us. All I can honestly say is HEROIN is Hell....it is the devil and has not only ruined Doug's life forever but mine as well. My son is doing better but holding the feelings in. I have decided to go back to the family support group as things have gotten harder on me. I am a mess some days. Somedays I am angry at Doug for excaping. That was what he was doing I guess but I shall never know because he is gone. Ultimately he is still with me everyday and is still my bestfriend and soulmate, but does he have any idea what this had done to our son and to me. I know if he did he wouldn't have used this crap. That's just it though, he will never know.
Jennifer < graphicsjen@yahoo.com >
Cincinnati, OH - USA (2007-04-01)

Happy Birthday Kyndall. I hope you are looking down on all of us and I hope you are happy. I miss your laugh.
Danny < kiddan68@comcast.net >
toms river, nj - USA (2007-03-14)

Happy 27th Birthday in heaven, Kyndall. I can't believe you have been gone 3 1/2 years already. :( I miss you...
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2007-03-14)

Happy Birthday in Heaven Huta! I miss you so much and can't wait to see you again one day.
Erin < bri419@verizon.net >
SI, NY - USA (2007-03-14)

Happy Birthday Kyndall. I miss you!
Autumn < SkyeZ11@Gmail.com >
Edison, NJ - USA (2007-03-14)

Happy Birthday Kyn. Miss you like crazy and love u even more
The Wenzel Family < wenzel beach @ yahoo. com >
seaside hts., NJ - USA (2007-03-14)

Amber, I am so very proud of you!! I know Kyndall is also proud of you. I am so glad to hear you say you are happy. That is fantastic. You are a wonderful inspiration to MANY! Enjoy that beautiful little girl. You are always in my prayers. Anything you need, you just say the word. :)
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2007-03-13)

I am sorry for your losses. However I need help of some sort I have been doing drugs for a while and have quit. My girlfriend has left me because of my problem, we have a child togther, i love them dearly and i want my family back, can anyone help me with my predicament?? Your help would be GREATLY appreciated. My email address is wiccanjesus@yahoo thank you and again I am sorry your losses.
wiccan jesus < wiccanjesus@yahoo.com >
lynchburg, va - USA (2007-03-12)

By the way when or if you email me, I'll provide you all the details of my situation to give you a better picture of what's going on in my life thank you vrey much and God Bless.
wiccan jesus < www.wiccanjesus@yahoo.com >
Lynchburg, VA - USA (2007-03-12)

Kyndall was like a sister 2 me,we grew up 2-gether and even shared a room 4 awhile.I love her so much,and thank god everyday 4 the oppertunity 2 have known her. I could never express in words the effect that she has had on my life and the life of my family. When Kyndall died,I wasn't there.I m a recovering addict and at the time of her death i was in newark getting high I found out a week after she was burried. I remember falling 2 my knees in Burger king parking lot,angry it was her and not me. You would think that loosing smeone u care about so much would stop u from getting high. the reality of it was that in the INSANITY of my addiction, it was just anoher reason 2 get higher. It has taken me many years an the loss of many people that i loved an cared about 2 realize that wasn't the life for me.Today with the help of my family and an added kick from nicole I have 7 months clean.I am the mother of a beutifull little girl, Aniya Kyndall.JUST FOR TODAY I am clean, happy(a feeling i never thought possible),and putting every effort in2 working my recovery.
AMBER < AMBERWNZL@yahoo.com >
Seaside Heights, NJ - USA (2007-03-12)

i think this is a wounderful sit,and i will pray for your family and also your mother.
laura washington < lwashington@sstar.org >
fall river, ma - USA (2007-03-11)

I'm so sorry about your sister. My sister, tho not on heroin, fights an addiction to prescription drugs and achohol. She can't keep a job, her husband gave up and divorced her, lives on credit cards, and goes for days or weeks without contact with the family. We are always afraid what we may find one day when all this catches up with her. She doesn't admit her problem, but we (sisters)can tell.
EllenG < egrouse@comcast.net >
Brandon, MS - USA (2007-03-09)

Hi I feel you pain..my son passed away Oct 28, 2006 from heroin mixed with fentynal..he died instantly in my house on the day of my younger sons 11th birthday party..just one day after his actual birthday.. God bless you and your family and I wish you peace
Maria < riri0929@aol.com >
Sewell, nj - USA (2007-03-09)

My name is Jake Vanmeter. I am in the process of getting my Associates Degree in drug abuse counselling. I want to deal with teenagers and adults who've had a rough beginning. Hopefully, I can get them on the right track so they can have some semblance of a normal life. Thank you.
Jake < jakefirebear08@yahoo.co >
Ellsworth, ME - USA (2007-03-05)

i know how your sister felt. i was an addict of heroin, crack, and cocaine. because of using needles and cookers, im dying, very slowly and painfully. i have hepititice C. they are only giving me a few years to live and im only 17. i regret what i did but im clean and sober for 2 years. i hope everyone gets help before its too late. i wish i would have cause now i live everyday in pain and i read these stories and make me wish i had someone to help me and push me to be sober. it just took one stupid mistake to kill myself. im sorry for your loss. i hope people dont get started just because your friends or your partners are doing it. i pray everynight to those who are fighting this devil, there is help.
Emily < firestarter9514@yahoo.com >
oshkosh, WI - USA (2007-03-01)

Penny, I emailed you.
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, nj - USA (2007-02-17)

i never thought i would end up with heroin being my best friend and my worst enemey. I knew better, my whole family struggled with this MONSTER!!! But the monster takes away my pain, the monster makes me forget all of the terrible times I have been threw- the monster is going to join me with kyndall... I am sorry for her family- I have beeen on both sides of the fence and NIETHER are pretty...pray for me as I will pray for you....
i know her pain... < pennieschance1@aol.com >
woodbridge, nj - USA (2007-02-17)

nicole- i wish i was as strong as you- my sister was my best friend, she tok care of me when my mother mas a heroin addict and didnt come home for days- then my sister turned to heroin- became a prostitute,od'd 19 times (maybe b/c she is a diabetic as well) and then I lost a baby at 5 months pregnant. then a "friend" gave me an oxycontin... that was it- it numbed me,took wawy my hurt- I thought... now its 3 years later and i do 15 bags a day- not by snorting either. Im NOT PROUD, I am DISGUSTED!!! I wish I had your strength. Im sorry for your pain, I feel it too. I tried rehab but my depression always brings me back to the DEVIL that NUMBS me...you are an angel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
penny < pennieschance1@aol.com >
woodbridge, nj - USA (2007-02-17)

Right now I am sitting at my computer crying for the loss of your sister, I have a husband who I just had to put into detox because of this addiction and a son that has been on oxycontin and heroin for at least 2 years, he was in an accident and had to take medication for pain and now he is using it as an excuse to do heroin, he says other people take his oxycontin's and that is why he needs to do heroin, of course I know that this is just an excuse to keep doing the drugs, and right now I am trying to convince him to go into rehab also, he is refusing to go because he is so afraid of being in pain, I am going to try and get his friends to convince him to go.. thanks for listening..J
Jean < domdep3710@yahoo.com >
Bea, - USA (2007-02-10)

MY heart goes out to you for the loss of your sister and any other family members that the disease of addiction has effected. this site that you put together is great prevention is very important Going to schools and putting on a presentation about substance abuse is something i do in detroit. keep it up we need more people helping the way u are because addiction effects the whole family not just the addict contact me any time peace Ron
RONALD ASHLEY < RonaldAshley@comcast.net >
Detroit, MI - USA (2007-02-06)

my daughter is 21 with a 2 1/2 yr old daughter that i have been raising for a year, she needs to wake up she loves her daughter but the drug has ruined her she has done 5 rehabs, im out of hope....i dont want her to die cause i will die to
laurine < squilly200@aol.com >
boston, ma - USA (2007-02-02)

I just want to say that I am thankful for Kyndall's site and for Nicole. If you read the 12th writing of Poems/Writings that were possibly written by Kyndall, the very last sentence states she knows she has a purpose in this life yet she may never know what it is. This is a wonderful site inspired by Kyndall's life and struggles. Nicole and Kyndall together have helped so many people. After dealing with my own personal struggle for the past year and a half I always come back to this site and it always lets me know I am not alone. It gives me a chance at times to reach out and help someone else also, through what I have learned from losing Doug. All I can say is thanks Nicole and Kyndall for being here. Jen
Jennifer < graphicsjen@yahoo.com >
Cincinnati, OH - USA (2007-01-15)

Hi all. I am trying to work on the spam issues here but if you see comments that look vulgar, I apologize.. they use computer programs to spam forums like these. I delete them as quickly as I can. grrrr...
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - usa (2007-01-05)

I've read Kyndall's story and the comments off her family, and nothing has changed my views about heroin as much as this. Up until I read the things on your website, I never understood how much drugs can take over your life and mess you up. Thank you so much. I pray for your family.
Judi < >
Manchester, - UK (2006-12-21)

I am sitting here past midnight in total awh. I found your web site and read about your sister and I am so very very sorry. I have a son who will be 19. He dropped out of HS his senior year with only 3 credits left to graduate. I had him in counseling, seen many doctors and forced him to get help. I tried the tough love having him locked up as a juvenile trying to get him to see what he is doing to himself. No matter what I have tried to do nothing has worked. When I found out her was using drugs I gave him a choice either get help or get out. He chose to get out. I now foudn out last night that he is using heroin. He comfronted in his older brother not me. I am so upset and at a loss. Not my son. The one I raised knowing right from wrong knowing about drugs and what they can do talking to my boys everyday about the reality of illegal behaviors including drugs, the importance of school and college. I can go on and on. I set him up with appointment after appointment but he won't follow through. I know have made him do this on his own not through me. I won't give him any cash or bail him out of any trouble he gets into. The only thing I will do is feed him. I can't seem to not do this. I knew his life style was going all the wrong direction but as his mother I am just really having a hard time.
Cheri < cherichavez@aol.com >
bonney lake, wa - USA (2006-12-20)

I posted a message here a couple of days ago, but I just wanted to add one more thing... To the people who have someone they love addicted to heroin....no matter how frustrated or angry you may get, no matter how many times they hurt you or burn their bridges - believe me, when they are gone - you will wish you had spent more time telling them that you loved them. I don't want to scare anyone, but I didn't really think my brother was going to end up dead because of this drug. The fact is, he is gone now because of it and I regret that despite the fact I had a right to be angry and I had a right to tell him off, that I just didn't simply say "well, I may be angry with you, but that doesn't mean that I don't love and care about you." I'm afraid he died not knowing how much he was truly loved, flaws and all.
Sandra Snyder < sandra_snyder@comcast.net >
Boothwyn, PA - USA (2006-12-20)

I know how this feels i lost my mom when i was only 7 to a heroine overdose i just wish people could see that you dont use the drug the drug uses you. Best wishes
Nicole < Nicole_Jennings@hotmail.com >
Richmond, BC - canada (2006-12-18)

I'm so sorry for your family's loss, she looked like a beautiful, talented young woman. Your story touched me because I just went through a similar tragedy. My older brother died just 3 weeks ago from a heroin overdose. We were also an upper-middle class family from just outside Philadelphia. I got the call on Black Friday as I was getting ready for a high school reunion - I too had to walk in the room to see him for one last time and it was almost exactly how you described. I truly feel your pain. Thank you for creating a website and trying to help other families. It seems like such an uphill struggle and sometimes hopeless, but someone must do something to stop people from senselessly throwing their lives away.
Sandra Snyder < sandra_snyder@comcast.net >
Boothwyn, PA - USA (2006-12-18)

My deepest sympathies are with you. Kyndall's story was really heatbreaking for me to bear. I pray that her family are able to cope with her loss and that other's suffering are able to fight this addiction.
J < -- >
London, - England (2006-12-08)

Becca, you are very wrong and very ignorant. Next thing you will say is that you are not addicted. Please quit now before it is too late. At one point, you will stop getting high. You will want a stronger, better high. You will want maybe a speed ball for example. That is what a lot of addicts die from. Or what if your dealer goes to jail and you need your fix? What will you do then? You telling me you won't get it from a stranger when you are withdrawling so bed you feel like dying? Dont tell me. I know. I used to be like you. I overdosed 3 times in the past. I have been clean now for 3 years. I used to say the same ignorant comments as you do. Quit, little girl, quit.
James < James19@gmail.com >
, TX - USA (2006-12-08)

This is insane. Drugs are completely worthless and I have no idea how so may people can find so much safety in them. I read your story on the other page. I was very moved. I am doing a health class project on Heroin and I was simply looking for information. When I came to your site I couldn't stop reading. I have recently lost someone to drugs. My sister in law passed away maybe six months ago to drug abuse and Cystic Fibrosis. If you know anything about this disease then you know that it is as if you are born already being addicted to drugs. It messes with your lungs, your growth, your child development. She was a wonderful person and passed away at the young age of 21. I had only known her for 5 months, but I loved her and my fiance is stricken. I stand to fight any drug abuse. I am very proud of you for your fight. Stay strong, for one day the good deeds will be rewarded. Jessi (Sophmore in H.S.)
Jessi < danslilpsycho67@aol.com >
Zion, Illinois - USA (2006-12-07)

I've been doin it for like a year an i know that the only way it can kill you is if you dont know the person u get it from an how powerful it is or if you inject and have air in it.. if your smart you wont die doin it.. sorry bout your sister but it could have been prevented...
Becca < gcsaints2005@hotmail.com >
Bloomfield, NJ - USA (2006-12-07)

Monica- Sounds like you have one heck of a decision to make. Sounds like you have to ask yourself the famous Ann Landers question- Am I better of with him or without him? An addict can easily manipulate your mind. Sure. Why dont you take it slow? Instead of jumping right back into things, make him prove himself to you. Does he go to meetings every day? If not, he should. Every single day so it may help lessen the urge to relapse. None of this was ever your fault, honey. He is the addict. He has the problem. You have to decide if you want to live with it for the rest of your life. He will always be an addict. Please go to naranon meetings. Nicole, Kyndalls sister, suggested them to me and I have had some great support. My son is an addict. I know what you are going through.
ceceila < >
, - USA (2006-12-05)

hello, ive been sober off of herion for about 2 months now.. i am only 17 and feel very greatful to be off this drug. what you guys might not understand about this addiction is when your high nothing matters so when you come down you try to make nothing matter still. and in doing so you lose your family and friends i belive your sister really wanted to stay sober.. honstely maybe she went back to smoking weed and drinking then just thought she could do herion again. she didnt mean to kill her self it just happend. Atleast i could thing from what i know about addiction and users You were all there for her and i think you all were the one that kept her sober. good job and there was nothing esle you guys could of done.. alexAndria
Alexandria < Darlingimafake@aol.com >
ansonia, Ct - USA (2006-12-05)

Well Iwill try to make this as brief as I can. I am 44 years old. When I was 13 I had a boyfriend for two years. He was sen away to his father. We eventually brook up due to him getting into trouble and going to Youth Athority at the age of 17. I eventually married. He was never out of my mind. He was my first love. Knowing some of the same people he would find out information about me, such as where I was working ect. He would occassionally contact me and wanted to get together. I declined, I was married with two children. So 15 years pass and I am now divorced have a great job, and my girlfriends and I are in Palm Springs. We started to talk about our first loves. I mention, a girl that came along with a good friend of mine says "I know that guy, his cousin is married to my sister" We exchange a little more information and yes it was him. I said where is he? She tells me in Prison. He has been in and out since he was 17. She told me he sold and used herione. I wanted to throw up. Then I felt this overwhelming sadness for him. I contact him. He tells me he is thru with drugs, how it is meant to be. That we never had our chance, by the way we are both born on the same birthday. So I was felling the vibe also. Nothing will stop us this time! Mind you I had never been to a prison in my life. I start visiting, and we decide to get married. In the mean time he is asking me to send packages, money to post office boxes (I had no clue as to what was going on) After all I believed him, he is my night and shinning armor, my long lost love. Two months after we were married (in the prison) I found out he was using and selling in there!!!! I cut him off, would not take any of his calls, no more money. I felt like such a fool! So he gets out of prison and I will not allow him to live with me, I have children and I did not want that any where in my home. I told him if he stayed sober for 1 year he could move in, and in the mean time I would see him ect. The day he got out of prison, he went and used. He blames everything on me. He eventually got into a program and was doing really well. Lived at a sober living home and got back into the union as a sheet metal mechanic, making good money. I am seeing him, and he does it again and ends up back in jail for 4 years. He is getting out in July. That is only 7 months from now. He is in a fire camp, I am pretty sure he is not using. He has to fight fires, you can not carry a chain saw and do that work if your using. But I am really scared. I did tell him that we can be a family. He says that is what he needs is to be my husband, have a stable home, feel loved. A huge part of me wants to say no, an another part wants to say yes. I have heard that people overcome this! I watch intervention. My children are grown now, I would not be putting them at risk. I would be putting my self at risk. I am so scared I will loose him. He has overdosed before. I hurt so bad inside. I do not want to let him down again. Everyone has let him down. (that is what he says) But then I tin back as to when he was out last time, he had everything going for him. A great job, me, the family life to look forward to. Why do I feel so guilty. I feel like I would be abandoneing him if I were not here for him. I hape panic attacks. He says there is something wrong with you, and I would never leave you. I say "Yes you do, when you choose herione". His father overdosed on herione and was clean for ten years. I do not know what to do. Allow him in my home and love him for who he is. I feel like he is my protector! That is a joke, when he is getting high, nothing else matters to him. I do love him. I just do not know what to do. I do not want him to come out and die and feel I am responsible. I have seen him use and I thought I was going to throw up. I had never seen anything like this except in the movies. Plus he has the biggest heart. I do not know what the odds are of him staying clean. He has been in prison since he was 17 years old and he is now 46. He has only been out to see one Christmas. I think I know the answer, but I can not bring myself to say no. Help me please. My e-mail address is chilippr44@yahoo.com
Monica Trevino < chilippr44@yahoo.com >
Valencia, ca - USA (2006-12-04)

I lost my brother 2 months ago, he was using heroin and cocain. Speedballing. It's was very hard and STILL is. I completly understand how your family and friends fill. I hate whoever it might of been that introduced him to that stuff. Im sorry for the lost. God bless you!!! Just remember she is still around, just not physically. She will always be with you. In your heart and in your mind.
Shaina < Sha2ina1@yahoo.com >
Freedom, Pa - USA (2006-12-02)

Hi,my condolences to everyone who's lost a loved one. My reason for doing this is my cousin suffered from addiction and is fighting everyday,he's been addicted to meth, crack, cocaine,morphine and oxycotins.We just about lost him last year they said he had 2hrs to get to the hospital before his heart would stop.He took a cocktail which was all those drugs at one time and now he battels everyday and as family we can only be there for him and hope he never feels the need again.Bless all of you who have lost.
renae < >
Edmonton, ALB - Canada (2006-12-02)

I cried when I read about your sister. I lost my son 2 months ago to speedball. He was street wise and said he new what he was doing. He was on heroin only 5 months. We tried to get him help, he checked out of rehab 1 hour after being put in. I hate the people who introduced him to this awful drug. There is a special heaven for our family members that have passed. I know he's with us everyday watching over us. I know you feel the same. God bless you and be strong. I know it's very hard.
chris < looneymrswert@yahoo.com >
freedom, pa - USA (2006-11-30)

God led me to your site and I am sorry for your loss. I have a 26 yr old son that has recently lost a lot of weight, his teeth are black and falling out and he sleeps until noon and refuses to work. I have been praying for him, but that is all I can do right now. I pray that God will release the demons from him, if in fact he is using drugs. I only know what I see....his thin body and rotten teeth. Can anyone help me? Who can I call for help? I appreciate any advice...it may save my sons life. God Bless you for making a difference in so many lives.
Francine Sardina < frannybella55@yahoo.com >
San Diego, CA - USA (2006-11-29)

Hi Francine, I saw your comment regarding your 26 year old son and your concern that he may be abusing drugs. I honestly believe from the description of your son that he may be using Methamphetamin (a.k.a. Crystal Meth). Those who abuse meth often lose most if not all of their teeth. They will turn black at the gums and then eventually fall out. Weight loss is a given with meth. Someone who abuses meth may not eat very much but may drink an abudance of fluids like sugary soda. They may stay awake for hours or days on end. You said your son sleeps until noon. He may be taking something to bring him "down". Other drugs such as heroin or cocaine can "lead" to weight loss and tooth decay in time but this is because of the lifestyle one lives when they are an addict. Often the person loses all ambition, personal hygene sufers, including brushing teeth is often forgotten. All drugs lead to depression one way or another. I must say meth is the quickest is most well know drug to lead to tooth decay and severe weight loss. These are the two biggest signs of use meth abuse. There are a lot of websites out there that display pictures of before and after photos of meth users. Maybe you could confront your son and show him some of these sites. Nobody plans on becoming an addict. Nobody thinks of the consequences to themselves and those who care about them until the drug has already taken hold. Please email me if you need to talk sometime. I wish you and your son the best in getting through this hard time. ~Jennifer~
Jennifer < graphicsjen@yahoo.com >
Cincinnati, OH - USA (2006-11-29)

i am so sorry about ur loss i know she will be safe now in heaven xxxxxxxxxxxx
sarah t < blu_eyez_sez@hotmail.co.uk >
wolves, - united kingdom (2006-11-26)

I am 30 years old and married with 3 children- I recently found out that my best friend since 7th grade, has been doing heroin with her husband for the past year. He went to a detox program and she detoxed herself at home with her 3 kids there- there is so much violence in the home, as he has started using again - I recently found out that she illegally got him some methadone and has taken some of that too- she is lying to me again- and allowing horrible things to happen in the house with her 3 children- When is it gonna stop- I just told her family about it- they have forbade her to see her husband (but he's there when they are not) and made her promise to go into an outpatient facility- (which she has not)Just last week I was crying with her on the phone telling her that I can't expend anymore time and energy into her recovery, when she refuses to make a better life for herself and her chilren- I am so sad and at such a loss - She will not talk to me now because I told her family that she was using metadone again and heroin - I need help - and I need to know what to do from here- My concern for those children is GREAT - please help -I am so foreign to drug addiction and how deep it really goes - will she ever stop using?
Heather < hme07@hotmail.com >
Willington, CT - USA (2006-11-26)

I am very sorry for your loss.I am in the 9th grade and doing a report on heroin and i will let people know about her story>
kendra < lynae_013@yahoo.com >
uppermarlboro, md - USA (2006-11-25)

I am very sorry for your loss. What a tragic ending to a beautiful girl...I will start my story AT 17 years old I dabbled in all kind of drugs, from pot to acid and finally onto heroin...It was in powerder form then and you could snort it. Well I did just that. Had a boyfriend who sold it and I was addicted within a month. Never did inject it, only snorted it. I had already seen a few friends die of this disease and knew I needed help. I was a runaway but called up my mom and said I had the flu and asked if I could come home...Thank God she said YES....I was sick as a dog for a week and finally with her help beat this addiction. BUT what did I go do...I met some guy who was 10 years old than I and HE was a Heroin Addict. I fell in love with him and ended up having two kids by this man. He stole from me, stole from the kids, took the rent money, you name it he did it. He went to prison multiple times and finally I did divorce him. Years later he broke into my house and stole from me....I called the police and he served 3 years for burglary. He never robbed from me again. There was always a soft spot for this man...Maybe it was my low self-esteem, I don't know but during our marriage he did work and ended up on Methodone which probably kept us married for 16 years. While I was married to him he did help me go to school and I obtained my AA degree along with my RN license. He used to tell me "I know when you are done with school you will divorce me" and that is what I did. He was not bitter, he knew I needed to move on, and the kids would have a better life with me. He was always close to the kids and they adore him. Jump forward 20 years and this man is STILL using heroin and still going to prison. Jumping on and off Methodone. He could NEVER give up this habit. NEVER. Fast forward 10 more years...I have now known this man for over 31 years. My kids are now in their 20's and 30's and I thank God they do NOT USE DRUGS. My ex-husband lays dying in a nursing home at this time on Hospice. He is not expected to live much longer. The kids and I go often trying to help with his care. I am his advance directive person. since I am an RN. I feel I need to give back something to this man who helped me obtain that RN degree. I did move on with my life and have lived with a man who is NOT an addict for the last 19 years. But this ex-husband of mine is the LOVE of my life. Don't ask me why, I have no idea. He loved me with all his heart and soul, but just could NOT get off this drug. He never hit or abused me physically and even after the divorce each year would send a dozen roses on mothers day to me....This year in 2006 was the FIRST mothers day without roses, due to the fact he is in the nursing home. Drugs have destroyed many in his family. One nephew died of endocarditis caused by heroin abuse. Another nephew is in prison for his heroin abuse, and still a third nephew is sick with Hep C for his heroin use. (ALL THREE NEPHEWS are brothers). The two sisters use crack and crystal meth. It is a very sad family situation. Drugs have destroyed us all. I think my own children have seen this destruction and did not want to choose that life for themselves. My daughter is on her way to become an RN and my son is trying to break into films. I recently returned to school after working as a nurse for 20 years and obtained my BSN degree. My ex-husband has had a tormented life using drugs since he was 13 years old. There is a bond that just will NOT break for the two of us. He says when he dies he will make my hair blow in the wind. To let me know he is ok and finally at peace with himself. I told him to make sure he finds me in the afterworld. We have burial plots and will rest eternally one day together. 32 years of knowing this man, and still the bonds are tight. God bless anyone going through this nightmare of drug abuse. For the people who live with addicts, I say get out of the relationship...you can love them, but don't have to live with them. I think you have to let them just know you love them and give them emotional support but you CAN'T fix them. Only they and God can do that. What a great web site this is. OH BY THE WAY....I found this website while doing a search for a poem I was looking for called MISS HEROIN.....It was written YEARS ago...you have it listed by another name. I put it to music when I was 20 years old and used to play it on the guitar. ...I am now 50 years old. So I do not think your sister wrote this poem. I am unsure of its origin or who wrote it. Know that God is looking down as is your Beloved Sister.....
Rebecca < grlgrn@aol.com >
Los Angeles, CA - USA (2006-11-24)

I just have to add one thought......When I met my ex-husband he NEVER would let me use Heroin with him...even though I had used it before meeting him....and when I turned 18 years old and before having my kids I said NO way to drugs...I stopped using everything even pot...even though I watched him use for 16 years. Just wanted to clarify that I am a non user for 32 years. There is HOPE for anyone who is an addict. You have to Want it bad enough to stop. Maybe I was never into it as much as some, and maybe I do not know how hard it is to stop. I only did drugs for a few years from age 15 to age 18....so I can feel for the ones who have done hard core drugs for years and years. I think it is very difficult for these addicts to stop. I do think there is help out there for the ones who choose to stay sober.
Rebecca < grlgrn@aol.com >
Los Angeles, CA - USA (2006-11-24)

Nikki, after reading your description of that horrible day that you were called, I couldnt stop crying.You described the most horrible two days in my life as well. As I sit here and write this I think about your beautiful sisters words that she wrote, I sit here and think of the emptiness that you and your poor family still feels to this day. I feel it too. I sit here and wonder why, as Im sure you and your family have often asked. I too lost my 2, sweet, younger brothers. For so long I asked why, I still do. However I now also feel that God saved them from the horrors of what they were doing to their life. My youngest brother was shot by his roomate for what I still to this day dont know but I can speculate with almost 100% certainty it was drugs. My other young brother that was killed only one year later was also headed down the wrong path. Maybe God saved them from the hell your sweet sister has told us about. Like you I believe God has them in a better place as they look down on us and watch over us all. I pray my brothers meet your sweet sister and she shares her wonderful ways with them.....you hold a special place in my heart as Im sure she would with them.....God Bless you and your family and you are all in my prayers. With Love, Understanding and Sympathy for your great loss, Huge
Hugo Espinoza < hugedj@tds.net >
monroe, wi - USA (2006-11-21)

Sharon, I wrote you back.. The following is a success letter that I am proud to share. This young lady was like a sister to Kyndall. May this testament of success be an inspiration to you: Hi NIKKI, I'm just writing to thank you for all your help in finding me a place to go. I have just completed Seabrook house. It was a really good 28 day program. I am currently attending NA and a outpatient program. It was really good to see you an danny.Say hi to the family . I'm still at mom&dads.My mom is excited to be able to have her family home for the holiday.Happy Thanksgiving.Your always in our prayers.
Nicole DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2006-11-20)

