Hello. And Bye.
XRumerTest < yourmail@gmail.com >
, - USA (2009-06-29)

 This is so interesting! Thanks for all of the great resources, too!
johnstevens < mymail.johnstevens@gmail.com >
, - USA (2009-06-22)

My thoughts are with you and your family. I have a son who was introduced to heroin by a so-called friend. It has been 3 years and he has good times and bad, mostly bad. I stand by him and try to help as much as I can, but it's hard. He always says that unless you are an addict of this drug you have no idea how he feels. It's funny in a sense that everyone refers to it as the Devil. I pray everyday that he will stay clean and alive just another 24 hours and then we'll move on to the next 24.
Carol < cbernard@chaddsfordcollision.com >
Media, PA - USA (2009-06-16)

HELLO MY NAME IS NOEMI JUST WANT TO LET YOU GUYZ KNOW THAT MY HEART GOS OUT TO YOU AND THE FAM. OMG IM GOING THROUGH IT WITH MY HUSBAND HE IS GOING DOWN THAT PATH IM SO SCARED TO LOSS HIM! IT'S NOT EVEN ABOUT THE MONEY IT'S ABOUT HIS LIFE THIS STORY REALLY TOCH ME I WANT TO LOOK FOR HELP I WANT HIM TO GET THAT HELP WHAT SHOULD I DO?
NOEMI VASQUEZ < MARCOSYNOEMI08@YAHOO.COM >
SAN JOSE, CA - USA (2009-06-16)

I'm so sorry for your loss.. I know words can't really say enough. I ran across this because I'm looking at somehow to become an advocate as well. I'm 22 years old and my husband left this world on May 25th, 2009. We were together 8 years and married 3. He had struggled with drugs for many years and it ultimately took his life. I could always bring him back out of it, together we beat it. I'm not exactly sure what it was, I'm still waiting to find out, he had a high amount of drugs in his system.. I know it wasn't heroin but reading her journals it makes me sad to know that he was fighting this horrible fight and didn't tell me recently. My heart is completely broken, and I'm trying desperately to find some way to help others so they don't have to go through the pain I'm going through now. Thanks for listening.
kandice < kandicerenee@gmail.com >
Winona, Texas - USA (2009-06-16)

facebook money
upliptupe < immabyfossy@gmail.com >
Biel, Switzerland - Switzerland (2009-06-15)

The Terminator franchise is what got me interested in the movies in the first place. The first was a suspenseful cyberpunk thriller, and the second became my favorite movie of all time. The third fell short of intelligence but still solid nonetheless, and the TV series was a good addition to the franchise. Nearing the end of May, the fourth and latest film addition of the beloved sci-fi franchise will open, and viewers are in for a sheer summer spectacle.
WetNibAffit < otorokvuksot@termimail.ru >
Tosor, Germany - Germany (2009-06-14)

Which is the very good movie in 2009? Please help!Thank you.
asytonyaa < tonymarco1977@gmail.com >
Arlington, USA - USA (2009-06-13)

Terminator franchise is what got me interested in the movies in the first place. The first was a suspenseful cyberpunk thriller, and the second became my favorite movie of all time. The third fell short of intelligence but still solid nonetheless, and the TV series was a good addition to the franchise. Nearing the end of May, the fourth and latest film addition of the beloved sci-fi franchise will open, and viewers are in for a sheer summer spectacle.
otillatroya < otillatroya@termimail.ru >
Torida, Germany - Germany (2009-06-04)

I very thankful for this site tonite. ive been struggling with this poison for almost a year now and just got out of my first detox. this site is definatly helping me get through the night. ive been clean for 2 weeks now but secretly im scared of a relapse. i didnt know kyndall but i know from looking into her story that were the same type of person. almost like we think so much about everything in life physically and spiritually. then we have this deep pain . i dont know exactly where it comes from , maybe taken on everyones burdens. then we have to quell that most powerful pain with the most powerful remedy. i dont know im confused still but im grateful for a site like this to bring me just that little bit closer tomy senses, a place i havent been for years and still feels far off. thank you kendyll for your life and i pray for your soul and for your family tonite.
david steele < davidmtosteele@yahoo.com >
littleton, ma - USA (2009-05-26)

Sweet Kyndell. Another heart breaking story. Everyone in my immediate family is or has been addicted to one substance or another. My Sister and her precious Son both have died from Heroin overdose. My Father died from Alcoholism and brother is on his way. My Mother is a recovering addict and has been clean for 27 years now. I thankfully have never tried a drug in my life. I know this is because I saw the evilness in it. I am the youngest of three children. Please anyone out there struggling.........get help. There was only 5 in my family. Three of them are gone and I'm only 34 years old. Drugs are not the way out of heartache. I understand it but there are other alternatives. I want so badly for people to stop losing their lives over heroin or any other destructive substance. I HATE this evil horrible disease. Everyone, please be safe and make good choices
Angela Gonzalez < angelagonzalez92@yahoo.com >
Franklin, WI - USA (2009-05-21)

Thank you for sharing Kyndall's story. My name is Sherry and I have been struggling with heroin addiction since i was 19 years old, i'm 35 now. I've wasted so much of my life on that crap. And i have lost (or thrown away) everything that has meant anything to me. Addiction is a very sad and vicious disease.I'm tired, and thanks to the unconditional love of husband, I am finally working hard to stay clean. I want to live today. I thank God for the peole who never gave up on me. Again thank you for sharing this story,I can say that it most definitly helped me to sty clean today.
Sherry < cshery6@yahoo.com >
Rensselaer, NY - USA (2009-05-18)

I am so very sorry for your loss. The pain is so unfair. My daughter is 21 and sadly, a herion addict. I am caring for her young son and pray that someday she can care for him, to feel the love and joy of watching your child grow, learn, laught and love. She, like so many others have stolen so much from me, from everyone but most of all she has stolen from herself, her life. I pray everyday that she survives another day and everyday I hope that today is the day that she gets help. To choose a pill or a needle over your own child is something I can not understand. It is heartbreaking. I am so afraid that I will have to bury my child. My beautiful daughter. She is lost right now, I just hope it is not too late for her to find her way back. May God bless you all.
Patti < daniel2687@yahoo.com >
Stratford, CT - USA (2009-05-11)

kyndall reminds me a lot of myself. Ive never used hard drugs but ive dealt with my share of heartache & pain dissappointments can definitly wear out the soul of the stongest person from reading tru her journal and her story, i felt her deep spiritaulitywhich is the light that shines through the darkness of her pain and death.the light she carries is so bright that it burns through her sister.shes an inspiration to me bocause through it all she seemed to never stop believing in our HEAVENLY FATHER and thats why her reward is to know she didnt die in vain her story touched me and as i stated earlier i dont have an addictin but i have suffered from bipolar disorder and is turning over a new leaf right now in my life the doctors enen agree that ican try to make it without meds after over 10years i see how GOD carried her and let her light shine even after her death lets not put the blame on anyone kyndall said herself she was here on amission she admitted she didnt know what. but she was willing . like the words to the song as soon as we stop wondering how the story ends let go and let GOD let GOD his way. to her sister keep doing what your doing withGOD leading the way and your sister as your guide you will touch lives in more ways than you could EVER IMAGINE.youve touched mine.RIP kyndall. mission accomplised well done. ican tell by what ive read that you showed people alight in a way that others may not have been able to
kwame smith < rocksygurl@yahoo.com >
baltimore, md - USA (2009-05-05)

Is that a new way? Are you ignoring my jolly separation A joke for you! How do you revive a drowning rodent? Give it mouse-to-mouse resuscitation.
jamijof < letha@order-viagara.info >
Sioux Falls, USA - usa (2009-05-02)

I am so sorry to hear you sister passed away. She was a beautiful person who now is in no more pain. I understand everything my son's daddy is a herion addict in rehab again. My son is 5 and thinks the world of his daddy when hes around. We are not together do to his addiction but hes still my best friend we were together for 12 years. It hurts me everyday watching my son grow knowing his daddy is not around to watch him. Hopefully this time around he gets it right for himself and our little boy who needs his daddy. For now my son talks to his daddy on the phone every night and I hope when he gets out of rehab he can be a daddy to our son who loves him so much. Herion is the worst drug in he world and ruins so many peopls lives
Wendy < amadeus522002@aol.com >
Newark, De - USA (2009-04-23)

I got the call two days ago that my step daughter had lost her battle with heroin. My first thought was how to tell her 6 year old son that she had died. My heart is broken. She had just finished 6 months in treatment and seemed to be doing so well. Clean UA's for a month out of treatment. My guess is she didn't realize that she couldn't do as much as she had been doing. Heroin is really nothing to play with. She left me this sweet little boy who can only understand that she is in heaven and not suffering any longer. God bless you all.
Gene Inmon < gene_inmon@comcast.net >
Centralia, WA - USA (2009-04-16)

Crystal, stay strong.. thank you for letting us know that you got through today. Every day will get better and easier.. one day at a time. Stay tough. Email me if you need to chat.
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
New Brunswick, NJ - USA (2009-04-15)

I have twenty seven days clean off of heroin. I can relate to Kyndalls story a lot. This morning I was ready to go to newark and get just one bag!!! My mind was there and I was sitting here plotting on how to get there. i came across this page by accident (i guess there are no accidents) and i remember reading the home news tribune story and thinking how lucky she was. it was over for her. i am struggling! definitely! my mind is very loud all the time! for today, because of this page, because of kyndall, because of all the pain we leave behind i am not going to get high! for today! i cant ignore the coincidence of falling on this page. its got to be God i guess! Anyway thank you!!!
Crystal < crystalangelina@hotmail.com >
Old Bridge, nj - USA (2009-04-14)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am too a recovering heroin addict. I have been clean now for 8 months and everyday is a struggle. You said it right, enjoy the time that you had with her while she was clean. God gave you that time with her before he wanted her to come home free of pain and struggle. I hope that I can live the rest of my life this way, as I am 21 now. Anyone need help, advice, or anything, feel free to email me. I am always willing to talk and help where I can. I know for you parents how hard it is so you can email me and hear it from a child' perspective. Stay strong! I am praying for all of you everyday!!!
Kristine < kzenkowich@gmail.com >
, NJ - USA (2009-04-04)

Your family's love for each brings me to tears. She seemed like a bright and shining star and im so sorry for your loss. Its so uplifting to no that you all are at a place where you no in your hearts that she is still shining...even more brightly then when she was here. Im sure the Lord has her busy doing all the things she dreamed of doing + more then she ever thought she could. My heart goes out to your family. I lost my father to this drug and ive battled with it myself as well. So i definatly relate to size of this battle. This site is really amazing and you should all be proud of it. Keeping your family in my prayers xoxo
< llollygagger@gmail.com >
Oregon, OR - USA (2009-03-31)

To Delrey Beach.. you didn't post an email address.. please see the home page and click on the link called 'quick link to rehabs'.. there are state halfway houses that you can look up. I know it is not easy to find help especially without insurance. If you want to write to me, maybe I could do a more refined search for you. Good luck.
Nicole DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
, - USA (2009-03-26)

I'm a 14 year Heroin addict and I was online trying to look up suggestions on kickin at home when I found your story! It was so heartfelt! My heart goes out to you & your family! I have lost countless people over the years to Heroin even my sons Father. Its so much easier to think & say there is an out, then to find and or take one. I've come to realize that for me there is not! This is the lesser of two evils for me. Its this or suicide so what'dya do!?! Anyway it's clear your sister was a bright shinning star and so full of jest and life. It truly is a loss and a waste of her beautiful life! She was beautiful as well. After reading her/your story I just wanted to stop for a moment and share that with you! I feel your pain and i'm soooo very sorry for your loss! I wish you all the best! Peace~ Love
Michelle < michelleparsons00@msn.com >
Portland, Or - USA (2009-03-25)

looking for a halfway house for my son who is on probation ,this being part of it. can anyone help me find this or a boot camp facility to help him stay away from alchol for at least 4 months he has no insurance,and i can find nothing state related. please advise, thank you, debi
< >
delray beach, fl - USA (2009-03-25)