Thank you for this site. My daughter has never been on a computer, but this consoles me. I am sorry about your sister. Maybe, you can help with my daughter. I sent an e mail to you. My daughter is named sunshine. she's always been sunshine. she is addicted to this devil and right now, trying to get rid of him. she seems to have lost her mind to others. i know, she has not. she will come back. she is lost now between reality and her dreams. she doesn't know what is what. please, if there are any suggestions you can give, give them. she has three children. hunter, kenyan, and aubrey. she wants to be a good mother. she wants to do the right thing. she has to. if she dies, i don't know if i could go on with life. i think that if god delivers her, she will have much to teach and comfort those in her same position. if you knew her, you would think the same thing. others, like to throw them away. i will not. i know the goodness she has in her heart, because i see her with my heart. i couldn't see her when she was skeletal, others did. i couldn't see her when her face was so distorted, others did. i truly see her with my heart. when i see pictures of her, i see her with my eyes, but not face to face. i think that's how god sees her==with his heart. he takes care of all of us. i feel like god is working in all our lives right now. help, if you can. i'm so sorry, again, about your lovely sister. i think those who do this are probably more feeling than some. they are thrown away like a bad penny, but god reaches down for pennies that are banged and battered and they are still worth what the shiny one is worth. please e mail me. thank you, sharon
sharon highlander < fadedblues53@aol.com >
burlington, KY - USA (2006-11-20)

my best friend in the whole world, daniel james, is sitting in jail at this very minute from this "wonder drug" heroin. i dont think people realize juss what this drug can do so someone. all you have to do is use it ONCE...just once..and ur addicted. i am actually happy that hes in jail, however odd that sounds. im happy bcuz he cant hurt himself there. he cant kill himself slowly with this drug. i had to watch him slowly killing himself (and almost killing me) for too long. and maybe this time away will help him. maybe when he gets out (his sentance is 40 years as of right now) he'll be able to LIVE...get a real life, get back to living and loving the people he left behind while he was off shooting this drug in his vein. i just hope one day he'll be ok...i cry everyday thinking about how i couldnt help him, id try. over and over again...and all i ever heard was "im ok...really...dont worry bout me. i kno what im doing...its not gonna happen to me..." and he was right...he didnt die, thank god, he just went to prison. i hope he knows that i love him and that NO MATTER WHAT i will always be here for him, hanging on to the memory of the danny i love and know, not the monster whos addicted to heroin.
christy < purplescars87@hotmail.com >
, mi - USA (2006-11-19)

I just lost the only man I ever loved to heroin overdose and My heart is broken. I am here to tell you all ,that What they say about this drug is no lie. When these people get locked up and there tollerance goes down.That is what will kill them when they relaps. I only had three months with my boy freind .after 6 years of waiting and 20 years worth of love. we have a 14 year old son . whom waited all that time for his dad. things where finally really good . better then ever. and he did that drug for 2 weeks and it killed him. now he is died and my life feels wrecked and my boy is mad as hell. If people only knew how bad this f-cking drug hurt all the people close to them .you would like to think a whole lot more people would have never tried it at all. I MEAN YOU KNOW IF YOU STEP OUT IN TO TRAFFIC YOU WILL GET HIT BY A CAR. SO MOST PEOPLE DONT WALK OUT IN TO TRAFFIC! WELL if you know HEROIN WILL KILL YOU WHY? WOULD YOU DO HEROIN. I MEAN IF YOU ARE UP FOR DYING JUST F-CKING SHOOT YOUR SELF AND GET IT OVER WITH IN STEAD OF DRAGGING YOUR LOVED ONES THREW THE MUD FOR ANY PEROID OF TIME BEFORE YOU DIE.MAKE ANY SENSE!~DANDE'
Dande' < eyeloveleonardo@hotmail.com >
glendale, az - USA (2006-11-18)

im still fighting this shit im glad all you young people read this i wish this was here when i was your age i have 122 days clean today this is real hard
virginia < >
sinking spring, pa - USA (2006-11-10)

I ran across this sight trying to understand a little more about this addiction. I just want to say if "REGINA" finds herself at this sight, she should know that it is truly rude to post what she did. And "Missy" if your so smart and all that you should have enough koof in yourself to bypass this sight that is helping young people and helping others as well to move on with your smart little self and find other ways to use up your time. You are rude and arrogant and need to move on.
Dawn < dawnchnycox@aol.com >
Annapolis, Md - USA (2006-11-09)

[x] i fells really sorry for ya lose! she is still a member of ur family she will be 4 life! im scared for someone i no she is a young girl and she is taking drugs ow might not b the strongest drug but still she wount stop taking it & she wount listen 2 me but at the edn of the day its her choice. i quess when she passes away she will regret everything she had done & wished she listened 2 me but i cant jst sit back & wait for that 2 happen! do u ave any help 4 me?
[x] Chelsea [x] < currybabe-no1@hotmail.com >
town: Ramsgate, - Uk (2006-11-03)

CH, I am very sorry your daughter has this terrible addiction. Please try and tell her that she needs to go to NA every single day. na.org It is crucial for her recovery. If she refuses, please seek naranon for yourself. I swear it helps. You will meet people just like yourself as well as finding out valuable information that can help you and your daughter. nar-anon.org/naranongroups.htm Even though your daughter feels cured, she is not. She is getting through the day, today. She needs NA to help get her through tomorrow. Of course, you know that but she needs to know it too. You know, my sister Kyndall was clean the last year of her life (and back to being herself) because of NA. It was only when she stopped going that she relapsed. And you know the outcome of that. I don't want to scare you but I do want to scare your daughter. She needs it. There is a post in this forum that is ten posts below yours. She writes about how many heroin overdoses are caused by relapses or combinations of drugs. The person who relapses goes back to their old dose but the clean body can no longer handle it. Such was the case with Kyndall. In addition, she had cocaine in her body as well. They call it a speedball- heroin mixed with cocaine. Her body couldn't handle it. Please continue to learn as much as you can. The more you know, the more you are able to help and teach your daughter. My prayers are with you and all of you. I am sincerely saddened by the loss of so many people from this damn drug. Prevention is key! Remember, its a choice to try heroin but its not a choice to become addicted. No one chooses that part.
Nicole DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2006-11-01)

im sorry you have lost someone you cared so much about i know how it feels and if theres anything i can do to help just write love sherry
sherry < brentlover69x@yahoo.com >
ware, ma - USA (2006-11-01)

I am very sorry for your loss. My daughter just got out of rehab for heroin addiction less then two weeks ago. She has a two year old daughter. I can see her struggle to keep clean. She thinks she is "cured." I look into her eyes and I can see that I have lost her. Thank you for your website. I don't feel alone anymore.
CH < lvcola@hotmail.com >
Las Vegas, NV - USA (2006-11-01)

My sister just passed away from a long time Heroin addiction, she was 33 yrs. old and she passed away Sept. 12, 2006...i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and i just caught him smoking heroin last week, my heart was broken because i have educated myself and i know what it did to my sister and now to my boyfriend. i have been reading kyndall's journals and her feeling of helplessness and her deep addiction i could see that in my sister's life and now im my boyfriends i see how he feels alone and worthless when he is not. i am making every effort to help him because i love him with all my heart and i dont want to lost another person i love to that horrible drug..he keeps saying i dont get it and the truth is i dont because i have never done it, but when my sister was alive, he said they talked about it, i was just left out because i "dont get it"..im really sorry for what happened to your sister and i understand because it just happened to mine and now my boyfriend...im very sorry..
Katelyn Bradford < katilou321@hotmail.com >
Boulder City, NV - USA (2006-10-29)

I am really sorry for what happen to kyndell
Jessica Chavez < lovedavid_love@yahoo.com >
San Antonio, TX. - USA (2006-10-27)

I would just like to say that i'm very soory for thee lost of Kyndall. after i read the story about what happened i felt very bad and i know my self that i would not try to do that drug or even get hooked on it because i know that some thing lke that might happen to me. i knwo that if i did that drug my family would not be to happy with me!!
< >
Sacaton, AZ - USA (2006-10-26)

My best friend uses heroin. He started using it when his 2 older brothers left for Iraq. I care about him so much and am scared that everyday could be his last but even when i say anything to him he tells me not to worry and that its not possible for it to happen to him, but i know that it is. he started with cigarettes and then pot and now he just gets worse and worse everyday and i know that one day he won't come back if he doesnt stop!! If any one reading this does herion PLEASE stop and get yourself out before its too late!!
< >
Frostburg, MD - United States (2006-10-26)

I have friends that do drugs and i try hard to make them stop. they finaly got caught doing something they were not suposed to be doing and now their facing the consequences. i am very sorry about your sister and i hope that my friends will stop be for they get hurt to.
Moriah < Tinkerbell_fariys_chik_05@yahoo.com >
Anna, tx - USA (2006-10-24)

I'm in trouble, help me...
Arik Garick < garick@jambo.net >
Fhujbjnjfd, Iipvtdr - Lqnnlkim (2006-10-22)

I am deeply sorry for your loss...You are one of the millions mourning loved ones who were lost to drug overdoses...thousand of lives are lost everyday to heroin...I am an ex-heroin/cocaine addict...I was on the brink of death..I gave up hope to live at only 21 years old...But i found a way...today I am free...not just stuggling to keep sober each day & not make an exit on allegheny off of 95..I live in total freedom from this deep dark place of addiction...Today, I dedicated my life to saving people...I'm in the business of saving lives, with the 85% success rate in our program...a unique, private program that was created to set the captives free...one person at a time...I know the problem in Philly..its horrific..I personally spend cold nights pacing around the North Philly badlands, and Im a white girl, from a Bucks County... If you are stick in a dead-end situation, if your hopes are all gone, reach out to me on...i can tell you more...this might save your life.. God Bless you guys!!! ~1~
Eve < thesuperspecial1@yahoo.com >
Philly, PA - USA (2006-10-19)

I AM 14 YEARS OLD I'VE BEEN ASKED IN SCHOOL TO USE THAT DRUG AND I SAID NO I TELL ALL MY FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR LOVE ONE "KYNDALL" AND I TELL THEN NOT TO USE IT AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU PEOPLE MAD ME CRY I FEEL VERY SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONE. I TALK TO MY PARENTS ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONE AND I THINK ABOUT HER EVERY DAY AND THANKS TO READING THE STORY I HAVENT SMOKED AND AM NOT PLANNING TO THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BELOVED "KYNDALL"
ANDREA CASTILLO < DOMINICANA_FUNNY_SHIT@YAHOO.COM >
GREENBELT, MARYLAND(MD) - USA (2006-10-19)

I FEEL VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOST AND I WOULD REALLY LIKE TALKING TO HER FAMILY TO SEE WHAT SHOULD I STAY AWAY FROM IN SCHOOL WELL TAKE CARE KYNDALL'S FAMILY AND LOVE YOU ............
ANDREA CASTILLO < DOMINICANA_FUNNY_SHIT@YAHOO.COM >
GREENBELT, MARYLAND(MD) - USA (2006-10-19)

I often visit this site and read the comments on Kyndall's page. I have never forgotten Kyndall's story as it and that of Kyndall's family so relates to my own story. My story was entered here in 9/05. I just want to stress something, a fact, that is very important. Many people posting messages on this site are addicts or loved one's of addicts who are trying to get help for themselves or their loved one. THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS...... once an addict decides to quit, goes to rehab or JAIL or goes through some major life trama, it is that moment when they relapse after not using for a period of time, that they are at the most vulnerable to dying. Heroin related deaths are most often in fact not overdoses as we typically think. They are most often reactions to the "usual" dose based on past tolerance. When you quit and then fall and use again it is most important not to do that same dose that used to "work". You lose your tolerance quicker than you build it. All it takes is a time off the streets or in Jail and a relapse. Most addicts know this but some do not. The other risk factor is mixing other drugs such as alcohol. Heroin addicts die of adema to the lungs or brain or both and lost tolerance and mixing drugs are the biggest causes. I hope this info. may help someone. I have NEVER used but have spent the past year learning about my Doug's life with heroin and his death from it. I just hope this info. may help someone or help someone to help a loved one. It was too late for my son and I to help ours. Thanks again for this wonderful resource Nicole and Kyndall......Jennifer
Jennifer < graphicsjen@yahoo.com >
Cincinnati, OH - USA (2006-10-19)

I have been up all night searching the internet for facts, stories, treatment and so on about heroion, and i came across this site and it reall touched me. I have been going insane for the last 2 months to say the least. My daughter is 7 yrs old, i had her at 15 and her father was 16 so we were young and went our seperate ways. Never spoke to him at all untill about5 months ago. He was living out of state and wanted to come to NY to meet his daughter and be a part of her life. When he got up here i started work, met her, got a place, did all the right thoings so i thought. About 2 months ago i got a call from him and he cofessed to me he was a heroin addict, it was consuming his life and if it did not kill him he was going to kill himself. I could not believe the words i heard. My heart was broke....for him, my daugher and myself. I have never even been in contact with anyone who has even done it, so i clueless about it all. But as you know, you learnand catch on very quickly to them. I brought him to live at my house because i live in a little farm country town where he would have no access to it. but I guess for addicts where there is a will there is a way. He went through 4 or 5 dies of withdrawl where i litterly thought he was going to die, I have never seen anything like it. I stayed up for 3 days without sleep making sue he was comfortable because i wanted him to get better. Un fortunatly i cant even tell you how many times he has relapsed since then. he has been in and out of detox. he is homeless and jobless.My heart breaks every day for him. I cry prob 10 times a day because i care so much but i just dont know how to help him anymore. i ve done everything i can. i dont know what to do but i also dont want him to die either. i have never known of anything so terrible in life! it cosumes there body and soul. He crys for help but relapses regularly. i so scared any advice...please?
Nichole < nicholestringer@hotmail.com >
holley, ny - USA (2006-10-18)

I am sorry about the loss of your sister. my brother patrick who had the biggest heart in the world somehow got mixed up with this drug. he also lived in a nice middle class area, had a good job. he seemed happy,but we also suspected something wasn't right. it was very common for him to be very hot, very cold, his eyes would be half open, but he would tell us he was tired and we'd believe him. there were so many signs we missed, but when we thought he had a problem, we confronted him and he denied everything. well on oct 12 my father found him on the floor of his bathroom with a needle in between his toes. as soon as i saw him he was purple, and his chest was still and i knew he was gone. when i read your story it was very familiar , i just had to share my story. i hope this inspires some people to get help. my brother was only 29, had a 5 year old daughter, and was very loved by everyone that knew him. my heart is broken and i dont know how i'll ever get over this. this drug is an awful thing, that needs to be stopped.
maura campbell < binnie1102@yahoo.com >
pgh, pa - USA (2006-10-17)

First, Nicole, thank you again for putting Kyndall's life story out into the world. I have come back to this site so many times. I have written to some letting them know that I pray for all the families of drug addicts. I posted my story over a year ago and my former husband has been in prison since January of this year. He is now in Harbour Light in Cleveland and is due to be released in December. In fact I just took my kids (18 and 13) to visit him a few weeks ago. It was the first time since Jan. that my kids have seen their dad. For those addicted to drugs, let me say I felt so out of my element and comfort zone that it hurt!!! My instinct tells me that he is not free from the cravings of heroin. THERE IS NO "HERO" IN ANY DRUG! We cry daily for our loved ones addicted. Please do what ever is needed to overcome the craving. I'm sure those affected have the same feeling deep down inside of the fear of such an addiction. It has to be so lonely for those who cannot break free. I pray for all the families affected. (And Tim if you ever come to this site and read, please please write to me. My emails have gone unanswered and I worry so much about you) Anyone who wants to write to me, please do. I will listen to anyone who needs someone as I have been there and know the feeling of despair. We need to be there for each other and to know we are not alone. Most importantly keep talking to your children and be open with them. I am very thankful my kids do not do drugs and I don't think they ever will as they have personally lost so much because of what their father has done. Talk to God, he does listen and answers prays. He protected my kids and me from a lot of dangerous situations that I did not know at the time. Again, a big thank you Nicole for sharing Kyndall's life. As always, prays and love to all.
Jackie < hannieva@yahoo.com >
Willard, OH - USA (2006-10-14)

I AM VERRY PROUD OF ALL THE PEOPLE THAT ADMITTED THEY DID DRUGS AND GOOD LUCK 2 U ALL U ALL HAVE INSPIRED ME AND HOPE U GET RIDD OF THAT THING! I AM THINKING OF U ALL!!
no telling < cant say >
cant say, cant say - cant say (2006-10-13)

JUST REMEMBER UR ALL LOVED!
no telling < cant say NOPE >
cant say NOPE, cant say NOPE - cant say NOPE (2006-10-13)

JUST REMEMBER UR ALL LOVED!AND GOOD LUCK 2 U ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no telling < cant say NOPE >
cant say NOPE, cant say NOPE - SOUTH AFRICA (2006-10-13)

i hope ur son gets better :) love Mrs.Sheri. Its there any way your son can see kydallns story to help him with his addiction!!!!!!!!
destinie < reesecup3000_butter@yahoo.com >
charlotte, nc - USA (2006-10-13)

I am a heroin addict. The only reason I know about Kyndall is because of my sister. She gave me a TON of literature about heroin. I mean about 50 pages of stories and facts. But the one page that affected me the most was Kyndall's story. I'm sure that she purposely put it in there because it was about the heartbreak of losing your baby sister. I am HER baby sister. I NEED you to know that you are reaching out to addicts, siblings of addicts, and just anyone that feels that they need to help someone struggling with this EVIL disease. You are doing something wonderful and I can't tell you how much I see myself in Kyndall. I haven't gone to rehab yet. I've been addicted for around 4 yrs. But believe me, I am shipping myself off in a couple days. While I'm there I WILL think of your baby sister. I WILL think of her fighting spirit. I WILL remember to not give up. I WILL keep the words of her journal locked away in my head for future reference. And I WILL fight the devil with God by my side and Kyndall on my shoulder. Thank you for sharing Kyndall's life with me. You will never know how much it WILL help me.
Heather < penelippy@comcast.net >
Dearborn, Mi - USA (2006-10-12)

First and foremost I am an addict. I've been using since I was about 12 and have never had more than 9 months clean and the only reason I have two 9 nine month clean accomplishments is because i have two children. I am 27 years old and in May I lost the love of my life to a heroin overdose. He was my lover, my best friend, my one and only! Actually he and I used to cop in Kensington too! We're both from there and it's one of those places that most people never get out of. When I found this site, I felt like someone wrote MY life story. I even look like your sister! Everyday when I wake up I look at my beautiful boys (10 & 7) and I struggle to do right. To not get high, to live a real life. I 'll always be an addict but I remind myself that I don't always have to be a junkie. Your site means alot to me, just wanted to let you know that. The past few times that I wanted to get high I came here and read everything your family wrote to your sister and I think about how my boys would live if something happened to me. Thank you because my babies deserve to be put first in my life and coming here reminds me of that. I don't know if I'll always be able to make the right choice but I'm trying so that they never have to feel the hurt that you and your family did. You really have no idea what this means to me. Thank You!
Nicole < nharley@jomartextiles.com >
phila, pa - USA (2006-10-12)

First off I just want to express my deepest sympathy. My mother passed away from a heroin overdose on June 4rd 2004. One day after my baby sisters birthday. I'm still grieving over this of course. And I can't really find a way to come to terms with it. There are so many unanswered questions. Our mother was such a beautiful person. Of course like everyone else she made some bad choices but, that didn't make her a bad person. It just sad so many of our loved ones that are taken by this devil of a drug are some of the best people on this earth. I feel cheated and I don't think I could ever get over my mothers death.
Tanya Leyba < treneel66@aol.com >
Albuquerque, NM - USA (2006-10-10)

I have registered my story below about my son Mike, a herion addict. He is still in jail and off the streets. He has many more court dates and could be in there for quite some time. I can honestly say jail saved Mikes life the other day because.. Mikes best friend in the whole world, the one he grew up with, the one he did drugs with, the one that he always got in trouble and broke law with, went and did a drug deal, a arguement broke out, guns were drawn, shots were fired and Dallas is dead. I haven't even told Mike about his best friend yet, we can go see him in 4 days in jail and thats when i'm breaking the bad news to him. Maybe this will wake Mike up. Maybe Dallas can be Mikes gaurdian angel now. If Mike hadn't been in jail, he'd of been right there with Dallas that fatal day, getting shot himself. Mike has been in isolation in jail, as he has staph infection in his leg... where he shot up herion when he was on the streets. Even though you dont see fresh needle marks on your loved ones arms, dont mean their not shooting up. They shoot up on their stomach, legs, butt. I've been studying herion and it sounds VERY hard to kick. Some keep doing it just because the withdraws are so horrible. Mike calls his herion "the dragon", he's always talking about slaining the dragon. It is so evil. It takes hold and never lets up. No matter how hard the addict tries, its almost impossible. The addict cant just up and quit, its not that easy. they need INpatient treatment for a long long time. Then when they are free from herion, certain familiar sounds, smells, people, locations can trigger the addict into doiong it again and craving it. They need to make a pill the addict can just take and they'd never want it again. why dont they make that pill, for smokers, addicts, alcholics? you'd think there would something like that made as advanced as we are. Well, so once again, god has spared Mike from death, his best friend died, but Mike is still living, trying and in jail.
sheri < sherio@kcweb.net >
Blue Springs, MO - USA (2006-10-08)

Sheri, Im very sorry to hear about Mikes best friend. :( I really hope and pray that this is rock bottom for your son and he chooses to get the help he needs. Jail was a life saver for my sister a year before she died. If it wasnt for jail and an order for rehab, we would not have had that last year with her. Her. The real her. She was back, drug free, made a life for herself and she spent quality time with us. I wish that for Mike and I will pray for continued success for the rest of his life. He is in jail now and he will go through the terrible withdrawl of heroin. He will hear the news of his best friend. It will be so hard for him but it needs to be so he can make the choice to help himself. Please read Liz's story. It is posted right before yours. She was Kyndalls best friend and she is a true success story. It can happen. Keep strong and positive. All of my thoughts and prayers are with you both. Keep us posted. -Nicole
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2006-10-08)

i finally got to read you sister story im very sorry i just cant lick this shit called addiction iv been in so many rehabs i just keep relasping over and over agian some peaple say why cant you just stop its not that easy and it never will be its killy me iv been clean now for 77 days sorry
virginia < >
reading, pa - USA (2006-10-07)

Virginia, never give up. Keep trying and pray to God for help. Keep praying and asking for help. 77 days is awesome. Keep going. :)
< >
, - USA (2006-10-07)

im an herion addict myself. i recently got clean. i have 75 days clean. im struggly .but im happy today ill pray for u
virginia < www.yahoo@nenabebe.com >
reading, pa - USA (2006-10-05)

Well i'am only tweleve. And i read about kydalls death and drugs uses.I think you and your sister have inspited me because i want to go to school for peolpe who are using drugs and trie to help them with their problems kinda like kydall had.so thank you for putting this out on the internet for young people like me .
Destinie Jones < reesecup3000_butter@yahoo.com >
charlotte, nc - USA (2006-10-02)

dear mrs.sheri i hope your son mike gets over his addiction before he dies and you feel like it is your fault
Destinie Jones < reesecup3000_butter@yahoo.com >
charlotte, nc - USA (2006-10-02)

Destinie, thats great to hear. You are a very smart kid. I am sure you will make a very fine drug counselor one day. :) Thanks for visiting and pass the site on to your friends, ok? Thanks. -Kyndalls sister
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2006-10-02)

Thank you for sharing your story. My 23 year old son is addicted to heroin and there is not a day that goes by he is not in my thoughts and prayers. I remember a time when I couldn't even say "My son is a heoin addict" because it hurt so much. It still does and it is like someone tore my heart out. Heroin masks all the positive in him and I want my son back. My sincere sympathy to you and your family.
Kathleen Dufficy < Kathleen@myeastern.com >
Jewett City, CT - USA (2006-09-23)

My sister, Kim is addicted to heroine and most recently crack cocaine. She is living on the streets of Atlantic City. She is a beautiful girl, with looks similar to Kyndall. She is 29 years old and the mother of 3 beautiful children. I know she loves them, but this horrible addiction has come between them. I pray every day for a happy ending. God bless you for opening your heart to those in need.
Michele Wright < asapgroup@yahoo.com >
Cape Coral, FL - USA (2006-09-21)

I would like to wish you much luck. And a lot of money. Thank you.
Kyle Thorn < thorn@card.com >
Tzyuf, Bgles - Xmpyo (2006-09-20)

My son, Gus died April 22, 2006, from a Heroin, Cocaine, and Alcohol overdose. He was only 23 years old. I had not seen him in over 2 years, because he moved out west to meet his father. He traveled around to different states, and ended up in Delaware. He was in Delaware for only a week, when I received a call from the state police telling me he was found dead in a motel room. I was told he was partying with some people, and went to sleep, and never woke up. I wish I had known he had a drug addiction, because I would have tried to help him. I never even got to say goodbye, I miss him so much, that it feels like someone has torn out a piece of my heart. A greiving mother
Raylene Chenowth < syracuselady47@yahoo.com >
Syracuse, NY - USA (2006-09-17)

Thank You Nicole for your support and this website and writing me that message. Raylene I am also a mother of a herion addict (read my story below) and I am truely sorry for your loss. I can almost imagine how you are feeling right now, lost, helpless and grieving terribly. I almost lost my son several times and know how it feels to be sitting by the phone, waiting for "the call" to tell you your child has died from a overdose. Its the worst pain ever! I wanted everyone to know, that my son Mike that was living on the streets, slowly dying finally called and said "take me to detox or somewhere, i'm dying"....... we raced up there and there he was, dirty, he smelled terrible which broke my heart into, he was thin, shaking, confused and I said "mike, you have two choices, detox or jail", as he has SEVERAL warrants out for him due to drugs and wrecking and severely injuring another TWICE... he said "mom, take me to jail, i want to serve my time, take my punishment, detox in there and get drug rehab through jail". He will most likely serve prison time, but god answered my prayer and got him off the streets and at least he's safe from drugs, gets 3 meals a day, and I'm not visiting him in a cemetary. I prayed to go either take this child from his suffering or make him somehow go to jail off the streets! drugs steal our childrens, spouses and loved ones lives. if anyone is reading this that does drugs, you have no idea how it hurts the family because we love you. we do know herion or other drugs have robbed you of your life, get help!! theres is hope and love and help for you. Raylene, again, I am so sorry for you. Children from the best familys get on drugs, dont blame yourself for nothing. we are all here for you for support. I wish there was a magic pill we can give our children or loved ones to get them off these drugs w/no withdrawl, maybe one day there will be. Keep praying for strength, god does answer our prayers. God bless all the mama's out there that have children die or on streets doing drugs, I feel lucky my son is in jail, probally going to prison, but when he gets out, we all worry herion will come back into his life and we may lose him again, but for now, he's off the streets. Drugs affect the whole family!!
sheri < sherio@kcweb.net >
blue springs, MO - USA (2006-09-17)

I had low self-esteem as a teen and eventually fell in love and the two of us became habitual users. We would go to the ghettos (no offense) of Chicago, even got a gun pulled on us. There were young children (9-10 years old) workin' those streets, husslin', trying to survive. Little kids were amidst, playing and riding their bikes while a stream of people came to score! The black community has felt this pain for generations and it's not their fault. It was introduced to them and they were helpless, no support from this country! And now, all of these people dying. I, by God and God alone, became sick after using crack and heroin and could no longer do it. WHy? I was two months pregnant. Thankfully, my son is healthy and I stopped (I don't judge those who cannot); but I go through the pain of seeing his daddy fight the battle. He cannot get any medical help. He hasn't used since last winter (he get a Rx), but he is very sick. He has lipomas or fatty tissue deposits and is losing weight all the time. He says that he will die soon and I am helpless! He loves me and the baby very much. That is why he quit 3 years ago. And he lvoes GOd and actually helped bring me back to OUr Father. I don't know what I'll do if I lose him. It's a heavy weight to bear. But, I have hope. I prayed over him in the name of Jesus Christ and he got off the drugs. Now, II pray that he will recover. I also pray for all the parents and love ones who experience this pain.
Jacqueline < Jacqavalois@yahoo.com >
Frankfort, IL - USA (2006-09-16)

I just came across this page. My thoughts are with you. Love and peace
Eva Stewart < eva.stewart@izone.me.uk >
, - USA (2006-09-14)