The disease of addiction is so very powerful. As many of us have seen, sometimes deadly as we have seen. I myself am an addict in recovery and will be for the rest of my life. Addiction will win if we choose to let it. We will never beat it. Heroin is not my drug of choice. But it is my sisters. She had started on opiates, prescribed after an accident. This is what is known to her as hillbilly heroin-oxycontin. Morphine started her damn addiction and then oxycontin-now she is a heroin addict. It has robbed her of so many things. When I look @ her, I look death in the face. The empty look in her eyes, the denial in her and her addiction, the low self esteem, the whole damn situation kills me! She has stolen from everyone, from family to stores, she has forged checks, and has sold the dope to get her high. Today, she currently sits in jail awaiting trial for 4 felonies. But shes safe! Shes still alive, and only by the grace of god! I beleive this is his way to save her life today. She is not a bad person, she is just a person with bad choices, that took over her life. She was a jock, straight A student, beautiful, hi self worth, with alot of strength to overcome anything. Today she is scared, regretful, but still an addict. And I fear the day she will be released into society, because I do know from experience that this demon is still waiting for her to follow her and haunt her and remind her and kill her. And that kills me! She is my only sister, kin, that i have and I have tried to help her, but they cant be helped til they are ready. I try to teach what I can, but I cant preach what I dont know, so if there is anyone who can teach me about heroin that may help me to help her, please contact me. Nikki-what a sad loss for you and the family. Addiction will kill an addict, and the high covered the pain she felt. We dont think of the consequences when we use- we obsess on the need to use. We dont think of the pain we cause, nor do we care. If kyndell went through her steps of recovery, look for step 5, her inventory, maybe that can help you understand the pain she was running from. Addiction hurts everyone-those that use and those we love. May god bless you and keep everyone else in the family safe. Good luck with trying to help others. I too could use the help. For i know very little about heroin, but am finding out little by little. What I do know is it is the hardest habit to kick! That scares me more then anything. I hope that God can guide our family through this so that I never have to experience the pain your family have endured. With deepest sympathys and thoughts.
Stephanie < skhill2008@yahoo.com >
Laporte, In. - USA (2009-03-25)

IM AFRAID that my 15 year old friend might be doing drugs
Desiree Gerg < gerglemarie_93@yahoo.com >
Saint Marys, Pa - USA (2009-03-25)

I am really afriad that my 15 year old might be doing herion pot any type of drug. she hasnt been herself in a while and i am not the only one who has noticed it. I really need some suggestions on how to talk to her about this. she is my best friend and this might sound bad but i really dont trust her. she is hanging out with people who do drugs. if she starts with drugs she would mess her future up so bad. she wants to be a doctor and journalist, you cant do that type of stuff if you are doing drugs. some one PLEASE HELP Me i need to know what to do.. please e-mail me with a subject that says "I can help your friend" That you so much this means so much to me
Desiree Gerg < gerglemarie_93@yahoo.com >
Saint Marys, Pa - USA (2009-03-25)

i have been looking over the net for days on someone that shares my pain let me just say first off im so sorry for your pain and you are very stong and thank you so much for this site i have a one year old son to a heroin addict he overdosed in january. I didnt know wat to do so i left him he got clean 2 weeks after i left i got an appartment and moved in. He was clean and so i gave him another chance. Just recently he has relapsed. I dont know wat to do anymore when i read your story im heart sank and i began to cry. i thought that could be him and my son wouldnt know his dad. i know how it feels to lose someone so close my mom died when i was 11 and i dont want to lose him to but im out of solution t dont know where to go next wats the bottom when dose it end it tearing the family apart at the seems
Jessica < jrgleckler@embarqmail.com >
waynesboro, pa - USA (2009-03-17)

Happy Birthday Kyndall
Danny < kiddan68@comcast.net >
toms river, NJ - USA (2009-03-14)

Would have been your 29th birthday today.. Happy birthday in heaven.. miss you
Nicole DelBuono < tecknik@gmail.com >
North Brunswick, NJ - USA (2009-03-14)

I recently had to switch web hosts due to the unexpected drop from a very unreliable, shady host company named ehost aka searchitup... Due to this, the posts added from November-now have been lost. I am very sorry to anyone who has posted during that time.
Nicole DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
North Brunswick, nj - USA (2009-03-05)

I was looking up info on this bad drug when i came across this, It made me cry because this is what i fear the most.. My boyfriend who is also my bestfriend has been doing H/brown for the past 1year and 1/2. he started off smoking it but for the past few months he has been shoting it up. I hate this drug because it doesnt give up. He is the best friend i have. I want nothing more then for him to win this fight but it just keeps getting worse. he just quit his job he is now 3months pass due in bills. we just moved to a house and i have to pay all the bills. I will work 24 hours a day if he could just get in to a rehab that works. I am so affraid that he will die and i will find him when i wake up or come home from work. i HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS ALONE HIS FAMILY DOESNT not want to belive. I am alone and i am ready to just give up. i feel the drug has won once again. I do not get why this drug is so hard to get off. I need to find a way to help him before the drug wins for good. if you now of some thing that will help plase let me know my email is ashsimonsen@yahoo.com
ash < ashsimonsen@yahoo.com >
, ca - USA (2008-10-30)

My thoughts and prayers are with you all..My 19 yr old daughet is a heroin addict and has been for 3 yrs nows. I just found out 2 weeks ago when a friend of a friend informed me that children services has been called on her(yes shes a mom of a beautiful 7 month old child). I was floored to say the least. I know nothing of this drug but im beginning to learn quickly as she has only been out of rehab for 5 days and she is now in the hospital and may have a heart problem and has staph infection. I am clueless what this has done to her but i know it is destroying me. Thank You for the information you have shared. It has helped! Mom
Staci < slushy_1968@yahool.com >
youngstyown, oh - USA (2008-10-28)

You make a very valid point, Lisa. That is why my intentions of this site are to help prevent making that terrible choice to begin with. I believe what most people are hoping and wishing is that their loved ones will be strong enough to get off of it. Yes, it is another choice to quit heroin but as you know, it is quite difficult because of the physical and mental addiction. That's when people feel sorry for an addict... Everyone makes mistakes. Trying heroin (or any other drugs)to begin with is a horrible mistake. An addict needs help to correct it.. but you are certainly right in saying it's up to the addict. People email me all the time asking how they can get their loved one off this drug. The answer is, they can't. It is up to the user. But they can help by researching detox and rehab facilities.. NA groups, naranon groups for themselves, etc. ---I pray that you will one day soon make the choice to get off of heroin. I also pray that you have loved ones to help you. If you don't and you need any help, please feel free to contact me. Blessings, Nicole
Nicole-Kyndalls sister < geepers89@hotmail.com >
NORTH BRUNSWICK, nj - USA (2008-10-27)

I think i got through about 2,3 of the comments & it irritated the hell out of me. I myself have been a heroin addict for the last 11 yrs & i'm only 23 but i don't want any sympothy, what all of u need 2 understand that this type of lifestyle is a choice & at 1 point or another every drug addict made the decision to abuse a drug & i'm sorry but i can't feel empothy for addicts as i don't feel sorry 4 myself. the best u can hope for if u know or are related to someone who abuses a substance is that they will want to get clean off their own accord as you cannot force sobriety upon anyone that is not willing to go the hard yards & make the appropriate sacrifices to live a fullfiled, clean & somewhat dignified life. sorry if i offended anyone as those where not my intentions.
Lisa Coleman < >
Sydney, N.S.W - Australia (2008-10-26)

I feel your pain. my brother is struggling with this drug.. I feel like my once talented brother is already gone. so sad. please help me pray for my brother Richard
Danelle < dizzy92697@hotmail.com >
Santa Clara, CA - USA (2008-10-14)

What a beautiful family. I guess the really sad part is loseing your mother like that. And then your sister. Sometimes we are just so powerless when it comes to others decissions. Bad choices really do effect others more than we sometimes realize. The good thing is that you all still have each other. I guess I would be proud to call all of you "my children". I wish you the best!
John < johnb958@yahoo.com >
West Saint Paul, MN - USA (2008-10-12)

I was a heroin addict, but have been free for 8 years now. every year is a special day for me, and an achievment! I would really like to help other people and share my experiences. There really is a way out and a MUCH better life to be had! email me if you want to chat x
kerry < k_miss@hotmail.com >
london, - uk (2008-10-09)

i havent talked to my dad in months n now he in the icu with a bleeding brain n fractured skull.wen he got there in his system was alc, coc,pills, n the one thing i had no idea of..herion. it killed me wen i found out. so on top the brain injury, its withdraw n to see my father suffer like he is, is the hardest thing ever. wen he starts to function n knows where he is my not so close family was thinking of a mini intervention? is that the right thing?? cuz if we dont do it before he leaves that hospital i dnt think there is hope!im only 18 n been on my own for 3 yrs i cant loose my dad to this!
kayla s < ksksully@gmail.com >
baltimore, md - USA (2008-09-18)

I miss you.
Autumn < skyez11@gmail.com >
Woodbridge, NJ - USA (2008-09-07)

I have this summer attended the funerals of two wonderful people fallen prey to this insidious substance, Heroin. I hear of others. I suddenly realize just how at risk my son and daughter are as their friends too fall to heroin addiction. I am beginning to realize that this evil could easily hit home. At fifty, I am no angel. I have seen and experienced the effects of addiction. EVERYTHING UGLY THAT HAS EVER BEEN SAID ABOUT DRUGS IS TRUE. From the starting gate with tobacco, alcohol and pot. These are the precursors to misery. Drugs are a lie; guaranteed betrayal. Addiction to drugs is a change to your brain chemestry. You are no longer able to "get it" when you are addicted. The addiction determines your thinking and your behaviors. You no longer own your soul. It is as if Satin himself has stolen you for his very own. And you ain't shit to him. Sorry to break it to ya...
Tom Reinhart < tlmrt@msn.com >
Bath, NY - USA (2008-09-01)

As a parent of a drug addict who is in recovery, I can empathize with those who have lost their children to addiction: some have passed on while others are among the living lost souls. We, as friends, family and parents can unite in a common cause.....to save ourselves from the insanity of riding the same roller coaster over and over again. We can reach out to each other in many ways (thanks to the Internet and cell phones), but nothing beats a face to face meeting where hearts and souls meet to get healthy. Hope you'll join us! Nar-Anon saved my life (many times) and I have learned how to live and be happy in my own journey, no matter what choices my child makes. It takes work to be able to do this, that's why we have the slogan, "Keep coming back, it works it you work it." Nar-Anon Family Groups (just put the www's before) nar-anon.org Nar-Anon Forum: (just put the www's before) naranon.com/forum
Tish < Tish4naranon2@yahoo.com >
San Diego, CA - USA (2008-07-28)

my son has been in rehab 3 times in the last year, he cannot beat this crap. He has stolen everything he can from me, conned and manipulated me every chance he can. He is currently in prison for stealing checks from his grandmother and cashing them. He is sitting with murderers and hard core felons for the next 10 months, he say's he will never do it agian, I have heard that so many times, I don't believe him. We need to get the word out to never start using Heroin, it is the devil. It will destroy everything in your life, your family, yourself, friends, and any hopes of being a productive member of society.
Robin < robinwh58@aol.com >
dayton, oh - USA (2008-07-23)

Nicole, I am extremely sorry for your loss and know what it feels like to lose someone you love to heroin. I just lost my 19 yr old cousin to heroin on July 7, 2008. I wish that I could have known the signs. He said that all he was smoking was "pot" and that he knew what he was doing. He also got addicted to prescription drugs. My family and I all tried to help him and told him that we loved him, but he too felt alone. He was also into art and loved playing the guitar. I pray for you and your family. God Bless.
Tiffany < trbldtggrlvr4evr@yahoo.com >
Moreno Valley, ca - USA (2008-07-20)

I just lost my cousin, Jennifer to this BEAST. She was only 28 years old, as a matter of fact she JUST turned 28 on june 18th. She died on june 30th. I won't even say that I hope no other family goes through what all of our families are going through. Don't get me wrong, I would hate for anyone to have to go through it, but the fact is no matter how much any of us say that, SOMEONE'S family IS going to go through it. This is an epidemic & it is killing my generation. I know SO many people (mostly friends of my brother, who by the way is also an addict & 27 yrs old.. along with my 18 year old cousin.) I am so tired of not knowing what to do. I want to scream! My brother finally took it upon himself to go to an NA meeting tonight. I am SO proud of him but I am still scared. I wish there was a way we could erase this drug from earth & let everyone heal. But there is nothing we can do about it. I can't stop thinking about my cousin. Her bright smile & her big eyes. She was SO caring & outgoing. I think she was depressed over an old boyfriend who kept playing with her mind & she turned to the drug to help her forget him. Maybe I'm wrong. What I DO know is that she didn't want to die, anymore than we wanted to lose her. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one.. it's a hard thing to overcome. I think it helps to deal with it if I think that we all will meet up again. R.I.P Jen & every other soul lost.
milissa s. < ms_lissa_69@yahoo.com >
quincy, ma - USA (2008-07-10)