My son Mike, that is addicted to herion and is 26 yrs old, same age as kyndall (I left my story on here) he called all night long last night, he was obviously so drugged up and nowhere to go, his drug buddies beat him up badly, he was on the streets with some young girl and using her cell phone, he was calling all night begging me to come get him, he told me he's not going back to rehab, but please come get him, that he wouldnt' make it another night out there, he was dying. He told me how much he loved me and dont ever forget it, he will always love me, but he's not going to make it. I told him i would come get him as long as he'd let me take him back to detox/rehab, he said no, so i could not go get him. I prayed and cried for hours, for god to take my son, he cannot keep living in pain and struggling like this, he's suffered enough and he was sure suffering last night. God, pls take my son, I am giving him back to you, he wont get help, he's dangerous, he's suffering and in pain, he's living a nightmare and wont take our help, so please take him god, wrap him in your arms and make his suffering stop. Herion has taken hold of him once more and he dont have much fight left in him. I cant bear to see him suffer anymore, Pls help dear lord, make his pain stop. theres nothing worst then a mother having to hear her son on the other end of the phone begging and suffering and she cant go protect him, whether he's 10, 20 or 30 yrs old, she just cant take it hearing him suffer and beg. but she also cant go get him and help him, as he dont want help, he's just wanting shelter for the night, until he can go back and do his herion. Pls help me lord, as I do not know what to do. I feel as if i'm hearing him slowly die out there, pls dont let him suffer anymore.
sheri < sherio@kcweb.net >
, MO - USA (2006-09-14)

Sheri, My heart is breaking for you. I am crying for you as well. Most importantly, I am praying for you and your son. I wish there was more anyone could do. God bless you all. -Nicole, Kyndall's sister
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
toms river, nj - USA (2006-09-14)

I'm sorry for anyone that has to go through seeing a loved one with a drug addiction, that leads to crime, jail and death. My son, Mike was also born in 1980 just as Kendall was, same age and he's been a addict to herion for years. we've tried everything.. rehabs, more love, support, tough love, you name it. He got himself into rehab because we all shut our doors and did great for a few months, got a job then suddenly last week he started using herion again, he was only clean for about 4 months, but it was the longest he'd ever been clean so we started getting hope back and got so excited and so proud of him,well last week after going back to herion he got fired, left rehab, is on the streets, he calls me all high from his drugs, saying he dont care to live or die.. told me today he got beat up by his drug buddies... I feel i'm slowly watching him die. I have heart condition and am unhealthy so the stress is making me worse and very sick, but thats nothing compared to what mike is going through right now and i dont think he even realizes it. My prayer to god last night, was please take my son, I am giving him back to you, please take him god, as he's suffered enough, I cant bear to think what he's going through right now, he's slowly dieing and I cant watch him die this slow horrible death. He takes handfuls of pills, dope, cocaine, but mostly shoots up herion,LOTS of herion, he says his tolerance level is real high the more the better he says... I have a terrible feeling of doom over me, I feel as if i'm just waiting for "the call"... that voice on the other end, saying your son has died of an overdose. He has warrants out for him, I've often prayed he would be put in prison soon as i'd rather visit him in prison then take flowers to his grave. Its not only killing my son, it is killing our family. I try to stay strong and do positive things, but its always on my mind, i'm helpless. We wont let him come here, as this herion has taken over his soul once more & I'm scared around him. Last year we had our new truck and tools stolen out of our driveway, I had my ID stolen out of my purse and was used all over the state... we know it was my son and his drug bunch, we cant prove, but we know, we know. My son will not go back to rehab this time, as there are warrants out for him, he plays cat and mouse with the police, he will eventually get caught and put in prison or he will end up dead from overdosing.. he's on a suicide mission, he just does not care. He started drugs at age 14 and he is 26 yrs old and worse then ever. this time though I have the strangest feeling that I've never had before, a instinct as a mother, something is about to happen and it wont be good. Mike is so handsome, funny, hardworker, loving and sweet with a beautiful smile when he's not on drugs, its such a loss to see his life be controlled & lost by herion. It is equally as hard to see mikes brother, be so deeply hurt that he's never actually had mike as a brother, Mike has always loved herion more then us. Mike lives in a scarey world, a world that is sucking him so far into, I know he wont get out of this time and he knows it too. I feel it. I will never have my Mike back, he's sold his soul to herion and in turn herion is going to take his life. I love my michael fikel and I wish herion hadn't taken him from me. Please god, dont let him suffer anymore.
sheri < sherio@kcweb.net >
, MO - USA (2006-09-14)

I am a recovering heroin addict. November 7, God willing I will have 3 years clean. I had been in 14 treatments centers and never thought I would stay sober. I just kept relapsing and relapsing. I truly thought that heroin was going to kill me. My family had pretty much given up on me and I had almost given up on myself. Heroin addicts do recover. I am living proof of it. It is something that I work on everyday, but it is not a struggle. I go to meetings, have a sponsor and help other recovering addicts. That is how I stay sober. I have a life today, a good life. I work a full time job and am in college. I say that to say that recovery is absolutely possible and never give up hope, whether you are an addict yourself, or have a loved one who is an addict. Not only am I a recovering heroin addict, but I also knew Kyndall very well. I lived with her in the Poconos. I was one of the closest people to her, not that it was easy to get close to her. She was a very private person. I never used drugs with Kyndall. She left home on a Saturday and died on a Sunday. I had no idea she had been using or wanted to use. I was sober at the time this all happened. This is how cunning and baffling this disease is. I relapsed after she died. Her death tore me up, but I have learned that I used because I wanted to. That's the thing about addiction and relapse. I had a choice and I chose to use. I used for about 2 months after her passing and had a moment of clarity and decided that I didn't want to die, I wanted to live. It's hard to explain, but I believe that God and Kyndall had everything to do with it. I went into treatment and have been sober ever since. I still believe that Kyndall is my guardian angel and is with me everyday of my life, rooting for me. I still think about her everyday, but the pain of the grief has gotten lighter. I make a choice everyday not to use and I do the footwork to make sure I don't use. Life on life's terms is not always easy, but living life clean is so much easier than living in active addiction. If you are an addict that is caught up in the cycle of addiction, there is help for you. You can recover. I promise you that. Before I got sober, I was living in absolute hell and today my life is pretty good. If you are a family member of an addict, don't give up hope. There is always hope and I am living proof of it.
Liz < Liz3149@myway.com >
Princeton, nj - USA (2006-09-13)

My dearest condolenscences for you and your family and the loss of your beautiful sister and daughter. I, too, with my family and dear brother are mourning the tragic loss of our beautiful Levi, 26 years old to fentanyl-laced heroin in the past 14 weeks. We are devastated and want to help others so that no other family has to go through as crualof a blow as this. he was in a drug treatment center, was 90 days clean was in a court-appointed drug court through the jail system and we were scared but relieved when he was allowed to get treatment that he otherwise may or maynot have done on his own. He had recently checked himself in in October for heroin and so he was evenutally relaizing his disease and had mentioned to his parents and couselors that he had a dream that he was going to die (wow, 8 months before his death) so he wanted to get better. His original drug of choice was alcohol and he had had charges with DUI and then assault because he would get angry when he drank. He was clean and we were so releived for him. He wasin the half-way house component, back to work in construction had been coming buy and seeing family again, had some great times with his mom and dad, uncles, was writing letters, and was the niest kid in rehab again. He had so much to offer, never found a job he couldn't do well at, was polite, handsome, ladies man, looking forward to going to school when he "graduated" from rehab and told his mom he wanted to have a carreer, family, and wrote to grandma" i really deserve a better life than this and i am really tired of living like this". He came back late from his construction job that Thursday evening by a strange black car, walked into the rehab/half-way house, told the residents that he did not feel good, fell asleep in his hard hat, did not come upstairs for his night meds and NO ONE ASKED ANY QUESTIONS or WONDERED WHY HE CAME HOME LATE AND "LOOKED BAD". He died in rehab of a fentanyl-laced heroin overdose that he got from a "female friend" in the car, not knowing that the heroin was laced with fentanyl and part of the free shipment that has been killing our youth from Guadalahara, Mexico since last Novemenber and was recetly closed in April of this year...not soon enough. Even the internet has info on this killer designer heroin but did the rehab even think about a relapse? this is a young man, 2x failure at recovery and coming home late 3 hours outside of Chicago where this designer lay waiting like the devil for him back TO the REHAB FOR HELP AND IT WAS MISSED> I am sickened by the autopsy report that he died in rehab between the hours of 9PM amd 5AM- his roomate later told police(yes there was an investigation) he was "snoring"- yes, he had an obstructed airway because of the overdose and NO ONE CALLED FOR HELP!!!!! The kids from rehab were all at the funeral but no one said a word...the code of silence kills everytime...the roomate was a pallbearer. The iriony was that when the rehab noted that my nephew was not breathing, a nurse was right there to do CPR- where were they when he did not come upstairs for his meds????? Families of persons with addiction: wake up- it is a disease and in the early stages responsibilities for oneself are not there yet..not enough sobriety time and especially when patient is tstill in rehab, that is waht rehab is....being on the lookout for relapse, near-miss opportunities to use or not use and then to be found out in time to have a second chance. When Levi used in the past of had a drunken binge, he did not present back to the family for days, he was ashamed and dissappointed in himself, amybe did not know where he was waking up, sometimes. But this time was difrenet, he CAME BACK....looking for help we think....and it was missed. Missing an overdose is not a social more or ethical decision....it is a standard of care we hope that our kids in rehab are getting. If your kid had cancer and he was getting sick from the chemo and getting an infection, we would expect the full treatment. When a person is in rehab and they use, care to reverse the overdose should not be based on "well, he needs to hit rock-bottom and then next time he'll think twice about using" or "bad boy, there you go..let's see how your gonna get yourself out of this one"..no. Your fed and state dollars pay for medical staff to be on their toes and not miss this type of thing. He was racked with addiction and he had a bad illness. Perhaps he was not ready for the real world yet, he was going to meetings, he had a job, he had just been told by rehab that instead of him taking his time and paying his fines and being able to stay at the half-way house, he had to go in the next week. He was still trying to figure out how to make rent. He was invitied to stay with his parents but the couselor said that that was not the right thinkg for him as he needed more disciplined approach, peer-group with the other addicts. He was not offered methadone treatment. He was treated the same as anyone with 90 days....sober and out on your own. Maybe what works for one is not the same for another. The longer the years of addiction, the harder it is to stay clean. Who are the people in rehab making these life-decisons? physicans? are they trained in addiction and pyschiatry? Are these couselors with only experiance in street life and their own addiction? Many programs are cost-prohibative. We need to demand that these facilities are run by educated, preventative-crisis oriented staff that are educated at least in what to do in the event of overdose. Chicago has a drug program that teaches "junkies" to not use alone, always pick a buddy in case the heroin is too strong or wrong dose or wahtever. Why can't we teach that common=sense to our kids so that they at least have the tools to be safe- Some people thing handing out sterile syringes promotes drug use- I say it may at least decrease the fatal "collateral" damage associatied with use until the person finally gets into treatment by judicial system or family pressure. It is a disease of the brain- there is not self-will or choice after so far into the addiction. We are saddened and can't believe that it has happened to our famiy, especially after he finally "got it", evn for only a short time..it just goes to prove how vulnerable person's are to relapse. Please email if there are other's out there with similiar expericneces with rehab or half-way house, relaspe, or if your have also lost a loved one to fantanyl-laced heroin.
joni < joniarnp@hotmail.com >
gainesville, fl - USA (2006-09-10)

so sorry for your loss, I'm fighting an Oxycontin addiction. drugs suck
TC < ancientserpent@gmail.com >
Zachary, LA - USA (2006-09-10)

Hi, my name is Kristie and my niece is an addict..we have been struggling with this 'demon' for a couple of years, but intensly, in the last 6 months. Her name is Summer. She has a sweet precious little boy named Kaden. She has lost herself, her son, and now her family. We put her into detox and rehab, two weeks and one week later, she bailed out of the rehab..her father and mother had just spent $11,400.00 on the rehab and she left it...with 2 weeks paid for and told us that she left because she didnt want the family to spend the money..why couldn't she have talked to us first?? Because that excuse is a lie. She just wanted to get high..she claims she is going to do it by herself, with MediCal Ins...she is such a lier..Now she is mooching off some neighbors in the apt. where I live... because we as a family can not and will not support or enable her habits, anymore !! Which is very hard because she is my last thought on my mind at night when I go to sleep, she is the first thought on my mind when I wake up in the morning.... The demon is too strong for her...and she is very weak...I know we are going to lose her to this...having a beutiful child and a family who loves her to death....is not enough for her... So, now we have to let her go..and hope and pray she fights and wins... This letter may sound negative and non-supportive, but what is to be expected when you have given somebody EVERY option, to get better and they don't do it..She even agreeded to go the rehab and then she pulls this...very selfish, but of course. I do love her with all my heart, she is my 'Babygirl' but I can not support her anymore... How do I get through today?? tomarrow and the next day?? My strengh is gone. Thank you for this site...it is comforting to know that we are not the family who is struggling and hurting from this unexceptable addiction.. Thank you
Kristie Wold < goldenwold@yahoo.com >
Downey, CA - USA (2006-09-08)

Sunny, I know exactly how you feel... Helpless, desperate, scared, heartbroken, angry... I wish I could tell you there was some easy fix to your sisters addiction. Unfortunately, I cant. I can tell you that she is very lucky to have such a supportive family and I can tell you that this isnt your sister behaving this way. Its her addiction talking. It is so powerful that it has taken over her mind and soul. Dont give up hope. When my sister was at her worst point, she ended up getting arrested and thats what finally got her into rehab and clean for the last year of her life. Why she decided to use again, we will never know but that doesnt have to be the outcome for everyone. Keep doing what you are doing and learn as much as you can. Be ready to help your sister when she is finally ready to help herself. When I say that, I mean WHEN SHE IS READY TO HELP HERSELF. Until then, you shouldn't give her money or enable her in any way. I know that seems hard to do but it will be beneficial to you all. I really hope and pray that she soon decides to seriously get help. God bless you all.
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - Kyndalls sister (2006-09-06)

This is the most awesome website ever! I found it about 6 months ago when I was frantically serching the web for help for my sister, she has been a heroin addict for 3+ years. She is only 22. My heart and prayers go out to Kyndalls family. I showed this to my sister but of course then she was in denial. I have tried EVERYTHING to help her. (I feel like anyways) Finally the family kind of let her go about 2 months ago and she has been on the streets of L.A. We would only hear from her every few weeks begging for 10-20 bucks to eat or needed gas, until 2 weeks ago she called and needed a place to stay. Of course I let her in. The next morning she admitted she has been shooting up along with heroin, cocaine, meth, Jack Daniels... pretty much whatever she could get her hands on if she couldn't get heroin at the time. I took her keys and the family got her into rehab by noon. She went through detox from last sunday to friday then transferred to rehab after we struggled to come up with 9,000 for the first 15 days. Well she made it two days. Sunday night we get a call from the rehab... she ran. She left all her belongings, all her pictures, letters from family, everything. She left with another heroin addict from the rehab that she met not even 2 days ago. Well we heard this a.m. that she is at least alive. They are at a hotel getting high. What do I do now? Please if anyone has any advise at all, I am begging for help. We could literally just let her go and do her thing but she has a 2 year old son that we are taking care of until she is better. How can she keep doing this to all of us? And her precious little boy? I am so sick of not sleeping, or being able to eat, and crying all day everyday. I really thought this rehab was it. I never in a million years would of thought she would sneak out and run. Please help!
Sunny < sunshineromey@yahoo.com >
Los Angeles, CA - USA (2006-09-05)

I just came across this website. What a powerful website indeed. Not just Kendylls story but everyones. My heart was touched and my prayers go out to all that struggle with any drugs. I am a recovering addict of Meth. I, have seen many of my friends die from Heroin as well. I never wanted to go that far. However like any drug, Meth was just as hard for me. I have been clean for 2 and 1/2 years. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful 1 year old daughter who helped me have a reason to care about myself and others. I hope this website grows and that those who need help will take advantage of this site. I know it is hard to ask for help and that people think that others won't understand but we all know pain and we know it hurts to feel pain of any kind. Me and My family are here to help for anyone who wants it. Again, my condolences to those who have lost love ones to these evil drugs. And to those who are using-we pray for you always.
Tiana < Cast_row13@msn.com >
P.G., Ut - USA (2006-09-02)

Dear Nicole, I am so sorry for your loss. Sincerely, John
John Deagan < planner@parkco.us >
Fairplay, CO - USA (2006-08-23)

I stumbled upon this website in a friends myspace. ...a mutual friend of ours has passed 4 months ago from a heroin overdose :( she too had been clean for quite a while && then relapsed. She was 17, a senior, doing so well. We were all so proud of her. This story hits so close to home. Getting that call was one of the hardest things I've ever delt with. The pain I feel every day of my life, is something I never could've imagined. I miss her more than words can ever say. And Im so so so so sorry for your loss. More than I can ever express in words. I will pray for all of you, family friends, and especially Kyndall. I thank you, Nikki for creating such an inspirational website. Although it is too late for my beloved friend, Jess && your beautiful sister Kyndall, it isn't too late for others. Heroin ((and other drugs)) is just a death wish. It's not if it'll happen.. it's a matter of when. Please, don't do this to your loved ones or yourself. Stay strong everyone. R.I.P Jess && Kyndall xOx only the good die young xOx :: always in my heart && thoughts ::
Lisa < >
someplcae, NJ - USA (2006-08-13)

Ill also start off by saying sorry for this loss, i can't imagine how painful it must be, but im 17 and live in Aus and my boyfriend of 10 years is a heroin addict. i havent slept a full night since i found out, i havent cryed more in my life, i dont know what to do or say, Its not about me at all, but i cant just keep sittin her doin nothing. im paying for his rehab, savin what i can while still at school, but its almost as if its not worth it. Why is he doin this? there is nothing that made him start this discusting addiction. i just sit on the net now typing in heroin in to google trying to find out as much as i can, i love him so much, but im stuck on what to do. hes hurting himself bad, its unbelievable, how someone u completely dont expect can turn to this. ive been so pushed out of the normal, that i nearly gave in to it, i wanna know what this bitch heroin makes him feel like, but i didnt. After reading Kyndalls story, i cant stop crying, there are so many similarities, and its so easy for this to happen, which is driving me insane coz it cant be stopped at a click of a finger!! i hate heroin. more then anything humanly possible, if it came in humans id go as far as murdering the bitch for killing so many ppl and making ppls lives a living hell. ill add u to my list coz i shud talk to you, if u have the time. Kyndall is beautiful, and, I HATE HEROIN
Deanna < princessirislide666@hotmail.com >
Canberra, ACT - Australia (2006-08-12)

i am a heroin addict and have been since i was 14 i am now 22, your story has made me want to get off this evil drug this is only my second day clean but hey its a start. Thank you so much i will keep you in my thoughts.
leigh-anne coulthurst < acoulthurst1@tiscali.co.uk >
blackpool, - england (2006-08-11)

I just lost my 29 year old brother to a drug overdose one week ago. My heart is broken and no words can describe it. I wished I had lived close to him and could have helped him. But our family did try. He was in four rehabs and never could get better. I never thought this would happen
Rhonda Hornung < rhondahornung@hotmail.com >
Layton, Ut - USA (2006-08-08)

My neice is in jail now and has been fighting heroine addiction for the past couple of years. It has been so hard. I pray every night for her, but I am just terrified to get that call, like you recieved. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I don't know what to do anymore but just pray. But I get angry sometimes cause I just feel like the prayers aren't being answered, you know. Thank you so much. I know you understand. I can't stop crying.
Kimbra Thomas < kimbra.thomas@comcast.net >
Lititz, PA - USA (2006-08-02)

I am very sorry for your loss.I would like to tell you that this story changed my life.In the beginning of the story I was very similar to Kyndall and i always wanted to try some drugs but after i read this i cant see how i could.I feel so bad to know that what i wanted to do killed another person like myself i will never do drugs thanks to your sisters poems and stories but thank you
Cydnee < sexychick1392@yahoo.com >
Fairfield, CA - USA (2006-07-11)

Hey every1. I've already written to Kyndall'z family abt 2 yearz ago. I haven't seen this many responsez since '04. I'm not a close friend or relative 2 the family, but I know alot of Kyndall'z story, and hearing wat every1 haz 2 say really does bring a smile 2 a young girlz face cuz it showz other people have faith for a situation not related to their own. Thiz waz surely a great lose dat will inable alot of feelingz, but Kyndall'z family iz taking thingz very well. I jst wanted 2 come by and wish Nicole and the family the best of luck...e-mail me sometime Nicole. Take Care 2 The Family... ~Omaira
Myra < boricuaballababy@yahoo.com >
, - USA (2006-06-30)

Let me start off by saying I'm so sorry for your loss, this is something I am going through with my brother. He is currently in prison because of his addiction to meth. What do I do for him? I've taken him in, he stole from me. I've shown him tough love and it doesn't work. He will be the reason we bury our father, as he is so worried about him. He only calls when he is in trouble and he will be getting out soon, and we know jail has not changed him, he will go back to his old ways, how should we intervene? I will be sure to mark this story on my favorites to show him when he comes home that this is not a game. This is real life.
Lacey riley < laceyriley2006@yahoo.com >
Greenville, MS - USA (2006-06-28)

my boyfriend got addicted to heroin. he quit his job to stop cold, and im so afraid of a relapse. he has been clean for about 3 or 4 months, but he talks aboutit, and he tells me how i dont understand and i never will. stories like this destroy me. i dont want to end up losing him to this. i cry at the fact that you all had to endure this pain, and fear that soon i will be joining you.
laura < xxbloopnessxx@aol.com >
houston, tx - USA (2006-06-28)

heroin is not my thing. meth is mine. i started when me and my ex started going out. he didnt do drugs, but he was really mean to me. but i really like him. so every time he hurt me i would turn to drugs. now a year afer we broke up. i cant stop. i need help. my life sucks i have no friends,but i have dope. my family knows i dont know why their not helping me. i alway prech to people not to do them, but they look at me and think she doesnt even do drugs. ill be 18 in oct. and ive been doing drugs for 2 almost 3 years. ive tried every thing nothing helps. i need help.
kendra < kendra_nogosek@hotmail.com >
elkcity, ok - USA (2006-06-25)

Kyndall was my sister-in-law and I knew Kyndall was a really good hearted very likeable person. Her time here was way to short. I forgot what it's like to loose someone so close to you until I lost my 15 year old nephew in a car accident. I only wish I got to know her a lot better. My heart really goes out to my wife Nicole and my brother and sister-in-laws. Kyndall was way to young to leave us and thats why we need to spend more time with our families and teach our kids what they will be faced with as they get older. I am really glad Nicole made this site. If all the time and effort she put into this site helps just one person then it was all worth it. Kyndall, I miss you and I'm sorry for all the pain and suffering you went through. Your in a better place now. I think of you every time I see a Cardinal. Love ya and we'll all be together again one day.
Danny < kiddan68@comcast.net >
toms river, nj - USA (2006-06-22)

just last week...i was sitting with my friend...and we were about to go get some weed...she said to me..."dope is so much better..." i thought to myself that i would NEVER do heroin because my mom was a huge addict...but, i did. it was one of the best feelings i have ever felt in my life...but after i read this...i dont want to do it anymore...i'm very sorry for your loss and i'll pray for you
Taylor < tatri0817@hotmail.com >
Baltimore, MD - USA (2006-06-12)

Taylor, I am praying for YOU. Please don't do heroin ever again. What made you try it? I am curious to know especially since your mother was an addict. You say she was an addict. Did she stop doing it? I am glad that this web site has impacted you. I just hope you don't forget what this terrible drug is capable of. I'm sure you will be in a position again where this drug is offered. PLEASE say no. My blessings and prayers to you. Nicole
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2006-06-12)

Hello, i was just searching the internet about info about heroin and stories about people who have gone through the suffering because of this drug. I am 16 and 4 yrs ago my mother had died from a herion overdose.I am sincerely sorry for your loss!I am so happy that you are spreading the word and trying to help people realize that this drug is harming so many people!Your sister is so beutiful and was too young to leave this earth!I send out many good wishes to you and your family as well as all the other families out there who have been or are being effected by this horrible sustance. ~Thank you Rose~
Rose < chickizmyname@hotmail.com >
niagara falls, ny - USA (2006-06-11)

I have been clean for 4 years now and currently lead a heroin support group at a rehab center for teens. This site has given tremendous input and speaks of the raw truth of heroin addiction. Kyndalls journals express real experiences that the teens in the group relate to. They see through Kyndalls eyes and they learn from her. It must have been very hard for you to share her story with the world. Most people like to sweep family problems like this one under the rug. I am writing to tell you that you did the right and brave thing by sharing it. You are helping others and giving reason for her short life. God bless always.
Jose < jhosstah@yahoo.com >
alberkerky, NM - USA (2006-06-07)

Iam a heroin addict. This story really hits home for me.I have an older sister who has already told me she is just waiting for that call. I don't want to be an addict. I understand what your family is going through from your sisters point of view. I see the pain in my families eyes. The devil is out there,in a small package, in powder form, waiting. Education is a must, I think it's to late for me.One child saved is a great thing. Tinight my heart goes out to your family, she never ment to cause you so much pain. I understand her,I live in addiction every day.
darcy kojori < darcykojori@yahoo.ca >
coquitlam, bc - canada (2006-05-09)

I feel sorry you guys who have lost a love one
Brittany < Brittprepgirl94@aol.ocm >
Charleston, WV - USA (2006-05-07)

Hi! I just wanted to send a warm hug to you and also to thank you for this page. Lately I've been getting really paranoid about slipping to hardcore drugs and getting addicted. This website just made my resolution to say no stronger. I'll even lay off weed and acid for a while. That's how scared I am. I wish the best of luck to all of you.
Cati in the Sky < cati_vegan@aeiou.pt >
Braga, - Portugal (2006-05-07)

i actually stumbled acrossed your website while doing a school project on the effects of drugs. I would just like to say I'm sorry about what happened with your sister. I can relate, when i was eleven my older brother tried heroin and died at the age of seventeen. He was like my father because my dad was very abusive, he was my protector. I looked up to him and loved him more than anything in this whole world. its been almost 10 years but the pain never goes away i always think about him. I sometimes pick up the phone to call and talk to him but then i realize he isnt here anymore. I think it is great that you guys have this website to keep your sisters memory alive to show other people that heroin is a bad thing, a really bad thing.
Rachel < sweetnsour310@comcast.net >
Balto, MD - USA (2006-05-04)

I will have 8 weeks clean tomorrow and a big reason is because I cut contact with all the people I was in rehab with. Recently, I allowed myself to talk on the phone with a couple of these people and of course they were looking to cop some dope and wanted to know if I could get them some. I know that I only let them in because inside I truly wanted to use. Well, I almost relapsed. I just wanted it so bad I could taste it. Thank god I found this website and started to read all the passages. It reminded me of what all addicts need to be reminded of, we need to not be so impulsive. I know for me, I never play the tape all the way through so that I can see the consequences. I am sober for one more day, thank god. However, tonight, all of you and your sister will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Shirli < Tinkee@yahoo.com >
West Palm Beach, FL - USA (2006-04-30)

Your enitre family is in my thoughts and prayers. I, too lost a sibling to that wretched drug. Four years ago on April 26, 2002, I lost my only brother Glenn to an overdose. He was an awesome individual with so many things going for him from an early age. He was only 25 when he was pronounced dead. He was without an address, an identification peice, and only had junkies phone numbers. I would love to hear from anyone who could help me start a site like this one. I believe that eduction is the key. Keep up the fantastic job!!! And thank you!!:)
Rhonda Thompson < Sandfn9@Yahoo.com >
Fredonia, pa - USA (2006-04-29)

I saw the story, while searching for information how to cure heroin addiction. i am reallly very sorry for your loss.my HUsband is an addict to it. i dont want to lose him. we have been married for 2 years 3 months and we have a child also.i am so much depress. by reading kyndalls story my fear has increased. i did show it to my husband that but he never gave a comment. please tell me anything i can do to help him. he is my family and my love. i dont want to lose him.
Aminath Nisha < dhayyan_giyas@hotmail.com >
Maale', Kaafu - Maldives (2006-04-27)

God Bless Your Family
Honey < PLAYGIRLMISSES@YAHOO.COM >
Detroit, Mi - USA (2006-04-27)

Ehmm..m. Sehr gut Seite! Ich sage innig..!:)
BMW < BMW2466@yahoo.com >
..., ... - ... (2006-04-26)

I used to be a cocaine addict. I have been sober now for a year and 2 months. This site has not only helped me recognise that drugs of any kind will only lead to death. I used to want to die and that's why I started using. I've seen many people die due to their drug use. Through all the sadness in my heart for all those people who couldn't get help in time, I live each day for them. I stay clean in their memory. I will stay clean for your daughter. geepers89 is right, "no matter where you live, there IS help around the corner."
Kristina < krazyk_ak@yahoo.com >
Anchorage, AK - USA (2006-04-24)

I am very sorry about your love one!! I did not have anyone die of heroin but I had my uncle die of drinking on my birthday and that really hurt me more!! then I learn my Brother is drinking and doing drugs Now I am trying to come down!! Hope life will be betteer for you guys!! take care!!
Arzu < xoadbabygirl@hotmail.com >
wayne, nj - USA (2006-04-18)

im very sorry about your sisters loss.but i know she still in gods hands. god bless her.
christina < prettygirl1991@sbcglobal.net >
belton, tx - USA (2006-04-18)