The support is reachable for those that need it....for the families and the addicts...it just takes a tiny effort and the possibilities are endless. I am glad to have stumbled upon this site. Thank you and God bless everyone!
Michelle < mjjordan618@yahoo.com >
, SC - USA (2008-07-04)

I have a great friend who is in Jail due to heroin. We dated for 7 years through highschool and college. I moved away to go to graduate school and a few months later I broke up with him. He had been using drugs for a while but not heroin. After I broke up with him..he hit heroin. It has been almost 3 years since I broke up with him and now he is in jail for 60 days so far. It breaks my heart to know that he is there. I just go a letter from him and it was quite possible one of the best letters I ever read from him in almost 9 years. For the first time in 9 years he is clean of all drugs. He is going to go to rehab, and then a halfway house and then will be out..if he stays clean for 2 years his record will be clean. I worry about him being able to accomplish this task. I don't know how to help him or if I even can.
daisy < >
, - USA (2008-06-26)

This story has trully touched me. I have a beautiful daughter with a man who is addicted to herion. I am so lost and have no clue what to do to help this person. I want my daughter to have a dad. When he does decide to show up every once in a while i see him getting worse and worse. i Hate this drug it has torn my family apart. I just know that if he doesnt get help soon i will be in the same situation this family is in. My heart goes out to all of the family of kyndall. myprayers go out to you all.
Candace Ojeda < cojeda81@aol.com >
mesquite, tx - USA (2008-06-25)

My heart is broken for you and me and all those who have lost someone to this awful drug. I lost my only beautiful daughter Lori on May 1, 2008 to herion. She was like Kyndall in alot of ways, very artistic, loved music and drawing. Spent time in NA/AA, trying to beat the demon that haunted her. I took her to the zoo on the 13th of Apr. and she seemed to be doing good. I left for Okla. to visit family for 2 weeks. I got home on 5 May 2008. My son showed up 20 minutes later to tell me Lori was dead. My heart was breaking. I just couldn't believe it had happen. After reading her some of her writings, I saw how depressed she was, how hopeless she felt. I wish I could have done more to help her. I read a comment someone posted (Pamela Sadler) God came for her to spare her anymore pain or sorrow. I believe that too. I know she rests peacefully with Jesus now, but there is this terrible hole in my heart. I pray constantly for all of us to find peace to live again and hopefully help someone else along the way. God Bless you for letting me write some of my own pain with loss of my daughter Lori. She was 36 years old, but she was my baby. Sincerely Betty Chambless
betty chambless < zgrammy1951@yahoo.com >
ordway, co - USA (2008-06-22)

Yes i'm a recovering addict and am glad to visit your site about your sister. God bless people like yourself who reach out to educate others about this diseaseof addiction. I wish i could get involved and tell of my story to children and adults who think that drugs can't do this to them.
Tee Tee < lrrush@yahoo.com >
Wmsprt, Pa - USA (2008-06-19)

As a drug dealer this story has changed me and now I dnt deal any more I have been to jail and done my time and I am trully sorry for your loss and how the only way I made a living killed a beautifull person like your sister I am a monster and I hope to make it in a better place in your name I prey holly fauther plz forgive me for wat I have done and forgive the ppl that have brought so much pain to this beatifull family I am so sorry I wish my preyers can bring u joy but how can a monster bring joy to u all it will do is make u hate me to all the ppl that have come to this site and told outher souls about your problems I'm sorry for you pain and if you want blame me cause I am one of many who has done u rong go ahead I should aceppt it I AM A MONSTER . . . .
matt < mydawgeatmystash@yahoo.com >
houston, tx - USA (2008-06-18)

Hi....My younger brother is using herion, and we are terrified we are going to loose him. He is currently seeing a doctor (out patient detox) for his addiction. He is prescribed Subutex but we cannot get him to take it. I know he is still using. Everything he does is out of character when he is high. He also pawns EVERYTHING of ANYBODYS! He has got an awesome doctor why won't he STOP....What do I do...I have called the coroner to come get him, but since he wasn't threating anyone or threating to kill himself they wouldn't come get him... This is KILLING me and my family. Is there anying we can do to help him...I am really scared he is about to die... I am soOoOo sorry you lost someone so close to this Demon....I wish your family the best... Terrified, Lindsey
Lindsey < oso2cute123@aol.com >
Shreveport, La - USA (2008-06-11)

hey kyn, every time i try 2 write tears fill my eyes and it becomes virtually impossible 2 think about anything but how much i miss u and love u .I wasn't able 2 come 2 your funeral or properly grieve your death because at the time i was still out there using. It will b 2 years i'm clean in aug. 2008. there isnt a day that i don't think about you. .we used 2 always try 2 incourage each other 2 stop using,lean on each other write each other little notes. I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY GOD TOOK U AND SPARED ME. 4 ALONG TIME I WISHED THE SITUATION WAS REVERSED. but now i realize that god had a plan 4 both of us.in september i am starting occ i m going to take some addiction counseling classes and ultimitly get my cdac [drug and alcohole counseling certification]hopefully i'll be able 2 help somebody somewhere recover.
AMBER < AMBERWNZL@YAHOO.COM >
Seaside Heights, NJ - USA (2008-05-16)

May 1, 2008 I received a call from my twin brother Tom that my big brother Kevin had overdosed (this was the 3rd time in 6 months) I let the answering machine pick it up and heard them saying Kev has o.ded again. I did not get to the phone in time so I got the cordless phone and laid in bed thinking oh man this is gonna be another time where they tell me Kev has overdosed and he is in the hospital and he is really sorry. So I debated about waiting until the morning but thought no I have to go to work so I will just call now. 11:47 pm I called back and my brother said he's dead Ang, he's dead. I screamed at him go back in there maybe he just passed out go slap him do something, he said no he's gone. He was 37 years old. He had been using drugs since he was 12 and after the first couple overdoses I said to myself this is how he was going to die. But when that call came it never once crossed my mind that he would be dead not once. No matter how many times I said he was going to die I don't know if my head ever belived it. My heart is broken. I just wished I could have him for one more day. There is 5 of us (well 4 now)but we were so close my dad left when we were little and all we had was each other. You could sit the 5 of us down at a table with nothing and we would have the best time. Now there will always be an empty chair. Oh god, I will miss him everyday of my life and I still feel that this is not my reality that I will wake up any minute and this will be a horrible dream. I will never be the same again. I already feel like I am different. So many years he struggled and I know he did, he struggled so hard to stay clean. I am not mad at him I am just soooo sad. My heart and my head are just so sad. I sit everyday and try to make some sense of why I will never see my brother again. He was so handsome, charming, fun, caring and kind and I can't believe that he is no longer of this world. I can't wrap my head around the fact that I will never see him or hear him. He used to walk in the room and the first thing he would say to me was, "Hey Beautiful" he would also say it to my sister and it is just so sad that I will never hear that again. I will miss him every single day of my life. Sometimes I feel like I just can't take it and I am filled with so much rage I want to just break something and the next minute I am filled with so much sadness. Thank you for letting me post and getting some of this out. I know how you feel. God Bless you.
Angela < barrysand@comcast.net >
Bolingbrook, IL - USA (2008-05-08)

Hey there everyone. My name is Heidi and I am a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. I came across this site when looking up how to help detox someone from heroin. My best friend called today, and told me he has been lying to me about being sober. He has been strung out on heroin the last month or so. Makes me think a little more then 4 years ago, when i was still doing drugs. It started with alcohol and weed. But I wanted more, I found that the more drugs i did - the more it made me feel okay. I didn't want to feel my reality. I thought that my home life sucked, that private school was a waste, my parents were to strict, they would disown me if they found out i was gay, my boyfriend (for cover) was abusive and a addict himself. Those were the lies i told myself - the delusions. I got deeper into drinking and doing drugs. By the time I was 21, i was going to jail looking a prison time. I thought i was too good before that to shoot up, i wasn't an addict in my own mind. But after awhile what did it matter if i popped some pills, or shot up some heroin. After all I was in prison, a very ugly world. I became addicted to heroin very quickly. I didn't care who had used the rig (needle) just pass it to me. I thought i would die a junkie. . . But there was a way out, by the grace of God somehow i became sober. During my first year, i craved heroin so much. But i learned how to change my life, with the help of a 12 step program. They taught me to change everything, and walked with me through everything. Today I have a little over 4 years. I have my family back. My parents love me again, and i have gotten to build the relationship with them again. I have a wonderful partner with 2 kids. I get to be a parent today - to a teen and a 6 year old. I got off of probation after doing 4 years! I completed treatment, i got on some meds to help with bi-polar, depression, anxiety, PTSD. I reached out for help and was accepted with loving arms. It hasn't always been easy, i have watched some of my closest friends die, had my own hardships, dealt with issues from being locked up, watched people i love relapse and get strung out. THe beauty is I have stayed clean and sober. I know what it is like to be strung out, to be so hopeless and suicidal. If you need a listening ear or want help please email me. And to you the family of this angel, know that your sister, your daughter is not suffering now. She is in peace.
Heidi Anderson < littletaggers@yahoo.com >
Yakima, WA - USA (2008-05-05)

Thank you, Heidi, for sharing your story. You see, people, there is hope. Do not give up... it CAN be done!
Nikki < geepers89@hotmail.com >
North Brunswick, NJ - USA (2008-05-05)

Im so sorry for your loss. My son is in rehab for a heroin addiction. He is 19 yrs old and this is breaking my heart. He was diagnosed in middle school with bipolar and did not want to be put on meds and they warned me if he wasnt medicated he would end up self medicating with illegal substances. It started with weed and then from there the bigger and better things. But i was blind to it i kept makin excuses for how he looked and now I have such guilt. I love him more then life itself and would give anything for him to stay clean. I am so afraid of him relapsing when he gets out that its just consuming my world. So far everything i have read states that most if not all heroin addicts relapse. I am scared for his life I know I can not bury my son it will kill me but i also dont see this as something that is gonna be all better after rehab. He tried to hide the fact that he was shootin up heroin but couldnt once i took him to detox and he cried when he told me (he was shootin up between 20 to 30 bags a day)and said he never wanted to hurt me but i will never give up on my son i will fight for and with him til the day i die. One thing I will never understand is why is it so hard to get treatment for addicts one hospital told my ex husband they would admit him(my son) if he just used but since he hasnt they wouldnt.. makes me sick. I dont know where to go from here the thought of loosing my son to this horible drug is killing me. Thanks for reading this and again im very sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing her story
karen < nypuddytat2@aol.com >
enfield, ct - USA (2008-04-29)

This comment is in response to Angi who posted she has been using because being FAT is horrific to her. I can understand suffering from low self esteem from being heavy because I have GAINED 35 pounds since I lost "MY DOUG" on 3/17/05. I am still not over it and have realized that you never "get over it," you just learn to deal and live with it and thoughts that come into your mind when you lose someone from heroin. You are using heroin to stay thin. You have other issues. You will NEVER be clean from heroin until you address your self esteem issues. Sorry to say but the more time goes by that you use heroin to remain and or get thin, the more issues you are adding. You need to get help for the underlying issues and THEN lose the heroin. Right now you are killing yourself with the method you have chosen for medicating your inner issues. Read my story here on Kyndall's page from 9/05. You will then see the HELL I have lived through because of heroin and I have never in my life used it. The bottom line is you need help for the issues that cause you to use and then you need to treat your addiction. IF you choose to let it go you are showing yourself absolutely no self respect and no care. I have learned that you need to take CARE of yourself first and then good things will come to YOU. When you start changing your inner thoughts positive changes will occur but until then you will continue to go through the downward spiral. If you need to talk please email. I don't know you but I understand and care....JEN
Jennifer < graphicsjen@yahoo.com >
Milford, Oh - USA (2008-03-19)

Dear Nikki~ I was touched by Kyndall's story in several ways: I am a counselor who has studied addiction, I also live in Woodbridge, and I have a younger brother the exact same age as Kyndall-to the day (3/14/80!). I can only imagine how painful it still must be. Woodbridge is one of those places that likes to pretend drug use doesn't exist. Not in our town. But I have seen discarded syringes on the tracks at Metropark on more than one occasion. I will pray for your sister and your family. I am sure Kyndall's story has saved lived. Blessings...
Threresa < theresaconeill@hotmail.com >
Fords, NJ - USA (2008-03-15)

Happy Birthday 28th birthday in Heaven, Kyndall! We are having a dinner for you tonight. I know you will be there in spirit. I love and miss you. -Nikki
Nikki < geepers89@hotmail.com >
North Brunswick, NJ - USA (2008-03-14)

i started using because i was FAT. now i am very sick living dead person - but at least i am NOT FAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! being FAT is worse than being sick. being FAT is worse than dying. being FAT is worse than being dead. at least when you are dead they stop hurting you. it spoils most of their enjoyment. anyway - you can not feel it anymore. if you want to stop heroin or meth - if you really do and are not just another shallow stupid hypocrite sheep - stop treating fat people like garbage. find a real cure for obesity - not all the endless fake ones that are only for making drug companies richer. WE ALL KNOW THIS!!!!! - but people keep attacking because it lets them feel superior. do people with measles get attacked and beaten up and thrown away by their families? are magazines full of expensive cures for measles that dont work - only cover up the red spots - but are still legal to sell? - stop the LIES! - stop the HATE! - stopping the lies could have stopped me. ----- and God does NOT care!!!!! LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if there was a God it would not make broken people and other people to enjoy hurting them. i think there must only be a Satan - no God.
Angi < lost2u@yahoo.com >
Central, NM - USA (2008-02-29)

As the tears continue to roll down my face I sit here and try to make it through another day without by best friend in all the world who is addicted to heroin!I feel the pain of so many others, I never thought I could ever experience this much pain,I hurt so much, I cant stop crying. Will I ever get my best friend back,lord please take me instead!!!! My name is Steven and I Have a Ex-girlfriend name Magen who was also my best friend in all the world. She has a son who I care about so incrediblely much and I dont want anything to happen to her. I never thought something would ever effect ME the way this has. She just shuts me out and tells me everything is fine when Its clear to see it isn't!How can I sit here when my heart aches to the point I feel like throwing up I want to help her, but I know its not me but her who has to make that decision,"PLEASE GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH"! I'm here reading all these things and it scares me so much! I just want this to be a dream where I wake up and say to myself, thank God that was just a dream! But here I sit just confused wonder one day, my best friend forever will I lose. I Have written this poem I hope everyone enjoys,Its truely from my heart!! title: Where Did You Go My Best friend Megan you are my best friend,I love and miss you so very much...I don't knowhow to relinguish all the specail moments shared between us...Whenever I needsomeone to talk to you were just a phone call away...Whenever I was feeeling down you always knew the words to say to cheer me up...Whenever I had no place to go you gave a place to stay...And whenever the world gave up on me YOU still believed....How can I not cherish a frienship as great as our... For in life you only get one true bestfriend...Where did you go? I haven't showed you the best of me yet...Yeah I know we both had our share of things we both regret...But no matter the circumstance I'll always love you and be your bestfriend!!!!!!!! "Its never to late to be what you might have been" Im so so sorry for your loss,truely I am I feel like your loss is my loss as well my soul has been so greatly afflicted my this thing the world calls Heroin, please if your out there and your reading any of this please take heed to it and claim victory over your life. "Be strong,live long long,and never let go"!! In life we must all endure adversity which gives us the strength to overcome the many different obstacles and struggles we go through in life. These experiences we go through in our lives make us who we are today and who we become in the future so in order for us to enjoy a life filled of LOVE,PEACE,and PROSPERITY we must coose wisely today for the choices we make today become our destiny tomorrow Sincerly, S.P.W
Steven Wood < stevepw@aol.com >
pottstown, pa - USA (2008-02-21)

As the tears continue to roll down my face I sit here and try to make it through another day without by best friend in all the world who is addicted to heroin! I feel the pain of so many others, I never thought I could ever experience this much pain,I hurt so much, I cant stop crying. Will I ever get my best friend back,lord please take me instead!!!! My name is Steven and I Have a Ex-girlfriend named Magen who is also my best friend in all the world. She has a son who I care about so incrediblely much and I dont want anything to happen to her. I never thought something would ever effect ME the way this has. She just shuts me out and tells me everything is fine when Its clear to see it isn't!How can I sit here when my heart aches to the point I feel like throwing up I want to help her, but I know its not me but her who has to make that decision,"PLEASE GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH"! I'm here reading all these things and it scares me so to death. I just want this to be a dream where I wake up and say to myself, thank God that was just a dream! But here I sit just confused wonder one day my best friend, forever will I lose. I Have written this poem I hope everyone enjoys,Its truely from my heart!! title: Where Did You Go My Best friend Megan you are my best friend,I love and miss you so very much...I don't know how to relinguish all the specail moments shared between us...Whenever I needed someone to talk to you were always just a phone call away...Whenever I was feeling down you always knew the words to say to cheer me up...Whenever I had no place to go you gave a place to stay...And whenever the world gave up on me YOU still believed....How can I not cherish a friendship as great as ours... For in life one true bestfriend Is all you get...Where did you go? I haven't showed you the best of me yet...Yeah I know we both had our share of things we both regret...But no matter the circumstance I'll always love you and be your bestfriend!!!!!!!! "Its never to late to be what you might have been" Im so so sorry for your loss,truely I am I feel like your loss is my loss as well my soul has been so greatly afflicted my this thing the world calls Heroin, please if your out there and your reading any of this please take heed to it and claim victory over your life. "Be strong,live long ,and never let go"!! In life we must all endure adversity which gives us the strength to overcome the many different obstacles and struggles we go through in life. These experiences we go through in our lives make us who we are today and who we become in the future so in order for us to enjoy a life filled of LOVE,PEACE,and PROSPERITY we must choose wisely today for the choices we make today become our destiny tomorrow Sincerly, S.P.W
Steven Wood < stevepw@aol.com >
pottstown, pa - USA (2008-02-21)

Hello Nicole, That is my 23 year old daughters middle name. Britney Nicole. She is addicted to heroin. I hate heroin. It has stolen her life for the past 5 years, and I only pray that she will find her way back. She now uses a needle.I have read and studied and tried so hard to understand how and why; how this could have happened and why. She is smart, loving, beautiful, funny, caring. She wanted to become a counselor herself. I thank you for sharing your story and I am sorry for your loss. Please pray for Britney. Please, if you are asked to ever try it SAY NO. It will destroy your dreams and your family. Just say no. This is not a game. It is after your life.
laura < lauralyonsaz@msn.com >
hemet, ca - USA (2008-02-09)

.Please tell me how I can help. I am reading these posts and it is clear that an entire generation is being murdered by heroin. Please tell me how I can help get the message out to others about the truth. thank you.
laura < lauralyonsaz@msn.com >
hemet, ca - USA (2008-02-09)

I feel your hurt and pain, i cry everyday for the loss of my beloved brother and sister who both died of heroin overdoses. It is so hard to fathom that we are losing so many brilliant people to addiction, forever altering are lives. I just started speaking publicly about drugs, to attempt to help at least one person or family not have to endure this pain is my only goal, and i am proud that you are doing the same. each story is powerful, i just wish their weren't so many. peace be with you all, nina
Nina Hamilton < ninarose1@hotmail.com >
Harrisburg, pa - USA (2008-01-30)

thanks for helping me i had my cousing die in 2006 i had two girl friends and my sister boy friend die from herion over dose in 2006 i al most died of a drug over dose in 2006 but i went and got the help from new hope in malbol nj in 2006 but now i want to help i go to na meeting all over new jersey i been clean since oct 24 2006 right now im living in a oxford house in ocean city nj i just had to moved all where from people place and things if u need to talk to some one about drugs ask me my email is timmycasella@mail.com
timmy casella < timmycasella@mail.com >
ocean city/kenvil, nj - USA (2008-01-27)

I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand. I lost my son, to Oxycontin, a synthetic form of heroin, prescribed by a doctor, which is actually legal, which should not be. My son was only 25 years old. You never get over the grief of losing a child, you only learn to cope with it. May God bless you and be with you. Love, Shawn's Mom, Bonnie
Bonnie Gow < dougsbon@msn.com >
Spokane, WA - USA (2008-01-25)

thanks for wrighting me back nichole. i just watched the powerpoint. it was really good.! thanks again, Sarah
sarah < yoymama0135@gmail.com >
< ****>, <**## - USA (2008-01-23)

thank you, your story really really made me think for a while, it was so inspiring. for my 7th grade heath progect i was assinged to study heroin and now i have a really understand what it is dose to someone. i am inspired. you are so strong. and now when i give my presintation to the class i think my adiance will have a better understanding to. thank you. stay strong. > Sarah :) 7th grade
Sarah < yoymama0135@gmail.com >
Montpeler, VT - USA (2008-01-17)

god bless you, i pray for your family and for kyndall.
Sarah < yoymama0135@gmail.com >
Montpeler, VT - USA (2008-01-17)

thats really cool that you are trying to give every one the awarness. i know what its like to lose someone close to me i am 13 now when i was 12 i lost someone close to me and now another one is slowly but shurly fading to from coke. stay strong :) thank you.
amanda < >
*** sorry ****, :) - USA (2008-01-17)

When I heard ur story, I cried and it kinda freaked me out, I don't know anyone who does heroin but my father is a cocaine addict, in 1999, he had a heart attack and last year in january he suffered a stroke and it left him partially paralyzed from his right side of his body. Me and my brother have put up with a lot from him and this has been going on for yrs, since before my mom divorced him. Now nobody wants to be around him cuz he's lost everything several chances and has never learned to change. He's done some messed up things, like steal, lie, he sold my grandpas car for 5 dollars, he molested me when I was 5 and tried to rape me when I was 13 yrs old. Anyways, I'm sorry for ur loss and my prayers are sent out to your family.
Byanka < unique_daydreamer_02@yahoo.com >
weslaco, tx - USA (2008-01-16)

I am so sorry for your loss. My son is a heroin addict. He is 24 years old and overdosed last week, however he did make it this time. He may not be as lucky the next time. He is still using. I can relate to the pain that you felt as you watched her struggle. I too am watching that terrible struggle now. My son has two beautiful children who he may never see grow up if he does not get help. I am searching for anything or anyone who can give me any kind of hope or ideas about what to do and how to get him into some kind of rehab which he has not tried yet. Again, my heart aches for you. Heroin is a horrible drug. It is a demon that takes all the joy and life out of a person and it is the most devastating thing to watch happen to someone you love.
Anita Maxwell < nitamx302@yahoo.com >
Ashville, OH - USA (2008-01-14)

My daughter was just found today of a drug overdose after being sober for 16 months, I'm heartbroken. I miss her dearly.I wish I could do something to save someone else.
jayne matlock < jaynelock@sc.rr.com >
myrtle beachsc, - USA (2008-01-14)

Your story makes me cry. I am 27 years old and was a heroin addict for 5 years. I have been clean almost a year now, it will be a year Jan 29. I am also the sixth kid in my family and my oldest sisters name is Nicole. She has been caring for me since I finally left the world in which i was consumed. I was able to kick 4 months before i actually left my ex boyfriend so when i got to my sisters the physical part was over. if i had know that the withdraws were the easy part and remembering how to be a human being was going to be the hard part....i wonder if i ever would have started. My skin is damaged beyond repair, my veins are the worst my doctor has ever seen, and my hands and feet are always cold from lack of circulation but my brain, my mind, my self is the most damaged. a year has gone by and still i fear the day will come where i give up and go back...i don't trust myself. even though i have never been to rehab or jail, even though i chose this on my own to quit, i still feel like around some corner that god damn monkey is going to jump back on and nestle in tight and never leave ever again. i don't want my family to go through what you've endured. it's my sister and fathers worst nightmare what you've seen and been through. i relate to kyndall in so many ways, my journals sound just like hers... L
Lauren < psytrancefreak7@gmail.com >
Asheville, NC - USA (2008-01-09)

also, the method i used to quit successfully was Suboxone. it is a miracle drug...saved my life for what its worth
Lauren < psytrancefreak7@gmail.com >
as, nc - USA (2008-01-09)

Lauren, I commend you for how far you have come. Of course, you know, if you go back you will die. And I know staying away from it is incredibly hard and painful but as time goes on, it will get better... it WILL get easier. You will heal more and more every day.. from your physical to your mental. Believe in that and pray for that. It will be yours. I'm thankful you stumbled upon this site. I'm thankful that you know how bad your family will hurt if this drug takes you from them. Stay strong. You CAN and WILL do it. Blessings to you always! -Nicole
Nicole < >
, - USA (2008-01-09)

It is very sweet to post this website, i support you in all your doings and at this point i found a topic to discuss in health class... good luck in all you are doing!
Angie < girlrock2000@hotmail.com >
-------------, New Jersey - USA (2008-01-08)

The makers of this website have done a wonderful job! idk anyone with this prob but i support u guys for helping those who do! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
Anjelica < americandreamgirl@yahoo.com >
New York, New York - USA (2008-01-08)