My daughter Michelle was 5 weeks away from her 22nd birthday not so long ago. Talented, beautiful, intelligent and in her first year at university in Sydney, studying for a Masters degree. She had not come homethat day. We were very worried. We got a call at 3:17 a.m. It was the police. She had overdosed on heroin and had not survived. I said "Heroin?! I didn't even know she drank strong coffee!!!" We know all about what you are going through. We know. You are embedded in our hearts.
Mitch MEREDITH < philippamitch@homemail.com.au >
Canberra, act - AUSTRALIA (2006-04-17)

First of all I would like to say that I am truly sorry for your loss. I too know the pain of losing someone to heroin. My husband died from a heroin overdose in November of 2004. He was 22 years old. And not only my husband but I've lost many a friends to heroin and countless other drugs. Drugs that seemed so "fun" at the time. I've done drugs. I've done everything but heroin. Why? Why do we do it? I'm not sure why. But I know that for years all we cared about was smoking pot, eating acid, rolling on X, snorting cocaine, smoking meth, eating painkillers and then for the rest of my friends heroin. Somehow I managed to escape that path. I think I was afraid of it above all other drugs. One by one I watched them die. It stopped being fun the minute it took control. Addiction is powerful, not just to heroin but to ANY drug. I understand what Regina was trying to say but the thing with addiction is that your body, no matter how "responsible" you are with your drugs, becomes ADDICTED. Your brain pattern changes, your body chemistry changes. It's not as simple as just being responsible. Once someone becomes addicted, you're addicted. And all that matters is more, more, more. You LOSE CONTROL. I think that if Kyndall were alive right now she WOULD want to help in anyway that she could. She'd want to help those addicted, those with family members and loved ones suffering. She'd want to help stop this epidemic. Even if that means posting links to certain sites that might supposedly throw people in jail. Because honestly jail is better than death. My husband found sobriety in jail. He found the courage to enter a rehab from jail. He was able to stay clean for as long as he could. Yes, I do believe that people need to take responsibility for their actions. My husband CHOSE to do heroin "one last time". And because of that I had to watch him die in a hospital bed at the age of 22. We need to stop this NOW. Again I am truly, deeply sorry for your loss. If there is every anything I can do to help in spreading the word please feel free to e-mail me anytime.
Juanita < hippiejua@Hotmail.com >
American Fork, UT - USA (2006-04-05)

hey cameron buntin. thanks alot for posting your thoughts onto my sisters website, that means alot to me and my family of what you think about her whole situation of what she gone through. i am only 15 years old and i was reading your thought and i hope you stay clean for the rest of your life and just think to yourself and say what am i doing, i don;t need this in my life, drugs are bad and they kill you and i don;t deserve this in my life so i will stop all the drugs i do and live a happy life. just say that too yourself and maybe it will help. you don;t need all this drugs in your life because there is more important stuff in life like all the people who love you and everytime you think about getting high or wanting to think about the people whole love you and how much you can hurt them and evither loose them to overdose and what that would do to them. there is more important things in life than getting addicted to something that can take away your life. the only thing in life that you should be addicted to is your family or the people who love you. please do this for me and your family and for all the people that loves you and stay away from drugs. you will regret doing drugs in the end. u will live a much better and happier life without drugs in your life and just keep away from them. i am only 15 years old but i don;t know if this helped but i tried. thanksagain for posting your thoughts about my sister. thanx for your cooperation. live a great life and be happy and get married and move on with your life and have no drugs in your life and stay clean forvever. cameron
cameron znidarsic < killacam420@gmail.com >
toms river, nj - USA (2006-04-05)

my name is cameron and i am kyndalls little brother and every day i stare at my wall and i always look at her picture and i always think about her 24/7 and sometimes when i look at her picture for so long i tear because i miss her too death and i wish i can just see her one last time. i still get depressed every time i look at her pictures and think about her. i will always love her as my sister and i am always going to be thinking about her. i wouldn;t be here without my sister nikki(the one who made this website) my sister nikki is the one who helped me with this tragedy and without her i don;t know where i will be. thanks alot nikki for making this website and for helping me through out the years, i love you. cameron.
cameron znidarsic < killacam420@gmail.com >
toms river, nj - USA (2006-04-05)

Excellent posts, Cameron. I am very proud of you. :) Love, Nikki
Nikki < >
Kyndalls sister, - USA (2006-04-05)

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. Unfortunately I can relate to your story. I lost my big brother to a heroin overdose 2 years ago. My brother meant the world to me and a I feel like a part of me died along with him. Thank you for sharing your story and offering information to help people who are struggling with addiction. Hopefully it will save other families from enduring the pain that we feel. You will be in my prayers.
Erika < >
, - USA (2006-04-02)

I know I'm young, but I guess I understand what a lot of you are saying on this website. Both of my cousins struggle from addiction, and one of them even self-mutilates. It's so hard for me. I'm only barely a teenager. I try to learn as much about drugs and addictions as I can. I feel that if I scare myself into having enough self control to always so no, I'll never fall into temptation. Also, I feel like I need to protect my friends. I'm probably the most "knowledged" of all my friends and I feel privlidged to have there backs. (watch out for them). I feel for everyone who's lost a love one, or who stays up at night, much like me, worrying about what I would consider two of my best friends are doing. Will the come back tomorrow? Will I ever get to say I love you again? I pray every night just for that. just so they won't leave me before I get to say that I love them.
Becky < I'dratherkeepmyinfoprivate324@aol.com >
Something, NJ - USA (2006-04-02)

its ok alot has gone on and just move on with your life and now kyndall is in a happy place,.
Brianne Guillot < cocolovedog@yahoo.com >
slidell, la - USA (2006-03-29)

I lost someone very important to me because of a suspected heroin addiction. She reminds me alot of Kyndall, she was artistic, beautiful, and had the biggest heart. I will never forget her or what killed her, and though it seems so personal I cannot stop telling people about her. I am in college now, and so many people see drug use as a normal habit. If you have serious problems with them, that's considered weird. I guess they don't understand the pain of losing someone to drugs, and I hope they never will. Thank you for posting this site.
Nicole < >
Irvine, CA - USA (2006-03-29)

Hi! My name is Cameron, but I am a 20 year old female. I noticed you have a little brother named Cameron,too. I read everything on your pagge, and I believe it helped me stay sober today. Your page caught my eye because I am 9 months sober from a heroin addiction, I've been all the rehab and halfway house stuff.Currently I am still in the "program" you know!? Any way, lately I have been depressed and wanting to get high. I know for me, to get high is to die. I have a 27 year old sister who struggled with the fact her little sis could overdose. Reading everything you wrote about Kyndall really helped me to remember and understand, that it's not all about me. I could relate so much to Kyndalls journals, I understand what she was going through, it is an everyday struggle. Heroin is a monkey on my back. Kyndall is at peace she is back home with her creator. God Bless you and your family...and thank you for keeping me sober today.Cameron-I would love to hear back from you if you have the time.
Cameron Buntin < cashleyb@hot.mail.com >
Stuart, Fl - USA (2006-03-28)

hello...i'm so sorry about your loss kyndall. i am in a world of agony myself right now..just a few nights ago i lost someone very close to me from a heroin overdose...i just can't understand...i'm also being the blame for this from his family...i'm so hurt i don't know where to turn..i know i must move on and look forward...i certainly will not tollerate anyone else in my life using drugs at all. church will be a big part of my life now ..i've tired it before and ignored it...now i've had such a big eye opener..it actually hit home. its ruined my life and i've lost my husband and children for the time being...i'm so saddened and feel so empty...he was only 36 years old and i knew him for 3 years...i feel as if i could have done something to prevent this but i never imagined death would happen...i'm scared and i know i need counciling help bad, which i'm seeking .i'm glad i could share just this little bit with you all. theres so much more to this story but it would take too much to write. again i'm sorry for everyone's loss from drugs...especially that evil evil heroin...it kills, it really kills..i'm so angry and so empty,numb,upset,freaked out. hopfully i can join a group asap for my sake beacuse i need good people to talk to. thank you dearly. aileen
aileen peele < ap8930@sccoast.net >
myrtl, sc - USA (2006-03-25)

i am so sorry that your family had to go through that. i currently have a brother struggling with heroin, he gets clean for some time only to relapse again and again and my biggest fear is that i will be dealing with his death. i feel that it is only a matter of time and it breaks my heart because my brother had so much more potential then what his life has become
< mylys713@adelphia.net >
, - USA (2006-03-24)

i understand what you are talking about and that same thing has happened to my frien. lets just say it doesnt have a happy ending.I pray that God will comfort you in your loss as He did in mine. God bless, and like we've all said....Drugs are not the answer
Chrissy < kacy45@hotmail.com >
pensecola, fl - USA (2006-03-23)

my name is kyndall to and think that is so cool but i think that it is terrible what hapopened to kyndall i wish yall luck
Kyndall < rwoods241@netzero.com >
madison, NC - USA (2006-03-22)

I do not want to use heroin and I do not think anybody should!Kyndall's story was very sad and I was stuck here crying for almost an hour.I too have lost someone very important to me but not from any drugs.I kind of know how you guys feel.It was hard for me also.But I got through it with my family.I think this story says something about heroin.It says that not only heroin is very addictive, it may also lead to death.If anyone is currently using it, get help immediatly.Read Kyndall's story and that'll make other people quit.I am young but I DO NOT plan to use this horrible drug, or any drug, in the future.I am learning about this in school.To people out there who are suffering from what this family suffered, get help for them.Force them to get help if you have to.But remember to check on them very often. And also, SAY NO TO ANY DRUGS!SAY NO!"NO NOT GONNA USE IT"!
Sara < eaw449@hotmail.com >
pittsburgh, PA - USA (2006-03-18)

kyndall is so lucky to have a family like yours that loves her and thinks of her so much!! god bless you all
mary brzychcy anderson < saturndiva11@yahoo.com >
elizabeth, nj - USA (2006-03-16)

Happy birthday in Heaven, Kyndall. You have touched many and will continue to do so.
Janelle < >
, - USA (2006-03-14)

Your site reminds me of friend i had. He didnt die from the drug he killed himself for it. Im really sorry for your bros and sis i understand what your going through. Just remember She will imortally in your ever graced heart. I maybe a seventh grader but i do know what your going through.
Carl B. < lpark451@yahoo.com >
Milwaukee, Wisconsin - USA (2006-03-10)

I was browsing heroin addiction for a college paper when I came upon Kyndall's story. It brought tears to my eyes. I had a cousin who overdosed on heroin at the age of 31. He just never woke up. Since his death about a year and a half ago I have thought about him constantly. He is the reason I chose this topic for my paper. I want to know what goes through the mind of a addict and how it is that some people can stop while others die trying. I thank you for your web site. Kyndall's journals especially, give a bit of insight into how the addiction really effects ones body and mind. My heart goes out to you and your family. I will say a prayer for your family and Kyndall as well as my cousin, Richard "Bam" Staubitz. Be safe.
Marcia < marbil3140@yahoo.com >
, - USA (2006-03-08)

First of all I want to say I'm sorry that you lost your sister to this evil drug. Your website has a lot of helpful links. I have a 19 year old daughter who is a heroin addict. She overdosed last year but that only stopped her for a few weeks, now she is in jail soon to get out. I fear her getting out, she says she wants to get help. But she wants to go to meetings she said she has already detox so she does not need inpatient. I know she does not have the coping skills she needs to beat the drug. I will show her this website. Thank you again for sharing Kyndall life.
Dawn < dek0708@yahoo.com >
, - USA (2006-03-06)

Hi Vanessa. Thank you for posting your thoughts. I tried to email you but the address is not valid. I am very sorry to hear that your boyfriend is a heroin addict. It must feel very frustrating and helpless to know that you can not make him quit. I want you to know that he probably wants to quit and he most likely loves you and doesn't want to hurt you but heroin is such a physical and mind addicting drug that it takes over your soul. The best thing you can do is to keep talking to him about getting help and finding him resources to do so. Please look at this link for rehabs, inpatient and outpatient, that you can help find for him. dasis3.samhsa.gov Also, try naranon meetings for yourself. These meetings are for people who have loved ones who are addicts. It's kind of like a support group for people who are going through the same thing as you. You will be surprised at how much help you can find there. Don't worry about having to speak. You can go and just listen if you like. nar-anon.org/naranongroups.htm I wish you luck and will pray for both of you.
Nicole < Kyndall's sister >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2006-03-03)

Daphne, you are correct. As a mother of a 15 year old girl and also raising my 15 year old brother, I make every effort possible to get involved in their lives and to educate them about the dangers of drugs. Of course, they know first hand because of Kyndalls addiction and ultimate death. I can not stress enough the importance of getting involved in your teenagers life. That means knowing where they are, getting to know their friends, picking them up and dropping them off, (yes, being their taxi cab) encouraging them to get a hobbie or be involved in sports, talking to them about drugs and alcohol and most importantly, talking to them about whats going on in their lives. Easy? No way. You have to be a friend, teacher and a disciplinarian at the same time. You also have to realize that you can only do so much and ultimately, the choice to do drugs or not is up to your child. In no way should the parent be blamed if they did the best they could. It is unfortunate that our mother did not do the best she could but I have learned from her mistake. I hope other mothers do the same. This site is not just a memorial to Kyndall, it is a lesson to us all. It is here to help prevent another addiction.
Nicole < Kyndall's sister >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2006-03-02)

I have a boyfriend related with a dangerous drug "heroin" ... i thought he could change because of me or his family that really are worry about him and support him but he always said that he will leave the drug, that we will prove that we is out of that drug, but i really dont believe anymore on his words .. i tell him that i really want to see actions. He also sell and buy that drug, im really concern i dont know what to do ..i really love him and i always pressure him to be out of that but he has bad friends, also their cousins are related with addicted problems and they really dont work and do anything in their lives. my boyfriend seems ok and has a good work. i dont know what to do that he can stop for ever that drug, he always said that if he leave it he will miss the heroin in his body... im so sad to hear that.. he said that he dont really need to go to somedoby but thats not true.. i always be realistc and honesty with him.. i support him and help him but he still in the same track. plz somedobdy help me on what to do.
Vanessa < sweet_wirl86@hotmail.com >
Norwalk, Ca - USA (2006-03-02)

I feel so sorry for kindall, I don't know but i read the whole story of her iand is really sad. and i think that she turned out to be like this be cause her mother decided to leave and not to come back ever agian, not oly her she left behind but all of her borthers and sisters and i think that no matter what you should love your kids and that one of the reasons kyndall fall into drugs and her life ended up like that.
Daphne Lopez < sweetbeba87@yahoo.com >
fort worth, tx - USA (2006-03-01)

I was on this site seeking out patient substance abuse for adolescents when i came upon this site. This was so special and my heart goes out to you and your family. I have suffered w/ drug addiction in my life and i am now a substance abuse counselor/aftercare Coordinator. When i read the total web on Kyndells diaries WOW! i wanted to just cry. She was very inteligent and i was taken aback w/ the poem on Till death do we Part. That is something i feel can be used when addressing teens and the power this drug has on peoples lives. I wish the best for your family, i hope her mother was there before she passed on to go home.
Jamilah < jamilahmason@yahoo.com >
Boston, Mass - USA (2006-02-27)

I was doing research on heroin for a school paper when I came upon this site. Prior, I was researching facts only. This site opened my eyes to the heart wrenching pain felt by everyone involved. heroin addiction acts like a chain reaction in causing chaos and pain for everyone involved. Thank you for sharing her journals also. It is important to see how an addict thinks and feels. This web site has contributed greatly to my research but has also given me a heart felt insight as well. My blessings to your family.
Cecilia < >
chigago, il - USA (2006-02-23)

Hello,that was a sad story.Idont know this girl but from reading so long i feel that i do.I have a sister whos 17 years old,she uses heroin.She looks realy sick and shes just not herself.Im only 13 years old,but mt sister has a twin sister.I realy dont know what to say to her and im looking for help because everytime i try and talk to her she dont listen just because im young and she dont think i know what it will do to her.The bad part is that she has a very big heart problem and drugs do not help.she dont go to school,she lives in a trailer with her boyfriend who also does heroin.the only reason she does have a home is because of her money she gets from her heart.i dont want my sister to die i would probaly go mentaly insane.I need help to help her.
jennifer baker < >
flint, mi - USA (2006-02-17)

I am Kyndall's sister Jordana and this is my first time talking here. I only visit her site about once a month because even now it is still very difficult for me. Even now I still can't go a day without thinking of her. I am always grateful to my sister for this amazing site that she has made. Even though it is hard to visit her site, it has also been a healing place for me. I thank all of you that take the time to share your stories with us. It has helped me greatly to see how Kyndall's story has changed people, especially the younger people that have wrote in and said after reading her story it has changed their decison on trying this drug. To know that her death has helped even one life makes a huge impact. I hope that her story continues to help people and allow them to better understand this hell that she and so many others are going through. For those of you that look down upon an addict and look at them as though they are trash, please think again. Remeber that the person they were before the addiction is who they really are. I never looked at my sister as a drug addict. Only someone who found a moment of happiness in a hard life. Although that moment had escaladed into horror and then later her death. She was an amazing person and no matter how much our family tries to put it into words, will never fully be able to express her kindness and love that she had for others. I feel even now with all the pain I still suffer that God took her to help others. With the responses our family has recieved I know this to be true. So I thank all of you that have written in and shared with us, it has been very comforting for me and I'm sure for the rest of my family as well.
Jordana < danadawn27@aol.com >
Woodbridge, NJ - USA (2006-02-11)

I pray everyday that the Lord takes the drug epidemic away! I am sorry for your loss, such a beautiful young lady. I, too, stumbled onto your site. I just typed in September 26th (my birthday) just to see what came up...One click later I was in tears. It's Ok though, I needed to be reminded of how far I have come since my ex-husband wrecked our whole life with his addiction. I married my high school sweetheart and 22 years later he left me for her...heroin. I supported him for years through rehabs and pain. Then he gave up on us and himself and left me.I will always love him, but I have struggled and I know I am better off not living in that world. When I read Kyndall's story about guns and stuff, I remembered one time my ex told me about the time a dealer sent his small child out to the car to deliver. My ex said "all you could see was his eye's by the side mirror" he was only that tall. I knew then my ex was gone for good, because I didn't know this person who would buy dope from a child. It still amazes me how many lives are touched (or crushed) by addiction. Let's all keep praying for all madness to stop........Here's a hug to {{{{{{you all}}}}}}...goodnight
Jo Jo < laughlinm@bellsouth.net >
Huntsville, AL - USA (2006-02-06)

sorry for your loss.
tom < >
, - USA (2006-02-02)

I sit here tonight wondering where my former husband is. He is homeless now with no job, no car, no money and no possessions and on the streets with a warrant out for his arrest. Except I am sure he has his heroin. I am waiting for that phone call that everyone dreads. I haven't told our daughter yet and she is wondering why he hasn't called. He is suppose to be in a halfway house for treatment. He is still using. My family has lived in hell this past year. We have tried so hard to help him, but the control of this drug is so overwhelming. I have read the posts on this website and I say a prayer for each person and their families. I want to thank Nicole for the effort and time she has put into this website. I have found a very good friend here and we have been writing to each other a lot. He has been the biggest help to me in all that I am dealing with. We all have one thing in common coming to this page and that is drugs. Heroin has changed my entire life and the lives of our children. Having an 18 year son say he hates drugs and promises never to do them is great. I openly talk to both my kids and they have seen first-hand how destructive drugs can be. I truly think they will say NO. Of course thru all of this bad so good. Both have become great musicians. Our lives have been changed for good and bad and I owe it to God and to good family and friends. I remember Kyndall daily. I hope and pray she will be waiting for Todd because heroin is going to kill him.
Jackie < hannieva@yahoo.com >
Willard, OH - USA (2006-01-13)

This is also in response to 16 year old "Joe". I feel you are very ignorant Joe, especially with your Dad having died from a heroin overdose three years ago. I am 33 years old and yes I too have experimented with drugs in my younger years, but have found absolutely no good in them. Earlier this year my son's Dad died of acute opiate intoxication aka heroin overdose, though it wasn't actually an overdose it was a reaction in his body from the heroin or whatever it may have been cut with. When you are "rolling" on ecstacy you also don't know what you really are putting into your body. People die from ecstacy everyday as well. Did you know that? I am upset after reading your comments. My 10 year old son lost his Dad this year and I have done everything I can to help him through this. If he ends up doing the things you are doing in a few years I will be once again devasted. He has the choice though, to rebel as you are, or to make educated decisions based upon what he has seen and learned. Think about your family before you use again. If you need to be around lovely people find another "common link" to different lovely people such as your intellect or talents. Please feel free to read my posting on this site from 9/2/05 and maybe that may help you to think twice.................Also, how did you come across this site? Maybe you are having a hard time dealing with the death of your Father and that is why you found this site. I can understand that you may be angry, sad and experience all types of emotions in connection to what happened to your Father because my son and I do but you need to talk to someone about them. Carry your Father with you everyday in your heart and learn from his mistake.
Jennifer < >
Cincinnati, OH - USA (2006-01-07)

In response to 16 year old Joe- Hey Joe. Quit doing drugs while you are ahead. I can tell you that my sister had fun doing them in the beginning too. Once you are addicted, though, your views on drugs will change drastically if they don't kill you first. I will pray for you. FYI all- mdma is ecstasy
Nicole < >
, - USA (2006-01-03)

I believe that it is very sad that you lost your sister and I`ve had to deal with the loss of a very close friend of mine so I hope you the best but now she is with god....
Torrey Artz < >
Lebanon, Pa - USA (2006-01-03)

hello, my father died from a heroin overdose 3 years ago. I'm 16 years old and suffer from a terminal illness called cystic fibrosis I'm doing well though i only visit hospital a few times a year for i.v's. I play the drums and make short films. im very open minded, i go raving every weekend and have met all sorts of interesting brilliant people. I know that my life will be alot shorter then most peoples so i would like to experiance all things in life. I do take drugs and i have fun, ive had the best nights of my life taking drugs meeting lovely people. When i take mdma i feel more well then i ever have in my life, I sit there and i can breath. Taking lsd makes the world a beautiful place and opens up your mind. I know staying up all night in a freezing cold dusty dirty barn dancing all night and then not eating all day isnt what my body needs but being with other people who understand me is what i love. I know drugs are dangerouse so im not stupid, but if you havent experianced drugs for yourself then all you will understand is that their bad. take care my lovelis
joe < k-holing@hotmail.com >
cambs, - Uk (2006-01-02)

Ive just read about your sister im sad for her .Ive just broken up with a girl from brisbane australia after doing everything I could for her too stop heroin she decided to turn her back me and use heroin again with an addict new boyfriend i am not a heroin addict i could of helped her but eliska seidlova chose heroin over me helping im shattered knowing she will die your article has identicle simularities to eliska .
bruno < bdirago1@bigpond .com >
melbourne, vic - australia (2005-12-27)

Merry Christmas Kyndall. We all missed you so much on this special day, but you were in all of our thoughts and hearts. It will never be the same without you, but I know that you were with us today in spirit. We all miss you and love you so much Huta!!!
Erin < Bri419@verizon.net >
Ocean Gate, NJ - USA (2005-12-25)

I am sorry for your loss. I understand the pain you and your family have gone through. I have a couple of family members addicted to heroin. My big brother overdosed on heroin on October 23,2005. He was only 30 years old, he had been a heroin addict for more than 10 years. I was crying as i read your sisters story cuz it reminded me of my brother. He fought so hard for so long with his addiction he had been clean on and off so many times. Actually when he overdosed he had been clean for a few months and he relapsed for the last time. I lived out of town and i can clearly remember when my younger sister called me to tell me that my brother was gone. The feeling in unexplainable. The last time I had seen him was when hurricane rita hit and my family came to san antonio to get away from it. He was clean and laughing and upset that he had to leave home cuz he felt nothing was gonna happen anyway. Ill remember that time forever. He was so intelligent, he could have been anything in the world that he wanted to be but this drug wouldnt let that happen. He was a father and he was so proud when he knew he had a boy. He had been a U.S Marine for a while but was discharged due to his drug. One thing is for sure he may have been an addict but he never stopped trying to better himself. He was attending college and had a job at the time of his death. He had done more in his life than most clean people do including me. He left us so suddenly and we will miss him dearly forever.
Angela Stafford < Twinkletoes31904@yahoo.com >
San Antonio, TX - USA (2005-12-24)

I never met Kyndall, but in many ways she has taught me so much! I came across this site when I was looking for cruise ship reviews!! How strange is that? But it was there that I saw a review from a lady whom I thought her name was ��jeepers��! �� But it was Kyndall��s oldest sister Nicole! I read the review and thanked Nicole via E-mail for writing it, but then saw the link at the bottom of the page�K I am from a small town in Eastern Canada and have been extremely lucky with my one beautiful Daughter (Noelle, who turns 21 on the 28th of Dec.) I tried to talk to her as much as I could about drugs and it��s just not an easy thing to do with teenagers. She was lucky and had never experimented with much in her incorrigible years, but she would always tell me that so and so was trying it, and this person was out of it, etc�K I never knew how to help except to tell her that I would always be there if anything starting happening. (Which I know really wasn��t enough.). Since meeting (E-mailing) Nicole, I have now armed Noelle and all her friends with this website. If I could give any advice at all�K If you are a parent of any child over the age of 12 or 13 these days, and you are not sure how to talk to your kids about drugs, at least let them know about this site. It truly ��will�� save lives�K I��m sure it has already! I could probably go on for a long time but I do want to finish by writing the words of a song most of you will know �K a song that I sang in Kyndall��s honor this past November 18th on The Voyager of The Seas Cruise ship where I told her story to the approx. 600 people in the theater that night, and introduced them to Kyndall��s site. You see, Kyndall��s legacy went further than just drugs for me�K it has already made me a better person in other ways. If I have one major fault it is that I don��t tell people how I really feel. I lost my Mother and Father in a period of less than 3 months in 2001 and, although I know they knew it, I didn��t physically tell them that I loved them! Something I can��t do (personally) ever again! I was also guilty of that with my own Daughter until Kyndall��s story, combined with Garth Brooks song ��If Tomorrow Never Comes�� really hit home. If someone does something good for someone that I know about, I let them know now�K I tell people who are close to me just how much they mean to me�K and of course, I now tell my Daughter every night that I love her dearly�K because ��If Tomorrow never Comes�� you can��t do it anymore!! I am serious when I say I am a better person because I met Nicole. Nicole, even though it hurts like heck sometimes, is a better person because of Kyndall! Thank you girls! Nicole�K I hope you find the strength to have a happy and peaceful Christmas �K Kyndall, I know you��ll enjoy Heavens biggest Birthday Party of the year on the 25th!! Rob Thomas ��If Tomorrow Never Comes�� Sometimes late at night, I lie awake and watch her sleeping She's lost in peaceful dreams, So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark. And the thought crosses my mind . If I never wake up in the morning, Would she ever doubt the way I feel, About her in my heart If tomorrow never comes, Will she know how much I loved her, Did I try in every way to show her every day ,That she's my only one, And if my time on earth were through , And she must face the world without me, Is the love I gave her in the past, Gonna�� be enough to last If tomorrow never comes. 'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life, Who never knew how much I loved them, Now I live with the regret, That my true feelings for them never were revealed, So I made a promise to myself , To say each day how much she means to me, And avoid that circumstance, Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel If tomorrow never comes, Will she know how much I loved her. Did I try in every way to show her every day, That she's my only one. And if my time on earth were through, And she must face the world without me. Is the love I gave her in the past, Gonna�� be enough to last, If tomorrow never comes So tell that someone that you love, Just what you're thinking of If tomorrow never comes:
Rob Thomas < robthomas@nl.rogers.com >
St. John's, NL - Canada (2005-12-23)

I am so sorry for your lose.I already know how bad the drug is because my step dad dtarted useing it and he went from a nice man to someone who beat me and my mom and stole from everyone...he put a gun to my head when I was in 6th grade.we finally got away from him but the heroin did not he is now a sciofrinic...I am scared for my life every day that he will find me and kill me...That drug ruins lifes it is so addictive....agin I am sorry for your lose.
amanda < mandymf75@yahoo.com >
sacramento, ca - USA (2005-12-19)

The tears are on my keyboard. What a beautiful sister you guys have. Talented, and I am certain a kind, and gentle soul. You can see that in her smile. That's the mask we put on. Genuinely happy for everyone else and we smile and inside we're screaming from the pain. We can never see the good in us. Can't find it. Take a look at Regina there. Smug. That's a character flaw. When you presume to know answers to something you have never known that's ignorance. Want to brag you didn't get sick the first time you used? Want to claim you're a responsible drug user. Kid yourself. I'd bet a billion bucks if Regina was down in Kensington today her smart butt wouldn't be so cocky. I wouldn't wish on anyone the pain, embarassment and the cravings a habit brings. Although I'd like to put Regina in one of those old time Viewmasters. I wouldn't hurt a soul in this world so I'd never lead a person there, but just let her see, and feel, and smell the rot, decay, filth and abandonment that people live in. By choice NO. When you use you choose to use not ruin your entire life and trick your a*s out on a freezing corner in the shadows of an El. That comes up the road. Nobody ever tells you that and if they did you can't see yourself there. Smuggness, and heirs honey get you into trouble down the line. Hopefully you never need help from someone who claims to know more than you do. I've met probably hundreds of people who were educated, loved, successful, and oh so believed in responsible drug use. They ended up like everyone else who becomes a heroin addict. Either dead, sick, jailed, or commited to a psych hospital. Blessings, and prayers to a nice family with a beautiful sister who we pray is up there helping out another addict today. Thanks for letting me share. I feel your grief. I am so, so sorry.
Bree < >
Philly, PA - USA (2005-12-15)

I am not one to express my thoughts on public forums but I couldn't help myself. After reading this website, I was amazed how much good it could actually do and how amazing Kyndall was. I read through her journals and you could see she was a struggling kid but had a heart that was pure and good. She just wanted to be normal and wanted nothing but good for her family too. Then I read what that ignorant Regina person wrote and I just had to write. There is one important factor that she left out when she made her remark about using heroin correctly and in moderation. You see, I lost my son to a heroin overdose. He used it ONE TIME in his life. It was a bad batch and it killed about 4 kids total. So Regina, you see, even in moderation, heroin can be a killer. Stop trying to fool yourself.
Kanisha < >
NYC, NY - USA (2005-12-15)

I just happened to stumble upon this site. Actually I found Autumn on myspace and saw the website from there. Don't know if you remember me Autumn, you came over my house and my mom did your nails for the junior prom. I lived in Port Reading. Kyndall was always really nice to me and gave me a few rides home from school. I had art class with her. I wish I had known about what happened to her and about this site sooner. One of my best friends is fighting a battle with heroin and I'm really sorry to say that we really aren't best friends anymore. I've tried to help her in anyway that I know how but she's totally distant and avoids me. I got a voicemail from her about a week ago that she is moving to Florida and wanted to see me before she left. I tried calling her numerous times and now that she's down there I have no way of getting in touch with her. She met a guy about 2 years ago who is an addict and that's basically how she got mixed up. So many times I wanted to just show up at her house but didn't in fear of what state I might find her in. My uncle also battled with heroin for almost 30 years. Sounds crazy but he would be clean for years and then end up relapsing. He lost his battle and died on March 8, 2002. He left behind two daughters as well as many family members. I was very close to him. He was like my Dad #2. Once when I was caught doing acid when I was about 15 he had a talk with me about drugs and what they will do. I thank him for that talk everyday. We shared the same birthday which oddly enough is the day that Kyndall died....Sept 7th. I was recently married and wished so badly that he could have been there. I still get very upset thinking about him. I could go on talking about him forever. This is a really great site. Thanks for doing it. My heart goes out to your family. It truly is a sad thing. Kyndall was a good person and I was so extremely envious of her talent. She deserved better. All that gets me by with losing my uncle is that it must have happened for a reason. The night of his wake Scott (my husband but only my friend back then) was one of the only friends I had that showed up and helped me through. That night I realized that he was the one for me. Strange how things like that happen. Autumn....I'd love to see you on myspace. I'll send a friend request. Again I wish all the best for you and your family.
DENISE < DEE9774@MSN.COM >
WOODBRIDGE, NJ - USA (2005-12-12)

When I first read REGINA's remarks, I didn't get upset. I figured she was some pretentious college student who was spouting off something she just read in a book. Then she said this: "I have taken heroine myself and have had no addictive reaction, no nausea, and in fact, no ill effects at all because I use the drug in moderation and only in combination with other substabces that I know will not produce adverse effects. If Kyndall\'s use had been as well managed she\'d be alive today." LOL...that's when I realized she's just plain CRAZY! Miss you Kyndall!
Autumn < SkyeZ11@aol.com >
Brick, NJ - USA (2005-12-09)

Does that Regina even have a brain in her head? What an ignorant moron!! Her remarks make me laugh!!
Erin < bri419@hotmail.com >
, - USA (2005-12-08)

While I am sorry for your loss I have to take issue with the manner in which you're grieving. The language you're using in describing Kyndall's death is shifting the blame to the wrong place. Heroine didn't kill Kyndall, it is what she used to kill herself. And, by the way, I'm not even remotely saying her death was a suicide I'm saying that heroine isn't this malevalant force that this site and sites like it make it out to be. It is a drug, a drug that was legal for years and that was sold as a pain medication. The only reason it became illegal was because people began to abuse it. And, like most prescription drugs, taking too much can have devestating consequences. However there are no sites denouncing Morphine or Tylenol-3 even though they both are derived from the same Opium plant that is used to produce heroine. People seem to think there's this huge devide between legal drugs and illegal drugs. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Many legal drugs share chemical ancestry if not direct chemical components with illegal drugs. Drugs aren't killing people, people's misuse of drugs is killing people. Heroine overdoses usually happen when someone has developed a tolerance for the drug and begins experimenting with higher doses or more potent doses in order to feel the same effect they used to feel from safer, more moderate doses. A person with a high tolerance has to take a moderate amount just to stave off the effects of withdrawl, getting high takes an even higher dosage. Even more danger is then introduced as the person ingests high-purity, high-dosage amounts of heroine and this is what can lead to an over-dose. I have taken heroine myself and have had no addictive reaction, no nausea, and in fact, no ill effects at all because I use the drug in moderation and only in combination with other substabces that I know will not produce adverse effects. If Kyndall's use had been as well managed she'd be alive today. Heroine was not to blame, her misuse of it was to blame. I don't blame cars when someone falls asleep at the wheel and get's killed in a crash. I don't blame fire when someone accidentally burns their house down. These are human errors. Removing cars and fire from the world because people can misuse them and wind up harming themselves would be just as ridiculous as removing drugs from the world for the same reason. We have to take personal responsibility and place blame on where it belongs instead of shifting it to inanimate objects or substances. In essence, blame the kid snuffing nitrous out of a whip cream bottle, not the whip cream bottle. Also, your linking this site to the American anti-drug/prohibitionist movement is also unwise. If Kyndall were still alive these anti-drug groups would have her sent to jail in a heartbeat (or worse) simply because she choose to ingest some white powder. If you must link this site to any political action groups in the drug scene then link to treatment and health based groups instead of prohibitionist propaganda groups. In any event, even if it doesn't seem like it, yur family does have my condolences. Hopefully my words haven't fallen on deaf ears.
Regina < dil@masigate.org >
Aspen, CO - USA (2005-12-08)

Dearest Regina. Consider yourself lucky that you have not become addicted to heroin. Heroin addiction has been proven to be one of the most highly addictive drugs and although some, like yourself, have been lucky enough (so far) to avoid addiction, others have not. My MAIN objective for this site is not to blame heroin but to help PREVENT someone else from making the choice to do it in the first place. The site is to educate people about what can happen when you mess with heroin. We want to prevent a tradgedy from occuring to someone else's family. That is all. If you choose to take the risk, that is your CHOICE. What I am trying to do here, is steer people in the right direction and not to make that choice. It is like playing russian roulette. Is it worth it? As for your comment about Kyndall being sent to jail if she were alive, well, she was sent to jail. And because of that, and the rehabilitation she was ordered to complete, we had one final wonderful year with her. Her jail sentence was one of the best things that happened to her. It made her see the light and want to help herself and turn her life towards God. Unfortunately, unlike you, she had a harder time resisting the drug. Not everyone is made with the same tolerance and control. Remember that before you pass judgement. I agree with your comments about prescription drugs such as morphine, tylenol 3, etc. Too bad giving out these prescriptions like candy is left to certain doctors who do not care if their patients are left addicted. That is entirely another problem. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I will pray that you DO NOT have to face an addiction such as my sister did nor will you have a loved one- friend, relative or child- go through it either.
Nicole DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
, - USA (2005-12-08)

This message is in response to the message from REGINA. Regina, did you even take the time to read Kyndall's story? I doubt it. If you did, you would have seen she was a child when she first did heroin. She was a mere 15 years old. I am guessing that you are young yourself because if you had any children at all, your attitude towards any drugs would be different. I am a mother of 3 teenagers and one of them has a drug problem. This site is a help and a comfort. How dare you come in with your 'know it all' attitude? You know nothing. You can not judge anyone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. And the comment about driving a car and fire is just stupid. Driving a car is needed to provide for your family and comparing fire to heroin is even dumber. They don't compare. Like this site is trying to get through to people, Don't do heroin because you know it is bad for you. Take your rediculous, self centered comments elsewhere. For your kid's sake, I hope you don't have any. To Kyndall's family, my sincere condolences, peace and understanding. Best, Camille
Camille < camidame23@yahoo.com >
Akron, OH - USA (2005-12-08)

Kyndall was my sister-in-law. I got to know her better in her last 2 years she was with us. She had a very warm heart and so much talent. It's such a shame to see what happened to her. I couldn't imagine what she was feeling inside trying to fight the addiction. I think it's great what my wife Nicole is doing with this web site. I can't believe it reached so many people. If it helps just one person then it's worth all the time and effort she put into this site. Kyndall, we will all be one big family again in Heaven.
Danny < kiddan68@comcast.net >
Toms river, NJ - USA (2005-12-07)

Hi Kyndall's family. I am sorry for the loss you suffered. I live in Kansas and many people think that drugs do not live here. I can tell you that they do and they have taken the life of my own sister. I think what you are doing in great and I support your efforts 100%. If I can help in any way, please let me know. You can see by reading the posts here that many people have been influenced in a positive way by Kendalls passing. She must be very proud.
Jason P. < >
wichita, KS - USA (2005-11-29)

In the past 6 months I have known 4 people who have over-dosed from heroin. 3 are dead. I actually watched someone overdose before and it is about the scariest thing I have ever seen. What really sucks is that I had a very close friend of mine severly addicted to the drug. She finally decided to get help and went to a 30 day in-patient rehab facility and then to a half-way house. We kept in touch constantly by phone and my mail and then one day I wrote her and she never wrote back. She kept talking about a home-pass and how her drug-addicted loser boyfriend was still doing heroin. I have not heard a word from her since July. I still have her Grandmothers number but I an afraid to call as to what I may here. I've noticed that alot of heroin addicts who sought help and went to rehab and then come out and relapse seem to have a higher over-dose rate. Thats what happened w/ 3 out of the 4 people I know that are dead right now.
Chelsey < IWUVMYKODI@yAHOO.COM >
Pittsburgh, PA - USA (2005-11-29)

I just came across this site now...I was very good friends with Autumn throughout middle school and I just can't believe that Kyndall is gone. Seeing her pics brought me back to the last time I saw her, walking by my house and I gave her a ride to the train station. I never knew she struggled with this addiction for so long. She is an ANGEL now and is ALWAYS with ALL OF YOU. I lost my brother 5 years ago and it seems like yesterday and a million years ago all at once. I understand your pain...They're angels to watch us now. I cried reading this site. I APPLAUD your devotion to educating people about this addiction...I have a family member who has an ongoing addiction to this EVIL and destructive drug! I HATE IT! It is a never-ending battle, on and off all the time. My heart goes out to your ENTIRE family each and everyday. I keep you all and Kyndall in my thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY. Bless you and may you find some peace in your hearts knowing she is free from struggling. She now has wings so she can soar...like the angel she always was/is.
Kelly < kielmonster19@yahoo.com >
WOODBRIDGE, NJ - USA (2005-11-29)

< >
, - (2005-11-28)

< >
, - (2005-11-26)

Sorry to hear about your loss! She was a very beautiful girl. I am 37 years old and I work as a Juvenile Correctional officer in Utah. I have lost my mother to Heroin before I ever got a chance to know her or see her. She gave me up for adoption for her drug use and that was the greatest thing she could have ever done for me. She must have known it was the best thing for me. I sometimes wonder myself? I have an uncle in the intensive care unit in the VA hospital in L.A. right now fighting for his life due to heroin. It has taken over alot of my families' lives I know what you feel. I do this type of work to prevent youth from destroying their lives. I have a great affect on them with my stories so I hope you will do well in all you do too. God Bless to you and Have a blessed Thanksgiving I am sure your sister is with you always I know my mom is. Thank you!
Diane Bonuales < dbonuales@yahoo.com >
Helper, Ut. - USA (2005-11-24)

This site is a blessing to have to have online. I feel as though I was brought here by someone up above. I am in recovery and lately have been doubting myself and wanting to give in to my addiction. After reading Kyndalls journals and reading the notes of her family, I have decided I have much to live for and to fight for and there is no way I want to cause my family that kind of pain. Its hard. its damn hard but i want to live. Kyndall, thank you. -Craig
Craig < jakit45@aol.com >
, AZ - USA (2005-11-23)

My nephew died from a heroin overdose a year and 1/2 ago. January 9. His 23 birthday was November 1 so he was 21 when this happened. We are still devasted and when I read the families notes, I can still remember how it felt hearing about my nephew and how horrible and sad it has been since. We miss him.
Donna Kay < donnakay@uidaho.edu >
, - USA (2005-11-10)

Nicole, First I'd like to say that I send my condolences to you on the loss of your sister. Last year September 2004, I lost a friend of mine to an herion overdose. No one had any idea that she was even into herion, well drugs at all. She was only 21 years old and left behind a 3 year old son. She went to a party and got drunk and mixed alcohol with herion, and she stopped breathing at the party so, her "dealer" Kevin Obi, put her in the the trunk of his car and dropped her off in the parking lot of a med center where she was pronounced dead. Nora was such a beautiful young woman, had so much potential, and a precious little boy that depended on her. Then October of 2004, I lost another friend to and Herion Overdose in his car... Here in Grandville Michgian we are having SERIOUS problems with Herion. The main supplier Kevin Obi is now locked up and doing life for Murder, but the problelms have not gone away because they have just gone to someone else to get it. Anyone who reads this please take note that jsut because you made it through the first time you did Herion or any drug at that doesn't mean that you will make it through another hit,injection,snort or anything. May God Rest Your Soul Kyndall, Nora, Matt, and everyone else this drug has taken.
Cameron Bradshaw < sleepy1208915@aol.com >
Grandville, MI - USA (2005-11-09)

i was doing heorion for 16 years of my life i started when i was 10 yrs.old i'm 16 yrs.old now
a.d. < butterflies@hotmail.com >
frankfort, ind - USA (2005-11-08)

This... this really affected me. First, of course, was the name. Kyndall. One letter off from mine. There are a few ways that we look similar physically, as well. Second... addiction runs in my family, at least on my dad's side. He had a huge problem with cocaine (I believe that was it) which essentially tore our family apart. Now he's been clean for three years and things couldn't be better. As if that's not enough to keep me off drugs, now I have this tragic story in my mind. I really hate when my friends joke about drugs and such, because it's so insensitive to what actually happens... I'll keep Kyndall in my prayers.
Kendall < eternallysilver@comcast.net >
Carrollton, TX - USA (2005-10-29)

I have no words to feel sorry about what happen. But She was born on the same year as mine. i trully can feel her pain and missions on earth. The only thing i did was a little pray for her, on the end of the journal part. She will be good and we all have to spread the good all over....smile always and helping our brothers and sisters.
Roberto bittencourt. < robertomd@brturbo.com.br >
newark, nj - USA (2005-10-27)

HI MY CONDOLENCES GOES OUT TO KYNDALL ENTIRE FAMILY.DRUG ADDICTION IS A MAJOR PROBLEM IN THIS COUNTRY AND UNTIL THIS COUNTRY START TREATING IT LIKE A EPEDEMIC WE WILL COTINUE TO LOSE BEATIFUL YOUNG GIRLS AND MEN LIKE KYNDALL TO DRUG ADDICTION I HOPE THIS AND THE MANY OTHER STORIES PEOPLE HAVE WRITTEN IN ENDS UP IN THE WRIGHT HANDS IN CONGRESS. AND SOMETHING IS DONE TO CONTROLL DRUGS IN THIS COUNTRY
VALERIE < LAHSKI767@AOL.COM >
FLORHAM PARK, N.J - USA (2005-10-26)

I read the story and hope that you will be alright.It is a horrible drug that killed a friend.
D'Marcus Pulce < Crystalbiggers@aol >
louisville, KY - USA (2005-10-25)

My brother died of an overdose in 2003 too. This drug is so bad. Thank you for telling others about Kyndall's death and for including links to state assisted rehabs. My friend used it to find a rehab that takes medicaid. God bless, Pat
pat < >
, - USA (2005-10-24)

< >
, - (2005-10-20)

kim < peachesncrm0116@yahoo.com >
portage, in - USA (2005-10-17)

I have not read Kyndall's story..but I have read all the commentaries. I need not read the story to know the pain that her family feels as I too loss my brother to heroin. He died at 34 yrs old on Mothers day 4 years ago. He drowned....but it was the heroin in his body that caused his drowning...he was a very good swimmer. He used dirty heroin, the one mixed with quanine...its effect are devastating to the body..and causes pulmonary edema. My brother left behind three children and a wife. I mourn his loss every day. I refuse to think about it in order to stay sane. His addiction started when he was in high school, first marijuana then crack and later heroin. When sober he was a wonderful, loving and hardworking man. He lit up the room when he walked in. He loved us....without limits...he is missed...but I know he is in a better place. Heroin has taken the lices of at least 24 of my relatives on both sides. I have 2 sons and I talked to them about drugs every waking moment. They know the names of their cousins and uncles who today are buried due to heroin overdose. I tell my kids that our families have been cursed by addiction. I pray to God everyday that he protect my boys and keep them away from the claws of drugs. We recently moved the Florida from the Virgin Islands. Kids in Florida are years ahead of those in the Virgin Islands. They smoke at a very young age and have sex like its candy in the store. I am so afraid for my boys....I am ready to head back home. America needs to wake up and realize that drugs are tearing the very fabric of our country. Parents need to be very vigilant...we must monitor what our kids do, who their friends are and who their friends' parents are. While we see addiction take the lives of our young ones, there is an increasing number of parents and other adults also victims of addiction. God bless Kyndall's family...and may he give them the strength to carry on...
Nellie O'Reilly < norei@msn.com >
St. Croix, VI - USA (2005-10-10)

I"m sorry for the lose of your loved one.I"m a recovering heroin addict.My Dad showed me this website,and while reading I felt myself going back to that awful life.Heroin has taken alot away from me and sometimes I wish it took me also because of all the damage I"ve done.You see I never knew I had as great of a family as I do and they've been by my side through it all.It's too bad she didn't call her family up before she went back.I can!I hope you guys know that sometimes it's better to have it put to rest than her have gone through a whole lifetime of what she went through in those years.
Jesssica < >
Brick, NJ - USA (2005-10-09)

< >
, - (2005-09-30)

herion sucks
jhcvcxhjivc < bvbvgcb >
waco, tx - USA (2005-09-29)

Somethings you learn the hard way .. they will make you stronger. But, there are some other things, that once you start to understand them, you don't get a second chance. Stay in school, get educated, GET A LIFE!! .. Say NO to drugs!! I hope your efforts to fight drug usage finds fruit.
BJ < >
, - USA (2005-09-29)

I feel deeply for your loss, and I my prayers are with you. If you would like to get to the ROOT of the problem, look at our government - - yes, the US government. Do some investigative research and you will soon learn who the biggest drug dealers in the world are - - the CIA. You see, the drug industry brings in between $600 to $700 BILLION per year. That's a lot of dirty (tax-free!) money that the government (yes, our government!) gets to spend on covert operations overseas, provides Wall Street with dirty money, etc., etc. This isn't anything new. Our government has been involved in the drug trade for decades. In fact, every successful empire has been involved with the drug trade at some time or another. The British Empire was actively involved in the opium trade (the same opium that goes into heroin) for over 300 years. Something that is this successful doesn't just stop overnight. Say NO to drugs was all a sham and still is to this day. One more piece of recent history directly related to heroin: prior to 2002, Afghanistan was producing record amounts of opium for heroin and the world-wide drug trade. In 2002, Afghanistan suddenly produced only 1/5 of the opium. After 2003, opium production skyrocketed once more. What happened in 2002? Answer: the US invaded Afghanistan in order to kick out the Taliban regime, who had BURNED much of the country's opium in their quest for a more "pure" Muslim state. The US couldn't have that, so we invaded Afghanistan, booted the Taliban, and established our own friendly dictatorship that would ensure the resurgence of the opium harvest for heroin. It was only too convenient that we used 9/11 as a means to invade Afghanistan. Anyway - - enough of the history lesson. The point is, the more investigating you do, the more you will find that our government does nothing to prevent heroin from entering our country. On the contrary, it does everything in its power to keep the flow of heroin, cocaine and other substances into the US. Read up on it and decide for yourself. Best, JF
JF < >
, - USA (2005-09-27)

I am deeply and repectfully sorry for your loss. I came across the site while at work, and I would have to say that this is the first time I have ever cried at work!! This website inspired me a lot. I'm 27, and I used drugs of many kinds (not heroin) for about 3 years. I quit doing drugs when I found out that I was pregnant. Knowing that I was going to have a child was the biggest reason to quit and I did It. My daughter is now 6 yrs old, and I am still clean. I plan on hanging on to this website as inspiration and guidance for when it is time to talk to my child regarding the dangers of drugs. Thank you, and once again, I'm sorry to a devoted family who could do nothing but love, and that's what you did.....you loved Kyndall with every piece of heart you had.
Heidi < hkirstenw@yahoo.com >
Reston, VA - USA (2005-09-14)

Great site. found it on craigslist. Sorry for your loss. I will show this to my little brother. He just started junior highschool.
tom < tompat12@hotmail.com >
omaha, ne - USA (2005-09-13)

My name is Jennifer. I have been searching the internet for months for answers to how I am feeling inside and why I am not moving on with my life. Your wonderful site was the very first of it's kind that I have come across. For the first time in 5 months I have felt compelled to tell my story to someone. My friends and family grew sick of hearing it after only a few weeks so I have been alone with it for some time. I even had someone explain to me that it says in the Bible that one month of mourning and grieving a death is all that is needed and then one must move on. I am sure you get an overwelming amount of mail to review, so I hope this doesn't end up being too long. For some reason I just felt like telling you, maybe I felt you may understand how I am feeling, as it seems NOBODY does. I have shut myself off and become numb inside and am beginning to get used to it. I was moved by your dedication to your sister Kyndall. You recognized her for the beautiful person she was and not for the drugs she did. The word junkie makes me cringe as does the judgement some choose to lay upon Doug's memory for using heroin. My Doug was not a junkie, he used drugs to escape. Though I left our relationship in the romantic aspect because of drugs I understand why he used drugs. I understand the pain he felt by being abandoned by his real mother at one year old and the pain of never feeling good enough. I will try to make this short... Almost thirteen years ago I met my best friend and soulmate, Doug. Up until the beginning of this year we could "feel" when the other person was upset or needed help and we would call or see each other and laugh because we "knew". I know that sounds strange but that's the way we were. We have a 10 year old son, Jacob. Four and a half years ago we finally ended our turbulent romantic relationship. I cannot explain what happened next except that our love grew to something even stronger than that....just an unconditional love that most people may not ever see. Doug was my rock. Our relationship was turbulent mainly because of drugs. Drugs ruined everything and led to lies, stealing, cheating, screaming and me not forgiving. Eight rehabs and eight years and I ended it. After that I accepted his drug use (mainly pot and cocaine, pills at times). I found once I was understanding and that he thought I was "okay" with it that our relationship evolved and grew but living together we couldn't do it. He still continued to use and tried to quit and would use again and again.....never heroin though, so he promised me. He landed a wonderful job with Marriott International as a Chief Engineer of two properties. He made good money and felt good about himself. After 9/11 he was threatened with lay off which finally happened in 9/2003. Doug worked there for five years. He went down hill mentally and physically after the unemployment ran out. I was there and helped all that I could. He went through surgeries for a physical issue which left him with a catheter bag on his side for a year and a half and during this time he was constantly on opiate pain meds....oxycontin, vicodin, percocet...etc. In January of this year he went to the Cleveland clinic where one surgery solved his problem and no more catheter and no more OPIATES for pain. On January 22nd, 2005 Doug's home burnt to the ground (literally) with him in it. He had been asleep and the fire began at 2:30am. He finally awoke with flames rolling over him and made it out. I went there as soon as I heard early the next morning and it was burnt to the ground with nothing remaining. He suffered burns, looked horrified and in shock. He seemed to want me to leave for some reason. His friend was there. We met up later that night and he was having tremors and asked that Jacob and I leave the Red Cross hotel room so that Jacob would not see him like that. I wondered a lot about it. Doug found God from this experience. He began reading the Bible, went to church, starting speaking about life and the afterlife to a few people and even made a cross. One month later his parents bought him a beautiful trailer with brand new carpet and furnishings. He had a job again, a running van and wonderful new home but he was so aggitated all of the time and seemed short with me. Nobody else noticed. He came to my home and said he was scared and was back into cocaine but that he could handle it. Three weeks later, on March 17, 2005 he didn't show up to pick up Jacob for Taekwondo (He was a very wonderful Father to Jacob). I went ahead and took him myself. He also didn't show up on March 14th to take him, just 3 days earlier and we had argued about that. He had given me a good excuse for not showing up Monday and promised he would always call. This just wasn't really like him not to show but yet I thought nothing of it. We went to his new home after Taekwondo to find his TV, computer and lights on, his cigarettes sitting on the table and a bowl of half eaten food. I didn't FEEL anything was wrong. I called, texted and called with no response. The next day I ran into the friend who introduced us and who I haven't seen in 10 years or more and then all of a sudden I started feeling sick. I still didn't think death. Jacob and I went back over to his house that next evening on 3/18. EVERYTHING was exactly the same. I felt a sickness I cannot explain, though I feel you may know it as well. The lights were on, the TV....all the same. I tried to find someone to help me as I didn't want him angry if I broke in or called the police. Nobody to help. None of his friends to be found. NOBODY. I called his cell phone and heard it ring and I knew he was gone. I could hear the phone from outside of the house. I called the Police and two hours later the Chief finally arrived to enter the premises. He asked us to go up the street and he will call us...just in case. It was the longest twenty minutes of my life. Jacob seemed okay though I had not really discussed what we may find out. My phone rang and the officer asked for Doug's parents phone number. They were at an RV park in Florida so I didn't know how to contact them....I asked "is he okay.....tell me....tell me." They hung up on me. I drove down there and parked down the street and asked my little boy to wait in the car. They told me he was gone and that they could give me no more information because we were not married. I explained my son is his legal next of kin and they said they didn't have legal verification. I ran, ran, ran and hugged my son. I told him "Daddy's gone". I will NEVER FORGET that moment. Doug was 32 years old when he died. I didn't cry and the whole time driving to my Parent's house that night ....I didn't cry. I was hating myself because I couldn't cry. The moment I saw my Mom I cried the hardest I ever have in my life and honestly have cried the same almost everday since then. They didn't make this a crime scene, though they should have because someone was there with Doug and left him to die out of their own fear. I know who it was too and it kills me inside. He wouldn't have done this by himself and not when he was picking Jacob up. He had such low self esteem and would give in to his friends. He never was even high on pot when he was with Jacob. The next day I entered his home to get some of Jacobs things not knowing what I would find, but I had felt he may have had a seizure because he had told me he was having seizures to explain the tremors I had been seeing him having. A "friend" had a key and suggested to me to go there and get my son's belongs and that he would take me. Drugs had not entered my mind yet. When we got there, Doug's "friend" went straight into his bedroom and started screaming so I ran back there. There was blood on the floor, alot of it. Apparently this is part of the pulmonary and cerebral edema typical with heroin related death, though I had just assumed he had hit his head on the nightstand. I said nothing and now I cannot get that sight out of my head. I dream it and see it all of the time in my mind. He also found a spoon burnt on the bottom with off-white resin in the center, a bitter tasting powder resting on a plate and on a table surface which I could barely even see. This "friend" tasted it and explained it wasn't cocaine. He touched all of these things with his hands leaving finger prints too. I still believed it was a seizure but for some reason contacted the coroner to see what they knew if anything because we were told that the autopsy had to be transferred to Cincinnati for toxicology. I also got the police report which mentioned they found a narcotic syringe under his body. Nobody had known this. Then the autopsy report was released explaining my Doug died of Acute Opiate Intoxication. 6-Monoacetylmorphine was found in his system, the first heroin specific metabolite. I was devastated and even more so knowing I needed to tell me son the truth, which I painstakingly did after a month of debating and consulting friends, family and professionals. I was given Doug's cell phone by his parents. There were text messages regarding drugs...lots of them, which they never read. There was his last phone call. I will never forget that number. I have called it and have had words with the drug dealer who answers the phone and explained to him he needed to know what his heroin has done. He said he could care less. I have driven down to Over the Rhine to see what these dealers look like on Republic Street in Cincinnati. It is scary. I have information to turn him in and another dealer from the phone records which I ordered. Everyone says to let it go and move on but I just cannot forget it. I have contacted our Drug task force unit in Cincinnati several times and they will not return my calls. It is going on six months now. I feel like leaving this life myself and have even thought about using heroin as Doug did, but then I think of my children (I have two). Honestly, that is the only reason I am still here. I am an only child and like I said earlier, Doug was my ROCK, my only ROCK. When you spend such a long time out of your life with someone, someone who knows you better than anyone, the only person who knows you that way and then they are gone. My poor little boy is devastated as well. For a while I actually had this feeling in the back of my mind that I could fix this somehow. I cannot believe now that I had this feeling because it was crazy really. I actually felt better when I was holding onto that fantasy though but it is gone now. Now I have come to terms with the permanency of this. My faith is either as strong as it could be one moment/day or as far from faith as possible the next. I had no idea he was using that shit (please excuse my language, I am so angry sometimes)though I now remember finding a syringe a while back and thinking nothing of the excuse that it was someone else's. Two friends of his have contacted me letting me know they had suspected it was an occasional habit he developed in 2003 with a friend who is now in prison for Drug possession and trafficking, someone Doug never introduced me to. Now I really talk to no one at all anymore and am so shocked I am writing you. I have worked in sales for seven years and had my best sales month ever in February of this year. After five weeks of no sales (Copiers) my employer reduced my salary by almost half. Then on June 1st of this year they fired me even though I had begun to close sales again. I still have not found work and am now worried about losing my house, since I have been living on the second mortage I took out which is almost gone. To explain to you how I am feeling...... I want answers about why he did this, why didn't I know something was wrong, why didn't someone help him, was he still alive when I was there outside his door just hours after he shot the stuff into his veins and could I have helped him, why did I have to lose my job. I am just devastated and nobody knows what this feels like until it happens. I know that now. You can read or hear about it and feel bad but it is NO COMPARISON to the emptiness, the longing to change it or even leave this life yourself, the big feelings and ponderings on faith and life that come pounding at you like a darn freightrain out of the blue. One moment I think I am heading in the right direction, maybe even a better direction than before this happened and all of a sudden it hits again. WILL IT EVER GO AWAY OR GET BETTER? I have been to Church twice in the past month which helped so much, but then that good feeling is gone again so quick. Doug and Jacob were so close and so much alike and though Doug is now gone I see him in Jacob so often, everyday. Doug was a very special, unique, helpful and smart guy. He could read my mind literally. He would stop and help every single broken down motorist on any road in any weather. It used to drive me nuts. He loved animals, loved to fish, canoe, play his guitar, read, drive his Jeep and go off roadin' and take our son to Kings Island all of the time. He could fix anything. He had the cutest crooked smile. I will always miss him and will never find a love, friend or soulmate like him again. I am okay with that because I don't want one either at this point in time. If you would like to share this letter or a shortened version of it with someone or on your site that would be fine. Maybe it will help someone who may be contemplating using heroin or maybe it will convince someone to get help for their addiction. Maybe it will help a person to see how heroin can ruin a person's life who has never even used it before. If an addict or someone considering using can read my story maybe they MIGHT think twice before hurting the people they love like my son and I have been hurt, let alone hurting themselves and giving their God given gifts away to such a terrible monster. I know Doug didn't realize he was hurting us but this terrible monster heroin has ended a wonderful chapter of my life and more importantly of my ten year old son's life, forever. My new best friend is a light gray granite/marble headstone at the cemetary and it is a friend who has nothing to say. Sorry for this being so long but I guess I had a lot of emotion to get out. This has got to become my Turning Point. I cannot continue to feel this way and I must stop my downward spiral for myself and my children. I will purchase the Turning Point book you recommended on your website. Thank you for listening. Sincerely, Jennifer
Jennifer < >
, - USA (2005-09-02)