Robin, thank you for sharing your side of the story. You explained perfectly well what many family members go through when a loved one is an addict specifically a child. My heart bleeds for you and my heart felt prayers go out to you. You know that shutting him out is the right thing to do and you know you are not to blame for his addiction. Please look into naranon meetings for yourself. (meetings for family and friends of drug addicts) The link is on this site under Help. If you ever want to talk, please email me. -Nicole
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
, - USA (2008-01-06)

I know the pain you went through, and for that I am sorry. My 24 yr old son was involved with drugs since he was 16, nothing major, then more, then other, now opiates, now a full blown heroin addict for 3 yrs. He used to have a job, a family, 2 cars and life by the balls. Now he is homeless, stolen countless times from me, the lies, the manipulating, the cons. He has been in court ordered rehab twice in the last 7 months. He has been in Jail no less than 10 times in the last 2 yrs. I have had it, I even have a 5 yr. protection order against my own child!!!! This is killing me. He has been staying with me for the last few weeks until he can get into another rehab, and it has been hell. He makes me feel awful, everything is my fault, I can't trust him, he is using in my bathroom, no matter how much I tell him it is my house and I say NO Heroin in my house. He is waking up using, then takes off, comes back high, and acts like I am the problem, he doesn't respect me or my property, or feelings. I have had it, and don't know where to turn. My family knows he does drugs, they just don't know it is Heroin, I am too ashamed to tell them. I am just waiting for that phone call from the coroner. He even tried to teach me a lesson and shot up some carbuerator cleaner,right in front of me, to the point he was convulsing so I could watch him die, he say's he isn't doing anything to me, and my heart is being ripped out. I love my son, but I can't help him, he claims he will get into rehab, when there is an opening, but I don't believe anything he says, I don't like anything about this. He battles me every step of the way. I have to make him leave my house and go to sleep off his drug in a cold garage when I go to work because I cannot trust him. He steals anything he can get his hands on, I sleep with the telephone and 50 lbs of weights against my bedroom door, I don't feel safe in my own home. I am about to just throw him out to live on the streets, I have battled this kid and his many addictions for over 8 yrs, and I am tired.He has lost all of his very large family, his own child, all his friends, except for his dope friends. I am basically the walking dead, and I am not the addict, he is.
Robin < robinwh58@aol.com >
Trotwood, OH - USA (2008-01-04)

im only 11 so i need help with my heroin addiction
Samantha Campbell < samc258@aol.com >
Henderson, NV - USA (2007-12-29)

where do i begin well i came across this page looking for some kinda of help im 20yrs old and a mother of a very bright beautiful 3yr old lil girl and the same as your sister a "close" friend offered it to mewell everyone was doing it so i thought why not and now i just i wish i wouldve said no i know what your sister must have been going through because i have a real close family and i tried to hide it from them!i have 2 sisters and 1 brother!but the thing was my brother was doing it with me its the only thing that made us happy at the time but now hes sober after a 2 week stay in the hospital and they all think im clean so now i feel more alone than ever before because now i dont know what to say i dont want them to be mad and just say well we tried and you didnt do it so now your on your own!!!dude i cant even go out with them without worring about needing my lil stash to sneak to the bathroom and i still know that guy but deep down insude i hate him i just hate himfor leaving me like this im sorry if this is too long but i really needed to let it out im thinking of starting a journal of my own like you sister itsso crazy because shes was so beautiful and theyer right heroin gets to anyone i also have a beautiful family and i know whats going on with myself and im ashamed i dont want to be that girl people are whispering about and i know friends could probably tell well i havent been on for more than a year and i dont use needles but its gonna get there if i dont stop so i no i need to its just getting my first foot through that door when i read this story i couldnt stop crying because i know how much it hurts to lie to your family especailly your sisters!its something i hope i can just get over heroin i HATE YOU FOR HURTING MY FAMILY AND THOSE AFFECTED BY YOUR UGLY DEMONS AND WORST OF ALL HURTTING MY PARENTS AND THE 1 PERSON WHO MATTERS MOST TO ME MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER AND AM GONNA DO WHAT I CAN TO MAKE SURE YOU DONT TAKE ME FROM HER!!!
GEN < texaspinkshadow@yahoo.com >
SAN ANTONIO, TX - USA (2007-12-28)

Merry Christmas, Kyndall. You are with us in spirit. I will love you always and will see you again one day soon.
nikki < >
, - USA (2007-12-25)

I would like to wish all here a peaceful christmas, and hope for the new year ahead. Especially for Kyndall's family and friends peace Joe T
Joe T < joet60@verizon.net >
scranton, pa - USA (2007-12-23)

Hi, I'm Gerald. Just saying hi - I'm new.
oOgerryOo < geraldzasser@gmx.com >
Los Angeles, USA - USA (2007-12-18)

My condolence to your family... Im 36 years old and grew up around this disease. Its heartbreakings seeing loved ones wake up in the morning sick because their in need of their fix. I personally lost my mother to this addition, she was only 19 years old at the time back in 1975. Since then ive lost 3 uncles to this disease as well as friends. I live in a rough part of Los Angeles and drugs are everywhere! I've seen the effects that many go through to get a fix, what they do; rob, steal, lie, its not a happy life. Its easier Said than Done... that a program or Rehab works...I've seen many enter both and still relapse... My Prayers for those addicted and their families to this drug called Heroin. Theres a song by Mr. James Brown called King Heroin, its true life what he sings about. I work with many addicted to this drug and cant help to feel compansion because i know that its tough to fight. God Bless you and those who still struggle to fight this disease!
< >
Los Angeles, CA - USA (2007-11-26)

I am so sorry to hear the tragic statistic story of Kyndall. I too could have been just another tragic statistic. I battled heroin for years after having a child and suffering post pardum depression. The only reason i am here today is because of my fiance. He never used drugs ever and he refused to give up on me. Sometimes i hated him for it, making it so hard for me to hide and get high and stuff. But he eventually pulled me from my darkness and saved me from my demon. He threw me into a very expensive suboxone program that he paid for. It worked for the most part, but was not quite enough, i kept relapsing. Finally i got into a methadone pregram. A lot of people frown on methadone but it has saved many people. Maybe Kyndal could even still be here if she could have gotten into a good program. It saved me, i am 9 months pregnant now and doing wonderful. I feel for your family, and i am so grateful that my family didnt have to go through what yours is because of me. Kyndall truely sounds like a fantastic and unique person. They actually say that like 99 percent of heroin addicts are extremely creative, artistic, and intelligent. I myself have a genious IQ and i am very artistic. Kyndall sounds the same way. I have watched people go from having everything to nothing, jail and then death. I have seen them give up their own children for that high. And once that drug gets ahold of you, thats it. Once that sickness sets into your aching body, you will do just about anything to get that high again. It is such a sick and viscious cycle that never ends.I missed most of my daughters infantcy due to my addiction, and i am so glad to have this special bond that i have with her now, she is my soul mate. And i am so lucky to have this opportunity to have another daughter and do it the right way and truely enjoy her life and growth. I am blessed to have made it. I wish so many others could make it also. It sounds like Kyndall knew she was being called home. It also sounds as if her mother had alot to do with kyndalls deep rooted addiction, emotional and physical. She was tormented by the fact that her mother stopped loving her and couldnt understand why. Thats horrible, and as a mother i cant understand how any mother could ever just up and leave your own children, your flesh and blood that are so bonded to you, so 'addicted', if you will, to you. It must have been very hard growing up with that on your shoulders.I don't mean to be cruel, but i hope that mother thinks long and hard of the lives shes hurt and the one life she has lost..some things you can not get back. Ever.
katie < dreamangelmist@aol.com >
Plains, Pa - USA (2007-11-15)

Amber, congratulations!!! I am forever proud of you! Much love- Nicole
Nicole DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
East Brunswick, NJ - USA (2007-11-06)

15MONTHS CLEAN AND STILL GOING STRONG. THIS WEBSITE IS SO WONDERFUL IT HELPS ME REMEMBER WHERE I WAS AND WHAT IM FIGHTING SO HARD NOT TO BE. AMBER
AMBER < AMBERWNZL@YAHOO.COM >
Seaside Heights, NJ - USA (2007-11-06)

Im so sorry for you lose. I have lost a older uncle to heroin years ago of a od. Unfortunatly Im involved with a older man who is a Heroin addicted and this is his second time around with it since we have been together. His middle child has a worse addiction to it then he does. The two of them seem to go hand in hand. My problem is I love him and he adores my child and me. And is a wonderful father figure. Very careful with it and promises to quit. Except when he does he turns to ops. Just dont know if i can go thru this again. Not sure if he really does quit some people say that it takes weeks for it to get out of their system he says three days???? I know its hard for them and they are like the most caring and loving people. I just dont want my child to see Daddy arrested or dead. So any one with truth on with drawls and can they cold turkey please email me.
J Kelly < positive2bfree@gmail.com >
Daytona, Fl - USA (2007-11-02)

My Son is addicted to Herion. He is 22 year's old today. He will be Dead by his next Birthday. Myself and my husband will be Dead also from dealing with this HORRIBLE Addiction. We just can't do this anymore. I am so sorry for all of us because there isn't anything to do to stop this.
Marianne < bottary85@aol.com >
Peabody, Ma. - USA (2007-10-09)

My name is Amber Gilbert and I have a 20 year old daughter that has been addicted to heroin for 2 years now. I have had her in and out of rehabs and I just don't know what else to do. I have a 12 year son that comes to me with finding of her needles and spoons that she uses to get herself high. Just the other day I was looking at her and noticed that she had marks in her neck. She has now gone to using her veins there because she can not use them in her arms anymore. She keeps telling me that she is taking methodon to help her but she is still using herion too. I'm so scared I'm going to loose her like you have your loved one. Amber Gilbert
Amber Gilbert < akball2005@yahoo.com >
Pataskala, OH - USA (2007-10-04)

It is heartbreaking for me to think about your loss and I am so sorry. Thanks you for sharing something so very personal and private. I live every day in fear that my son will die and it scares me. He is trying to get and stay clean, but I also understand it is larger than life it self. I never saw this coming with him and wonder where I went wrong as a parent. My family and I have struggled for many years just trying to get on our feet and I felt I was close to him and would have known if he was using. He is facing jail time this week because he was arrested forging and filling narcotic prescriptions. I will pray for all of you, addicts and your loved ones, because we all suffer and hurt because of heroin. It is wonderful to see this website honoring your beautiful poetic daughter. Our children are our flesh and need our love no matter what they get themselves into. Heroin doesn't discriminate and takes everyone hostage.
katie < prior_katie@yahoo.com >
, ma - USA (2007-09-27)

I am deeply sorry for the lose of what sounds like a wonderful person.Herion is truly a death sentence for most.Thank you for your site,it can save lives of others.This is just another reason that our borders need to be protected! (god bless)
gary < hd79freedom@yahoo.com >
, oh - USA (2007-09-23)

On March 5, 2007 I lost my sunshine. My Amanda died in Boulder Co. of a drug overdose. Herion was also in her system. She had been addictied to Oxy-cotton, had cleaned up, relapsed, cleaned up and was planning to come home in two days, She was already through the hardest part and planning to return home in two days. Instead she intered into her last relapse. She was not strong enough to resist. It took by breath away when she passed. I will never forget my baby, I must be strong and continue on because I am now raising my baby's baby. Somehow we will make it through this wourld without the one we loved so who stood between us, she was the center of our circle. I am so sorry for everyone who has had a reason to sigh this rigister. Just reading over a few of these is heartbreaking. It is a testiment to how big of a drug problem we have in the world today. God help us all.
Julie Bledsoe < juliebledsoe@comcast.net >
knoxville, En - USA (2007-09-19)

I just lost my cousin, he passed on 09/09/07 at the age of 31. He was more of a brother to me then anything and I miss him so much already. Our family is going thru such a horrible time right now. SO many different emotions and a lot of anger about should have could have.. When I got the call I had the same thought as many others on this page, that it couldnt have been him and they would bring him back to life. I love him soo much and have so much pain in my heart from his death. I know that he is no longer fighting this horrible battle and hopefully he found his peace. Thank you for your website. I have just been reading it all day and thanks... and im sorry for your loss to..
Kara < karjmcd@aol.com >
Braintree, ma - USA (2007-09-13)

A heaven So holy never wet never cold, For the arms of the lord will be rested on your soul. With love and passion a cherish so old, The man who is waiting to carry you home. Earth is just a stop for many many more, but once we are home we will find our call. The things that we cherish will be left behind, For all that we need is our soul and our mind. For the ones who are waiting for their lullaby One day you will fall but take to the Sky Have hope there my dear for your heart is free To carry you home to your last destiny. I pray for your family, May you take to the sky to find your lost lullaby.
Hollie < hollierebbeckalynch@hotmail.com >
St Augustine, FL - USA (2007-09-12)