Hey! Im very sorry about the loss of such a dear sister. I also feel ur pain. After I read the diary entries,I almost cried knowing that my younger brother can get into that stuff. I am only thirteen but I have my debts to pay to society and one of them is that. Helping to prevent the use of drugs. Drugs are nasty...but ppl still do it...God bless your family...god bless you all.
Laura < red_like_fire_1992@hotmail.com >
Montreal, Qc - Canada (2005-08-31)

I went to school with Kyndall (and Autumn) when we were kids; I remember her as being one of the only people I knew back then who wasn't a jerk to me. There were days when just that one person close to my own age smiling at me in reading group really made a difference. From what little I knew of her, she was always special in a wonderful way, and this world is worse off not to have her anymore. I'm sorry to find out that she's gone.
Nicole < nicole.pank@gmail.com >
Jersey City, NJ - USA (2005-08-17)

< >
, - (2005-08-17)

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, - (2005-08-13)

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, - (2005-08-11)

Nikki, i am so sorry for your loss. pam told me about this site last week. the site is wonderful; it's unfortunate that it took death to bring awareness of the dangers of drugs. God bless your whole family. Kyndall is safe now.
Michelle Kumiega Chick < megachick@kumiega.com >
Redford, MI - USA (2005-08-08)

I am very deeply sorry for the loss of your sister. I think she was a beautiful picture. I hope that you keep her close and that one day you will see her again.
Tina < peanut_butter2001us@yahoo.com >
Jamestown, NY - USA (2005-08-04)

i want to start by saying i am sorry for your loss and hope that kyndalls spirit lives on inside all of her family. this is so much more than a young girls story of addiction. it hits very close to home with me. my 22 year old sister (who is currently in ocean county jail) has been a heroin addict since she was 16. i cant explain the similarities of journal entries and feelings shared. i want to print some of the pages on this site and send it to my sister and hope that she can get some sort of understanding and belief that she can survive this. i havent gone to see her, written any letters, or sent any pictures yet. this is definitely perfect reading material for her clouded mind to wrap around. i thank you for sharing your story and hope that others can see the help this family and site has to offer. thanks and again and rest easy knowing she is not suffering anymore.
nicole l < nykolee831@aol.com >
west orange, NJ - USA (2005-08-02)

My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family.And I will keep Kyndall in my prayers!
Lisa < LisaAlsadi@aol.com >
Norfolk, VA - USA (2005-08-02)

I cant stop crying. You've really done so much to honor your sister. I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you and your family
Jessica < Jessleone@aol.com >
belcamp, md - USA (2005-07-28)

I would like to say that I am truly sorry for your loss. I've never tried heavy drugs because all of my mother's siblings, except my mom and 1 brother are all herion addicts. I've seen what this drug does to people and it makes me sick to my stomach. Kyndall is smiling down at everyone with the freedom of being addicted. Your family, as well as anyone addicted to a substance are in my prayers. Please, don't play with the Devil, HE CHEATS! Praise God!
Rezzi < Rezzi_Watts@brown.edu >
Pawtucket, RI - USA (2005-07-27)

I first heard the poem, Till Death Do We Part, about a month ago at a court ordered drug outpatient rehab program. My demon wasn't heroin but pills. I have been addicted at different times, and at the same time, to opiates, benzos and alcohol. The worst is opiates. Kyndall was very astute in realizing these drugs are pure evil. The counselor did not have the address of the web site, only the poem which she read. She recounted Kyndall's story first. It made me cry. I asked her if it was suicide born of desperation of not being able to ever get over the cravings and depression. She said no one knew. I finally found this site by googling the name of the poem and heroin. The counselor never could spell Kyndall's name correctly. It is a powerful testiment to the hold drug addiction has and the near impossibility of overcoming it. I am fortunate to be on probation and randomly drug tested which means I have no option but to not use. I hope I will have a strong foundation when my probation is over. The only solace I find from this journal is that now Kyndall is now happy at last and forever free from drugs. I know God took her His arms to comfort her when she came to Him. Karen
Karen < benzoidus@yahoo.com >
Athens, WV - USA (2005-07-23)

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, - (2005-07-22)

i think this story is a very sad one. i was just looking on the net at www.drugfreeamerica.org and seen kyndalls story while i was reading it really touched me and it was like i needed to read more and more about her life. i have always been one to say no to drugs and preach to my family about it. one of my cousins that i am really close to has done alot of drugs and i tell him if he ever does them again i will tell my dad and get him put into treatment i also threaten him with i will never talk to you again and he just recently smashed his ice pipe after one of our "talks" i have always wanted to talk to people about drugs but could never tell them a story that i thought would touch them but now that i have read kyndalls story i think that if i tell them about it they will think twice. while reading her story i actually cried because i could not see a family going through such a great loss she is a very beautiful woman and her sister looks just like her i cannot remember her name but she is a very beautiful girl. i am so sorry to hear about kyndall but i am glad i read her story to pass it on to people. i have always wondered what went on in peoples heads when they are under the influence of drugs now i know. i am so very sorry for your loss and she was a very beautiful woman. Cort Manzer
Cortney < sativa_d2002@yahoo.com >
omaha, ne - USA (2005-07-18)

Hey, my name is marina..i havent talked to u before, but i have known about that site for about a year now..i forget how i stumbled across it...i think i was searching "heroin storys"..and Kybdalls site came up...i decided to check it out...i was 13 when i found that site, and i stayed up all nite reading EVERY single page on there..because i couldnt get enough of her life..i know that must sound weird..see, i was contemplating trying heroin...and thats why i was researching it, so i had all the right information that i needed before i went through with trying it..and after i viewed the site, and read about ur sisters life, i decided that heroin wasnt worth it..i have seen ppl that i love go through drug addiction, but nothing i saw with them ever effected me as much as simply reading about Kyndall..maybe its because, all u ever really hear about drugs are the UPs, but for some reason, people always fail to mention the DOWNFALL of using drugs...and i think thats why ur site effected me soo much, was because it was the first REAL glimpse i had ever gotten of how NEGATIVE drugs can be...and i want to thank u, and all ur family, for making a site that tells people the truth about heroin..there should be more sites like urs..i know now that heroin is truely a demon, and i am SOO sorry that u had to lose Kyndall in order to make others realize that.its almost like maybe god chose her, so that her life could make a difference..u know? if she were stil living, people would probably look at her, and think "shes nothing but a drug addict!" (not that i would think that, but alot of ppl are quick to judge)..now ppl look at her story, and they are changed..at least i know it changed me..i dont know how anyone could read Kyndalls journal entries, and not honestly feel guilty, for thinking lowly of those who are unfortunate enough to end up addicted to drugs. I know i felt guilty, and now i look at people who struggle with addiction, and i feel remorse for them..i feel like they are of just as much importance, if not more, than everyone else..becuase Kyndalls words taught me that, ADDICTS are humans too, and they sometimes have bigger hearts than everyone else in this world...well, i know this has been a long letter, but theres just not enough room to tell u how much Kyndalls life has changed me..i dont think words could describe it. Im am Truely grateful that you all made that site, and shared ur sisters story with complete strangers..im sorry for ur loss, i know it had to have been extremely hard on all of you, but she is in a better place now, A better place than anyone in this world. please keep in touch, i would really like to talk to u..if u are anything like Kyndall, then u have a HUGE heart, and its not everyday that i come across someone like that, so please email me back..ill let u go, take care truely yours, marina aka Half Pint groups.msn.com/BRANDONNOVAKPICS/inkyndallsname.msnw
Marina < >
, - USA (2005-07-05)

I knew Kyndall she lived with my sister and her family for years. I watched her grow up and saw her sole taken away from her. She and my neice spent many nights with me. They were best friends. Herion took hold of both of them and destroyed both of their lives as well as all of ours. Amber never even made it to the funeral. We searched the streets of Newark and Elizabeth for her to tell her the news to no avail. We sat at the funeral knowing that some day it could be Amber. We finally did get her back she was in bad shape and 8 months pregnant, we cleaned her up and she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Aniya Kyndall. She did good for about 2 months. Then we got a call from a stranger that said she had the baby. Amber was gone and now my sweet little neice is in foster care. This is the trickle down drug it goes from generation to generation and destroys everone in it's path. If you use please stop, if you don't, don't start. The life you save could be yours or your childrens. Amber please call us and let us know your alive. Kyndall watch over her always love Aunt Janet.
janet delardo < d4cee0205@aol.com >
old bridge, nj - USA (2005-07-05)

what a beautiful warm family ... I was searching for "missing heroin" and landed on your site. I am no longer missing heroin. Kyndall was lucky to have such caring people in her life. LOVE NEVER ENDS .. Her life touched mine deeply and maybe even forever.
dave < dave@lighthousetrends.com >
monterey, CA - USA (2005-06-23)

I only know of one person in my life that has used heroin...He was the only father figure I had growing up...my dad was sent to prison for the selling and usage of drugs...But anyways this man who i looked up to ..I will never forget when i walked in on him putting a needle into his arm...At the time I was very young but i still knew what he was doing was wrong...Time went by and again i saw...this time i didn't stay quite..I was 9 years old .. i went up to him and tole him "I don't like what your doing ..stop!!" He looked at me and he began to cry...He got help .. Thank God...I see him now from time to time he always tells me i am his hero..which i dont think i am ..I love him and i didnt want to see him hurt...But knowing that I stopped him from making a big mistake makes me feel like i made a difference..And to the family and friends of Kyndall..I want to say Thank you for posting this website it gives people that chance to see how it effects their loved ones...Also i would like to add, I am sorry for your loss!! May God Bless You! And to Kyndall , Rest In Peace Always!! BYE!! :D
Oni Cano < babydoll11467@yahoo.com >
Victoria, Tx - USA (2005-06-20)

As a recovering heroin addict who struggles with my addiction every day, I was deeply moved by Kyndall's story, especially her journal entries. I thank you, her family and friends, for making this website, as it has helped me to remember my own pain. I have been clean for a little while, but I did relapse after going through rehab. I still miss heroin sometimes, even after rebuilding my life and realizing everything that it took from me- most of all, my soul and my desire to live. Kyndall was right- it is the devil and it sneaks up on you when you least expect it- even when everything is going well and you feel like you're on top of the world. I have been contemplating using all day today, in fact, until I was moved to tears reading the letters written by Kyndall's family and friends. It's important for me to keep that pain close, not to glamourize getting high because there's nothing glamorous about it- but that's what the addiction will do to one's mind. Nothing- not the friends that I watched die with needles in their arms, not living under bridges, not panhandling or stealing or having guns in my mouth- could stop me from getting high when I was in the depths of my addiction. And now, a 26 year old woman, I realize that I have my whole life ahead of me to do great things if I stay clean. I pray that I will never have to use heroin again, and I know that every day is a gift, that a higher power has kept me alive despite my apparent determination to end it all. Thank you again for sharing Kyndalls story. God bless all of you who knew her, and were touched by her soul's presence on this earth. God bless the other heroin addicts that read her story and relate to her pain and suffering, her determination and hope for sobriety. Let it remind us all that each moment we have in life with the people we love is precious.
< zappanina@yahoo.com >
New York, NY - USA (2005-06-16)

I am so very for your tragic loss of this beautiful young woman.I am 26 and spent the 9 10 years a sick drug addicted junkie, shooting herion and coke nonstop. And drinking hard liquor like water. I was 1 of the lucky ones. I overdosed 3 times and flatlined twice. I contracted Hep C from needle sharing and wound up with liver disease in its final and most brutal stages. I recieved a LIVER TRANSPLANT a year ago last June. I am finally clean and feel healthier than ever. I too spend my time writing poetry and journal entries daily. I havent touched drugs or alcohol in 18 months. I only wish it were me and not her. I am one who would have traded places with your beautiful family member in a heart beat, if God would let it be done. I know that may sound crazy to you. But honestly, its so damn hard to live clean and to be in so much pain on a daily basis and not be able to evn take anything to dull the mental and physical anguish. Believe me, Iam more than grateful to have been given so many millions of chances...but is it all worth it ..I often wonder? God bless you all and your wonderful and caring families .You little girl is home now and in peace! Tim D. Jackson NJ
Tim Daniels < n2yof88@verizon.net >
Jackson, NJ - USA (2005-06-13)

I am sorry to have read about your loss. I saw you article in the Asbury Park Press this morning and had to send my condolences. I have to wish your entire extended family the best and say thank you for sharing your story, to hopefully prevent another beautiful person from an untimely departure. Thanks for having the strengh, I would not have.
Stacey Hartman < stacey_C_H@yahoo.com >
Browns Mills, NJ - USA (2005-06-12)

Thank you for sharing this with the world. I am truly sorry for your pain and for your loss. As the sister of a recoving heroin addict (4 years, thank God), I understand the helplessness you must have felt while trying to help Kyndall with her recovery. Heroin is a killer. Heroin destroys the addict and everybody around them. Please know that you are not alone and that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Kim < Khartney@verizon.net >
Red Bank, NJ - USA (2005-06-12)

I have a brother who has been addicted to heroin for many many years (as long as i can remember). The only memories i have are of him terrorizing my family, and my parents constantly wondering where they went wrong. No matter what they did to try and help him, it never worked. He lied and stole his way out of everything, even now. I don't speak to my brother, nor do i want to, although other family members do from time to time. I just told my mother yesterday that if he died, i will feel no remorse. She thinks i will...Heroin has taken my brother away from me, to the point where i dont even know him at all. I know it sounds terrible to say, but it's true. He has stolen from me, from my son, from my entire family...I mean, I know this is his addiction, but I still cannot remember a happy time with him, and the hurt that he has caused me and my family is unbearable....He is dying now, the addiction has taken so much from him physically, but he had so many chances to make it right, and chose not to....
anon.... < >
, nj - USA (2005-06-12)

I too have a family member addicted to heroin. It started when he was about 13 or 14 (could even be earlier). We grew up in an upperclass neighborhood, and my parents tried everything to help him, but nothing worked. He has been married 4 times and has 4 children, but doesnt see any of them... (we can only see 2). The chain of people that addicts hurt is endless...My sister and I have children that will never know their uncle, his children will never know their dad and so on. My father died without ever patching things up with him, and my brother doesn't seem to care. It is such a horrible drug that takes over your life, your body, your soul....I wish heroin addicts could see stories like this before they ever even tried it, the hurt that they cause, I'm sure they wouldn't do it...
hurting < >
marlboro, nj - USA (2005-06-12)

Nicole, I am so very sorry for the heartache and loss you and your family has suffered. Your sister did not set out on purpose to hurt your or to leave you. Heroin is the devil and he took over her life. Hold Kyndall forever close in your heart until one day, the answers to all your questions will come, when she holds her hand out to guide you on to your own destiny in Glory.
Dianne < >
Jersey Shore Mom, - USA (2005-06-12)

Thanks Jennie for sharing your thoughts. I love you and Logan. We will get through this together and with God's help and guidance. As much as I am anger with Dad, that is how much I love and want to help him-not enable-but to give guidance and teach him how to love us in return. I will always be here for you, Logan, Hannah and Wesley!! You are my family and with us, hopefully, Dad will be able to stay clean. LOVE MOM Willard, Ohio
Jackie < hannieva@yahoo.com >
Willard, OH - USA (2005-06-10)

I have seen my area change so much over the last few years. When I was in school most of the kids drank and you would have the typical stoners that smoked their weed. Then time passing by, hearing things of Heroin coming into my area, I was thinking no way. No one I know would do that. I thought to myself why would anyone do it, they know the consequences. Well I was completely wrong!! Some of my absolute best friends were doing it and I had no clue. It finally got to the point where you would recognize things that they did and know that they were indeed using. Still yet I was in shock that it was so bad in our area. About two years of seeing many people close to me lives destroyed, I just could not stand it. I made sure everyone new what I thought of Heroin and other drugs like that. One of those people that I made sure knew how I felt was my father. He had been a drug addict for years. He was addicted to oxy and many, many other things over the years. I was so happy when he finally cleaned his act up and gave his life to the Lord. I thought that I might actually have a great relationship form between us, because we had never been close. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on March 22, 2004. I thought wow we could altogether have a whole new start. Things went well for about a year. Then I got the call. My little sister left me a voice mail saying that I needed to call her as soon as possible, with her voice full of fear. Well the phone call was to tell me that my father was once again a drug addict. We all thought that he was once again addicted to oxys and we would help him get through it and it would be okay. My Step-mom called me at work and said that he was getting pretty bad and he would need more help then us, so her and my grandmother brought him in. I work at a hospital so they brought him there. Well when he came in he told them that he has been using Heroin for two years!! I was in shock, this man lived a completely normal life for two years. He had a job, that he went to every day. He did stuff with my family. He played with his granddaughter. Normal life. Well atleast the one that he shared with us was. He had a completely seperate life. I was amazed. All hope of ever having a good relationship with this man went down the drain. Him ever having a good relationship with his granddaughter went down the drain. And even worse then that was watching two people that I love and care about very much go through all the pain of watching someone that they love so much, there son and husband go through the withdrawls of Heroin and watch there lives in one second shattered by one stupid choice-HEROIN- I hate it, it has stolen so many people that I loved away from me. Even my father! That is one of the worse things that i have ever seen was my father go through withdrawls, I just sobbed. I continue to pray for him everyday that he will get better! I love him, he is my dad. But everyday I worry, about one trip home, that one temptation! It is an everyday battle. I will also keep Kyndall's family in my heart. I thank you for sharing her story with us.
Jennie < jenn_loggie@hotmail.com >
Plymouth, OH - USA (2005-06-09)

< >
, - (2005-06-08)

I am very sorry to the family of Keyndall. This site has affected me in ways you do not know. I am overwhelmed with emotion and I can not help but think of something like this happening to someone in my family. I have a 16 year old daughter and I vow to watch over her more closely and get to know her friends more and spend more quality time together. I came across this site by chance but I think it happened for deeper reasons.
Shyla D. < timetales12@yahoo.com >
Lincoln, NE - USA (2005-06-08)

< >
, - (2005-06-07)

I have a husband that is a heroin addict and it has ruined our marriage and our lives. He was leading two separate lives. I cannot begin to express the feelings that I have been through, let alone his. He knows that he has hurt his 11 year old daughter as she is such a beautiful child and very talented at playing the piano-he even adopted my son! I have tried and keep trying to let him know that his life is much more than being an addict and God has so much more to offer-I will not give up to HEROIN-I hate it. He has had to move out of our town and state to get away from the "friends". It is too easy to pick up the phone and call. I could go on with my nightmare of lies, stealing, hate and anger, but I have read my story on this website. Kyndall's life story has touched me more than I can describe in words. I find myself coming back to this website daily, thinking about her, wanting to more about her and her family. I pray daily for those who cannot fight this hell/heroin on earth-and will fight for my husband also. Jackie
Jackie < hannieva@yahoo.com >
Willard, OH - USA (2005-06-01)

The presentation available to view or download on this site is excellent. It is like Kyndall almost new she had to put her thoughts on paper to teach others what heroin can do to you. I have downloaded it and will share it with teachers in my high school. Maybe they can use it for drug education courses. It sure scared me into not wanting to try drugs. Thanks.
Samual < >
cedar city, utah - USA (2005-05-25)

R.I.P kyndall, hope 2 see u later on.On the other side of the pearl gates.love alwayz sad girl
Zari Jasmine Ortiz < >
AVONDALE/PHX., AZ - USA (2005-05-18)

it sucks!!!
bob < jose586504@yahoo.com >
detroit, mi - USA (2005-05-17)

I cannot belive that this happens 2 people but, it dose thats what sucks 4 alot of people.my heart breaks for all of you and your loss.GOD BLESS U AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!jASMINE
Jasmine Ortiz < >
avondale, az - USA (2005-05-17)

kyndall < >
, - USA (2005-05-13)

My name is kyndall to I feel her alot school is pretty hard for me and what makes it harder is the gossip and peer presure in the school like kyndall people are drawn to me in some sort of wierd way wich makes it freaky. Ya No!
kyndall < bhkyndall45@yahoo.com >
texas, baytown - USA (2005-05-13)

my guy run from here
GUY MAN < guyman@mugu.com >
yahoo yahoo, - USA (2005-05-12)

Kyndall's story is heartbreaking. I'm very sorry for such a profound loss. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose your own sister and daughter. It's sad that we can only do so much for our children.
Richard McIntyre < jrmcintyre@hotmail.com >
Ottawa, ON - Canada (2005-05-10)

I am a 30 year old mother of two and I had came across your website about your sister kyndall. Your story has really made me think about this drug problem and how important it is to discuss it. I am so sorry for you the loss of your angelic sister and how she had to struggle with drugs it is very unfortunate. I am going to talk to my kids early about drugs and tell them don't do it and stay away from drugs and people that are selling or trying to get you to use them. It is all too easy to get hooked it only takes one time. It is a good thing for your family to put kyndalls story out there to help people. I am looking forward to the day when drugs are no more and there is no more death. Your sister lives on through the strength of your unceasing love. May her spirit be free forever.
tracy < tracywgoodwin@yahoo.com >
columbia, sc - USA (2005-05-08)

I am really sorry about your loss, i am a meth addict and struggling for 4 years. i been through many places for help. my family isnt giving up on me but i am. i shoot it up. and now i am deciding to use herion. from reading this site.. i really need help and i want to say you have gave me some help to recovery.
Kate < blonddepink@aol.com >
Des Moines, IA - USA (2005-05-08)

I am so sorry about your sister i know how it feels to have lost someone you thought you can not live without!I lost a very close family friend I thought that my heart had also sank out of my chest.His name was Jason and 2 weeks before his death we had gone to the adoption place so he could fill out adoption papers he was going to adopt me,see my father lives in birmingham Alabama and wanted nothing to do with me up till about a year ago when in 12 years he called me on my birthday!I was so happy then I realized i had a father all along and i knew jason loved me no matterwhat so i figured,why should i wait 12 years for someone to call me on my birthday when i had DAD who woke me up every morning and told me he loved me!The day after Jason news of his death reached us i got the knews he had one photo in his wallet i thought probably of his mom or something but once again i was wrong,it was a picture of me all over his house were pics of me! I am 13 years old and you probably would have thought i was like21 or something but i am not i am a 13 year old female who lost the closest thing to a father i have ever had!This is my story i hope you will tell your friends and your family!!THANX
rachel woods < alabamasportychic313@yahoo.com >
gulfshores, al - USA (2005-05-03)

To Kyndall's family & friends You are all an inspiration those who've experienced and witnessed the crippling effect of heroin. My brother is 27, and although he is still breathing,his addiction killed him a long time ago. ~Eight years ago he started smoking weed which led to ecstasy-->oc's--->heroin. Like all families going through this, it is hell and everyone is affected and changed. 2 years ago I came home from college one weekend anf my brothers girlfriend overdosed on heroin in my bedroom. I gave her cpr and saved her life. To this day I still have nightmares of that night. My brother has robbed pharmacies for oc's, contracted hepititis c, gone to jail and too many halfway houses and detoxs. I feel like everytime he makes a couple baby steps forward he will take 2 leaps back, I shut him out of my life for years. I believe you are inspirational because of your unconditional love you all have for Kyndall. Its not easy for me to see any good in him as a person because all I see is the addict. However, after seeing your letters, poems, etc.I am going to remind myself each day that deeep down behind the addict is the brother I grew up with and love. And at the end of the day he has made me who I am today and I know Kyndall's and my brother's story can and will help others see the reality of heroin. "When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe, Someone's watching over me." God Bless, Kaitlin
Kaitlin Gately < kgatel06@providence.edu >
Weymouth, MA - USA (2005-05-02)

This is very sad but this website thing is a very good idea and I think that other people should do the same thing. p.s. I think she should of told you & your brothers & sisters.
henery fried < to13@aol.com >
troy, NY - USA (2005-04-29)

< >
, - (2005-04-29)