I have lost my son at the age of 23 due to respiratory failure from taking Heroin. I cannot begin to describe the pain I am feeling, and tried all ways to discourage him from a drug taking lifestyle. He was talented, kind , handsome and everyone loved him. Its been 7 weeks this saturday. My thought and prayers are with you.
Mandy Williams < m.williams11@btinternet.com >
Birmingham, - UK (2007-09-12)

This brings tears to my eyes...I lost my nephew to an opiate OD a few years ago...he was a good kid, but just couldn't get away from that "feeling" It ripped his family to shreads...both the fight to save him and the end result of that fight. My heart goes out to you and your family...this is a beautiful testimonial to a beautiful young woman. Peace Joe T
Joe Tomasello < joet60@verizon.net >
Scranton, pa - USA (2007-09-11)

I don't know what it is about september but it just has some wierd feeling to it, such good things happen as well as the horrible events.(for me at least) I have lost some very close people to this drug all in september. I have never heard of ms.Kyndall but agian, she passed in sept. WTF!I will pray for her as well as all the others who are battling this disease. one love!!!
Lee ceriello < lwcliny@hotmail.com >
norwalk, ct - USA (2007-09-08)

Even though I know you are forever in the kingdom of God, I can not help but think back to that agonizing day 4 years ago when I received that call. Driving all the way to the hospital hoping and praying it was a mistake... that I would find some stranger there and not you.. this memory is etched into my brain forever.. Seeing your lifeless body there wishing I could turn back time.. just a few hours... that I might be able to save you... it stays with me forever. I know that you are now happy and safe. I've lived on here because that is what we must do. I've tried to keep your memory alive. I've tried to help others through you. Anniversaries like today can not be forgotten though.. not only does it hurt but the pain of missing you is deep. --I just hope people keep learning what this drug can do BEFORE they decide to do it.-- I miss you and love you forever, Kyndall. -Nikki
Nicole J DelBuono < geepers89@hotmail.com >
, - USA (2007-09-07)

Kyndall, It's been 4 long years since you left us. I probably will never get to your final resting place again but I will always remember and miss you. Your in a better place now and we will all be together again one day. Miss ya, Danny
Danny < kiddan68@comcast.net >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2007-09-07)

I remember the last time I saw Kyndall was at the Charlie Brown's in Woodbridge and most of the family was there. Like all of the get togethers, it involved a lot of laughing and good times. At the time Autumn and I had an apartment and we invited Kyndall to crash at our place because she had a big drive ahead of her. She declined and I always wished that she would have come over. Partially because that was the last time I saw her and because she was always laughed and had a good time. She gave me the biggest hug leaving dinner that night and I noted it to Autumn even that night. I told her that it was one of the strongest hugs I think I've ever gotten. I wish I had known her better and I think we would have gotten along so well. Her effect is sending massive shockwaves with people who also deal with the addiction and family members who also deal with it, but just dealing on my end as a person, she will always remain in my memory as accepting, warm, intelligent, with unlimited potential and a great sense of humor to match. If I could give anything to ease the pain of everyone else, I would do it. You are so loved, but you already knew that.
Bill < BillyParker03@aol.com >
Fords, NJ - USA (2007-09-07)

Wow! Nicole it is obvious how much you loved your baby sister and I applaud you for taking action the way you have. Growing up, back in the 80's I lost 4 friends within 5 months and the pain is still tatooed into my heart. It wasnt from heroin but from other deadly drugs that literally took control of their young lives and then eventually took their lives. I commend you for your dedication to such a worthy cause and pray that you will never feel that pain again in your life. I know too well what it feels like but not with a sibling so I can only imagine the heartbreak being more intense then any thing I have ever know. God bless you and your family with peace, Kyndall will live on forever thanks to you. Best Regards, Terrie (musik mama/bix)
Terrie Crescenzi < terrie@crescenzi.us >
Spring Hill, FL - USA (2007-08-08)

I can;t believe all of the lives affected by this drug, and so many more. It makes my heart ache for anyone who ever has to watch someone they love go through this downward spiral. My aunt's ex-husband is addicted to heroin, he shoots up regularly and lives with another known junkie. He had to give up partial custody because he chose drugs over his two beautiful children, ages four and five. My cousins miss their daddy very much. Just the other day I had lunch with my aunt and the kids. I held the little boys hand walking across the street, while he talked about going to go see his "real daddy" and how there is always another man with them when they see him, a policeman. I fear my beautiful cousins will not have a daddy much longer. My heart breaks for them when I see their angelic faces. I will think twice before I ever use another drug now. I will think of the innocence in those two children, the closeness of God they hold.
Ashley < queenoftheair77@gmail.com >
Bristol, VA - USA (2007-08-02)

Hi Kyn!! We were talking about you the other day and the cardinal appeared out of nowhere. Then when I was on the phone telling Nikki, one flew passed me out of nowhere. I know it was you and it made me so happy to know you are watching us.:) I don't come to this site as much anymore because it upsets me so much to look at your pictures. I miss you so much, but I'm glad your story is helping other people. You were and still are a wonderful person and I miss you..:( Your Big Sis Erin
Erin < bri419@hotmail.com >
East Brunswick, NJ - USA (2007-08-01)

I'd like to say hello to all people on this board. Regards, Janek
JanekMakowski < janekmakowski@onet.eu >
Poznan, - Poland (2007-07-31)

Hey Nicole I think that you did a wonderful,beautiful and great job. God Bless.What a great way to remember Kyndal. And hopefully this site reaches out to so many people. Kelly
kell Zinno < kz913@optonline.net >
Matawan, NJ - USA (2007-07-22)

ive read over the story, journal, comments, everything. it brings me to tears. i was best friends with cameron and jade when i was younger. i can remember feeling so bad for them and theyre family because everyone in their house just tried so hard to live a normal life and be a good person but its extremely hard with just one parent and living in a broken home. ive been around drugs all my life, having a recovering addict as a mother and no father and ive had drug problems myself. stories like this make me think before i do anything dumb. i thank kyndall, and i pray for her whole family.
jessika < shiggityshankk@aim.com >
colonia, nj - USA (2007-06-15)

I am sitting here in tears. I had heard about Kyndell's addiction to heroin--and all I can wonder after reading here is if MY brother was the "good friend" who introduced her to it. My brother still has his addiction. It's something I'll never understand. It's something we dealt with everyday growing up with our parents. Why he'd choose that lifestyle I'll never understand. He is probably only alive today because he gets locked up doing illegal things FOR his addiction to heroin; being locked up keeps him off the streets for a little while. It's sad to say, but I know at least he is SAFE in jail. He is safe from the drug that has taken away his childhood and most of his twenties. His addiction has literally made ME sick. I am so sorry for your family's loss. I can see Kyndell so clearly in my mind. She spent time at our house. My heart goes out to you, Nicole, and your family. I hear Jordana is doing wonderful. She was always so sweet! She deserves it. I commend you for what you did here. You've really touched my heart.
michelle jacques-medeiros < mmgm14@hotmail.com >
graham, wa - USA (2007-06-11)

Hey kyndall im sorry for what happened to you but know your in a good and safer place. you are with god in heaven and not in hell.Here is something for kyndalls family: even do kyndall is not with you anymore she will always be in your heart and you will always be in her heart.shes watching from whereever you are.
Destiny < Jlogurl138 >
Florida, FL - florida (2007-06-06)

Sarah- great advice. Thanks for your post. Unfortunately, when it comes to taking people to a rehab, every rehab I know of has to have the user's consent to go. They must go willingly and most places make the user talk to them on the telephone before they will even be accepted. I know this not from Kyndall's experience but NOW from one of my brothers. He is using but refuses to go. :( I now have all the resources and knowledge but he is refusing mine and my family's help. It's extremely frustrating and puts a horrifying fear into each of us. (I'm also very pissed off so brother, if you read this, I hope you do know that) We will be here for him any time that he wants to get help. It's up to him, though, to make that decision. In the mean time, we don't supply him with money, places to stay or anything else. Just support to get help for himself. That's it. Why on earth he decided to do this drug AFTER Kyndall's death is beyond me...
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2007-05-22)

Well, now since Ive read Kyndalls story for like, the third time, ive made a commitement to read this story every Christmas. Of course, I can still read it before and after it, duh! But like I said before, Ive lost someone very important to me. its been about a year since the loss of my mom, and of course i still miss her, but we got through it. Strength is what everyone needs to survive their loved ones death. im sure you guys have received a lot of it. When someone is in pain, from drugs, like kyndall, or anorexia, like my mom, or ... crystal meth, anything, you find a way to ease their pain and try to talk them out of it. you can even feed them, throw away the drugs, or whatever. the drugs might be hard to find, but if you suspect something is wrong, try to find it. i dont care if that means going through their books, or their bed, or their clothes. if you do it, that shows that you care a lot and dont want them to go through pain. they might not trust you as much as they did before, but thats ok!!!! let them HATE you for all you should care, but they dont realize that it was for their own good. they dont realize how great it was for them to do that. they dont realize that you probably just saved their life for looking for drugs or alcohol or anything. but, what you do if you do find some, take it, keep it, no dont use it, but either call them down, or something, or wait until they get home, whatever. then you show it to them and say, what is this young lady/man, whatever. and they might make a BIG fuss out of it, who cares! it is just THEM being immature! and no way am i gonna insult you guys for not taking charge for kyndall, heck no! but, just in case if any one else, like a friend or family member or roomate or something, is addicted or needs help, you say, you have a problem with your eating habits/drug using, whatever. if they say something like, no i dont!!! h*** no!, you say, yes you do. you can even secretly send them into rehab or something, and then say, lets go for a drive. and then you do, get the bags, and they might say, what is that? well then you just make up an excuse. sure you are lying, but it IS for THEIR own good. then you drive to the rehab center, but them in, and they will be mad if they didnt plan on going, but hey, at least you helped. in school, we had a program and learned about the consequences of drugs and alcohol. we graduated, and now we are learning about all the bad, and GROSS, consequences of tobacco use. and, if anyone needs advice, just e-mail me. im sure i could probab;y help you out.
Sara < lilly_ringwaldskye@yahoo.com >
, PA - USA (2007-05-21)

Hey, it is me again. This is a message to all of the people who think they wont be able to go on in life if their loved one dies of drugs. Well, i just wanted to say that you SHOULD keep living life. i know your loved ones may have died, or you are worried that they might. and i know i am not the only one who has lost a loved one over a disease or drugs and alcohol. but, like my 3rd grade teacher, also t he best teacher, said, you need to find strength. if you find strength, whether all together or individually, you will be able to live without all of your doubts, or depression, or think "you know, she/he died of heroin/cocaine/meth/w.e, so i wanna see what it was like being him. maybe this'll help me through my pain." WRONG! you ONLY IMAGINE the pain that they went through, and you say, "they were in a bad place, facing the devil who has made them addicted to his little friends, who are named, drugs, but now, they are not feeling pain and are facing god and his little friends, who i like to call, saints and guardian angels. now he/she is in a better place and we dont have to feel their pain either." my mother died FOUR DAYS AFTER my birthday, on june 16, 2005. it is still ard for me to hear about mother's day sales, and mother's day gifts. i live with my dad, who can be VERY embarrassing, and i hate having to go shopping with him, hehe. but, i found strength at her funeral, and at her death. and, she did not die in my house, she didnt even die in this state! she died in te early morning, aorung 1AM, at my grampa's house. she was sleeping, i didnt get to say good-bye to her either. and on like, november 26, 2006, my BFF's grandfather died of organ failure. he was about 87 yrs old.i helped her and her family through that pain. i helped them find strength. she still comes to me for help, and i always help her and glad to. if she does drugs in the future, i will slap her upside the head. ok, now im just kidding there. but if she does, i KNOW WHAT to say to get her thinking. i know what to say to get other people thinking, also. i may just be a kid, but i do know how to find the strength you need in order to keep you from wanting to sacrafice your life with drugs or something, just to ease your pain. ive never done drugs, but i know that drugs will make your life go completely downhill. im a fergie fan, and in a magazine, i read about her crystal meth addiction. she said that she went through credit card debts, and spent a lot of her hard eaarned money on one of the many evil drugs out there. if you need help, im willing to help you. i may not know you in person or your family experiences, but i do know advice, i do listen to peoples problems. i help to get them out of those problems. i helped my BFF, and now i can help many people with tobacco, heroin, marijuana, crystal meth, meth, and A WHOLE LOT more. just e-mail me and i PROMISE you i can make you think twice about those evil drugs. like tobacco may be legal for people over 18, but that doesnt mean it is good for you. e-mail me and you can find out why. please, i am willing to help at least the US. not just for credit, but for your own good. please. i wont scam, i wont ask your age or anything. so please e-mail me. thank you.
Sara < lilly_ringwaldskye@yahoo.com >
, PA - USA (2007-05-21)

My condolences to you and your family. I hope that Kendall is at peace. I have a 26 year old partner of 5-months and he was honest with me when I first met him saying he was a recovering herion addict. I had no reason to doubt him. At the beginning of April this year he relapsed, telling me he had O/D on Valium, not Heroin. I didn't know the effects of Heroin and I believed him. I have never used drugs myself and am naive when it comes to drugs. Myself, friends and family were concerned - we had all spoken to him that day and he sounded so drunk one minute and sober the next. I met him later that day and what I saw scared me. His clothes were filthy, he smelt, he couldn't put a sentence together and it took him about 30-minutes to send an SMS message (seriously)! I took him to a friends house to stay the night to let the "Valium" wear off and the next day I was expecting to see him back to normal. Oh how wrong could I have been?! He was in the same state as the day before, just more tired looking, although his hair was immaculate. I asked him how long the "Valium" would take to wear off and he kept saying soon. I took my son to school and when I came back a half hour later he cooked me breakfast, had a shower and we kicked a football around in the garden. Then he started "gouching" again. Y'know nodding off, not being able to keep his eyes open, slurring. I continued to ask him when the effects would wear off and he stormed out of my house. He came back after 20-minutes and I asked him what he had taken. I had a feeling it was't Valium. He didn't wanna tell me at first and then admitted that at 4am that morning he attempted to O/D on Herion. I was gobsmacked - it never even crossed my mind that he would use again - even though he'd told me he was a recovering addict. I believed him. Drug users, like alcohol users, are liers and they are so good at it, aren't they? He has never once asked me for money, but I have always given it to him, when I thought it was appropriate. I've even bought him the drugs - unknowingly. He said his sister needed to put money on her gas key, but was too embarrassed to ask, so I lent "her" �20, I've since found out that she didn't need it and never got it; He wanted to buy a present and card for his son's birthday (who he doesn't see), so I lent him another �20 (his sister done the same), but his little boy never got that card or present. I even took him to buy the drugs - unknowingly. He would say he needed to borrow something from a mate; or he had to drop something off - I can't remember how many times I've done that in the last month. I've only really started to doubt his honesty, in the last 2-weeks, since his sister asked him to leave her house where he was living. She told me he had stolen her son's DVD player (to sell to buy the drugs I assume). He has asked me to tell little white lies, which I thought nothing of at the time. 2-weeks I stopped lending him money (about �400 up to now) and I've seen considerably less of him. He tells me he loves me so much and wants to marry me and have children with me and I do believe that, but I can't commit to him if he's using. We speak probably every other day for about 10-minutes, because he's on a friends mobile phone, but even then I call him back. I got a phone call 10-days ago from a woman who he says is pestering him. She told me that she found him on her bed with a needle hanging out of his arm. She also says that when he comes to see me he uses something called Subutex, so I can't see the effects of Herion. Is he being clever or what?! I don't even know where he is living, although I do know that the only clothes he has got are the ones on his back. I asked him 3 simple questions (simple to me); 1. Do you love me and my son? he said with all his heart; 2. Are you using drugs? he said no-way, he wasn't a "smack-head" ; 3. If you were using drugs I am offering to help you and be there for you, would you take my help? he said yes baby, but I'm not. My instincts tell me to walk away, but my heart tells me, I can't walk away from someone who needs my help, not just as my lover, but as a friend. I am sorry for taking up so much space writing this, but I do feel alot better. I have been without my PC for 4-weeks and the first thing I have done since getting it back 7-hours ago is to read up on Herion and Subutex. My man needs my help and I just wish he would admit the problem to himself. I really want to help him, but like so people have said on here, if he needs to admit it to himself, before he admits it to anyone else. You are a very brave and sincere woman, who suffered with your sister and now your brother and I commend you and you family on the work you are doing to help users and their families. Please keep up the good work and I wish you all well for the future in whatever lays ahead. Stay strong and God Bless. xxx
Lesley < lataylor@blueyonder.co.uk >
, Essex - England (2007-05-14)

I am really sorry to hear about your sister! I am 16 years old and my dad overdosed on heroin. I never met him, but my mom told me great things. I have a great stepdad and my moms boyfriend of 7 years is just like a dad to me too! Even though i never met him I still know what you feel! It sucks to have someone die so close of something so bad! Im sorry and I hope everything is good. Love, Savannah
Savannah < b_ballgirl07@hotmail.com >
, ID - USA (2007-05-07)

I am very sorry for the loss of your sister and very sorry that all of you are going through this addiction. I just took my 19 y/o to rehab yesterday after she has been stealing from us and after being in 2 car accidents related to alcohol and drugs. I found out she has been doing heroine every day for at least a month...but has over-dosed on xanax and has been doing coke and pot and basically whatever she can get her hands on! I never believed that smoking pot led to other more serious drugs but in my daughter's case, it definately did. I just pray to God that this rehab works for her! She also has depression and ADHD which I think she is self-medicating for (she quit taking ADHD meds when she was younger) and has never been treated for depression although I have urged her to many times!
Karen < karuthdv@gmail.com >
St. Louis, MO - USA (2007-04-18)

hi i am lauren and i am 14 yrs old. i am so very sorry to hear about Kyndall. My mum is a a heroin addict she has been since i was 2. Me and my little brother have lived with my grandparents all our lives but have still seen our mum on a dailly basis that is when she isnt in prison or isnt missing. I worry a lot about her she is my idol and alli want is for her to get better. A person very close to me died last year because of Heroin and that broke my heart. I am still praying formy mum to get better i hope shedoes so much R*I*P Kandall Lauren xxx
lauren < loza_lou@hotmail.co.uk >
stoke, uk - england (2007-04-17)

I cannot begin to put into words how I feel right now. My brother is a recovering addict; and now we are all trying to "recover" with him. I have spent so much time feeling so isolated and frustrated and overwhelmed...I'm so tired of feeling like the big sister, and the parent, sometimes I feel like I'm more intrested and invested in him getting better than he is. I'm just need some big sister who knows how scary this is because I'm tired and worn down and I feel like I'm losing my mind. No one ever talks about the drugs that kill you also kill the ones you love. When does the fear of relapse ever stop?
Kristine < k_buschur@yahoo.com >
Lake Orion, mi - USA (2007-04-13)

WOW! I thought I was reading my stories for a second there... I too am a heroin addict. I am sorry for everyone's losses but I do know today that there is help out there and we can stay sober in these 12 step programs that are ment for addicts/alcoholics Today I am sober and the only way I know that we can stay sober are by going to these 12 step meetings, having a higher power in my life whom I choose to call God and asking for help and advice every day of my life otherwise I will die today I wont. in this last week I know 5 people that have died due to this disease I can only urge everyone that is struggling with addiction to go get help today before it ends up being too late.
Melissa < monti8806@yahoo.com >
Pewaukee, WI - USA (2007-04-11)

It has been two years now. Doug has been gone for two years. Everything in life seems to have a reminder of him or what happened to him attached to it. Sometimes, I am literally dying to talk to him. Some days are better but the bad/tough days are still here and they just get tougher for us. All I can honestly say is HEROIN is Hell....it is the devil and has not only ruined Doug's life forever but mine as well. My son is doing better but holding the feelings in. I have decided to go back to the family support group as things have gotten harder on me. I am a mess some days. Somedays I am angry at Doug for excaping. That was what he was doing I guess but I shall never know because he is gone. Ultimately he is still with me everyday and is still my bestfriend and soulmate, but does he have any idea what this had done to our son and to me. I know if he did he wouldn't have used this crap. That's just it though, he will never know.
Jennifer < graphicsjen@yahoo.com >
Cincinnati, OH - USA (2007-04-01)

Happy Birthday Kyndall. I hope you are looking down on all of us and I hope you are happy. I miss your laugh.
Danny < kiddan68@comcast.net >
toms river, nj - USA (2007-03-14)

Happy 27th Birthday in heaven, Kyndall. I can't believe you have been gone 3 1/2 years already. :( I miss you...
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2007-03-14)

Happy Birthday in Heaven Huta! I miss you so much and can't wait to see you again one day.
Erin < bri419@verizon.net >
SI, NY - USA (2007-03-14)

Happy Birthday Kyndall. I miss you!
Autumn < SkyeZ11@Gmail.com >
Edison, NJ - USA (2007-03-14)

Happy Birthday Kyn. Miss you like crazy and love u even more
The Wenzel Family < wenzel beach @ yahoo. com >
seaside hts., NJ - USA (2007-03-14)

Amber, I am so very proud of you!! I know Kyndall is also proud of you. I am so glad to hear you say you are happy. That is fantastic. You are a wonderful inspiration to MANY! Enjoy that beautiful little girl. You are always in my prayers. Anything you need, you just say the word. :)
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - USA (2007-03-13)

I am sorry for your losses. However I need help of some sort I have been doing drugs for a while and have quit. My girlfriend has left me because of my problem, we have a child togther, i love them dearly and i want my family back, can anyone help me with my predicament?? Your help would be GREATLY appreciated. My email address is wiccanjesus@yahoo thank you and again I am sorry your losses.
wiccan jesus < wiccanjesus@yahoo.com >
lynchburg, va - USA (2007-03-12)

By the way when or if you email me, I'll provide you all the details of my situation to give you a better picture of what's going on in my life thank you vrey much and God Bless.
wiccan jesus < www.wiccanjesus@yahoo.com >
Lynchburg, VA - USA (2007-03-12)

Kyndall was like a sister 2 me,we grew up 2-gether and even shared a room 4 awhile.I love her so much,and thank god everyday 4 the oppertunity 2 have known her. I could never express in words the effect that she has had on my life and the life of my family. When Kyndall died,I wasn't there.I m a recovering addict and at the time of her death i was in newark getting high I found out a week after she was burried. I remember falling 2 my knees in Burger king parking lot,angry it was her and not me. You would think that loosing smeone u care about so much would stop u from getting high. the reality of it was that in the INSANITY of my addiction, it was just anoher reason 2 get higher. It has taken me many years an the loss of many people that i loved an cared about 2 realize that wasn't the life for me.Today with the help of my family and an added kick from nicole I have 7 months clean.I am the mother of a beutifull little girl, Aniya Kyndall.JUST FOR TODAY I am clean, happy(a feeling i never thought possible),and putting every effort in2 working my recovery.
AMBER < AMBERWNZL@yahoo.com >
Seaside Heights, NJ - USA (2007-03-12)

i think this is a wounderful sit,and i will pray for your family and also your mother.
laura washington < lwashington@sstar.org >
fall river, ma - USA (2007-03-11)

I'm so sorry about your sister. My sister, tho not on heroin, fights an addiction to prescription drugs and achohol. She can't keep a job, her husband gave up and divorced her, lives on credit cards, and goes for days or weeks without contact with the family. We are always afraid what we may find one day when all this catches up with her. She doesn't admit her problem, but we (sisters)can tell.
EllenG < egrouse@comcast.net >
Brandon, MS - USA (2007-03-09)

Hi I feel you pain..my son passed away Oct 28, 2006 from heroin mixed with fentynal..he died instantly in my house on the day of my younger sons 11th birthday party..just one day after his actual birthday.. God bless you and your family and I wish you peace
Maria < riri0929@aol.com >
Sewell, nj - USA (2007-03-09)

My name is Jake Vanmeter. I am in the process of getting my Associates Degree in drug abuse counselling. I want to deal with teenagers and adults who've had a rough beginning. Hopefully, I can get them on the right track so they can have some semblance of a normal life. Thank you.
Jake < jakefirebear08@yahoo.co >
Ellsworth, ME - USA (2007-03-05)

i know how your sister felt. i was an addict of heroin, crack, and cocaine. because of using needles and cookers, im dying, very slowly and painfully. i have hepititice C. they are only giving me a few years to live and im only 17. i regret what i did but im clean and sober for 2 years. i hope everyone gets help before its too late. i wish i would have cause now i live everyday in pain and i read these stories and make me wish i had someone to help me and push me to be sober. it just took one stupid mistake to kill myself. im sorry for your loss. i hope people dont get started just because your friends or your partners are doing it. i pray everynight to those who are fighting this devil, there is help.
Emily < firestarter9514@yahoo.com >
oshkosh, WI - USA (2007-03-01)