Wow, I just wanted to say what a beautiful site this is. I am so sorry for what happened to your sister. I'm at work right now, and i've just spent the last hour tearing up, going to the bathroom, and then going back to my desk, only to do the same thing over again. It really hit me when I read Till Deat Do We Part. I am a recovering addict, and feeling really down today, but this website helped me so much. Thank you. God Bless, and keep spreading the message.
elaine < rachel4iris@yahoo.com >
Ft. Lauderdale, FL - USA (2005-04-21)

this website is all too familiar. familiar in the way that it is the way i could turn out. i started using heroin when i was 15... i'll be 18 in august. the past 2 and a half years have been a blur, i've been sober now for a little over a month. i'm from Arizona, i had to physically leave phoenix in order for this to happen or have any chance of happening. i'm not sure if i can ever go back to stay there. i'm so sorry about your sister... my sister is an ex junkie, she lived on the streets and all that, shes 10 years older than me... but i remember when we wouldnt hear from her for months. i dont know why i ever tried heroin. its not that i wasnt getting a good enough high off weed, because i was. i wasnt pressured to use, i knew what it did to people and their families. i wish i never would have touched it.
Jill < jilldo@yourmom.com >
Silver City, NM - USA (2005-04-21)

I know how hard it is to fight an addiction, one of the best advise I could every give somebody is to never start. It can only take 1 try to be addicted and if thats the case for you the next day the sweats start and your body tempature feels off, one minute your hot the next minute freezing and gets worse from there back pain, can't sit still, horrible... Its not worth it...Not to mention you'll be BROKE because everything revolves around getting a fix and then your borrowing to pay your regular bills and everybody wants to know where your money is going and you have to lie so they wont stop helping you so you feel bad about that to. Then you start losing the things you worked so hard to have... Stay Away it can be a life long fight....
chrissy < >
Portsmouth, va - USA (2005-04-18)

Hello, I was up late last night reading about your beautiful sister. I have a daughter who is almost 2 named Kendall. I am writing because I am an older sister to a heroin addict. He is only 19. My brother was an all star baseball player, in 4-H and FFA, has won over 30 belt buckles, as well as other awards. Over the last few months he became addicted to heroin. He started with smoking pot. It kills me to see my baby brother killing himself like this. LAst night I was viewing your web page looking for ideas to help my brother. We were taking him to rehab on Friday, but while he was supposed to be in his room getting dressed, he jumped out his bedroom window and took off. We finally tracked him down today after he called me to borrow money. I went with my parents to meet him, and we picked him up again. He is going to rehab today, with the help of my family. This has to be the worst thing ever for a family to go through. I hope he will stay in rehab and get the help he needs, not only for himself, but also for the rest of his family. As a member of a small town, I have never seen the drugs that are destroying all of us. THank you for giving a wonderful web site to give info, and also help with our fight of the heroin demon.
Amanda Ostler < Mandylee_1999@yahoo.com >
Los Lunas, NM - USA (2005-04-17)

Hi, My name is Dominique and I am doing a term paper and I chose to do Drug abuse with teens. I had been looking for days and I couldn't find any interesting things to read about or write about and I came across this wonderful message that you have put out about your sister. This story is so inspirational to me. It makes me see how much family can mean to a person that just wouldn't listen, even though see had a family that loved her she just wouldn't come to, but still you and your family hung onto her because of the love you all had for your sister. When I read this it just made tears come to my eyes, even her journal it was hard because she wanted to stop but hte power was just to overbearing. She was a beautiful young woman, she meant everthing to people but she just felt that emptyness day by day that she had to get filled by something.This is the most amazing story ever. I want you to know that I am sorry for what has happend to you and your family. I know with story I will get the best grade in the entire class. It's good that she quite for awhile but she just couldn't let it go because like she said it's like the devil once you give yourselfe over to it he has all power over to you and once you inject in it deep in your veins and thats when the addiction starts. I have never wanted to try drugs and now that I have read this it has helped me even more. I mean to look at how as a child you never think you will end up doing things thats out of the ordinary but you end up letting the devil into your life and it's all over and done untill you give your life over to GOD and he's the supplier of all your needs and he willl help you get through what ever problem or situation that stands in your way. So thank you for this inspirational message that I have received form you and this story that you have ptu out. God Bless, Dominique Torres Senior at Tipton High school
Dominique Torres < mixedchick182005@yahoo.com >
Tipton, OK - USA (2005-04-15)

im so sorry for what happened i'll pray for your family always and i would like to talk to the family if thats okay anytime you want to talk e-mail me and i'll do what i can because i understand what your going through my mom's boyfriend uses drugs and i'm afraid she might be using them to so please if you can write to me at anytime and i'll talk with anyone of the family and pray that you get stronger and stronger each day because it takes one day at a time and god is watching over your family always
kaylantillman < vtillmanapk@aol.com >
apoka, fl - USA (2005-04-15)

i actually grew up with autumn and kyndall. i had no idea any of this had happened. my deepest sincere sympathies to you all. im here in tears just reading everything on this site. i plan on showing it to my cousin that has recently started hanging out with the "wrong" crowd. i think what you all have done is a truly brave thing and i admire you for sharing this tragic story. autumn, i have seen you occasionally in the past years but you never mentioned anything. i am so sorry.
Susan < cutiepuhtooti@aol.com >
Woodbridge, NJ - USA (2005-04-07)

My story: I was fortunate to go through high school and not have friends that did drugs. I always viewed them as "evil" and stayed away from them. In growing up I never understood why anyone would do drugs because it only led to pain and suffering. My senior year of high school some of my friends started smoking pot. I was very resistant to it at first but when more and more of my friends started doing it, I figured that it couldn't be too bad. Like Nicole said, drugs enter people's lives not from some stranger in a dark alley but from close friends. When you are a teenager you don't want to be "uncool" and it's easy to get sucked into peer pressure. I tried pot a couple times in high school but as I entered into college, is seemed like more and more of my friends were smoking pot (both my new college friends and my older friends that I grew up with). It didn't matter where you lived. I've heard some people say that young adults are more prone to do drugs if they stay home after graduating high school while others think that they are more prone to do drugs if they go away to college, but drugs are everywhere in the United States and based on my personal experience, it doesn't matter where you live - urban, rural, close to home, far from home, drugs are everywhere. As I started college I quickly learned that I could get good grades but still go to parties and smoke pot on the weekends or at night after my work was completed. My friends back home were also smoking more and more pot as well. I wasn't addicted, but smoked more and more frequently, probably about 3 or 4 times per week. I believe that our education system is flawed in drug prevention. It teaches kids that drugs are evil, and they are, but we fail to let kids know that people get high because it feels good and because of group acceptance. At the end of the first year of college, I tried a harder drug (mushrooms). This too was a popular drug. My experience on mushrooms changed my life and God spoke directly too me. I remember when I was high on mushrooms I saw my life as a path that has come to a fork. The life giving path was the one that my family had taught me. That drugs were evil and that we should live according to God's plan. The one I was choosing was a path of self absorption, darkness, and lies. Pot had led me towards a life that my family would be ashamed of and one that would not lead to anything positive. At that point, I knew I had to quit smoking pot, but it was not going to be easy. I enjoyed the feeling of being high and many of my new "friends" would pressure me to do it. Over the next few months I prayed to God to allow me to take small steps towards embracing the life I knew I wanted to live. I tried to resist smoking pot but at parties I would often give in. Every time I smoked pot after my experience with mushrooms I saw the evil in drugs and didn't enjoy the carefree times that I once had, but still, the mental addiction and the peer pressure led me to keep doing it. During this whole time, I went to church and prayed to God. I figured that if God created the whole world, he could transform my life. One day at the beginning of my second year of college I was reading a book my mom gave me called Poems of the Man~God. In that book, which is about the life of Jesus, the author described a scene in which Jesus was preaching "It's ok to be physically and mentally handicapped, but not ok to be spiritually handicapped." Jesus was described as dirty and wearing rags as he traveled from city to city curing people. That same night, we had a party at my new house and again, I decided to smoke pot even though deep down I knew it was the wrong thing to do. Well, two of my friends started talking about this man they saw in downtown Boulder. They said that he looked like he was homeless and he was preaching to everyone that "It's ok to be physically and mentally handicapped, but not ok to be spiritually handicapped." THIS WAS JUST HOURS AFTER I HAD READ THIS IN THE BOOK. I knew God was fighting for my soul and I immediately went outside, cried, and begged God for forgiveness. How blessed I was to have God speak so directly to me? I knew that giving up pot was not going to be easy, but at that point I decided I would give it up, and I did. I decided I was giving up a way of life that was a "party." I remained friends with my old pot smoking friends, but I deepened my friendships with others that did not do any drugs. Eventually I had less and less in common with those that did drugs and I spent most of my time with friends that could have a good time without drugs. Even still, it was not easy to let friendships fade away. I didn't lose complete contact, but had no desire to hang around with people doing drugs when I refused. At first, there was a lot of peer pressure, but I just refused and prayed a lot so that God would give me the strength to say no. I quickly leaned that after a few minutes of peer pressure, my friends that were smoking pot would soon be high and completely forget about my choice not to smoke. For the longest time, I thought that they cared about me but when I learned that they didn't care, it was very freeing. Drug users like to have company. It makes them feel better for doing something wrong if others are doing it with them. After 5 or 10 minutes, they could care less about you because they are focusing on themselves and "being high." Realizing that was important for me. I was now willing to make new friends and invest time with friends that didn't do drugs. I was on the ski team and started investing a lot of time in skiing and other sports. I chose to spend less and less time with older friends. I even took an opportunity to move into a new apartment and distance myself from roommates that were constantly smoking pot. Now I was in a new environment and I wasn't surrounded by pot. I started dating a girl that didn't smoke pot, made new friends, but even still, I mourned some of the old friendships. It was especially difficult because some of those old friendships were with people that I had known for years. Even though I was living in Colorado, some of my old high school friends had transferred college to Boulder and were part of the group I was trying to avoid. I was even a big part of the reason they had transferred there in the first place, and now I wanted to avoid them because they smoked pot. On the other hand, I had been good friends with them for years, had many great memories, but they were heading down a path of harder drugs that I didn't want to be a part of. I eventually had a renewed life that I could be proud of. I was involved in sports, church, and doing well in college. I had made many good friends and had gotten to the place where I could once again see my older friends without fear that I would start smoking pot or do any other drugs again. Occasionally the peer pressure came, but my older friends accepted me for the person I had become. Even though they continued to use drugs, I have found that over time, others have gotten away from it and once again became closer friends with me.
John R. < newsyzygy@hotmail.com >
, - (2005-04-06)

I'm really sorry to hear about your sister. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost my sister, she's only 16. I have no idea how to respond to this tragedy of yours. I don't even know what she's doing cause she lives with my grandma for school so I don't have an idea of what's going on. Just the other day when she came home for the weekend, I let her borrow my wallet the following week and I forgot, so I grabbed it when she brought it to my room and I looked through it and it had a lighter in it. How do I responed to that? I seem to look at her differently ever since that day. She wants to know what's wrong but I don't know how to say,"I found the lighter in my wallet I let you borrow." My friends want to know what's going on at home because, they say, suddenly I'm acting different. What should I say, and how should I say it? E-mail me if you or anyone want to help. Thanks.
Omaira < angelofdarkness24200@yahoo.com >
Downingtown, PA - USA (2005-04-05)

Am 18 years Old And I was Looking up Drugs When I came across your Story,and wed site. I think its good you told your story you came me Many ways to stay away. I was raelly touch by your story and will share it at a health fare, am having at school At Barringer high. My respect goes out to your family,and sister.
Crystal roseburough < ShaGkv's. Aol >
Newark, N,J - USA (2005-04-03)

< >
, - USA (2005-04-03)

i love this web site. i think it is very good that somone will get out here and state somthing like this. young kids need to know more bout drugs and every thing that can happen to them. i have had some hard times with drugs. i think high school is a big part of drugs because you meet so many new people that are involved with them. i along with many other of my friends have faced drug addiction. and it is very hard to overcome but you can do it! god bless!!!!
sarah < NoPi_ChIcK_420@yahoo.com >
knox, TN - USA (2005-03-31)

I read the whole website and i watched the slideshow. This was the most moving website i have ever seen in my life. I am currently going through the recovery process and it is a very difficult time, i have been addicted to hard drugs for almost three years now and i have been clean for almost a month so im still having withdrawls and i have trouble sleeping, also when i can sleep i have nightmares and im to scared to even walk out of my bedroom. I have a boyfriend who has been clean since the first of the year and i am very happy to have him in my heart. I cannot tell you how much i owe him for showing me sober fun and i cant give him back what he has given me. When i read about Kyndalls story it reminded me alot about myself and i cried through most of your site. The last slide in the slideshow really did it, im 18 years old and i dont want to die, i believe it is to soon for me and i think that i still have alot of living to do. I think this site will give me courage to try and stop doing drugs. Thank you very much and i believe Kyndall is in a happier place and she is in His hands now and she will always be with you.
Amanda < Alohawaves62@yahoo.com >
Andover, MN - USA (2005-03-30)

First Nicole I would like to say that I am truly sorry for your lost, there is no greater lost than losing someone you love ar a loved one.I was deeply saddened and touched when I read your story of how you lost your sister.I started crying I could feel the pain in your words of how you felt and have the love for your sister. I truly pray for you and your family to stay strong and keep the faith. And remember "WE LIVE TO DIE AND DIE TO LIVE" for where she is now she is truly happy and smiling at you and your family. Keep her dear and near to you always.
Jeanetta < poooozi03@yahoo.com >
ypsilanti, mi - USA (2005-03-22)

Sorry for your loss. I like the presentation. I am 13 and it really affected me. Thanks for making it.
Sarah < sarahh@yahoo.com >
Spokane, WA - USA (2005-03-18)

I just wanted to tell you that I spent last night looking at everything on your whole website and it really touched me. I first heard about your story a few days ago in my health class. It really taught me the fact that heroin, or any drug in that matter, is really really bad for you. I honestly just wanted to say...Thank you for letting your story out for everyone to know about it. It's really sad and it made me think twice about drugs. I've learned alot thanks to your story. So, thank you.
Rebecca < nodoubt1314@hotmail.com >
Las Vegas, NV - USA (2005-03-18)

test
n < n >
, - USA (2005-02-23)

I have tried drugs before. I keep doing them and i planned to.I know i am young, only 12 but everyone else was. So me and my friend tried it. Now i know that it is REALLY bad and doing that can kill you. So god bless you and I hope you get over this insident. I am glad I read that article because if I didnt I would have made my loved ones VERY sad and I am sure I would live a horrible live and go to hell for it to. I dont want to go there because I want to see my family again. I hope your sister made it to heaven and maybe one day you will see her there.
Amanda < Mlynn@sc.rr.com >
Jacksonville, FL - USA (2005-02-16)

t hate drugs
chg jcfhj < sgfv/vcnb gs >
mv m,, cm,v - USA (2005-02-09)

drugs are horrible for you never try them this is from an twelve year old..........................................................................................................................................................................................................
Rose william < rw william @ comcast.com >
lasvegas,, la - USA (2005-02-09)

I would like to express my deepest and heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your beautiful sister. I too have lost my only son Kyle to this horrible drug. I completely understand how you feel and the devasting affects it has on other family members. Our families will never be the same without them, but just remember, they are always with us, in our hearts, forever, and no drug can ever take that from us. My prayers are with you!!
Doris < djre@zoomtown.com >
Cincinnati, OH - USA (2005-02-02)

Thank you for sharing this informative site. It is so sad yet so uplifting to see how much good this site can do for others.
lynn < lynnb@gmail.com >
akron, oh - USA (2005-01-28)

i was very moved my your love for sister even though she stole from your daughter, and she left you and your family for holidays, you still never gave up on her. i respect that very much and i am very proud of you and keep up the very great motivation that you put on me and i bet many others. your true story made me realize even more how much drugs really can hurt you and others that care about you. Thank you for writing that great inspirationial piece. thanks again, Gianna
Gianna D. < Sparklingd24@aol.com >
Chicago area, IL - USA (2005-01-15)

I guess you can never truly know what it's like to go through something as terrible as heroin addiction unless you have been there. Kyndall's journals give an unnevrving insight into heroin addiction which is both upsetting and scary. Her faith was her rock even in her darkest hours. I think that because of that she sits with god, free of all her pain
Andy < drgreatphd@aol.com >
Atlantic Highlands, NJ - USA (2005-01-14)

Hello, I just want to express my sympathy to you and your family. It is very sad, to hear about someone who passed this world, to an addiction to heroin. While I don't know anyone who does heroin, I do know people who take over the counter cough medicines for fun. I tried it twice, and will never, ever do it again. The "trip" I took was a scary one, and it wasn't worth it. My goal is to reach out to those who are using. Oh, wait, I just did find out that one of my relatives is using heroin. I wish I knew how to reach that person, before it's too late. God Bless You and your family. Bryan
Bryan < munster_fudd@yahoo.com >
, - USA (2005-01-09)

I am 19.Ican't honestly say that I have ever done heroin, by I have experomented w/ just about every other drug you can think of.My parents were both avid drug users,my mom especialy while she was expecting me.She says that I am the reason she started drinking.THis is probably why I am so fasinated w/ drugs.Up untill now I have always wanted to try heroin because it was one of the only drugs I have never done. After reading her story I will probably reconsider. Thank you.
cowboy < www.cjohnson1191@carolina.rr.com >
shelby, n.c. - USA (2005-01-05)

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u < u >
, - USA (2005-01-03)

I wanted to express my sympathy and say, also that I understand that someone can be a wonderful person and addicted to heroin. My fiance Michael died only a month ago from a heroin and cocaine overdose. He left behind a beautiful four month old daughter. He was only 21. I cry for him everyday. I can't tell you how many times people hear about his death they say "Oh, I'm so sorry." But when I say how he died the sympathetic look on their face is gone. I just wanted to tell you I understand and let anyone out there know that I am always available to talk if someone needs help, support, or just someone to talk to.
Courtney < nin45040@yahoo.com >
Milford, OH - USA (2004-12-09)

" And when she shall die, I will cut her out into little stars and she will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garished sun." (from William Shakespear's Romeo and Juliet) I am so sad to learn about Kyndall...
KATHLEEN < bougie529@yahoo.com >
, - USA (2004-12-07)

I use to do heroin. I read this page and I am still crying. I beat my addiction. I beat the devil. My little brother is now in recovery and is soon getting off methadone. I'm so afraid he might have that one more time thought "I wanna get high" Then he might just fly and never be able to say goodbye. Let god be with all of Kendalls' family and friends. I am so sorry, and I understand. Let God be with u all.
Syndi < XxSyndi23xX@aol.com >
Philly, Pa - USA (2004-12-06)

This story has been very inspirational for me,your story really put me to thought about this drug.God Bless you and your family for your loss
Courtney < I_love_my_eraser@hotmail.com >
Plainfield, CT - USA (2004-12-05)

dear family, im am relly sorry about your lost.i read a couple of other stories and your made me cry.i love my family and would never want someone to die from drug abuse.i know you might say im only 13 years old but yes im scared of drugs . im scared that next years in high school i will be asked to smoke pot or any others substances.
marie-joe laroche < attitudequeenie1@hotmail.com >
attleboro, ma - USA (2004-12-01)

I really feel sorry 4 you guys.R u guys still praying 4 Kyndall?I do 2.I wish Kyndall were still alive and happy.Me,I might be healthy, but I`m almost always stressed out,and I sure need some inspiration 4 breakin' out of my terrifying,horrific hell of a shell of a stressful life.Kyndall will be that inspiration. Always.Jordana,I have a question 4 u:Why?Why did Kyndall have to leave everyone behind,everyone who loved and cherished her?So sorry.Jordana, please don`t let heroin EVER touch your beautiful family ever again.How`s Nicole doin'?Tell her I hope she`s ok!*Oh,and Kyndall-your family really missed and still misses you.I miss you too.Are you ok up there,in Heaven?Did God forgive you for what you did?I hope you`re a beautiful,happy, and peaceful(not to mention serene)angel in Heaven.You were such a beautiful angel here on Earth.You graced and touched everyone`s lives. It`s just all too bad that that Devil,Heroin, had to get you and destroy your wonderful life. Farewell,Kyndall.May You Rest In Peace.*(*sob!*)
Anonymous < Not Disclosed >
Tracy, CA - USA (2004-11-27)

Tom hildebrandt < mk60010 >
, - USA (2004-11-21)

IM 16 years old and i was addicted to herion i went through rehab and still struggling on and off and the reason lead me to this drug is the feeling on being alone when ur high off of it, everythings fine and im still reilze everything isnt and im still have cravings but im very srry to hear thsi story it makes me reilze that this drug is that powerful and im still gonna try my best and i would like to tell kids it is as bad as they say it is
Tom hildebrandt < mk60010@comcast.net >
barrington, il - USA (2004-11-21)

i just wantedto express my sympathy for you and your family, i too have lost my brother only weeks ago to a drug addiction. He was only 26 years old. He took my heart with him when he left. I wish there was somthing we could do to convince young people not to even try drugs. One leads to another and once you get into the heavy stuff death is inevidable. We thought our brother was ok too he had been clean for 6 months and one night after an argument with his girlfriend he injected his last hit, he too went to sleep that night and never woke up. I pray for you and for the people suffering from addiction. god bless you for this wonderful memorial to your sister it is beautiful and she would be proud.
wanda digou < wandadigou@syd.eastlink.ca >
sydney, NS - canada (2004-11-17)

Hey nicole, you know I read kyndalls story and you know about my brother too. You've helped me deal with it everyday we talk I have to thank you for being there for me I always look forward to talking to you everyday :) thanks again! ~Heather
Heather < tigger18219@tmail.com >
Grafton, Ma - USA (2004-11-13)

i was reading some of the comments and some of them are about kids doing reports... well here is my "report"i lost a close friend to me because of this drug.. my brother and my boyfriend which i have a child with are both behind bars.. iis hard to wke up everyday knowing that our circle of friends no longer are friends because of this drug ive lost my family and friends because of this addition it scary but i live with it everyday my story is more intense if anyone needs to talk u can email me at spoiledwitch2@aol.com
amy < spoiledwitch2@aol.com >
wonder lake, ill - USA (2004-11-05)

I am in 7th grade and I had to do a report on herion for D.A.R.E and I learned SOOO much from this website and I will never ever EVER do drugs or anything that is harmful to my body and if my family or friends are doing it I will help them early on, so it's not to late, by the way I am SOOO sorry for what happened!!
Ashley < agirl2cool@aol.com >
st.peters, mo - USA (2004-11-01)

I was researching on drugs for a paper that I had to write for one of my classes in college. I was really touched by this testimonial which shows how drugs can destroy a family. It is sad to see how young people are fooled by thinking that using drugs will make them be like the COOL people. What they don't know is that drugs will only lead them to death. God bless you and may your website be as an example for those young people who are struggling with drugs. My prayers are with you all. Debbie
Deborah < ortegadebbie@hotmail.com >
miami, fl - USA (2004-10-29)

I read Kyndalls story at www.drugfreeamerica.com it was very sad. And I hope you can rember that she is not fighting it anymore. And she is at rest.
Sophia < lovesophie77@hotmail.com >
Denver, Co - USA (2004-10-23)

I read kendells story and I feel your pain I also lost someone I cared for It was my big brother Mickey I miss him very much. Mickey died of a car accident in 1997 I know its has nothing to do with drugs but it still hurts. Always remember their are others like you who have lost, maybe not for the same reason but you can always find someone who knows the feeling of loss. Always remember to remember her and keep her itn your heart the sameway I do my brother! Bless you, Kendell and Mickey and all who have lost and all who have been lost!
Ashley < drha2@juno.com >
Hanover, PA - USA (2004-10-17)

i am so sorry for you i go to wood bridge middle school i am in 7th grade i no kacey snee i am so sorry
rebecca austria < angelpupy145@aol.com >
woodbridge, nj - USA (2004-10-15)

i am so sorry for you i hope you gey better about it i miss you kyndall i hope you remenber me i am kacey i no you and jade and i sleep over your house jade is my bff i liver right a cross the street form you at 176 grove st hope every thing gets better love kacey snee
kacey snee < realworld1016 >
sewaren, nj - USA (2004-10-14)

My name is Cody Balthrop and I have brain damage. This past Valentines Day, my girlfriend and I shot heroin for the last time. That was also the last time I saw her alive. I don't remember much after that, but we both overdosed. She died in a matter of minutes, and I was rushed to the hospital. Now, I have short-term memory loss and I've been in a brain rehabilitation center ever since. We were shooting heroin every day and smuggling drugs in from Mexico. Tears are running down my face as I write this. Seeing Kendall's picture reminds me of Alex, my girlfriend. They both even looked alike. I am now studying to become an LCDC (Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor). I don't want ANYONE to go through what I have. I will have brain damage for the rest of my life from heroin and my girlfriend is gone. She is never coming back. My love goes out to my girlfriend, to Kendall, and to all the families who have lost someone because of drug abuse.
Cody Balthrop < codybalthrop@yahoo.com >
Austin, Tx - USA (2004-10-06)

I'm very sorry for your family. I know how it feels I lost A cousin that was very close to me because she did Heroin and her sister still does it i'm afraid for her life and if she doesn't stop soon she might get arrested or worse...
Chrissy < Morbid_death_child@yahoo.com >
jacksonville, FL - USA (2004-10-02)

my deepest sympathies go to Kyndall's family. I have lost several friends to addiction, but I have also lost the one true love of my life. My fiance. I know exactly what you are going through and have faith in yourself that it will get better. I commend you on putting forth the effort to help addicts or addicts in the making. I worked at Greenway when Kyndall was there. I don't remember her very well. But I do remember her having 2 beuatiful miniature greyhounds! It was theraputic for her and other clients. She helped herself by trying and she helped others along the way with her story. Thank you for posting more details to help others.
Brian < brian_smith2298@yahoo.com >
Pen Argyl, PA - USA (2004-09-24)

I don't know what to say except I am sorry for your loss. My daughter is a herion and cocaine addict. I don't know where she is. She has lost her home, her children, her job, her family, and her faith. I find it hard to go on...somedays I just look at her pictures and ask why?...How...I also hate this drug. If your kid is getting high nip it in the bud. Put them in treatment. Or you may end up like me.
Brian Duensing < bfrederichduensing@yahoo.com >
Chicago, Il - USA (2004-09-22)

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, for this endearing website. I know my beloved only child Tony (age 24, who also died from Heroin on Feb 6, 1998) led me to your website through once again deciding to read his story on the Memorial Wall in Drug Free America website. I was amazed in reading dear Kyndall's journal how many simularities between the two of them. The poem "Til Death Do We Part" especially rang home how this drug ate them alive. They both had poetic souls with goodness and sweetness in them and love of a Higher Power. Then I started reading the many other thoughts from others on your website and was so touched by their own stories. I know my Tony was waiting for dear Kyndall at Heaven's Gate when she arrived as I know he greeted so many others since his passing. The joy that they all rest easier now and someday our loved ones will greet us at the gate too. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
Cher VanDyke < cher.vandyke@mclarenperformance.com >
Livonia, MI - USA (2004-09-17)

I felt so bad when i read about your sister's death and knowing that she died from over dose of heroine makes it so worse,I will be so happy if young people out there will read her story and learn from it and allow her story to transform their lives.One thing i can say is fir guys to take heart and to you guys out there that are still doing drugs..there is only one person that can help you, his nmae is our Lord Jesus Christ, he is always there to answer when we call on him and he will never let us down....HE IS NEAR YOU RIGHT NOW.......TALK TO HIM AND YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER REMAIN THE SAME....GOD BLESS YOU
Omal < omalanne2@yahoo.com >
Cape town, - South Africa (2004-09-17)

My name is Jaimelin I worked at the half way center that Kyndall was at, not at the time that Kyndall was there. I am so sorry, my heart breaks for the family and friends. It's a story I heard way to much with many young girls at the half way house. Some of the most wonderful people that I have met have been woman who came to stay at the half way house. Thank you for this web site, I'm sure it has touched many.
Jaimelin < jaimeinpa@aol.com >
Pa, Pa - USA (2004-09-15)

I am very sorry your story has brought me back to life my little sister did that very same thing and well i cant talk about it i am very very very very sorry I give gods bleesing to your family
Mariah Catoe < Punkrockchick_004@yahoo.com >
Ludowici, Ga - USA (2004-09-12)

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort in the kind words that people have shared with you.
Wally < lcgapres@yahoo.com >
Piscataway, NJ - USA (2004-09-08)

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test < test@yahoo.com >
Piscataway, NJ - USA (2004-09-08)

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test2 < test@aol.com >
test, nj - USA (2004-09-08)

i may be young, but i just want to express my sympathy to the family. i feel hopeless and i wish things could've gone different for you. im only thirteen, but i understand situations. my cousin died of alchohal and other drugs and i know what your going through. then, around the same time i lost my mom of cancer. it was very hard for me. i love to draw just like kendall did. she seems like she was a good writer too. although ive never tried any type of drug, i feel i should say this for my own good. may God watch over kendall and her family.
jill < jdawg827@sbcglobal.net >
cleveland, oh - USA (2004-09-02)

may God bless the angel and her family. there is a way to fight drugs! it is call LOVE! LET'S ALL DO IT BEFORE IT OVERTAKE OUR LIFE AND OUR BELOVED.
nicole < nicole_cws@yahoo.com >
, - Malaysia (2004-09-01)

I would like to know why my comment was taken off of the COMMENT page. I thought that this was a page to express your own thoughts and opinions. I am not sorry for anyone who kills themself. However I feel for the family, you lost someone close to you, help others not make the same mistake , dont expect people to feel sorry for you. THE WORLD DOESN"T OWE YOU ANYTHING!!!
Juanito < wanda_jenkins_209@hotmail.com >
Phoenix, Az - USA (2004-08-31)

How dare you desecrate this wonderful memorial and educational site. Where on this website did it ask the world to feel sorry this family or say that it owed them anything?? Your comments show your immaturity and ignorance. How dare you attack a family who has just lost a dear member (no matter how they died). I applaud them for sharing Kyndall's story..how she was affected by peer pressure, how hard she struggled through her addiction, and how devastating it was to those around her. From reading the posts below I already see how her life and death have affected other young people, and how it may possibly affect their decision to take drugs. To the family of Kyndall...take that person's comment as a reminder of the uneducated people in this world who continue to need your help in understanding drug addiction and how it can happen to those young and old, rich or poor. To Jaunito...the only person I feel sorry for right now...IS YOU! Thank you Kyndall...Your life and death have not gone unoticed...You were a remarkable person, who affected people in life and continue to do so from Heaven.
Brooke < Bleachdrinker76@aol.com >
Poughkeepsie, NY - USA (2004-08-31)

This is in response to a comment made about how Kyndall had the choice of doing drugs or not doing drugs.....Kyndall made a fatal mistake due to peer pressure when she was 14 years old. Children do not have the same decision making skills as adults do. Most ADDICTS begin at a very young age. That is the point of this website...to inform people, especially children of the dangers of using drugs.
Erin < Bri419@verizon.net >
Lawrenceville, nj - USA (2004-08-29)

im am nearly 14 and for the past 6 hours i have been lookin up on drugs on the internet. i feel very strongly about them for 3 reasons. my uncle died of drugs when he was only 20 way before i was born. even though i did not know him i think about him every single day and i cry over him wondering wat could have bin.i find i hard to accept the fact that a drug can take over some ones life like that.not only hurting them selves but hurt there friends and family. a boy that i think i am in love with smokes dope and i am scared for him. i am scared that he wil go on to sum fink stronger and god for bid i wil loose him. some of my friends smoke and i used to. because of my reasons i my self wil never do drugs but some of my friends have tried not so strong stuff but drugs never the less. i feel for all of you and any other people that have lost a realative or friend to drugs because i know how hard it was for my dad and gradma. it is so sad because kyndall wanted to stop,but herion had taken over her. at least you no that know kyndall is with god and he is looking after her rest in peace kyndall. and i just want to say rest in peace uncle lawrence your safe with ur dad and god no one can hurt you any more i think about youall the time i love you from jemma.
jemma < jemmaspelman11@hotmail.com >
london, - england (2004-08-26)

My family knows your pain all to well. My heart goes out to you. We lost my cousin Peter Robert Rinner to heroin he was 24. I found your site on my cousins site www.ForPetesSake.org . My cousin Marci (Pete's sister) started this site to help others with the struggle against heroin we are so proud of her. Please check the site out.
Heather Book < antiques4me44857@yahoo.com >
Norwalk, Oh. - USA (2004-08-26)

I lost a beautiful godchild to heroin at the age of 19. She had so much to live for, but this horrible drug took over her body. We all miss her so much, we have such a hard time dealing with her loss. She was so beautiful & artistic and could've been anything she wanted to be be.We will love her & miss her forver & ever. She's in peace now.... Happy 23rd Birthday Aug. 16th. Love you & miss you so much XXXooo, Aunt L.
lois < brick1@weichertrealtors.net >
brick, nj - USA (2004-08-15)

I have fought with herion for years, and i am proud to say that I am off it for over 18 months. What sucks about addiction is that everyone has there own process when it comes to drug addiction. When people are fed up and dont want to do it anymore they will seek help, you can only hope its before it was too late. There is not one person who doesnt know the risks when the stick a needle in their arm, its a gamble. I have lost friends this year who I wish could have been able to stop, or just got the message. NA Helps, but its a program of attraction rather then promotion, you can bring a horse to water, but you cant make him drink. My heart goes out to the family of this girl, its stuff like this that keeps it green for me and reminds me of what it was like out there, and the stuff that could happen. God bless... Michael
Michael < michael@redbankvolvo.com >
Monmouth Cty, NJ - USA (2004-08-10)

hi I'm from Switzerland and I'm half American. I've been sitting here in my father's desk for about 3 hours now. And as these 3 hours pass, all I've been looking at and reading is about drugs. It is a subject I think about ALOT. because my cousin is a strong alcoholic, my friends smoke, some of my friends smoke pot, unfortunatly, I smoke tabacco, hoping and praying every minute, that I will never end up taking Heroin, pot, crack, and all those other discusting things. And I'm just 14!! But that's not why I wanna add my condolence to the register, the real reason is, that, dear Nicole, I with all my heart, am so sorry about your beloved sister. I know this doesn't bring back your sister, but I just want you to know, how sorry I really am. and of course I know, I am only 14. and I still have a long road in my life. Tears run down my cheaks when I read about Kyndall's story. GOD BLESS YOU !! AND I HOPE SO MUCH THAT KYNDALL CAN REST IN PEACE, WITH OUT THIS WAR SHE WAS IN!! with love, Betsy
betsy < hahaha565@bluemail.ch >
, - switzerland (2004-08-09)

Where do I begin and end? As an educator working on her graduate program for K-12, I was performing research and found your sight. I began crying and then became angry at the inadequacy that our society allows to happen with our loved ones screaming for help. I also grew up in a dysfunctional environment. How can we combat this?? What may we do to educate the students we have now?? As educators and loved ones we WANT to solve all the problems, yet we do not have EVERY resource available. How do we perform this?
karah < klfeneis@u.washington.edu >
seattle, WA - USA (2004-08-05)

I read through your website, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son Franky on June 7 2001 due to heroin use. He too started with "just pot" but graduated to heroin. That was the one thing he swore he would never do. We miss him so much, but he is at peace. I amd involved with the heads-up and Naive programs and hopefully through the work of these groups and groups like them, the message will get out to young people to make the right choices.
Judy < jzuggi@aol.com >
phila, pa - USA (2004-08-05)

I was very touched by your website. When I was on the drugfreeamerica website and I ran into your sisters story while reading the memorials (something that I do often and can't explain why)something made me click onto this website and I think that it was one of the best memorial webistes i've ever seen. I feel so bad for your family but at least your sister isn't suffering form her addiction anymore. I don't think i've ever cried so hard before. I don't know anone whi has died from a heroine addiction but I do have drug addicted family memebers (crack cocaine being there drug of chose) I feel so upset when I see the effects that different drugs have on different people. Again i am sorry for your loss.
Shae < shae_shae61103@yahoo.com >
Philadelphia, PA - USA (2004-08-02)

Just wanted to add my thoughts here. First of all my appoligies to the family of Kyndall. I just wanted to say that I lived with a heroin addict and it was pure hell. He is the father of my children and was the love of my life at one time. I still think what could I have done to keep this horrible drug away from him. Nothing...it is unstopable! It is the worst drug addiction I have ever saw in my life! I hate this drug! It stole my friend who died of an overdose, and it stole my childrens father, who is now in prison for stealing to get high. I have great sorrow for those who have lost their loved ones and I have great sorrow for those who are going to become addicted. I just hope someday my child can see his dad again without the effects of heroin.
Tracy K. < raven4082004@aol.com >
Berwick, PA - United States (2004-07-31)

First I want to tell the family I feel your pain I have been doing everything possible to save my son from this devil known as heroin this is the 6th time we have detoxed him and I sit here looking for help and support only to find so many beautiful young people dying from this horrisble thing, I pray for you and yours pleas epray for my son.
tina < martinezt487@aol.com >
steelton, pa - USA (2004-07-28)

Wow...This site has helped me come to a decision (which i have just learned could highly affect my life). Being a teen, I am always going to be pressured into doing drugs...even by my best friend. Up until about a month ago i always said "NEVER". But then it just seemed as though it was becoming a not such a bad thing. So "NEVER" became "yeah, sure why not?" But now I know so much better and what do ya know? It's back to "NEVER" again...I thank you for that. God Bless.
Anissa < Fly_gurl32890@yahoo.com >
, AZ - USA (2004-07-25)

Dear Kyndall's family and friends. I am so sorry that ya'll lost a special person and a younger sibling in your life. I lost people that are special to me but not by drugs, well maybe some of them. And i was really really sad when they died and i know how you all feel. Sad, maybe dissappointed that you lost someone but you know that you always will meet that person again in a special place called heaven where all the beautiful angels fly free along with friends and love ones. Thanks for listening!
MaiKayla Harrison < maikaylaeh@yahoo.com >
Richmond, Tx - USA (2004-07-23)

wow, ur story hit home for me. as i read i couldnt stop crying.See i havent loss someone yet to drugs but is very close to lossing soemone.My mother she did drugs and drank and now she is dying from brain cancer she has been fighting this battle for 5 and a half years. my mother wasnt a mother to me i was taken away at 8 and adopted by my grandmother but my other 7 brothers and sisters werent so lucky they were abused by her time and time again. so i am so sorry for ur loss and i prayt that God be with u God BlessYou ~ stephanie
Stephanie Martinez < heaven198604@yahoo.com >
chicago, il - USA (2004-07-22)

thank you so much for sharing kyndall's story. i really liked her poem, "til death do us part." i am currently trying to help a friend get help for meth addiction. i think the addiction between meth and heroin are very much alike. i'm currently working on some anti-drug posters and considering submitting them to websites for them to display. when i am finished, i will email them to you. thanks again for your website and God bless your family. vanissa
vanissa < postmodernabsurdities@yahoo.com >
las vegas, nv - USA (2004-07-22)

As I read the site, my heart is full. It is so sad to see how much pain and anguish ur sister was going through. She had so much to live for. I always say as adults we do not realize the impact we have on a child's life, each child born ask not to be here and therefore as parents we must make choices that will add value to them. I admire "dad" for taking on the responsibility to raise his kids. Kyndall's life should be a lesson to all. She was a beautiful, talented girl. God Bless your family.
kim < krpettiford@yahoo.com >
greensboro, nc - USA (2004-07-21)

I found the link t o this site on drugfreeamerica.com and as i read her story my eyes began to water, im deeply sorry for the loss your family has had, she seemed like a great person. My cousin used to do drugs and maybe heroin, i never found out because my parents thought i was too young to know. I found out when i was 13 after hearing my parents talk about it. I knew he did stuff like drinking smoking and drugs, but i didnt know how bad it was. He went into Rehab and he's doing better now, although he still does drink and smoke he's off of drugs and I'm very proud of him for that. But I think this website is very touching and that it will help many kids make the right decision when they read this. My heart will break everytime i think about this story adn your loss. God Bless you.
~Stef~ < sassy_angel152@hotmail.com >
Toronto, - canada (2004-07-21)

No one in my family has done it, At least I hope not. When i found this site on drugfreeamerica.org I read it, and when I saw the site I went straight to it becuase it seemed so sad. I am 15 and im in my teenage years but after reading that and tears running down my face I will never do any sort of drug. I have never done drugs now and I plan to keep it that way. Thanks for helping me decide!!! I WISH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY THE BEST AND I WILL PREY FOR YOU AT NIGHT... Alyssa
Alyssa M. < lilshorty4reals@yahoo.com >
Phx, Az - USA (2004-07-14)

I fee real bad that ur sis friend daughter died all my friends do herion n i try to tel them to stop but they cant they r addicted to it n dont no wut to do wit them i love her she has been my best friend since we were 5 n now to look at her its a bad site i wish u guyz the best n dont do herion it takes ova ur life thanx i hope u live ur life the same ~*~*TeGaN*~*~
Tegan < thickthighs42069@yahoo.com >
W.Belmar, nj - USA (2004-07-14)

This is a beautiful site for a special angel. We lost our 19-year-old son, Robby, to an od on 4/16/01 at the age of 19. His brother is a year older and is in recovery for almost a year for heroin addiction also. There is not enough affordable treatment available for addiction. We need to remove the stigma attached to this treatible disease. God bless you for fighting and speaking out. I do the same, every chance I get. I believe we are getting direction from our special angels in Heaven. I co-moderate a grief support group for family members who have lost loved ones to addiction. Let me know if you are ever interested. I will keep your daughter and all who still struggle with this illness in my prayers. I am another grieving Mom.
Sandi < Sandi@trophyhomes.com >
Springville, UT - USA (2004-06-17)

This site is a testimonial to the drug problem of America. Education IS the best measure. Parents really need to involve themselves in their kid's lives. Watch them, drive them places, get to know their friends. Have talks with them. It helps. I am not blaming parents but encouraging them to be more involved. I learned the hard way. My daughter is an addict now. God bless Kyndall's family.
Donna < janty1423@hotmail.com >
Washington, DC - USA (2004-06-15)

On June 11, 2003 at 1:48 p.m., I was on a break at my job, when my phone rang. It was a phone call that changed my life. It was my son Max(25). He was sobbing in the phone. My first thought... someone had died. Then my son said the words that are forever etched in my mind "Mom, I am a heroin addict". I couldn't breathe and everything moved in slow motion. I couldn't wrap my mind around what was being said to me. I had known Max "dabbled" in drug usage. Since he was 15 or so, I had known of pot smoking and drinking here and there and the occasional trying new drugs for fun with his friends, but he could always walk away....it was never a problem...nothing to worry about...how I had deceived myself. Then Max met heroin...and he could no longer walk away. I had seen a change in my son over the last 4 months, changes I chose to rationalize away. He had lost 45 lbs... well he was living on his own. He always was tired, sad, ...well he had broken up with his fiancee in February, he was depressed. He always had a headache when I called... well he did suffer from migraines for years. Then the things I couldn't ignore, his cell phone never stopped ringing, he had the most unlikable "new" friends, he NEVER seemed to work, he always had money, he never stayed long at family functions, he slept allot, he couldn't carry on a conversation, his personality was disappearing before my eyes...he NEVER smiled, and his eyes...he has the most beautiful blue eyes, but something was very wrong in them, they glowed....from the inside almost as if lit like a pumpkin...and the pupils were always the size of a pin head, he wore long sleeves even in warm weather, and baggy clothes always...When I would go visit, (I live 4 hour's away,) I always sensed that there was something he wanted to tell me...something I needed to know.....and the strongest thing....I am a Christian, and I would wake at night and pray....why, I had no idea, but I would pray for Max some nights for two or three hours...not really knowing what was going on, but knowing I had to pray right then and there for my son....Well now it all came crashing in and it made great sense....Heroin had stole my son....she had made her way into his life, his heart, and his soul......and I was not about to give him up to her..........I ask Max when he called that day "why are you calling me?"...and he said "I need help, I can't live like this"...and that was all I had to hear.....I had no idea what to do, where to turn.....but I found a rehab and got him in...it wasnt a traditional 12 step and it was a live in hard core program..but he stayed and 4 months later graduated the program....he has been clean 9 months now and is doing awesome....working, healthy, strong, taking drug test for us when ever we ask....his brothers Bryant(28) and his twin Matt(25) are not very trusting and Max understands and is great about it...how ever with all this joy in our lives we have great saddness also...in our town we have buried 15 young people in a years time to heroin....and my nephew Josh was one of them...we lost Josh on February 9, 2oo4 and they said he has such a small amount of heroin in his system it didnt kill him, but his enlarged heart did....and enlarged heart caused from years of shooting drugs....Max has a doctor's appointment next week...I need to know what damage is left from the time he spent in hell......I read your page, every word, I cried for your family and I wept for Kyndall...these are great people...wonderful young bright smart loved people...Thank you all for what your doing and keep up the fight....I to am fighting still and will till the day I go home to God....and maybe then Kyndall and Josh can explain to me WHY........Bless you all....Kim
Kim Scott < kscott1213@charter.net >
Chesterton, IN - USA (2004-05-29)

My own sister is an addict of heroin. This site has great links for finding help. She really wants help now. What a terrible thing to go through. Thanks for sharing Kyndalls story. Best of luck to you.
Dave < davedel@hotmail.com >
Chicago, IL - USA (2004-05-24)

Hi, My name is Lieutenant Skip Garley of the Woodbridge Police Department and I was just given Kyndall's web site. I wanted to tell you that although I didn't know her, I know her now. It is very sad when we lose those we love and try to help. We sit and wonder did I do everything possible to help and then we wonder why and blame ourselves. I 'am continually helping kids throughout the district who are lost and in need of guidance. I hope we can save someone from a similar tragedy. I thank you for taking this step in creating awareness. Maybe some day we can go into the schools and speak to the students and spread Kyndall's story before someone else looses a daughter, brother, sister, or a friend. I truly thank you and my prayers are with Kyndall and those she left behind. Lt. Skip Garley
Lt. Skip Garley Woodbridge Police < skip.garley@twp.woodbridge.nj.us >
Woodbridge, NJ - USA (2004-05-19)

I wanted to thank you for viewing my site and signing my guestbook. You have created a beautiful site in your sisters memory. The information here is valuable. Thank you for helping fight the disease of addiction. I lost my only son Jason six years ago and it still feels like yesterday. Addiction is a disease that is every bit as real and deadly as cancer. No one chooses to be an addict. These were all wonderful, sensitive kids that were loving and generous to a fault. Keep up the good work in your sisters name and for all of our Angels of Addiction.
Sandra LaCagnina < angelsofaddiction@yahoo.com >
memphis, TN - USA (2004-05-15)

As soon as I saw Kyndall's picture pop up on my screen, I was in tears. It really puts into perspective what kind of suffering you put everyone through when you use. I too started doing heroin (and crack cocaine) at a very young age (14 to be exact). I met a 19 year old guy at a party who was into all these drugs I didn't even know was around my Richmond Virginia suburbs. It didn't even take a good month before I was using right along with him. The relationship was horrible to say the least. I truley loved him the best way I knew how to at 14 and he treated me like dirt under his shoes - unless of course he was high. So that was the answer to all our problems. We got along and I didn't have to worry about him coming after me with his fists, putting ciggs out on my neck, stabbing me with syringes, and telling me I was stupid and worthless. But these tricky and unpredictable drugs eventually changed things with me and him. I was living with him and his parents the summer I turned 17. His dad found a couple syringes in our room and I came home to find all of my belongings in the front yard. My parents were so fed up with me and didn't know how to help me...so of course I didn't go back to them like I should have. Instead I got a ride from someone to the hood where I was dropped off. I didn't make it back out of the hood until over a month later. While being on the streets, I had NOTHING to my name except for a heroin addiction. It wasn't long before I was prostituting. Luckily a friend of mine called my parents in the middle of the night and told them I was sleeping at a Waffle House in a bad part of town. She wanted to take me home and when I refused, she took matters into her own hands. Sure enough my dad woke me up and carried me to the van and took me home. I tried buprenorphine to help with my detox. It made things a lot easier to deal with. I stayed clean for almost 6 months before I ran back into my old boyfriend. That same day I was using again, and the next week I was in jail for shoplifting. When I got out my parents took my sorry butt back yet again. This time we attempted methadone treatment. Now I know people who swear by this type of detox. I'm sorry but there's something about replacing one drug with another (that I can honestly say is more addictive than heroin!) that just doesn't do it for me. I was still nodding out at all hours of the day, I was still using crack cocaine too. You guessed it, before I had even stopped taking methadone I was using heroin again. That of course got me booted out the clinic and out my parents house yet again. I spent a good six months with the same guy that got me into all this mess in the first place. Things obviously were never gonna get better at this rate. I was 19 years old and needed to start taking responsiblity for my actions. We fought every night for the last week we were together. I wanted him to take me back to my parents house, but it just pissed him off every time I brought it up. Finally at the end of the week, about a hundred dollars of his money came up missing while he was at work. I'm ashamed to say I stole it from him, got high as gas and then tried to lie to him when he got home. But he knew by looking at me I took it. Of course he was beyond furious. I got the worst beating of my life, then he dropped me off at his friends house and just left me there. It took me a couple of hours but I finally got up the courage to call my parents, and hopefully for the last time ever they came and saved my life yet again. I started the buprenorphine again, but it didn't work nearly as well as it did the first time. Five years of heroin, crack, and methadone had definitly caught up with me. Even on the medicine I went through EVERY withdrawl possible and then some. And even now, two months later, I still have diarrhea and an upset stomach almost all day long. I sleep a little better every night though and I have found that my parents are my BIGGEST support sytstem. I thank God for them and their will to never give up on me. Even when I really wasn't worth it. I'm being treated for anxiety (BAD anxiety), depression, anger management, asthma (we believe came from heroin and crack), kidney problems, menstrual problems (yeah - haven't had a period in a year!), and I just found out I've got Hep C. These are things that I will probably have to deal with for the rest of my life now because of my foolish choices. If I knew then half of what I know now, believe me, heroin and crack wouldn't even be words in my vocabulary. But they are, and I take from that experience a life lesson that nobody should have to learn. I have a feeling in my gut that this is my LAST CHANCE and I will every day remember the torture my body and mind has been through and still goes through. But I'm happy and clear minded and I only wish that I can get my story out there and help so many others that know exactly what I'm talking about. I was very very very lucky and know that. I have a guardian angel on my shoulder and I hope to be someone elses "guardian angel". Please if you are addicted, dabbling, know someone who uses, lost someone to using, etc. then please e-mail me. I am eager to help anyone who needs it. God bless you all... ~Katie
Katie < kd5646@yahoo.com >
Ashland, VA - USA (2004-05-13)

Dear Bill: My heart breaks for you. I am overwhelmed by your loss. I never met your sister Kendall, however I did meet your younger brother and sister one day when you brought them to our house with Steph; keep watch on them....and hold the rest of your family tight. My prayer that your sorrow lessens will be a daily one from now on....I too lost a sibling to the effects of drugs, booze and anger, he killed himself in 1980 and I still miss him and could scream in horror from the loss. My love to you and may you turn the suffering you feel into a better life for you and the rest of your family. Be strong. Blessed Be, franki (Stephana's Mom)
franki raab < frankiwitch@earthlink.net >
Quakertown, PA - USA (2004-05-07)

Its a miracle that she was able to stay clean when she left Greenway. I was there for detox and couldn't tolerate the place. I left 3 days after I arrived.
Ana < opiummmmm@hotmail.com >
Wilkes Barre, PA - USA (2004-05-06)

< >
, - (2004-05-04)

i came acrose your story because we have to do a project in health and me and my friend did heroin. we were looking for stories and came acrost yours. Your story has touched me i tought about your story all day i thoguht about how bad i felt for your family and kyndalls friends. i was crying by the i time had finished the story and when ever some one asks me to do any drugs i will think of your story and that will get me to say no and maybe i might be able to tell it to someone who does drugs and they might really think about it and try to stop. i am extremley sorry about what has happened. i will pray for u and your family. god bless you all.
jaime < goodcharlottelv1@aol.com >
smyrna, de - USA (2004-04-23)

IM very sorry for the loss of your sister, This web site is a nice tribute to Kyndall, and will hopefully help others with an addiction. BEST WISHES
Louis < Bmw328iclass@aol.com >
Edison, Nj - (2004-04-20)

I know the pain of losing a friend/loved one. My boyfriend and I lost a very close friend at the age of 27 on September 13, 2003 just 6 days after Kyndall died. He is missed dearly. Him and my boyfriend were best friends for a little over 20. They grew up together. My boyfriend feels lost without him. They told each other EVERYTHING. I miss him very much to cause he was like an older brother to me. When my boyfriend wasn't there I could go to him. And now he's gone. I wanted to say that you are doing a great thing by educating people about this horrible drug. I am no stranger to it. Although I have never done it and never will cause I was one of the lucky ones to get educated only because I have had people very close to me get hooked one this hoorible drug. One person being my mother. And there a are others in my family that have this additin to. Keep up the good work. God Bless...
Shannon < s_pilley@hotmail.com >
Baltimore, MD - USA (2004-04-12)

Dear Nicole, This is truly a beautiful, moving, informative and helpful approach. I really like the way you are trying to reach out & help others, and how you provide so much useful information. Kyndall was truly a beautiful & talented girl. Why are we losing some many of our beautiful young people? I think your website goes a long ways towards debunking the stereotype of a drug addict that our society generally holds. Until the public is awakened and realizes that heroin addiction can get anyone, regardless of age, race, status, etc., etc., I think the "war against drugs" will continue to be an uphill battle. The reality is that many beautiful, loveable, kind and talented people are being lost to this drug. I think you and I are in this war together. Let's hope we can rally the millions affected, either directly or indirectly, help join all the forces, and perhaps beat this curse. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little sister. She didn't deserve to die, but maybe she, like my daughter, were put here for the purpose of making a difference in the field of drug addiction. Who knows? I certainly would never have chosen that for my daughter, but, we are here, so we must try to make the best of it. Please give my sympathies to your entire family. Sue
Sue Shields < crusader@beat-the-drum.org >
Bensalem, PA - USA (2004-04-12)

So sad.......another fallen angel to the devils dust.....a beautiful angel. Yes heroin affects others who do not even touch it. Like those who struggle daily with the loss of a loved one because of heroin. Very painful for me to read Kyndalls story, so similiar to my sons. They were too young....way too young....taken way too soon. For every little breeze that brushes your face, it is not a breeze but the tender touch of your sister letting you know she is here with you. Never ignore the little signs that they leave trying to let you know that they are here. At times you may think you feel her presence, grab the moment, for it is not in your head it is real. A superb job was done on this site. Your sister smiles upon you with such gratitude for your forgiveness. Kyndall and Ricky may have lost the battle here on earth, but not the war. Because of the tremendous suffering that they endured, the war was WON when God looked down and said, you have suffered enough child, it is time to come home. And they did just that. Now if only we can learn to go on with our lives. But it is so hard some times. All the what ifs.......all the hopes....the dreams....the future.....the hugs and laughter......gone. May their wings take them to the greatest heights of discovery in their new spiritual world. God Bless your family and all those who either stuggle daily with the demon and those that struggle daily over the loss of a loved one. May God continue to carry us all.
Carol < depsprings@aol.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2004-03-16)

Heroin has affected my family for years now. My own sister is addicted. I will pass this on to her. I pray for you all. Thanks for sharing it.
John < kampsil@aol.com >
Clevland, OH - USA (2004-02-24)

I am the mother of a recovering addict, I cannot stop crying! I am so very touched by this tribute to your beautiful sister. Thank you for making people aware and for helping others with this terrible disease called addiction. Jordana, you and your family will always be in my prayers.
Debbie < dpal7@aol.com >
Colonia, NJ - USA (2004-01-30)

iAM VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. fROM WHAT I HAVE READ kENDELL WAS A VERT BEAUTIFUL INTELLIGENT YOUNG WOMEN.iWANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT A WONDERFUL SITE YOU HAVE MADE. iT IS FULL OF SO MUCH USEFUL INFORMATOIN AND i THANK YOU .
jaime < jniel84@ AOL.COM >
, NY - USA (2004-01-30)

This site helped me. Sorry for the loss of Kyndall. Because of her, I learned and see what my own family is going through. Thanks.
Mike < mikenike1@msn.com >
Buffalo, NY - USA (2004-01-29)

your web-site to honor your sister is beautiful. i hope it will help many people. god bless your family. lillie pilla
lillie pilla < lillith110@aol.com >
avenel, nj - USA (2004-01-26)

As a friend to more than one of the family members, I can truely say that there is a real desire for them to help others who may be coping with the devistating affects of heroin addition. Nic, you are truely an inspiration and an encouragement, as I too have delt with this horrible evil. Although my family member has been through recovery and is doing well, I always wonder what the future holds for him. Thank you for your loving support and information. Continue to desire to help others. It is a calling of yours. My prayers continue to go out to your family. They say there is strength numbers and your family is a testiment to that. All our love, Kim and Jon
Kim Harsin < harsin5@yahoo.com >
Howell, NJ - USA (2004-01-21)

I cannot stop crying - my heart breaks for all of you and your great loss. God Bless you and I pray for those fighting this horrible addiction.
Kristy < juiceygrapes@optonline.net >
Jackson, NJ - USA (2004-01-19)

Are you struggling? Are you addicted to heroin? Do you think you are? Are you thinking about doing it? Please talk to me. I am here and check my email frequently. There is help out. Talk to me. geepers89@hotmail.com No matter where you live, there is help around the corner. Trust me... Drugs are NOT your way out.
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
toms river, NJ - USA (2004-01-18)

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