Penny, I emailed you.
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, nj - USA (2007-02-17)

i never thought i would end up with heroin being my best friend and my worst enemey. I knew better, my whole family struggled with this MONSTER!!! But the monster takes away my pain, the monster makes me forget all of the terrible times I have been threw- the monster is going to join me with kyndall... I am sorry for her family- I have beeen on both sides of the fence and NIETHER are pretty...pray for me as I will pray for you....
i know her pain... < pennieschance1@aol.com >
woodbridge, nj - USA (2007-02-17)

nicole- i wish i was as strong as you- my sister was my best friend, she tok care of me when my mother mas a heroin addict and didnt come home for days- then my sister turned to heroin- became a prostitute,od'd 19 times (maybe b/c she is a diabetic as well) and then I lost a baby at 5 months pregnant. then a "friend" gave me an oxycontin... that was it- it numbed me,took wawy my hurt- I thought... now its 3 years later and i do 15 bags a day- not by snorting either. Im NOT PROUD, I am DISGUSTED!!! I wish I had your strength. Im sorry for your pain, I feel it too. I tried rehab but my depression always brings me back to the DEVIL that NUMBS me...you are an angel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
penny < pennieschance1@aol.com >
woodbridge, nj - USA (2007-02-17)

Right now I am sitting at my computer crying for the loss of your sister, I have a husband who I just had to put into detox because of this addiction and a son that has been on oxycontin and heroin for at least 2 years, he was in an accident and had to take medication for pain and now he is using it as an excuse to do heroin, he says other people take his oxycontin's and that is why he needs to do heroin, of course I know that this is just an excuse to keep doing the drugs, and right now I am trying to convince him to go into rehab also, he is refusing to go because he is so afraid of being in pain, I am going to try and get his friends to convince him to go.. thanks for listening..J
Jean < domdep3710@yahoo.com >
Bea, - USA (2007-02-10)

MY heart goes out to you for the loss of your sister and any other family members that the disease of addiction has effected. this site that you put together is great prevention is very important Going to schools and putting on a presentation about substance abuse is something i do in detroit. keep it up we need more people helping the way u are because addiction effects the whole family not just the addict contact me any time peace Ron
RONALD ASHLEY < RonaldAshley@comcast.net >
Detroit, MI - USA (2007-02-06)

my daughter is 21 with a 2 1/2 yr old daughter that i have been raising for a year, she needs to wake up she loves her daughter but the drug has ruined her she has done 5 rehabs, im out of hope....i dont want her to die cause i will die to
laurine < squilly200@aol.com >
boston, ma - USA (2007-02-02)

I just want to say that I am thankful for Kyndall's site and for Nicole. If you read the 12th writing of Poems/Writings that were possibly written by Kyndall, the very last sentence states she knows she has a purpose in this life yet she may never know what it is. This is a wonderful site inspired by Kyndall's life and struggles. Nicole and Kyndall together have helped so many people. After dealing with my own personal struggle for the past year and a half I always come back to this site and it always lets me know I am not alone. It gives me a chance at times to reach out and help someone else also, through what I have learned from losing Doug. All I can say is thanks Nicole and Kyndall for being here. Jen
Jennifer < graphicsjen@yahoo.com >
Cincinnati, OH - USA (2007-01-15)

Hi all. I am trying to work on the spam issues here but if you see comments that look vulgar, I apologize.. they use computer programs to spam forums like these. I delete them as quickly as I can. grrrr...
Nicole < geepers89@hotmail.com >
Toms River, NJ - usa (2007-01-05)

I've read Kyndall's story and the comments off her family, and nothing has changed my views about heroin as much as this. Up until I read the things on your website, I never understood how much drugs can take over your life and mess you up. Thank you so much. I pray for your family.
Judi < >
Manchester, - UK (2006-12-21)

I am sitting here past midnight in total awh. I found your web site and read about your sister and I am so very very sorry. I have a son who will be 19. He dropped out of HS his senior year with only 3 credits left to graduate. I had him in counseling, seen many doctors and forced him to get help. I tried the tough love having him locked up as a juvenile trying to get him to see what he is doing to himself. No matter what I have tried to do nothing has worked. When I found out her was using drugs I gave him a choice either get help or get out. He chose to get out. I now foudn out last night that he is using heroin. He comfronted in his older brother not me. I am so upset and at a loss. Not my son. The one I raised knowing right from wrong knowing about drugs and what they can do talking to my boys everyday about the reality of illegal behaviors including drugs, the importance of school and college. I can go on and on. I set him up with appointment after appointment but he won't follow through. I know have made him do this on his own not through me. I won't give him any cash or bail him out of any trouble he gets into. The only thing I will do is feed him. I can't seem to not do this. I knew his life style was going all the wrong direction but as his mother I am just really having a hard time.
Cheri < cherichavez@aol.com >
bonney lake, wa - USA (2006-12-20)

I posted a message here a couple of days ago, but I just wanted to add one more thing... To the people who have someone they love addicted to heroin....no matter how frustrated or angry you may get, no matter how many times they hurt you or burn their bridges - believe me, when they are gone - you will wish you had spent more time telling them that you loved them. I don't want to scare anyone, but I didn't really think my brother was going to end up dead because of this drug. The fact is, he is gone now because of it and I regret that despite the fact I had a right to be angry and I had a right to tell him off, that I just didn't simply say "well, I may be angry with you, but that doesn't mean that I don't love and care about you." I'm afraid he died not knowing how much he was truly loved, flaws and all.
Sandra Snyder < sandra_snyder@comcast.net >
Boothwyn, PA - USA (2006-12-20)

I know how this feels i lost my mom when i was only 7 to a heroine overdose i just wish people could see that you dont use the drug the drug uses you. Best wishes
Nicole < Nicole_Jennings@hotmail.com >
Richmond, BC - canada (2006-12-18)

I'm so sorry for your family's loss, she looked like a beautiful, talented young woman. Your story touched me because I just went through a similar tragedy. My older brother died just 3 weeks ago from a heroin overdose. We were also an upper-middle class family from just outside Philadelphia. I got the call on Black Friday as I was getting ready for a high school reunion - I too had to walk in the room to see him for one last time and it was almost exactly how you described. I truly feel your pain. Thank you for creating a website and trying to help other families. It seems like such an uphill struggle and sometimes hopeless, but someone must do something to stop people from senselessly throwing their lives away.
Sandra Snyder < sandra_snyder@comcast.net >
Boothwyn, PA - USA (2006-12-18)

My deepest sympathies are with you. Kyndall's story was really heatbreaking for me to bear. I pray that her family are able to cope with her loss and that other's suffering are able to fight this addiction.
J < -- >
London, - England (2006-12-08)

Becca, you are very wrong and very ignorant. Next thing you will say is that you are not addicted. Please quit now before it is too late. At one point, you will stop getting high. You will want a stronger, better high. You will want maybe a speed ball for example. That is what a lot of addicts die from. Or what if your dealer goes to jail and you need your fix? What will you do then? You telling me you won't get it from a stranger when you are withdrawling so bed you feel like dying? Dont tell me. I know. I used to be like you. I overdosed 3 times in the past. I have been clean now for 3 years. I used to say the same ignorant comments as you do. Quit, little girl, quit.
James < James19@gmail.com >
, TX - USA (2006-12-08)

This is insane. Drugs are completely worthless and I have no idea how so may people can find so much safety in them. I read your story on the other page. I was very moved. I am doing a health class project on Heroin and I was simply looking for information. When I came to your site I couldn't stop reading. I have recently lost someone to drugs. My sister in law passed away maybe six months ago to drug abuse and Cystic Fibrosis. If you know anything about this disease then you know that it is as if you are born already being addicted to drugs. It messes with your lungs, your growth, your child development. She was a wonderful person and passed away at the young age of 21. I had only known her for 5 months, but I loved her and my fiance is stricken. I stand to fight any drug abuse. I am very proud of you for your fight. Stay strong, for one day the good deeds will be rewarded. Jessi (Sophmore in H.S.)
Jessi < danslilpsycho67@aol.com >
Zion, Illinois - USA (2006-12-07)

I've been doin it for like a year an i know that the only way it can kill you is if you dont know the person u get it from an how powerful it is or if you inject and have air in it.. if your smart you wont die doin it.. sorry bout your sister but it could have been prevented...
Becca < gcsaints2005@hotmail.com >
Bloomfield, NJ - USA (2006-12-07)

Monica- Sounds like you have one heck of a decision to make. Sounds like you have to ask yourself the famous Ann Landers question- Am I better of with him or without him? An addict can easily manipulate your mind. Sure. Why dont you take it slow? Instead of jumping right back into things, make him prove himself to you. Does he go to meetings every day? If not, he should. Every single day so it may help lessen the urge to relapse. None of this was ever your fault, honey. He is the addict. He has the problem. You have to decide if you want to live with it for the rest of your life. He will always be an addict. Please go to naranon meetings. Nicole, Kyndalls sister, suggested them to me and I have had some great support. My son is an addict. I know what you are going through.
ceceila < >
, - USA (2006-12-05)

hello, ive been sober off of herion for about 2 months now.. i am only 17 and feel very greatful to be off this drug. what you guys might not understand about this addiction is when your high nothing matters so when you come down you try to make nothing matter still. and in doing so you lose your family and friends i belive your sister really wanted to stay sober.. honstely maybe she went back to smoking weed and drinking then just thought she could do herion again. she didnt mean to kill her self it just happend. Atleast i could thing from what i know about addiction and users You were all there for her and i think you all were the one that kept her sober. good job and there was nothing esle you guys could of done.. alexAndria
Alexandria < Darlingimafake@aol.com >
ansonia, Ct - USA (2006-12-05)

Well Iwill try to make this as brief as I can. I am 44 years old. When I was 13 I had a boyfriend for two years. He was sen away to his father. We eventually brook up due to him getting into trouble and going to Youth Athority at the age of 17. I eventually married. He was never out of my mind. He was my first love. Knowing some of the same people he would find out information about me, such as where I was working ect. He would occassionally contact me and wanted to get together. I declined, I was married with two children. So 15 years pass and I am now divorced have a great job, and my girlfriends and I are in Palm Springs. We started to talk about our first loves. I mention, a girl that came along with a good friend of mine says "I know that guy, his cousin is married to my sister" We exchange a little more information and yes it was him. I said where is he? She tells me in Prison. He has been in and out since he was 17. She told me he sold and used herione. I wanted to throw up. Then I felt this overwhelming sadness for him. I contact him. He tells me he is thru with drugs, how it is meant to be. That we never had our chance, by the way we are both born on the same birthday. So I was felling the vibe also. Nothing will stop us this time! Mind you I had never been to a prison in my life. I start visiting, and we decide to get married. In the mean time he is asking me to send packages, money to post office boxes (I had no clue as to what was going on) After all I believed him, he is my night and shinning armor, my long lost love. Two months after we were married (in the prison) I found out he was using and selling in there!!!! I cut him off, would not take any of his calls, no more money. I felt like such a fool! So he gets out of prison and I will not allow him to live with me, I have children and I did not want that any where in my home. I told him if he stayed sober for 1 year he could move in, and in the mean time I would see him ect. The day he got out of prison, he went and used. He blames everything on me. He eventually got into a program and was doing really well. Lived at a sober living home and got back into the union as a sheet metal mechanic, making good money. I am seeing him, and he does it again and ends up back in jail for 4 years. He is getting out in July. That is only 7 months from now. He is in a fire camp, I am pretty sure he is not using. He has to fight fires, you can not carry a chain saw and do that work if your using. But I am really scared. I did tell him that we can be a family. He says that is what he needs is to be my husband, have a stable home, feel loved. A huge part of me wants to say no, an another part wants to say yes. I have heard that people overcome this! I watch intervention. My children are grown now, I would not be putting them at risk. I would be putting my self at risk. I am so scared I will loose him. He has overdosed before. I hurt so bad inside. I do not want to let him down again. Everyone has let him down. (that is what he says) But then I tin back as to when he was out last time, he had everything going for him. A great job, me, the family life to look forward to. Why do I feel so guilty. I feel like I would be abandoneing him if I were not here for him. I hape panic attacks. He says there is something wrong with you, and I would never leave you. I say "Yes you do, when you choose herione". His father overdosed on herione and was clean for ten years. I do not know what to do. Allow him in my home and love him for who he is. I feel like he is my protector! That is a joke, when he is getting high, nothing else matters to him. I do love him. I just do not know what to do. I do not want him to come out and die and feel I am responsible. I have seen him use and I thought I was going to throw up. I had never seen anything like this except in the movies. Plus he has the biggest heart. I do not know what the odds are of him staying clean. He has been in prison since he was 17 years old and he is now 46. He has only been out to see one Christmas. I think I know the answer, but I can not bring myself to say no